I don't own the characters, they belong to the amazing Stephanie Meyer.
I do own the storyline and the characters that I create.
So, there is a definite twist to this story – plans have changed.
Will this new character be a problem for Alice?
Chapter 9 – Pure Morning!
Alice's point of view.
I refused to believe this was happening. I was dreaming, I was at home in bed and Jasper was fine. He wasn't being loaded into the back of an ambulance now. I had to believe this to stay upright. I'd never felt so overwhelmed in my whole life, I didn't realize that I'd fell so deep for Jasper until now, until I saw him bleeding on the floor and I heard my heart cracking right down the middle. He'd said "You're perfect." Before he fell unconscious. That must mean something? Or was he just confused?
"Excuse me miss, are you a relation of Jasper Swan?" It was the same paramedic who'd questioned me earlier.
"No, I'm just a… Uhm… Friend." I wasn't really sure if it was true but, how else could I explain my current state?
"Okay, would you like to go in the ambulance with him since there is nobody else here at the minute?" I wanted to tell him that his sister would be here soon but, I wanted to go with him. I couldn't bring myself to be away from him now. I didn't know why and I don't think I wanted to. I knew I loved him but, I didn't think I was this far gone. There was no other option to me.
"Yeah, that'll be fine. Has anybody been in contact with his family?"
"Yes, they've been in contact with his father and his sister. We've re-directed his sister to the hospital as she was on her way here. His mother was unavailable and his father is also on his way." The paramedic gave me a half-hearted smile and made his way to the passenger's seat in the front of the ambulance.
I walked to the back of the ambulance and another paramedic smiled at me and reached his hand out to help me up. Being short sucks. The way he was smiling at me was definitely not innocent, he was flirting seriously? I sat on the seat at the side of Jasper, and held his hand. I knew if he was awake he'd probably tell me where to go but, for now I'm pretending he wouldn't mind.
"So, is he your boyfriend then?" The paramedic looked at me hopefully.
"No," I looked at his nametag, his name was Jacob Black. "He isn't my boyfriend, we just know each other from school." Oh and he hates me because I used to be a slut and he'd probably run away if he knew it was me here, holding his hand.
I think he heard the hurt in my voice, though I'm not surprised. I was hurting, badly. I was so in love with him and he hated me. What a joyful situation this is. This Jacob guy was starting to annoy me now though. He seemed relieved.
"Oh," He'd said. "He must be pretty stupid then."
I didn't mean to be so aggressive but, it pissed me off. This is probably the only reason he has this job, so he can prey on people who are in pain and emotionally unstable. Cunt.
"No, I'm the stupid one." I snapped back as my phone started to ring. "Now, if you'll excuse me."
I know I didn't need to be excused to answer my phone and I didn't need to tell him to shut up so I could answer the phone but, I just wanted him to shut up.
I looked down at the caller I.D, it was Bella. I slid open my phone quickly. "Hey Bella, where are you? Are you in the hospital yet? We're nearly there now, we're just passing the Cathedral on Cedarwood Avenue."
I could hear her sniffle and Edward talking in the background. She was really cut up about this. "Hi Alice, yeah we're here now. Alice, is he okay? How does he look? Keep hold of his hand for me please, until he gets here." She started to sound, angry? I heard Edward mutter something else to her and her breathing caught in her throat then she let out an aggravated sigh. "So much for fucking parents, ugh! I'll see you soon Alice. I love you, it's going to be okay."
"Yeah, okay we're round the corner now. I love you too, bye." I hung up and, without warning my breathing started getting really shallow and I felt my eyes start to burn and well up. I looked down at Jasper's face, he had blood pouring from his nose and his eyes were swollen. His lip was bust and puffy. He had cuts all over his face and his shirt had blood all over it too, probably from his nose.
I couldn't help it but, I let out a soft wail as my tears started to run freely. I couldn't see him like this, his face looked pain. A new round of sobs broke through my chest when I thought about it, he was still in pain. The fact he was unconscious was the only thing keeping me in one piece, I thought it meant he wasn't in pain. Now, I was broken up. He was hurting and it was killing me.
Jacob Black just looked at me like I was crazy. I didn't care. Maybe I was crazy.
I looked forward out of the front window and saw as the streets flew by. The sky was almost pitch black and the only light was coming from the streets lights zooming by. I looked at it intently, needing anything to keep my attention from Jasper. It started to give me a headache and then my head started feeling really light. The sound of the sirens was ringing in my ears. I wanted so badly for it to stop, I couldn't hear myself think and I felt sick. I looked forward to the streaming lights once more and saw the quickly approaching hospital. I let out a sigh of relief.
I was sure that Jacob had been talking to me this whole time but, I wasn't paying attention. Although, that thought made me thankful for the blaring sirens and shining lights. He just didn't have a nice feel about him. He made me feel sick to be totally honest.
We parked up fast and in seconds I was running with numb feet to keep up with the paramedics. I was telling my legs to keep moving, numb legs were disobedient. My whole body was numb. I got into the doors and saw Bella straight away. I ran into her waiting arms as we both watched Jasper be wheeled off, with clenched jaws and hard eyes. She was still livid at something, I needed to know what. Her hug didn't feel the same while she was mad.
