A/N: First, a bit of housekeeping... It was lovingly pointed out to me by one of my favorite readers that, back in chapter six, I mentioned the song "Somewhere With You". I must have been either sleeping or listening to Brad Paisley when I was typing because I credited him with the song when we all know it belongs to Kenny Chesney. My apologies to y'all and Mr. Chesney.
GG makes everything presentable and pretty. Thank you. You have a beautiful mind and my undying gratitude.Next, if you even remotely enjoy this fic, then you need to thank Barburella for this update, because it wouldn't have happened without her threats- er, motivation to finish it. She's the wind beneath my literary wings. XOXO, Yakira. (That's "beloved" in Hebrew, for the reader who asked what it meant. ;) )Finally, I feel the nudge of the morality fairy to remind you all that I do not in any way own or claim anything Twi related. I also don't own Barbie or the song "On Top Of Spaghetti", but I think that's public domain.
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Chapter Nine- On the Receiving End
I pull up in front of Emmett and Rose's place and notice that Jas is already here. I stop next to his prized gold El Camino and briefly consider letting the air out of one of his tires, or maybe I'll just jump up and down on the bumper to make the alarm start screaming. It would serve the fucker right for roping me into a blind date just so he can get his rocks off with some chick from work. Plus, it'd be funny as hell to see his face as he runs from the house to protect his "baby". I decide against either idea seeing as my hands are full with beer and side items I was instructed to purchase, not make myself. Rose said she was afraid I'd give everyone food poisoning. She obviously doesn't know me as well as she thinks she does, otherwise she'd know that I don't make anythingmore complicated than a ham sandwich myself. Even that consists of only three ingredients.
I use my elbow to push the doorbell and wait. And wait. "Where the fuck is everyone?" I ask the stupid ceramic frog perched on the top step. He's wearing an even stupider plaid golf hat complete with a little puff on the top. The door wrenches open just as I'm about to try the bell again and there stands the beautiful Rose McCarty.
"Rose! You're looking lovely, as usual." I like Rose, really I do, but she can get on my nerves sometimes.
"Ah, Edward, still kissing ass, as usual," she grins, her perfect teeth mocking me with their perfectness. See why she drives me nuts?
"Now, Rosalie, you and I both know your husband would have my balls hanging from his rearview mirror if I got anywhere near your ass." She laughs at what we both know is a true statement, and I push past her to find someplace to put the crap I brought. "Where do you want this stuff?"
"The kitchen would be great, Ed, thanks. Here, let me help you with that." She takes a single beer out of one of the six packs I'm carrying and throws me a smirk over her shoulder as I follow into the kitchen.
"Gee, thanks."
I'm greeted by cheers and cries of, "Yeah! More beer!", and the delicious smell of freshly grilled steaks.
"You're just in time, man," Emmett smacks me on the back as I pass by.
"Just about to start eating, huh?" I eye the mountain of marinated meat on the counter. It smells just as I imagine heaven smells.
"Well, that and we were running low on the brewski." Em tosses Jas a beer and pops one open for himself.
"You weren't gonna wait for me to eat, were you?" He just laughs at the accusing look I throw him.
"What? The steaks were ready! You expect us to wait all night on your late ass?"
"Hey now! You can call me anything you damn well please, but do not call me late for dinner! You said to be here at six and I was here at five fifty-eight! I was fucking early, even!" By now I've unloaded the extras I brought onto the counter and I gesture to them like Vanna White guest starring on the Food Network. "Not to mention I had all this crap! Were you just going to eat meat?"
"At least until you got here with the rest of the food. Hey, don't pout, Petunia! We had every intention of saving you some steak. Chill, and have a cold one." I barely had any warning before he tossed a bottle at my head. Thank God for my lighting-like reflexes, or I'd be headed to the ER for stitches.
"You're an ass, Em."
"Watch out, sweetie, he might try to kiss you." In a disgusting display of PDA, his wife walks over to him and palms his butt. Em looks confused, but is distracted by the attention his rear is getting.
"Nah, Rosie, Ed doesn't swing that way." She and I exchange a look, and call a non-verbal truce. For now. "Well! Let's eat before the meat gets cold!"
