Chapter 8

It had been three days since the dinner and Emma was busy preparing for the arrival of her mother-in-law. She didn't really know Cecily but knew enough about her to be completely intimidated. One couldn't help but get the feeling that Cecily knew her worth and expected everyone around her to treat her accordingly. Emma wasn't exactly a wilting flower and was confident in her self but still didn't have the ability to command everyone in any given room.

"Hey, you sure you are okay with this?" Jake casually put his arm around her and asked Emma. He had suggested they share a room for the two day's his mom was here to keep up appearances. But that suggestion had been before the night in the study had happened and now everything felt different. Jake had tried to talk a few times since then, but Emma kept putting it off, just not ready to have that conversation.

"Yes. Of course," Emma replied not quiet meeting his eyes as she moved away from his arms. She knew Jake was confused but she just didn't know how to explain that if the two men she had trusted all her life could betray her so completely, how could she trust someone she hadn't even liked until a few months ago? He had kissed her lightly a few times since the incident in the library and although Emma hadn't pulled away, she also hadn't encouraged the kiss any further.

The doorbell saved Emma from any further questions and she braced herself for the official introduction to Jake's mother.

"Jake, what is this place? I can't believe the CEO of such a large company lives in a shack like this? You should have asked your father's wife to move out of the Knightley Residence. She doesn't belong there anymore, and I can't believe she would be so crass as to still be hanging around. This is why you don't marry someone who isn't in your social circle, they have no idea how to conduct themselves. You know what they say… you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear," Cecily began her tirade the instant she entered the house.

"This isn't a shack, Mother. There are five bedrooms and there are two of us, plenty of room. Let Taylor grieve and stay in the home until she's ready," Jake answered with false cheer, "Mother, let me introduce you to my wife, Emma Woodhouse."

Cecily stopped her perusal of the house to examine Emma. She slowly looked her up and down with her eyes instantly noticing the fading bruise at Emma's neck. Great, first time meeting my mother-in-law and the first thing she notices is the hickey I was trying to hide.

"Hello Cecily, it is great to finally meet you," Emma began with a wide smile, "Jake has really been looking forward to your visit."

Cecily just snorted, "you aren't exactly who I would have pictured with my son, but I think you two will do well together. You certainly come from the correct social circle and there are definite advantages to both the companies from your marriage." Cecily continued to talk to herself as Jake went and put his arm around Emma. "Besides your awful outfit, I think you will do well for my son." This was announced after some further deliberation.

Emma looked down at her red and white dress. It had a 50's housewife vibe but with a modern pattern and fit. She had thought she looked rather stylish.

"I like Emma's outfits mother. I love her sense of style and patterns. She has a flair for fashion and bright colors and your eyes can't help but be drawn to her when she enters a room" Jake declared.

Emma was startled at his comment, unsure if he was serious or this was part of the in-love couple act.

Cecily raised her eyebrows, "There isn't anything wrong with her outfit if you were a single girl going around town, but she is now your wife and she will need to start dressing accordingly. These bright colors and patterns are cute but cute is not the image one wants for a powerful woman. She needs to transition from Emma Woodhouse to Emma Knightley."

Emma had mainly stayed quiet during Cecily's appraisal of her unsure how she felt about Cecily's comments, I guess it's good that I'm deemed acceptable at least.

"You must be hungry, let Jake take your luggage upstairs and how about you freshen up while I serve lunch," Emma began.

Cecily just shook her head, "I thought I had taught Jake better than this, where are the servants and housekeepers? It looks like I have a lot of work to do here."

The rest of the day was spent going around the city with Cecily to some of the most exclusive boutiques, so she could help her look like a proper 'Knightley wife'. After awhile Emma decided it was easier to just give in rather then argue that these clothes really weren't her style and she ended up with numerous bags of expensive outfits that were Cecily approved. Jake had made some excuse about letting them bond and had made his retreat during the day. Dinner had been just as exhausting with pointed questions about Emma's past, her family, their marriage, her studies, their future and kids. Everything relating to Emma was fair game as far as Cecily was concerned.