"Bella, what's the matter? They said he was going to be okay." How did I end up doing the comforting?
"It's not that, well no obviously it is that too but, it's my dad. He's sat in the office with 'important paperwork' to do so he couldn't come and see his son while he gets rushed into hospital. What a dick." She slumped back in her chair and instantly Edward was comforting her.
I looked over to where Emmett and Rose were sitting. Rose was crying and Emmett had her on his lap with her head buried in his chest. He was stroking her hair and whispering in her ears. Words of reassurance most likely.
I felt alone. I looked at the two couples in front of me, they have someone to hold them and make it all better and what do I have? Nobody. I wanted to get away from here and just run away. I didn't want to have to face the fact that my prince charming was nowhere to be found. It hurt too much to admit defeat to myself though, my stubborn side was the only thing keeping me here now.
Bella stood up and pulled out her phone, she walked over to somewhere a bit more quiet and held the phone to her ear. She looked upset and angry and confused, there were so many emotions flashing across her face at once, I couldn't keep up. I just slumped into a seat two down from Edward and put my legs up. I settled my head between my knees and let the misery overcome me.
I'd royally fucked up. I should've just told him to start with, then he could've ran away from me before I fell in love with him. Then, I wouldn't be completely broken and shattered by the fact he despised me. I'd ruined it so much. But, this was my fault. I shouldn't have done those things to start with. I didn't really want to but, I'd got a taste of popularity and that seemed like the only way to keep it. Lauren had always teased me about how rigid I was but, I was so convinced I could stay true to myself. One day it'd just been too much though, she was teasing me in front of everyone. They were laughing and making comments at me and I was so afraid I would loose my place in the group. I was no naïve and stupid. I walked straight over to the football team, intent clear, and grabbed one of their hand's. Led them upstairs and the rest is fucking history.
They were more than willing to oblige, they were always more than willing to oblige. After that night, I liked the attention and I started to get more popular and it was a nice feeling, with a bitter after taste. It was the fact they all wanted me that made me realise something crucial. They wanted me because I was pretty, I was wanted because I was the one they all lusted after. I could've kept my status and my name without sleeping with them all. That's when I stopped. Nobody changed around me after I'd stopped. The boys would try and thought they knew what to expect. Wrong.
I'd looked over at Bella in the cafeteria one day, she was sat on her own looking sad. The same expression she'd had since I'd bailed her completely for Lauren. I'd caught her gaze and she was seriously hurt. We'd been best friends for so long and I was fickle enough to fuck her over for popularity. I was such a bad friend. But, not only did I bail her, Lauren and the rest of the walking diseases started to tease her and bully her. I couldn't say anything for fear of losing my reputation. I was such a fuck up.
That day I'd gone over and asked her if I could sit with her. She thought it was a trick and started to get angry. I all but got on my knees and begged her to let me be her friend again. Being Bella, she did and I'm still eternally grateful. I'd hate to think what I'd be like by now if I'd never stopped.
My little reminiscing session was stopped when I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Edward. His face looked so… Apologetic? He opened his arms as a gesture and I quickly scooted over. He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry into him. This wasn't anything funny at all, I'd never do that to Bella. But, he knew I needed someone to just let me cry on them. He was just acting like the big brother I never had. I guess he figured since Bella was too angry she wasn't going to be in any shape to comfort anyone. He rubbed my arm and every so often would tighten his arms and then loosen them again, letting me know he was there. I cried and cried. I saw the stains on his shirt but, I couldn't stop. I was sure Bella must be off the phone by now but, she didn't try to move me. I'd been looking at the clock since we'd entered the room and it'd been almost three hours since we got here. How long had I been crying on Edward? I guess I should probably give him back now.
I looked up at Edward and smiled timidly at him. I reached up and kissed his cheek, whispered a "Thank you" to him before scooting out of his arms. I looked over at the seats where Rose and Emmett had been. They were empty, Bella was on the other side of Edward resting on his shoulder. She'd just let me occupy her boyfriends arms, she was too good.
Bella looked at me and I shifted my eyes to Emmett's empty seat, questioning with my eyes. She answered, "Rose fell asleep so Emmett took her back to the school. She was pretty worn out. Didn't you see or even hear them leave?" I tried to recall something but, nothing came up.
I shook my head at her and she looked shocked, "But, Emmett kissed the top of your head and Rose hugged you when they left. How did you not even acknowledge it?" She was as surprised as I was. Fuck, I was really out of it. I knew I hadn't fallen asleep because I'd seen even single time the minute hand moved over the last three hours.
She looked like she was about to say something when a doctor came over to us, "Hello, I'm Doctor Masen. I assume that you are here for Jasper Swan?" We all nodded. "Do any of you intend to leave soon, becau-" We cut him off.
"No." We all replied hastily in unison.
"Oh, uhm. Well if you're adamant about that then would you like to come with me and we can put you somewhere more comfortable." He didn't smile, this wasn't good.