"Thanks for the invite, guys," Jas says.
"Of course, man," Em assures him, "I have no idea why we didn't do this sooner. I mean, we hang out at Shaunacey's all the time."
"No worries, I'm a social pariah. I wouldn't invite me to my house either."
"That has nothing to do with it, Jas, Eddo was just worried that you'd wanna be my bestie after you saw what an awesome game room I have. Can't really blame him, though. I am pretty awesome and you are his only friend beside myself. The guy has a lot at stake here."
"Ha. Ha. You're a fucking riot, Em. You know, Jas, I think you can have him. He's all yours." I pile my plate high with food, grab a beer, and move to the table out on the deck.
"Now, Eddie, don't be that way! Just 'cause you got your heart broken once doesn't mean it'll happen again. Jas seems like a nice guy. He'd never 'Dear John' you," Em teases. This topic is off limits and he knows it.
"Watch it, buddy," I warn him. The others follow me outside. It's a clear, beautiful night and even though we're a couple blocks away from the ocean you can still hear the surf beating against the shore. They have tiki lamps burning. It would almost be romantic if I had someone other than Jas to consider my plus one, preferably someone with bigger boobs or fewer balls. My "date" sits next to me. I thought my plate was full, but Jas seems to be some sort of plating ninja, defying gravity and physics to fit more food than should be possible.
"Were you going to save any food for Rose and Em?" I nod at Mount Whitlock and am reminded of that song "On Top Of Spaghetti" from when I was a kid.
"Please, there's enough food in there to feed our entire regiment. Twice." He studies his masterpiece trying to decide where he can start in on it without bringing the entire thing down like a game of Jenga. He opts for the two slices of garlic bread on the top, and sandwiches a thick, juicy steak between them. After taking a huge bite of his "manwich" he turns to me, and with his mouth full of half-chewed food, he elbows me and asks, "Broken hearted, huh? Since when? I thought I was the only one you've ever loved." Winking, he continues to masticate the beef. Em and his wife choose this moment to join us.
"Oh, you may have been the most recent love of his life, but there've been others, believe me. Our Eddie's heart is fickle." I shoot Em a look that, if it had been explosive, would have blown him to smithereens.
"There's been one, one love of my life, and I am not fickle, dammit," I argue. "And, Jas, let's get something straight- I'm straight! I have not ever, nor will I ever love you, so just build a bridge and get over it. Besides, I thought you were all up in Sgt. Major Hawk's business."
"Mmmmm, Hawk... That woman has the best set of tits I've seen in fatigues since Wilcoxen over in the Sandbox."
"Jas, Wilcoxen was a dude." Across from us, Em and Rose are both snorting and laughing and trying to avoid choking.
"Yeah, bet you gotta admit the guy rocked the man boobs."
"Wow, Hawk is one lucky lady," Rose manages to squeak out.
"The luckiest," Jas agrees. "She's gonna find out just how lucky she is after Eddo and I take her out on the town." I cringe when hear him share that last bit.
"Wait, Edward's going with you? You southern gents need a chaperone or something?"
"No, doll, Ed's got himself a date of his own." And I just lost my appetite.
"What?" she shrieks, "Since when?"
"Since a few days ago when he agreed to go with us and take her friend out. It was the only way Hawk would go." Why the guy thought this was information worthy of sharing was beyond me. You'd think he was embarrassed by the fact that the woman he lusted after wouldn't consider dating him unless there were other people present. Seems to me like an audience would be a mood killer. Then again, this is Whitlock we're talking about. I love him, but the guy's into some weird shit.
"Ed, you haven't had a date since... well, since the last millennium!" Ah, that Rose. She's a funny one.
"Shut up, Rose, I've had dates; you just don't know about them."
"Your right hand doesn't count, lover boy." Did I mention her husband is fucking hilarious, too?
"You shut it, too. You have no room to talk Mr. Masturbation Champ of Camp Shands in 1986, 1987, and 1989. And not that it's any of your business, but I do not have a date with my right hand."
"So you're letting your left hand have a tug at it?"
"Hardy. Har. Har. Fuck you all."
"Hey, now, what did I do?" Jas asks, genuinely concerned.