"So, Emma are you planning on being a career woman or I can start introducing you to some of the charity committee's I belong too. They really need more women with strong connections to get thing's done. I'm surprised you aren't doing more," Cecily had wrinkled her nose at the words career woman, as if that was something completely beneath her.

"I had planned on working at my father's company. I have some plans we had discussed regarding rebranding the company and changing the direction of his investments. We were waiting for me to officially join before we started implementing them." Emma answered honestly.

Jake and Cecily both looked shocked at this before Cecily replied, "I'm sure that plan has changed now. You can't work for your father. You are a Knightley, therefore that is the competition."

Emma frowned since this wasn't exactly something she had considered, "well it doesn't matter right now. I am just focusing on my exams the next few weeks and then will try to figure it out after my graduation."

This answer wasn't satisfactory to Cecily, but Jake got the hint and quickly steered the subject to safer grounds.

The dinner was like navigating through a field of land mines with each one more explosive than the last, but finally they were home, and all decided to call it a night.


Emma had rushed through her night time routine and got under the covers so she could be asleep before Jake got to the room. She really didn't want the headache of trying to explain separate rooms to Jake's mom but at this moment she felt nervous and unsure about sharing a room with him. They had now been married for almost six months, but this was the first time they would be sleeping together in a single bed.

Jake had been hinting at wanting more from the marriage, so she wasn't sure what he was expecting from the night. Emma knew she had initiated the kiss in the study and had been the one to initiate the sex as well but at the time she had wanted to just forget everything from earlier. She kept replaying it in her head and couldn't remember a time she had felt so free, yet so deeply invested in someone. It was that connection she now feared and just wasn't sure if this was simply a matter of not being able to sleep with anyone else for almost six-months and their supposed marriage or if there were actual feelings. Realistically speaking if they weren't in this strange situation Jake would never have even looked twice at her. She would probably still hate him, and they would have both continued with their lives on separate paths.

She could hear Jake in the washroom and wrapped herself tighter in the blanket before turning around to face the opposite wall.

Emma could feel Jake getting into bed beside her and after a few minutes he finally spoke, "Emma, I'm too old for these games. If you need more time, then tell me. If you aren't interested, then tell me. But you can't do this hot and cold thing you have been doing."

Emma knew he was right and even though she wanted him with an intensity she didn't know was possible, she was also scared that this was just a physical curiosity and it would ruin the relationship they were building. More than anything she feared getting too close emotionally. If the two men she had relied on since childhood were able to break her trust so easily, how could she trust Jake? She instinctively knew that if Jake were to betray her it would hurt even more than the situations with John and her dad.

She did recognize that she was acting like a child with her flip flopping between flirting with him one moment and then ignoring him the next. Maybe she was just making too big of a deal about everything. People had sex all the time, why did this have to be any different. She doubted Jake would be too badly hurt if she told him she just wanted that feeling of safety and comfort with the physical connection he provided.

Emma turned towards him and moved a little closer. That seemed to be all the invitation Jake needed and he put his arms around her so Emma's head was resting on his shoulders and she was sprawled on his chest. She waited a few moments for him to do anything further, but he just kept laying on his back with Emma pulled into his chest.

"Tell me something about yourself that no one knows," Emma finally asked, desperate to break the heavy silence.

She could feel Jake's chest move with a small laugh, "let's see… I hate pumpkin. I know it's a big holiday tradition, but I can't stand pumpkin pie or pumpkin pudding. My dad and brother just loved it so it would drive me insane that we had so many pumpkin dishes every fall."

Emma giggled, finally allowing herself to relax against him before adding her story, "well one time in high school, I kissed a boy that Izzy had a crush on. I knew she liked him, but he apparently liked me instead and he was good looking and popular, so I let him kiss me. Izzy was just devastated when she found out… I still feel bad about it."