We followed him into Jasper's room. He was laid in bed with tubes attached to him and all I could hear was the beep beep beep beep of the heart monitor. It was maddening and soothing at the same time. It was simply an annoying noise but, it meant he was fine and was going to be okay. I only saw his shape in the dark room, I didn't dare look to closely. I was too afraid to.
The doctor spoke again pulling all of us out of our shock. "I'm sorry it took so long but, we've only just been able to stabilize him. He had a broken nose and he's been pretty badly bust up. He has two broken ribs and there is a possibility of short term memory loss. We can't be too sure at the minute though." He turned to the back of the room where there was a small like attached room with a sign saying "TOILET" on it and there were three arm chairs there too. "Obviously we can't offer you a bed to sleep in but, those chairs are probably more comfortable than the ones in the waiting room. It is highly unlikely that there will be any change in condition over night, you'll be better off with a good night sleep." He looked at us all, knowing the answer but he was trying to be helpful.
None of us said anything so he just nodded his head and walked out again.
Edward walked over to the chairs and pulled two of them together so they were facing each other. I sat in one and pulled my knees up to my chest and leaned my head against my knee. Edward sat in the other chair and crossed his legs, Bella sat in between his legs and hung hers over the arm of the chair resting her head on his chest. Again, I looked at the clock on the wall, watching the thinnest hand spin around. 58, 59, 60… Then the minute hand moved one single notch. I did this for the whole night, I didn't say a word to Bella or Edward. Neither of them spoke to me either. I think they'd been talking to each other but, I was so concentrated on the clock, they could've been setting fireworks off and I wouldn't have noticed. When the clock ticked again, signalling that another hour had passed, I gave up watching the clock. Time was too slow and nothing was changing. Time was moving but nothing else was. The only change that registered in my head was the window now had light behind it. I looked over to the clock again. I'd been counting the time yet, I didn't even know which hour we were in.
It was 8 o'clock. I'd been sat here for 7 hours, in the same position counting the minutes. I looked over to Edward and Bella who were both asleep. Edward had his legs stretched out on the arm of my chair and Bella was still in the same position. She had his cardigan on and his arms were wrapped around her tightly. The same lonely feeling washed over me, just like in the waiting room. How is it fair that their relationship worked so perfectly and the only boy I've ever really wanted hates me? I just keep watching the clock, then the window, then Jasper. Alternating like that. I was definitely tired and it was taking everything I had not to fall asleep. But, to no avail. I felt unconsciousness take over me.
"Alice?" It was Bella, I didn't feel like answering to be honest – I just wasn't happy and I didn't want to talk to her and her perfect little boyfriend. What am I saying? I'm so screwed up. Of course it wouldn't be fair to be angry at Bella for having a good relationship. I should be happy for her. I've never been a good enough friend. Ever.
"Yeah?" I didn't realise my voice was so hoarse.
"There's been some change with Jasper." My head shot up then. "Everything is back to normal, they took him off the drugs about 10 this morning," 10 this morning?! What the fuck? I looked over at the clock, it was half past six in the afternoon. "He should be waking up soon. Sorry, if you're still tired or whatever…" I must've looked angry. I wasn't angry at her, I was angry at me. I can't believe I fell asleep for so long. What if he'd woken up while I was out? Ugh! I'm such a douche.
"Oh, yeah sure. I'll be right over." She just nodded and walked back over to the bed where they'd pulled two seats over next to Jasper.
I willed my legs to hold my weight and move. I'd been sat with my legs crunched up all night so, when I tried to stand up I fell back down instantly. I tried again and the same happened. I was sure my brain was telling them not to, I think, subconsciously I didn't want to go over there and see my knight in shining armour, well, not shining anymore. He was bleeding and I was broken. What a tragic love story this is.
"Edward," It was almost a whisper. My voice was being as reluctant as my legs today.
He didn't need me to say anymore, I pleeded with my eyes and that was enough. He picked me up and carried me over to the chairs. Just before I got put down, I stole a glance at Jasper and it was not good. I cringed into Edward's chest and he rubbed my back then set me down. I knew he wanted to help me as much as he could, and we both knew that Bella trusted us. But, I guess he was just uncomfortable. I felt the tears on my cheek go cold as I watched Jasper just laying there. He still didn't look peaceful. Why can't they do something to make him smile or be happy or just look like he wasn't in pain, for my own personal sanity?
"You know, Alice, the doctor's said talking to him might help him wake up sooner." Bella was still trying to re-assure me and I was still being a shit friend.
I turned to them, willing them to leave with my eyes. If I was going to talk to someone who may or may not be able to hear me, I wanted to be alone for it. They both just turned on their heels and left.
Edward turned to me, "Come and get us if he wakes up." He didn't wait for a reply, he just walked out and shut the door behind him.
What do I say now? I wanted to pour my heart out to him in a desperate attempt to make him understand but, what good would it do? He probably couldn't hear and if he could, he'd only wake up and break my heart all over again. I needed something trivial, just something I'd heard or done. I picked up the paper and scanned the articles looking for something vaguely interesting. There actually was some interesting stories in the paper, I'd have to talk to Bella about them later. Jasper wouldn't wake up for one of them.
