Episode Nine: Decisions, Decisions

Jane sat in front of her TV. She held the ring in her hand. She had made her decision. But, the more she thought about it, she realized that Casey had made the decision for her.

She'd been right. Neither of them were willing to give up their jobs for their relationships. It just meant too much for to them. Casey was being offered his own post and a promotion. Jane didn't really want to leave Boston or being a cop. She loved him. She did, but she knew that it wasn't going to be enough. She wasn't meant to be an officer's wife.

The tears had ended hours earlier. She was all cried out. She didn't want to cry about it anymore. She could move on. She had before. She just didn't know why this was so much harder. She loved Casey, but she knew that she wasn't completely in love with him.

This made her think too hard. She didn't want to think right now. She wanted to be drunk. She didn't want to think about anything. Thinking caused pain and she was totally over the pain.

Her mind began to drift from Casey to Maura. Her heart broke again. Maura was afraid of what life would be like without Jane in it and that meant a lot to Jane, but it hurt her, too. She didn't want Maura to feel like she was abandoning her. She wasn't. She was staying, but she knew that Maura didn't know that…yet. She needed to tell her.

Jane reached over to the coffee table and grabbed her cell. She scrolled through the names until she got to Maura. Her fingers hovered over the dial button. She looked up and saw the lightning flash. She sighed as she dropped her phone back on the table. Maura needed time, too, she reasoned as she sank back into her couch.

She couldn't call her mother. No, Angela would have something to say about her not chasing Casey. But, in the end, her mother would relent and tell her to do what makes her happy. And, there inlaid the problem. Jane no longer knew what would make her happy besides being a cop.

She was worried about her family, too. She loved TJ and didn't want Tommy to be worried about him. She was the eldest Rizzoli and she decided that she needed to make sure that TJ had his aunt there for him for anything and everything. It also made her want her own child.

The more she thought about it, the more she wondered what Casey would have wanted. She didn't know. They didn't know. They had never talked about it. They were both too wrapped up in their own lives to realize how much they didn't know about each other. The longer she dwelled on it, the more she realized that she had fallen in love with the idea of being with Casey more than the reality of being with him. Sure, the sex may have been great, but that wasn't something to a family with. He wasn't willing to give up his commission and she wasn't going to give up her badge.

Her head hit the back of the couch. She was silently yelling at herself. She didn't know how she always got herself in these situations. She knew what she wanted in a partner. She knew what she wanted from love, but it always seemed to allude her because no one could handle her job. She sighed. There were only four people that she trusted to be that close to her, now…and one of them was her brother. She sighed.

"GAHHHHHHHH!" she screamed out into the empty room.

The thunder from the late summer shower answered her. She snapped up and looked out the window. Great, she thought to herself, now the weather hates me, too.

She jumped off the couch and went into the kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of water and downed it. She knew that Maura would yell at her for drinking coffee. She shook her head. She couldn't get Maura voice out of her head.

She bent over her counter in defeat. Her head hung low and her hair danced slightly over the countertop. She felt the bile rising and she willed it back down.

It wasn't that she didn't like Maura being in her head. She could care less about them. It was just what she thinking about with Maura. Her thoughts since Maura begged her not to leave hadn't been exactly been exactly platonic. And the longer she thought about it, the more she wondered about what Maura meant by not leaving her.

Then there was the whole Vegas thing. She wasn't sure what she was going to do about going to Vegas. She knew that the whole reason that Maura asked her to go was because of the cases with Hoyt, but that wasn't making it any easier on her decision. She decided that the she would have come back, even if she'd chosen Casey, to do the conference. She wouldn't leave Maura hanging, because she knew that Maura wouldn't let her down.

But, her stomach kept churning. She couldn't help it. She knew what it meant, but that didn't mean that she wanted it to be true. There was so much that she wanted to happen, but this wasn't part of her plan. Nothing since Casey made sense. She couldn't think about it straight.

She went to the bathroom. She pulled out the test. It was the fourth one in three days. And, as the last three told her, it was positive, too. She sighed. Staring at the wall, she wanted to cry. She wasn't sure that she could do this. She wasn't sure that could make decision on anything right now. Her mind was still in denial.

She still had the ring. She held it for a second. Casey was already gone. She had no idea what he would say. She had no idea what he would do. If she really was pregnant, she was going to keep it. She would raise it on her own. She didn't want Casey coming home and resenting her or the child because he didn't have the career he wanted. No, she would do it on her own. She had her family.

That was what she needed…her family. But, she wasn't ready to tell them everything. She still hadn't processed it all. She needed her friend. She needed Maura, but she couldn't call her. She still needed time, but she needed someone to talk to. She didn't dare call her mother.

She made her way back into the kitchen. She grabbed another bottle of water. She opened it and sipped it. Opting not to not chug this one down, she worked her way back into the living room and the couch.

Her laptop was open. There was a new email from Casey but she didn't want to read it. She didn't care what it said. She wasn't ready to face him or reality. She wanted to just veg for a few days, but she knew that job wouldn't let her. And, the storm wasn't helping her processes.

