~If You Ignore Fate, She Might Bite~
Over the next couple of days, I got time to just be alone. Jacob still checked in on me daily, but if he happened to come when I wasn't up to having company, he left without making me feel guilty. My feelings for him kept growing, but he was willing to let me take my time even though I got the feeling he could sense my feelings changing. Overall, I was doing okay. Sure I cried every now and again, but none of my crying stung as deeply as when I cried for the first time in the bathroom. I had taken time to start journaling again and on days when Jake was around my mood seemed to lighten and I even penned a few songs which I hadn't been able to do since finding out about my father's death.
A week into my stay I went to meet with Quil's grandmother in the resort's rec room aptly named the Wolf Den. I hobbled up the pathway and the door opened before me where I was met by Carrie. Carrie was what must have been a pretty typical representation of Quileute people. Jacob, Sam, and their friends were clearly Quileute, but in a more modern way; still steeped in tradition, just not part of the old way, the way the sage older woman in front of me was. She looked to be in her 60's and the same deep brown eyes as everyone I'd met on my journey so far, minus the Cullen family of course. Her welcoming eyes crinkled as she took my small, lighter hands into her stronger, tanned ones and her lips pulled into a sweet smile.
I returned her smile with a shy one of my own. In the culture I grew up in, children and young ones were raised to show respect and honor to their elders. Even though Carrie wasn't my family, I had still learned a few things in order to show her I respected her and wanted to try to honor her tribe's traditions. I had rehearsed a couple of Quileute phrases and found my linguistic talents lending me only a small amount of help. All languages are somehow related I knew, but this one seemed especially foreign on my tongue. Glancing down quickly, I collected my courage and looked up to meet her eyes again before I spoke.
"Ha'ch chi'i, Mrs. Ateara." I saw she was surprised at my words. I guessed that most people my age did not even think to make these efforts. She grinned, squeezing my hands in appreciation before helping me into the Wolf Den.
"Ha'ch chi'i, ayasocha, Shalena?" I thought back to how to say I was fine.
"Hachli, ho, and you, ayasocha?" I said as she gestured for me to sit down in a large, over stuffed, brown leather chair.
"I am doing fine. You speak well for someone who's not from around here." Pouring some steamy, dark coffee into the mug in front of me before going back to pour herself some.
"Well, I've been trying to teach myself some basic Quileute to use during my stay. I've always been drawn to languages, but I'm finding Quileute words to be challenging. I hope I didn't butcher them too badly." Raising my eyebrows, genuinely hoping I hadn't made a fool of myself.
"Oh no, on the contrary, I'm surprised you have as good a pronunciation as you do. And you've done this all by yourself?" She added somewhat incredulously.
I nodded before answering, "I kind of like doing things on my own, especially when it's a challenge. I didn't want anybody to know because I was sort of waiting to use it when I met you."
"Well, I appreciate the gesture. It means a lot to have someone so young take an interest in our language. Some of our young families have let it die out and the tribal school is working to correct that by teaching our children how to speak our language."
I was expecting her to say something about how my efforts were out of the ordinary for someone who wasn't part of the tribe or Native American in general, but she made no mention of it.
"I would love to learn more about your culture while I'm here. I've studied some tribes, but not the Quileute tribe. Can you maybe share what you know with me during our visits?" I knew some tribes were very closed to outsiders and with the bloody history most tribes had endured, I understood why. I sincerely hoped this wasn't the case with these kind people I was getting to know.
"I would love to Shalena!"
"Oh good," I breathed out, relieved to be let in. "I was afraid you wouldn't be willing."
Carrie waved her hand as if to brush away my doubts. "Nonsense, you want to learn more about my people and who am I to deny you?" She chuckled knowingly. "And besides, you already know about which legends are true."
"Ya, I do. You're right about that. I wasn't expecting to find out that all the things I thought were just imaginary, were actually real."
"Of course not, child. You probably left Portland thinking you were going to explore the Washington coast while on your journey, but fate surprises us all sometimes, doesn't she?"
"Well, I don't know about fate, but I feel like this is just the beginning."
"You don't believe in fate?" Carrie's laughter was silenced and replaced with seriousness. "Why not?"
I spoke to answer her question. "It's not that I don't believe in it, it's just I'm still wrestling with it. Some stuff has happened that's made me question fate and God." Feeling my guard peel back just enough that she could see underneath it.
"Don't be so quick to brush fate aside. There's usually a plan we cannot possibly see in the present moment. Give it a chance, believe in it, and it will reveal its secrets to you." I absorbed her words and stayed quiet. I hope one day I can be that sure, that wise.
"I'll try, but I don't how to do what you're saying when I've been through all that I have." Sadness had made its way into my voice. Carrie scooted closer to where I was sitting and laid her hand across one of my own. Something about her made me want to be honest and tell her everything, but I stopped myself.
"Our creator knows what we need and uses what happens to us to equip us...build us into who we need to be to fulfill our purpose. Even the painful, unpleasant experiences can reveal a beauty we can't imagine. Don't close yourself off from the possibilities, be brave." She looked deep into my eyes as they filled with tears. Her words carried more truth than I wanted to admit to. "Don't cry, child, it will all be okay. Jacob wouldn't be to happy with me if all I did was make you cry, now would he?" I had to smile at her right then.
"No, he worries about me enough as it is." I said as I wiped my tears away.