"Uh, so, there's been some interesting news lately Jasper." I felt like a complete idiot. I sound like such a douche but, if it'll help Jasper then, whatever. "Uh, yeah you're probably wondering why it's me talking to you, not Bella or anyone else in the world. I know you'd prefer that." I winced at my own comment. What am I doing? I'm sure I wasn't going to go into anything deep. "Well, I asked Bella to leave so I could talk to you, the doctor said it might help you wake up. Apparently not." I crossed my arms on the edge of the bed and put my head on them. I sighed deeply before continuing. I may aswell tell him everything, what have I got to lose? "Jasper, I know you hate me and I know you probably don't want me here but, I have to be. I couldn't sit in my room and not know if you were okay and I couldn't just ignore the fact that you were in here so, here I am. I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't mean to disappoint you or hurt you or whatever. It's different you know, I'm different now. I changed and I hadn't even looked at a boy until you came to school. I was totally head over heels for you then when those boys said that, I wanted you to know the truth. I was afraid of what would happen and how you'd react and you did the thing I feared most. You walked away. I deserved it though, I suppose. I know you don't want to hear this but, I think I'm in love with you. I sound really pathetic don't I? But, yes it's true. I've fallen for you Jasper, and I'm sorry. But, I won't give up. I hope you know that. Can you hear me at all?" I shut my eyes then and just listened to my breathing.
I felt a hand touch my hand, I didn't even hear Bella come in. I didn't look up, I just gripped her fingers in mine. She must've heard everything I'd just said to Jasper. "How much of that did you hear?" I groaned.
"Enough." Okay so, rather Bella has a sore throat or…
My head snapped up and I gasped. "Jasper! You're awake." Then it hit me. He heard what I said, it's his hand. Oh crap. "Oh. Jasper, how much is 'enough'?"
He just grinned at me. Okay, so it was rather he heard me and thinks it's hilarious and is mocking me right now or; he heard it and he's in love with me too. The latter seems a little bit unlikely though.
"Alice? Did you mean what you just said?" Oh crap. If I say yes, he might just laugh in my face. I suppose if I say no, he'll probably be glad.
"That depends, Jasper. How much did you hear?" I can always attempt to side-step the question.
"I started listening when you said you were afraid." Okay, so he heard me confess my love and that I was afraid of him leaving me. After we'd known each other a week. Oh, don't I sound normal.
"Uhm, yes I meant it. I suppose… I don't know…" I gave up trying, what's the use? He knows it anyway now. I didn't really want to hear his reaction.
He sighed happily and smiled at me again. "I didn't want to walk away from you, you know. It hurt me just as much. It's just that…" His smile faded before he continued. "It's not so much that I think you're a slut or anything, it's just that everytime I think about you – which is a lot – automatically I see you with some other boy and it gets to me. Then I get angry and say things I shouldn't. Like at the club, I didn't mean what I said but, when I saw you like that, it just made me think about you and…" He shook his head asif you to get rid of the thought. "I owe you an apology for that night and all the other time I made comments about you. I know you're not a slut and it's in the past now." He squeezed my hand lightly. "Oh, and by the way, you looked so hot that night at the club." He let out a low hoarse laugh.
Well that was definitely a relief. He didn't say that he loves me but, that's a start. He doesn't hate me. What am I going to do about how he sees me though? I'll think of something.
"I'll go get Bella and Edward then, they'll want to know you're awake." I started to walk away but, he grabbed my arm. "What?"
"We've got almost two weeks worth of talking to catch up on. They'll come in sooner or later." He beamed at me, a heartbreaking smile on show. Ironically, that very smile made my heart soar. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.
I was giving myself a prep talk in my head, due to the fact that if my heart was going any faster I'd probably end up in hospital too. Okay, calm down Alice. He doesn't hate you but, he isn't in love with you either. Cool it.
"Okay then. How about 20 questions?" I loved the idea of talking to him more and getting to know him more.
"Sounds like fun. I'll go first then. How many guys did you… You know." Ugh! Nice way to start the game, Jasper.
"Well, I wasn't nearly as bad as Lauren. I think I went through the rugby team and most of the football team." I answered honestly, I knew he wouldn't like the answer but, I wasn't going to lie to him. "How about you then Jazz? What about you and the ladies?" I kept my tone light because despite the fact he'd clenched his fist at my last answer, he was still smiling.
"Jazz?" He raised his eyebrows at me. Shit, I didn't mean to let that slip.
"Oh, uhm…" What do I say to that?
He laughed at me like I was crazy. "Don't worry about it, I like it." He paused then said under his breath, "Jazz, hmm, yeah I like it."
"Right, so, the question?" I was a little bit eager to know about his past with girls.
"Yeah. Uhm… So are we talking about, like sex?" He sounded a little embarrassed.
"Yeah, Jazz. We're talking about sex." He was trying to get out of answering ?
"Well, I had sex with one girl… A while ago… In year 10." He'd had sex with one person? In year 10! He will've only been about 14 or 15.
"No wonder you think I'm a slut." I understood how the contrast must've looked to him. "But, year 10 though? How old were you?"