She looked at her phone again. She needed her friend. She needed Maura.

She reached over and grabbed her phone. She scrolled through the names in her contact list. She really didn't need to, but it was procrastination at its finest. She wanted to call her but she was scared at the same time. She could have easily used her speed dial, but she stared at the number. Her finger hovered over it as her mind willed her to push it, but her heart kept stopping her.

Finally, her finger slipped and the call button was pushed. She debated hanging up, but she knew that if she did, Maura would just call back. Part of her wished that Maura didn't answer the phone. Another part hoped she answered on the first ring.

Maura didn't answer. She left a quick message. Then she texted her, asking her to call back as soon as possible. After a few minutes, Jane tried again. She called and texted quickly. She didn't mean to be so desperate, but she really decided that she needed Maura and she needed Maura now. She tried once again to call her, and this time Maura answer.

"Hello," Maura stated.

"Maura?"

"Yes?"

"Can you come over?" Jane asked.

"I thought you needed to think…alone."

"I need you to come over, Maur," Jane told her.

Without a moment's hesitation, Maura replied, "On my way…"

She hung up the phone. A small smile crept across her face. Maura was coming over.

She wasn't actually drowning anymore. Maura would help her stay afloat. Maura would keep her grounded. Maura would help her through this.

Wait, Maura is on her way over. Shit. Shit. Shit. I don't know where she is coming from, Jane thought as she looked around her apartment. I need to clean this place up some before she gets here. I know she won't care, but I've really let myself go over the past few days.

Jane quickly got up and began cleaning up the apartment. She grabbed all her dirty clothes and put them all in one spot for an easy laundry day later. She grabbed the random cups and plates that were littered around the living room and kitchen. She dropped them into the sink.

She didn't know why all the sudden she was nervous. She didn't need to be nervous. It was just Maura. She could do this. There was no need to be so up in arms about this. She tried to calm herself down. She tried but she failed. She didn't know how she was going to tell Maura that she was pregnant.

There was a knock at the door. Jane turned to face it. She stopped mid-motion with her cleaning and just stared at the door. She dropped what she had in her hand and made her way to the door. She wiped her hands down her pants, twice and then she reached over and answered the door.

Maura was there. She looked slightly flushed, but angry. It took Jane aback to see such fire in her eyes and she wondered if she was the reason that Maura was angry. She hoped that she hadn't disturbed Maura.

"I'm sorry."

"For what Maura?" Jane asked.

"I am not angry with you," she said quickly.

Jane just nodded and moved out of the way. She just followed Maura's movements. There was something about the way she walking that made Jane push her thoughts away. In this moment, Maura needed her. She turned and waited for Maura to say something to her.

"I am sorry, Jane. I was just rudely interrupted at my dinner and I am afraid that I have let it cloud my emotions. You called me over because you needed to talk. I'm sorry. Please go ahead and tell me whatever it is that you need to, Jane," Maura told her.

"No, no, you first," Jane insisted.

"Would it be wrong of me to ask you to look into someone?"

"Depends on what for?"

"It's nothing. It can wait. I am just being silly."

"Maura, you aren't silly. You are serious. You don't guess. If something is making you uncomfortable about someone, you generally have good reason. So spill," Jane urged.

"His name is Hampton Cooper Emerson. He is a member of the Boston Brahmin. He said somethings to me about Paddy and my job. He may have insinuated that he could make things hard for me if I didn't do something for him."

"And, you refused, right?" Jane asked her.

"Yes, of course I did. I wouldn't do anything to help him or Paddy. I couldn't believe that he came to the restaurant to say anything to me. Plus it didn't seem like something that Paddy would have arranged. It seemed like he thought he could strong arm me. I don't like that and I don't like the fact that he thought he could use Paddy against me," Maura replied.

"I'll see what I can find out. If anything seems hinky, I'll send it to the correct department to look into further. If there is something there, we'll find it, Maura. You know that," Jane said.

"I do."

"I'll look into it tomorrow."

"Thank you. But, that isn't why I am here. So, what's going on with you?" Maura asked her.

Jane looked over at her. She knew that Maura wasn't going to let it drop either. She ushered Maura over to the couch and had her sit down. She ran into the kitchen and grabbed the only bottle of wine that she had. She grabbed a wine glass and a bottle of water before returning to the living room.

She poured Maura a glass and took the bottle of water for herself. She eased herself onto the couch and gave Maura the glass. She opened the wine and poured some for Maura. She placed the bottle on coffee table and grabbed the water bottle again. She drank a healthy swig before she looked over at Maura again.

"What is it, Jane?" Maura questioned.

"I don't know how to tell you this," Jane started.

"Just tell me, Jane. It is obvious that something is bothering you. I see you've taken off the ring. You're sending it back to Casey?"

"I am."

"Is this what you want?"

"I am not leaving Boston, Maura. He isn't leaving the Army. We are great together, but right now, we aren't meant to be. We both know it."

"That isn't what is bothering you?"

"No, it isn't," Jane replied.

"So, what is?"

"I think I am pregnant…"