"You told Blondie and Dagwood about the date! These are not things I share with these two. They'll never let this drop. I'll hear about this for years to come."
"Don't attack our guest just because you haven't seen any action in over a decade," Rose warns.
"Whatever. You're the ones attacking me! What day is it again? Pick on Edward day? No, wait, that's only days that end in 'y'. Aren't I a guest, too?" I know I sound like a little bitch, so I take a deep breath and work on not growing a vagina.
"No, dude, you're Eddie."
"Thanks for clearing that up for me, Emmett." Ass.
"Anytime, man," he snorts. I decide I'm never speaking to any of them again after tonight.
Everyone goes back to his or her meal, except me. I can't eat when I'm upset, and I'm very upset. So, I just push the potato salad closer to the coleslaw and start rolling the baked beans one by one over to where the potato salad was. The table grows quiet while my three ex-friends work on their plates. Then Emmett decides he needs more information.
"So, you two are going on a double date? That's very Island Barbie of you." I shoot him a look that warns him to not start again. "Easy, Eddie... Where are you two studs going, and who are the lucky ladies?"
"Well," Jas offers, "I'm of course taking Nicole and we don't know her friend's name, but I've been assured she's hot. We're going to dinner and then to hear a band play down at McFly's tomorrow night. It should be fun."
"I love that bar. They get some great bands in. Kinda small, though. So, you have no idea who this hottie you and Hawk are hooking Eddo up with?" You gotta give it to Em; the guy's persistent.
"No clue," Jas says, "but Nicole assures me that her friend is muy caliente." He elbows me in the ribs to further punctuate his point. I try to smile, but it's more of a grimace. The dude's got some boney-ass elbows!
"I'm just glad you're getting out there, Ed. I know we tease you, but I think it's about time you moved on and stopped pining over Bella."
"Thanks, Em," I deadpan. "I had no idea my love life, or lack thereof, was keeping you up at night."
"Oh, it doesn't. I just know you're easier to tolerate when you're getting laid."
"Fuck. You."
"Hey! That's a last resort, buddy, and I only offered that one time right after Bella and you split," he joked. "Don't give up hope, maybe you'll get lucky with the new hottie?"
"Ew, you offered to fuck Ed?" Rose gaped.
"Not really! It was right after Bella had written him that shitty 'Dear John' letter while he was serving in Iraq his first tour. He was such a mess; I was worried he was gonna wander out in front of some trigger happy infidel, so I told him I'd be his bitch when he came home just as long as he didn't come back in a pine box."
"Whoa, Edward, you never told me Bella ended it in a letter. While you were serving? That's cold." Jas' attempt at commiserating with me falls short of bringing me much comfort. It may have something to do with the fact that he just sat there and laughed while Rose and Em were ripping me a new asshole a few moments ago.
I'm in shock that my fuckery of a love life has become fodder for dinner conversation. I just want them to move on to something more interesting, like maybe the rate at which paint dries. It's not like I'm the only soldier to be dumped via a letter. It happens to some poor schmuck every day, and I understand why it happens. It isn't easy to deal with the months, sometimes years of separation and the stress of knowing the guy you're dating is in constant danger. Still sucks porcupine balls when it happens to you, though. So do my friends for not letting this conversation die.
"Yeah, she totally, did," Em confirms. "He didn't hear from her for weeks and then one day out of the blue, he gets this letter telling him how she can't do the long distance thing anymore and thinks they should see other people. Who the fuck was he supposed to 'see'? A camel, or maybe a goat? He was in the middle of the mother fucking desert, for crying out loud!"
"That's not exactly what she suggested," I try to calm Em down. He always gets a little crazy when he thinks about how devastating the break-up with Bella was. I decide the quickest way to get off this topic of conversation is to tell Jasper the story once and for all.
I was completely taken by surprise by her letter. It came out of the blue, nearly four weeks after I'd sent my last letter to her. She hadn't emailed me or contacted me in any way. The last correspondence we'd had was an email she'd sent telling me to be safe and that she'd write soon. I decided to write her and let her how I was going to be sent out on assignment soon; that she wouldn't be able to get in touch with me. I was hoping she'd get my letter around the same time I'd receive the one she told me to expect. Only hers never came. Then, one day, the day my regiment was scheduled to roll out on a two-week mission, I heard my name during mail call. My hands trembled with excitement as I opened the envelope with her familiar handwriting scrolled across the front. It was short-lived.