"That's more than one question but, yeah I know. I was only 15. She was my best friend at the time, Zoe, we just wanted to get it over with. It was a huge mistake though. I regretted it afterwards but, I never told her. She always had a thing for me, I think. She was the only person who cried when I left my mom's house." Not even his mother cried? Wow, the Swan parent's aren't the nicest. That reminds me, I need to talk to Bella about what happened with her dad last night. "Oh and by the way Alice, did my dad come and see me?" He actually looked hopeful.
"No, he said he had a lot of important paperwork to do and couldn't make it." His face dropped and I really wanted to see him smile again. So I did the only thing I could think of, I ran my finger along the side of his face and traced his swollen lips with my finger. I was just hoping the gesture would be enough to make him smile again.
I plugged my iPod in to the sound system in the room and clicked play then went back to tracing his lips with my fingers. I didn't know what I was listening to last but, as soon as I heard the chorus, I wanted to throw my iPod or myself out of the window.
Cunt of a song.
I didn't want to look at Jasper because I'd heard his breath catch when the chorus started.
"Alice…" He breathed over my finger. He shifted a bit and sat up in his bed before wincing in pain. His ribs, shit. I stood up instantly and my arms flitted around helplessly looking for some way to comfort him.
As soon as I stood up though, he grabbed my wrists and pulled me closer. My face was inches away from his. He turned his head and started to whisper the chorus in my ear softly.
And how does it feel?
And how does he kiss?
And, how does he tast when he's on your lips?
And, I can't forget you,
So sleep alone tonight.
And, I know you want me to want you, I want to,
But, I can't forgive you. He emphasised the "can't forgive" part a little too much.
So when this is over don't blow your composure baby.
"You know, I've never liked Paramore. I really that stupid girl in the band. Something Williams, I think. Whatever." His quick change in subject shocked me a little but, I just nodded glad that his words hadn't mean anything. "But, they do have good lyrics, I'll give them that." Maybe he's lost it. He should go back to sleep.
"Um, Jasper? What are you talking about?" I had no idea where he was going with this but, for some reason. As light-hearted as the topic was, I had a bad feeling about this. "Okay Jazz, maybe you should sleep a little more. You're not making sense." Uhm?
"Once a whore, you're nothing more. I'm sorry that'll never change." He spoke the lyrics without breaking eye contact with me at all.
And with that, I grabbed my stuff and fled the room – I wasn't coming back. There was nothing more excrutiating that what had just happened. He just mocked me, I'm such a fool. I walked down the street, fuming. Not at Jasper, although I knew I should be. At myself for being so stupid. I put my headphones back in and hit play again. I listened at the song finished and merged into a new song.
The gods of iPod hated me, well and truly.
I thought I was a fool for no-one,
But, oh baby I'm a fool for you.
You're the queen of superficial,
How long before you tell the truth?
I had royally fucked up but, I don't break promises. As I'd said, I wont give up. I'd do something to make show him I meant it. I needed something to show him that I still cared, this boy who broke my heart so many times over, I still cared. Maybe too much. Maybe I was just crazy.
Bella's point of view.
Okay, so the big man upstairs definitely hates me. My mother was off galavanting in some foreign country, as usual. I think it's Egypt at the minute, it makes me sick. So as far as my mother goes, no help – she cares almost as much as my father. He's 10 minutes away and his paperwork is still too important to come and see his son in hospital. Then there's me, the only family member close to him who actually cares about him. I thought me and Alice were close but, nothing compares to the gut wrenching feeling I got when Alice called me earlier. I didn't know if I was going to be able to even look at Jasper, I think I might throw up if I try.
I'd just hung up on my father because I couldn't listen to his bullshit excuses anymore. He never wanted us, he said it himself. Jasper, being older than me was the mistake and me being the younger one, I was just unwanted. Whatever, other people are glad I'm alive. Pssh! Fucking fathers, what a sad excuse for a parental.
I turned around to see Edward with his arms around Alice. She was sobbing lightly into his chest, he was just holding her, trying to comfort her. This is definitely the only time I could see Edward like this with another girl and not want to rip his throat out. Not only did I not want to kill him, or her for that matter, I actually couldn't physically supress a euphoric smile crossing my face.
He was loving and caring and he was mine. He barely knew Alice and here he was, cuddling her, letting her cry on him – cry over someone he doesn't even like. How on earth I came across him is beyond me. I know it was only a friendly gesture and I wasn't angry or upset or anything like that. But, I felt a sharp pang of jealousy run through me. I wanted to be in Edward's arms. I could get over this for Alice though. I would let her be comforted. Plus I'm far too angry at my stupid, idiotic parents right now to be any good for anything else.
I don't want to sound stupid or selfish or anything but, what about me? I know Alice is in love with him or whatever but, he's my brother. That's more important, right?
Oh, suck it up Bella. Leave Alice be. You said it yourself, you're too angry to be upset.
I didn't say that, I am upset!
Whatever.
I need to not have an internal argument with myself, ever again. That was creepy.
I looked over at them and Edward caught my gaze, he shot me an apologetic smile and I just nodded. He knew my smile wasn't genuine but, he knew why too. He wasn't going to just throw Alice off him for me, although he probably should. I'm a shit friend, aren't I? Crap. I walked over and settled for Edward's other side, even though his body was turned towards Alice, it was better than nothing. I put my head on his shoulder and he shifted towards me a little so he could kiss my head. I just put my head on his shoulder and did the only thing I could do. Wait.