"Speaking of Jacob, he seems to be very fond of you. In fact, everyone who's met you so far has been taken with you. Now I can see why." I kept quiet and just nodded. I wasn't sure what Carrie was getting at. She didn't seem to notice. "So, how do you feel about Jacob?" The way she said it, you would've thought we were two teenage girls up in her room gossiping about boys. I laughed and blushed feeling shy, my cheeks turning pink to match the falling cherry blossoms outside the window.
"Don't be that way, I just like meddling in the lives of the kids around here, it's my way of staying young. Just answer my question, sweetie." she said.
"I like him, a lot more than I want to actually. I mean, well, I guess I didn't mean that the way it came out. You see, now isn't the right time for me to start something like that."
"Pish, tosh, there is never an ideal time for this sort of thing. It's obvious from the way you both behave you have feelings for each other. Why not just go with it and see where fate wants to lead you?"
"I don't know if I'm at a place where I can do that, but I guess it doesn't mean I won't consider giving us a chance."
"Well, that's at least a start!" Carrie seemed to be more excited at the prospect of Jake and me being a couple than I was at the moment. After I assured Carrie I would consider my feelings for Jacob, our conversation went on to some of the other Quileute legends Carrie knew.
~Back at the Cabin Again~
After I had walked back to the cabin, I decided to make myself a cup of hot cocoa. It was getting further and further into autumn and cocoa hit the spot. I sat out on the front porch, sipping the warm, frothy liquid and thinking about how the changing of the seasons makes me long for my childhood of stomping the fallen leaves in the middle of the playground. Of my mom's cooking. And now of seasons past when my father was alive and well. I had run away from the pressure of maintaining a brave face only to end up in a place where I was having to face new people, though the pressure to keep up a front wasn't so great here. Maybe I should surround myself with these people so I won't feel so alone. The thought seemed right in my head. The upcoming holidays would be hard to face alone and even though I had told Jacob and his friends I needed to stay here in the cabin by myself, I was beginning to regret my decision.
I took out my cell phone and dialed Emily's number to see if she wanted to come over and help me attempt to cook some of my mom's recipes. She answered after a few rings, she was game to help and would be over in a while.
I got up from my seat on the porch and looked out to see what I assumed was one of Jake and Sam's friends. He smiled as he walked up to me and introduced himself. He had black hair and was lighter than Jacob, but still tanned. He wore a grin on his handsome face that radiated confidence.
"Hi, I'm Paul. You must be Jake's girl Shalena."
I looked down when he said the words, feeling the weight of what seemed like everyone's hopes for me and Jake.
"Ahh, ya, I guess that's me." I managed to get out. "It's nice to meet you Paul."
"Ya, I've been dying to meet the girl who's been making Jake's world spin lately." Wow, he was kind of spunky. I sidestepped responding and walked back into the cabin, telling him to come inside and sit down at the kitchen table while I prepped the vegetables.
"So, did Jake send you over here to check on me?"
"Ya, he's at the Cullen's house right now. They have something going on and they called to see if he could help, I guess."
"You don't seem happy about that..." I said trailing off. He seemed to get an undercurrent of anger as he had told me where Jake was.
"Ya, well, he's an idiot for going. Especially now that he has you. I just think he's being stupid." He huffed out.
"I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Why would I care about Jake being at the Cullen's? He seems to enjoy helping people, so why shouldn't he?" My words seems to aggravate him. The man who had seemed like a charismatic, handsome ladies man had now turned into a short tempered guy border lining on becoming an animal. I was positive, given his reaction, that he was a part of Sam's pack.
Paul got up from the table abruptly. I could see him making a concentrated effort to stay calm. Still, I wasn't sure what his problem was. "I need to go outside and get some fresh air. I'm sorry." He grunted as he went outside.
I set down the knife on the cutting board and followed him out. I continued talking, not knowing what I was about to say would only upset him more. "Paul, Jake and I seem to get along, but we're not together so why would I have a problem? He can do whatever he wants." My voice betrayed me towards the end, but Paul didn't seem to notice.
He was facing away from me, so all I heard was a wild growl spill from his mouth and the next thing I knew there was a wolf standing in front of me. I was taken aback. The last time I had seen a human as a wolf was the night Jake and Sam rescued me. I hadn't seen either one of them phase since then. They always waited until they got into the forest so they wouldn't draw unwanted attention. I knew Paul was within the wolf standing before me, but he looked angry. As I made eye contact, it dawned on me that he must be protective of Jake. I didn't understand why he would be protective over Jake's romantic life, but I didn't care. I didn't see how there could be any excuse for the way Paul was reacting.
"You're protecting him! From me? I don't understand." I paused looking at him. He just tilted his head and growled in response. "Really, you're throwing a tantrum because I'm not rushing into a relationship with a guy I've only known for a couple of weeks. Are you kidding?" My own temper was rising to match his as he stepped forward, looking down at me coldly.
"Really, you're going to try and scare me to prove whatever your point is! Are you nuts?"
He let out a primal growl that dwarfed all the previous growls he'd let out. "Oh please, grow up." Unamused by his temper tantrum, but getting closer to having one of my own, I raised my hand to his muzzle and backhanded him with my fist. It wasn't hard, but it hurt like hell. I had thought it would knock him out of the train of thought he was on, but it ended up provoking him instead. In a split second that both of us would end up regretting, Paul the wolf leaned down beside me and angrily bit the area just above my hip before phasing back to his human form and curling into a ball, unable to face himself. I hobbled away to get some distance and crumbled onto the porch feeling dizzy from the pain lashing at my insides. Shortly thereafter, I felt a blanket of shock cover me and slipped into unconsciousness, hoping someone would find me soon and scared that Paul wasn't though with me.