Edward,
It's been several weeks. I've been through every emotion imaginable, several times. I think the one that's the strongest is fear.
I'm scared. I just don't think I can do this anymore. Even admitting that scares me. I could almost deal with not hearing from you for weeks at a time if I knew you were safe, but to have no way of contacting you, especially knowing that you're probably off engaging some militant group of crazies is just too much. I cry myself to sleep at night. I wake up crying because of the nightmares I have, all set against a backdrop of sand. I can't focus during the day because I'm too busy worrying if you're safe or lying on the side of some road, broken and bleeding thanks to an IED.
My grades are shit, I can't eat, and I jump every time my phone rings. I'm sorry, Edward, but I need a break. I need normal. I need to try to find some way to live without you here. Please understand, I love you, but I can't handle this. I thought I could, but I can't. The kindest thing I can think to do is to let you go, let you do what you have to do and hope that one day you will understand. I'm just not strong enough to be what you need.
I need some time to try to get my head in a place that isn't a constant state of fear or on high alert. Give me that time, please? Be safe, and come home our hero.
Bella
I didn't have a whole lot of time to process that letter at first. I had a job to do, and men's lives depended on my being able to suck it up and aim straight. So, I shoved the letter in my locker and didn't think much of it again. There wasn't time to. Two weeks later, and three men short, our regimen returned. We lost three amazing soldiers that assignment. Bella's worst fear had come true. Our caravan rolled over a buried IED, turning the Hummer in front of ours into scrap metal. Two women lost their husbands that day, five kids lost their dads, and three sets of parents had to learn to live without their sons- all in a matter of seconds. It took four days for my hearing to return to normal, but I walked away without a scratch. After that it was easy to see what Bella had meant. It took everything in me to not write her, let her know what I'd been through and assure her I was safe. But I did what she asked; I didn't write her again. From that point on I was on autopilot, and not particularly concerned with my own safety. It was after I'd written Emmett bragging about some of my stupid stunts that he'd threatened to make me his bitch if I came home in any more than one piece. He swears it was an incentive to come home safe. I still don't see it that way.
When I got back from my first tour I came home a very different guy than when I left. My commanding officer informed me he thought I was a good candidate for a military career, so I changed my mind about becoming an architect and earned my bachelors thanks to the G.I. Bill and Uncle Sam's generosity. It was steady going after that. Four years of drill the last weekend of every month, officer candidate school, countless "yes, sir's" and "yes, ma'am's", a willingness to transfer anywhere in the state to get the job, and I was penned Captain Edward Cullen of the United Stated Army National Guard. A month after that I was sent to Afghanistan as a commanding officer. Everything seemed to happen so quickly and those years after Iraq flew by. I didn't have much time to mourn the past, and whenever I would start to feel sorry for myself I'd pull out the picture I carried of the five kids who lost their dads and remind myself how lucky I'd been.
Things have slowed down since I've been home just over a year now, but all that seems to have done is free up time for me to think about Bella. My mind is crammed full of all the things I never had the time to think about before. I think that's why I still haven't managed to "get back out there" as Em puts it. There's been the occasional woman, but it was always a matter of scratching an itch. Tanya is the first date I've had that I didn't see as a means to an end; she's the first person I could imagine spending more time with since being home. And even then I couldn't stop thinking about Bella the entire time I was with her.
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A/N: There are times when, no matter how much you plan, when you finally sit down to write nothing seems to go the way you thought it would. This chapter was a perfect example of that. While what you just read in no way resembles what I had in mind for this update, I can assure it is so much better than I could have hoped for. Thanks to Eddo's persistence you got to see a part of him I had no clue how to reveal to you. SM has said that her characters spoke to her while she wrote the Saga (that term still makes me giggle), and even after years of writing I'm still amazed when a character takes over the storyline. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Updates will return to normal this Saturday.
Thank you for reading, and until next timeā¦