I waited, for fuck knows how long. We all just sat there, staring at inanimate objects as if they were going to do something, or change something, or make time speed up or even make anything better. It was just silent, the only noise coming from distant ambulances on the opposite end of the hospital and the small exchanges between the receptionist and others unlucky enough to have a loved one in here.
I didn't like the silence, it made me think. I didn't like it considering I've always been a "glass half empty" kind of person which means, given time to accept everything, my head jumped to worst case scenario. My most recent thought was about a doctor coming and telling us that Jasper hadn't made it. I tried desperately to shake the thought of but, it wouldn't go away. I tried everything, concentrating on Edward, counting his breaths, I even attempted to count how many tiles were on the ceiling. All to no avail. It was useless.
I watched as Alice let go of Edward and kissed his cheek. She whispered what I assume was a thank-you to him before scooting away slightly and wrapping her arms around her knees, Bella style.
She was confused, she hadn't noticed Emmett and Rose leave, even though they said quite obvious goodbyes to her, she even replied. Sub-consciously, I guess.
I knew I had tears in my eyes so I didn't look at Edward, knowing that he'd hate to see me like this. My breath caught in my throat and my lungs all but collapsed when I saw a very serious looking doctor walking towards us. He introduced himself as Doctor Masen and then asked if we intended to leave.
In unison we had all said no, hastily I might add.
He led us to a typical hospital room but, it was a room that Jasper had to himself. I walked in and my stomach lurched when I saw my brother laid there. My big, stupid, over-protective, amazing brother laid there, battered and bruised and attatched to tubes and wires. His face looked in pain, even though his eyes were shut and his breathing level. It scared me to see him. I looked around and noticed three chairs at the opposite end of the room, stupid, lumpy looking, sick green, patterned arm chairs. I didn't fancy sleeping on them but, there's no way I was leaving my brother. He needed his family and at the minute, I was all he had.
The doctor said some more things but, I wasn't listening. I heard "goodnight sleep" at the end of it. I wish he'd stop trying to make us go home. Ugh.
Edward pulled two chairs next to each other so that the flat edge of the chairs were next to each other, it looked like a weird shaped cot. Alice got on one chair and curled herself up, she was hurting. Bad. I could see it on her face. I doubted that she actually felt like part of her life was being taken away from her but, maybe she did, maybe I was under-estimating her.
He was going to be okay. He was going to be okay. He was going to be okay. I know he was going to be okay, he had to be okay – I needed him to be okay. I needed my brother. I hated to admit defeat but, he was my everything. I'd never been close to my parents and we stuck together when we were small. It was us against the world. He had to be okay because, I couldn't take on the world alone. I'd have Edward but, he'd never be Jasper. He'd never be my big brother.
I let the tears flow again waited patiently for Edward to get comfortable. I was waiting for him to offer for me to sit with him. I was about to go and pull the other chair forward but, he patted his lap for me. I climbed over the arm of the chair and curled into him. My head on his chest, my arms around his neck. I just sat there not doing anything. Alice didn't say anything, what could she say? How could she re-assure me when she was in such a state too? I needed Edward and so I just held him. He held be back without hesitation and tried to comfort me every now and again, mainly when a new sob broke through my chest.
"Edward.." I whispered.
"Yeah, Bella?" The words barely escaped his lips, they were pressed to my forehead.
"He's going to be okay isn't he?" I glanced over at Jasper in his bed then at a very still, zombie like Alice. She was staring at the clock. I don't know how, I had no patience with time. It made everything bad & never did anything to help.
"Yes, Bella. I'm sure he'll be okay. It's nothing too serious, nothing potentially life threatening, I shouldn't think." I could tell he was having a lot of trouble answering me. He was dancing on the line between a false-hope giving lie and making the situation a lot worse. He was handling it well.
I smiled feebly at him. I needed a topic to talk about, I was sat in the same room as my brother while he had machines keeping his breathing right and his body working. Seeing as the obvious topic right now was family… "Edward. Tell me about your parents, please. I've heard about them alot, being famous and all but, I've never heard you say anything about them. I'd like to know, if you don't mind that is." I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable but, I was curious.
"Uhm, sure. Do you want the long winded version or the shortened edition?" I glanced over at Alice, then at Jasper and finally at the clock. No words needed, he caught my answer. "Long-winded it is then." He had his legs dangling over the edge of the chair near Alice's back and I had my legs curled up on his lap. We got comfortable before he started.
"Right. So, my mother, Esme, isn't actually my mother. Well she is, for all intents and purposes but, she's actually my step-mother. There's no stereotypical tragedy behind this story – my real mother is alive - it's more pathetic and sad than tragic." I looked up at him and gave him my best confused face. "Right, this is making no sense to you. Okay. When I was born my parents were married. It was a shot-gun wedding though. My mother was a pathetic, gold-digging bitch who my father fell in love with. He was famous and rich and all he wanted was the perfect girl to make the package complete. At the time he thought that Victoria," He sneered her name, "Would be the icing on the cake and he could be happy but, no. Nothing of the sort.