Jake was quiet for so long that Emma figured he had fallen asleep but then he finally spoke in a low voice, "my parents hated each other. Their marriage was basically a business negotiation arranged by their parents and they were both ambitious enough that they went along with it as well. I mean they never yelled or fought… that would be too middle class, but they were always sniping and insulting each other."

Emma stayed perfectly still not wanting to interrupt the story. Jake paused again but this time she knew he was just lost in his own thoughts. "They had me because that was what was expected but neither of them had any time or interest for a baby. I was probably six or seven before they decided it was now time for me to start becoming the heir. Before that I just had a bunch of nannies and the housekeeper who raised me. The nannies always let me follow them around but then suddenly I was supposed to be the heir and wasn't allowed to hang out with the staff anymore. Except that's still where I would go when I was upset or lonely."

Emma's heart ached for the lonely boy he was describing. She always just assumed his childhood had been similar to what she had witnessed with John, but it never occurred to her that there was a reason he was always so separate and distant from the family. Jake continued with a chuckle, "they finally divorced when all the grandparents had passed away. I of course stayed with my father and he didn't have much time for a ten-year-old. It wasn't until he met and married Taylor and then they had John that I began to see a different side of him. Suddenly he was the doting husband and loving father and I was… jealous. I was always on the outside. I never belonged to their family, but I've been thinking about what you said the other day and you were right that I never really developed a relationship with John. He had everything, everyone loved him… our dad loved him, he didn't really need me."

"Even now with everything relating to the will, I sometimes think maybe he felt bad and was trying to fix the past… but realistically speaking, I was just the more responsible choice to handle everything."

Emma couldn't help but feel extreme anger at David and Cecily for treating their child like that. Even with all the fighting her family did, she always knew they loved her. She had always thought the distance between John and Jake was due to their eleven-year age difference, it never occurred to her that this was based on years of resentment and jealousy. None of the adults in the picture had put their own pride and ego aside to look after the boys.

Emma instinctively knew the intimacy in the dark bedroom had made it easy for him to talk but this wasn't a topic he would want to analyze. If she started to ask questions or probe further, it would break the fragile bond they had going. Instead she let the silence engulf them before she quietly added her own story, "when I was twelve, I created this email address that I would pretend was my mothers. I would write it emails, forward it jokes that type of thing any time I would miss my mom. It had started one day when I was so mad at Izzy and my dad was taking her side. I just knew that if my mom was alive, she would have been on my side, so I wrote her an email telling her how life was so unfair. I just got in the habit and then started sending emails about anything I wanted to discuss." Emma laughed self-deprecatingly, "I even sent her an email about our marriage and how confused I was. I know it's silly since I'm the one who created the email address, but it just makes me feel close to her."

"Oh Emma," Jake shifted Emma in his arms, so he was leaning over her. She could she the question in his eyes before he slowly lowered his lips over her. This kiss was different, it was soft and slow. It was meant as much to provide comfort as it was to give her a chance to back away if she wanted. The feelings that it evoked her unlike any that Emma had felt. She had been in other relationships before but never one where she felt so vulnerable and exposed.

Jake softly kissed Emma on the nose and cheek before looking into her eyes, "Emma, I want this relationship to work. I know our marriage didn't start the right way, but I want this to be real. I want us to work out. I want a future with you."

Emma could see the raw emotion's in his eyes as he made the declaration. She wanted to just say yes to Jake, to them, to a future but she still held herself back. The similarities between their marriage and his parents was unmistakable. She could easily imagine Jake as a boy wishing his parents would magically stop fighting or become better. She didn't want to be responsible for re-writing the past. This marriage had also started as a business negotiation, but it couldn't be about making this have a different ending then his parents had. A marriage should be based on love and a choice to commit between two people. Emma had a feeling she could fall in love with Jake, but she wasn't strong enough to say yes and hope he eventually felt the same way. She knew he wanted her but how could she say yes when she didn't even trust her own judgement anymore. If she had, shouldn't she have suspected John was the one using her laptop.

"I… I can't… I can't give you what you want Jake. I… I can't be who you want. I'm sorry."