"She was the typical L.A. girl – dyed blonde hair, fake boobs and fresh out of college – if they even got that far. My father was only young at the time, a few years older than her. He fell for her fake personality because that's the type of man he is. Kind, generous and giving. He just fell in love with her instantly and of course, when she was out spending his money on plastic body parts and fake nails, he was just happy that she was happy. So, when she fell pregnant, he was ecstatic, she wasn't. She was desperate for an abortion but my father had refused and that's when everything went bad.
"She used it as an excuse to leave and forced my father to pay her to have me. She filed a divorce and because she was carrying his baby, she got half of his money. That's a lot of money. She got a few of the beach houses and the cars she claimed as hers during the relationship. And my father never said a word, he never tried to compromise because it was me he was fighting for, not the money or the houses. Nothing, he just wanted me to be safe and alive.
"So after all of that, he stayed with her through the labour, bought her gifts – still – looked after her, did everything for her. Then a few days after the birth, he'd came back to the hospital from one of his errands and she was gone, the bed was empty and there was no trace of her. Other than me, of course. My dad didn't particularly care that she had gone, the only reason he started screaming bloody murder was because he thought that she'd taken me. Once he had me in his arms he didn't care about anything anymore, he always says – and I quote – 'Nothing else mattered because I had my baby, my 7 pound little bundle of perfect. And that was all I needed.' I know he sounds like a maternal mother but, he had to be. He had to fill in for her, the stupid slut who ruined my father in his best years.
"Needless to say, with his job and his hectic lifestyle, looking after me soon became a burden. He needed help and he got help. In the form of my mother, Esme. I don't like to call her my step-mother because it's unfair. My biological mother was nothing close to was Esme has been for the past years. So anyway, she started working for him, taking care of me. Apparently, other than my dad, she was the only other person who I would let hold me without screaming and crying. I guess it was meant to be. She wasn't well off though, Esme, she was pretty rough around the edges to start with. But, when dear Carlisle fell in love with her, that was it. There lives were going to change and they both knew it. He knew what he and Victoria once had was nothing close to this. That was just a fickle crush. After Esme had worked for him for two years, they became a couple and eventually she moved in. Reluctantly, I might add. She's a strong, independent, brave woman. She sort of reminds me of you a little. She felt like it was pity so she refused to live with him for another year or so.
"Of course, she did move in. They got married and he bought a small-ish Estate somewhere up north where they really do have a little white picket fence and vines growing up the walls. They've been happy ever since. So that's it really. The story of my parents. I can't tell you much else really, being an only child." He stopped and ran his finger along my cheek and down my jaw, leaving a feiry trail behind it. He brought his lips down to my temple then placed short, sweet kisses downwards and kissed away a tear from the corner of my eye.
"Edward, that's…" What could I say to that?
"I've only ever told one other person about that and they just looked at me asif to say 'So what?' Because apparently, that shit happens all the time. And maybe it does but, when it happens to someone like Carlisle, it's just plain wrong. Plus I don't think anyone would hear much after I mention that I'm rich." He was ranting a little.
"And you… Trusted me?" I knew I was blushing but, he wouldn't have been able to see. It was too dark.
"Yes, of course I trust you Bella. And, I knew you'd care and see my side of what happened. Once you meet Carlisle, you'll see what I mean." I could see his grin. Even in the dark.
Meet Carlisle? Meet his parents? Scary thought, really. But, if he's as nice as Edward says he is then, it would be fine. Right? Same goes for Esme. Plus, it's not like he's going to make me go with him somewhere right now to meet them. Calm down, Bella.
"So, how come you ended up at Cambridge Prep then? Wait?! Woah woah woah! You're American!" He didn't sound American?
"Yes Bella, technically I am. But, when I said they bought a little estate up north somewhere, I meant. North of England. We moved when I was about 5. I was always in the best private school. Hense my striking British accent." On that last sentence, he really used his accent to all it's effect. It was the single most sexy thing I have ever heard. "Oh, and well like I said. My dad is famous, he owns a huge recording company called Platinum Records. It's a huge business. But, this fame comes with a lot of travelling for long periods of time. While he goes and you know, records things.
"It's purely upper-class and so is done of a very personal level. Which means we lived in different countries for months at a time which really broke up my school time and it was, honestly, hard for me. I talked to Esme about it who said that she was shocked she hadn't noticed sooner and that something would be done. I assumed that she meant like home-schooling or something but, I didn't ever expect boarding school. I'm not complaining, if I hadn't came here I may never have met you." He let out a sigh and traced his fingers under my eyes which made me feel instantly sleepy or sleepier or whatever. "Go to sleep, Bella. You're tired."
He wrapped his arms around me tighter and as his warmth touched my arms I shivvered, realising how cold I was. He placed his hand against my arm and it left a trail of goosebumps running up my arm.
"Fuck, Bella. You're freezing cold! Here." He slid his arms out of the cardigan that he'd had on, Jasper's cardigan. I slid my arms in and smiled. It was warm and smelled like Jasper still but, it smelled like Edward too. The two most welcoming scents ever to scross my nose. I curled into his chest more, asif possible, and closed my eyes. He kissed my forehead then whispered, "I love you Bella." I mumbled my response and then let unconsciousness wash over me.
It was a dreamless sleep and when I woke up, I realised I was on my own curled into a blanket on the chair. Alice was sleeping in front of me. I looked around the room and Edward was nowhere. I was planning on going somewhere to ring him. I went to the bathroom to straighten myself out. Try and tame my curly mess of hair and wipe the stray eyeliner from under my eyes. After I'd finished, I stepped out and was greeted by a set of muscly arms slipping around my torso.
"I brought you breakfast baby." He said handing me the Starbuck's cup and a little brown paper bag. "Coffee and a bagel. I hope I got it right." He got it perfect. Plain bagel with soft cheese and tomato and white caramel mocha." He was unbelievable.
There was a small table on wheels over my the window that Edward grabbed and wheeled over to us. We put the two arm chairs on either side of it, leaving Alice to sleep. We ate in comfortable silence and once I was finished I leaned over and pressed a light kiss to Edward's lips and murmured a thank you to him.
"Oh, Bella. I almost forgot… I thought since we haven't been able to go back to the dorm and we don't have toothbrushes or anything, I picked up some stuff while I was getting breakfast." He pulled out a small, travel sized toothpaste tube, a blue toothbrush, a brush, soap and a flannel. He really had thought of everything. "I… Uhh… I didn't know what you'd need so I grabbed everything I thought you'd want for now. I rang Rose and she's going to bring some clothes later for us. Did I forget anything?" He looked nervous or embarrassed or something.
I went over and sat on his lap, "Edward, you did more than I expected. Thank you so much. You're perfect." I smiled at him, trying to re-assure him. "Oh and, incase it wasn't coherent last night, I love you too." He grinned at me. It was breath-taking.
This situation was hopeless, in the best possible way.
After I'd got clean and felt almost fresh, Edward did the same then we just sat in the chairs and enjoyed the comfortable silence around us. Edward did a crossword from the paper and I read an old copy of Dave Pelzer's "A Child Called It" that the hospital had on one of the shelves in the waiting room.
It was about 10 o'clock when the doctor's made an appearance. Looking very chipper. He strolled in casually, fiddled with his clip board and adjusted some tubes and things. Then came over to talk to Edward. They were talking all fancy and medical, I'd normally take offense by the fact the doctor automatically assumed that I wouldn't understand but, I didn't because I really didn't have a clue what they were saying. Edward just smiled and nodded, threw some fancy words back at him then stayed silent as the doctor walked away.
"Uhm, could you tell me what's going on please Edward? Save all the big words, I'm not a morning person."
"They had him in a drug induced coma because his organs reacted badly to some form of drug medicine they gave him. They took him off it this morning because his stats returned to normal sooner than usual. Should we wake Alice…?" He trailed off not knowing what to say, obviously.
"Yeah, I'll wake her up. She's even less of a morning person than me and I mean, well… You've been there." I felt myself blush at my own words, I hadn't meant to say them.
"Uhm, yeah sure…" He blushes. Aww, he's too cute.
After roughly 7 failed attempts and a few missed punches later, Alice finally woke up. I tried to tell her about Jasper but, she just looked angry, so I didn't really know what to say. I left her to it because, I didn't know how else to handle her while she was like this. With me, Edward was making me sane again but, she was alone.
We left her alone with Jasper after I'd informed her of what the doctor had said about talking to him and that it might help him wake up. We asked that she'd tell us when he woke up because obviously, he's my brother.
Edward had managed to make me smile and laugh and cry and made me feel emotions I didn't know I was capable of all at the same time. I felt so genuinely happy for once. I know it was the wrong time and place to be happy. But, Jasper is awake and Alice would've told me if something was wrong.
We decided to go get food from the café. They had pretty nice jacket potatoes. I was sat in the hospitals café with Edward, laughing about something pointless when Alice called me. I could tell by how shaky her voice was that she'd been crying.
"Hey Alice, what's up? Wait, where are you?"
"Hey Bella. I'm uhm, at our room, in school. I need a huge favour."
"Sure, what is it? And, what're you doing there?"
"Right this is going to sound wierd but, you know Jack's party on Saturday?"
"Yeah…"
"Well, Jasper obviously won't be able to go. The doctor said he won't be allowed out 'till Thursday or Friday. So, the six of us, we're going to throw him a little get together. Just us and films and food and games and stuff. It'll be fun, I feel like Jasper shouldn't be missing out. I know you wanted to go but, please will you come? I know if you do, Edward will. Duh. Oh & can you try and talk to Em and Rose for me? Tell Em there'll be beer there, not to worry."
"Uhm, well, sure I guess. But, why have you gone home?"
"That's not important right now. I'll tell you another time Bella. Oh, Jasper's awake by the way. Love you, bye."
And she hung up. What the absolute fuck? Something was wrong but, for now I wanted to see my brother. I grabbed Edward's hand and the pink "Congratulations! It's a girl!" balloon we'd picked up as a joke and ran off to Jasper's room.
