Trigger warning for description of sexual assault
"I want to get married." Blaine whispered into Kurt's ear as he thrust his hips making Kurt squirm.
"We're engaged, it's happening." Kurt murmured between pants and thrust up, meeting Blaine's hips with his.
"No, I want to get married now. Soon." Blaine kissed his neck. Kurt froze and pushed at Blaine's chest.
"What?" he asked loudly.
"Kurt come on."
"No, no, no." Kurt tried to push Blaine away. He was shocked. He's been clear about his thoughts about marriage and him not being ready for it.
Blaine grabbed his hips and pushed in once more, a little harder.
"Come on, Kurt, it's not a big deal, we don't have to do it right now..."
"Blaine, no, get away, it hurts." Kurt pushed on Blaine's chest but the grasp on his hip was too steady and didn't let go for a second. Kurt whimpered, trying to push again while flailing his legs and managed to do it efficiently enough, He breathed in deeply even though he suddenly felt empty without Blaine's cock inside. Funnily, it felt pretty accurate to his emotional state as well. But only physical emptiness was welcome. Kurt rolled on his side and curled up. Blaine wanted to get married. He wanted it to happen fast and Kurt wasn't ready. He said it from the beginning and nothing changed. Kurt was clear about it and suddenly he felt like he was suffocating.
'I don't want to get married, Blaine." he whispered when he felt his fiancé shift behind him. "I told you, I don't want to, I'm not ready..."
Blaine rolled his eyes, sure that Kurt wouldn't see it.
"I told you, I didn't mean right now. I just meant, in general. I felt the moment but it was stupid. I know you're not ready." he whispered and touched Kurt's shoulder which made the boy whimper and move away.
"No, don't touch me." Kurt whispered and curled up more. Blaine clenched his jaw and took a deep breath.
"I just don't want you to think I'm going to force you into anything."
"I know, I just, I need a minute, can you leave me alone?"
Blaine frowned but slowly stood up and put on his briefs. He wasn't going to get anything more that evening so he sighed and nodded.
"I'll be in the shower if you want to talk."
Kurt took a deep breath and tried to calm down. But it suddenly felt like he wasn't safe there. He wasn't safe anywhere because there was always someone wanting more from him, expecting him to do things against his better judgement and it was simply scary. Because he was never good enough.
He only realised he was crying when he felt someone's arms wrapping around him which made him shriek and try to move away.
"Shhhh, Hummel, it's me." he heard Santana's voice and realised he couldn't see her because of tears in his eyes.
"Santana, I didn't know you were in the apartment?" Kurt whispered in a weak voice and sniffled. Then he realised he was naked and tried to sit up but Santana's grip stopped him from that. She was much stronger than she looked and Kurt sometimes forgot that.
"Calm down. I'm not going after your dick. You're okay." she threw a blanket over him and pulled him to her chest. "You're okay, Hummel."
"He wants to get married. I don't want to..." Kurt sniffled and looked at Santana sadly. "I don't want to get married. And I thought he was never going to stop... I don't want to get married..."
"I know, Kurt. I know and you don't have to get married." Santana said quietly and stroke Kurt's hair. She didn't say anything but definitely noticed that Kurt wasn't just scared∂ of marriage.
She laid with him, her arms wrapped tightly, hugging him as Kurt cried more before he slowly calm down and dozed off, exhausted from the aborted intercourse and then a panic attack.
Santana stood up and covered Kurt with a comforter because he was still naked and it was cold in the apartment,sometimes and then slowly went to the living room where she found Blaine sitting on a couch and watching one of his stupid, too lame to even be called nerdy, TV shows.
"Hey, Gelly." she said quietly, her voice cold and making Blaine frown and turn off TV immediately.
"Is he okay?"
"See, Anderson, let me tell you something. Remember last year? Brody? I'm sure Broadway twins told you the story and you for sure remember him from your first night in the city." she made a quotation mark in the air. "I made him go away. I almost lost prancing twins while trying to achieve that but, as you can see, he's gone. And I'm not saying I'm trying to threaten you. But what I heard today, if I hear anything else like this, ever, I'm going to make you disappear, too. Is it clear?"
Blaine sat up and shook his head with a small smile which reminded Santana of an adult looking at the baby. Guy didn't really help himself with that.
"Look, San. It's nothing. We had a misunderstanding, that's all. I'd never hurt Kurt and I'm not going to force him into anything. I don't really appreciate your threats, I mean I live here and I pay my share of the rent every month. You can't kick me out. And you can't separate us…"
Santana rolled her eyes and moved closer to Blaine.
"I'm just saying. I like to have you all as friends but Lady Hummel is better than all of you. He might have kicked me out of the band but other than that he never did anything to hurt me. And he actually cares, you know. He's just a better friend than you or your West Side Story incestuous lover, or whatever the hobbit and you call yourselves this time. The point is. He deserves more than you. And her. He deserves better but he's staying with you here and I'm going to make sure he's happy. Or you're out. Simple as that." Santana shrugged and smiled cruelly. Blaine didn't have to know it was just a play to scare him and Santana only pulled it off because more than upset she was worried about Kurt.
"Okay, I promise not to hurt him. Not that I ever did. Are we done?" Blaine rolled his eyes and turned on TV without waiting for an answer.
"Yeah but you're not sleeping with him tonight. You can use my bed or a couch or a fire escape, I don't really care." Santana shrugged and turned around to get back to their room without listening to Blaine's whining.
"I don't want to do it!" Kurt screamed as he sat up.
"I know, I know." Santana murmured groggily and reached for his hand. "It's okay, Kurt, you're safe. It's just me."
Kurt laid down back and cuddled close to her.
"I'm sorry, I had a nightmare." he whispered and relaxed when he felt the arms wrap around him.
"It's fine, Hummel. Can you go back to sleep?"
"I'm naked." Kurt frowned as he realised it only then.
"Yeah, you were..." Santana sighed and turned on the light. "You can put on clothes if you feel the need to. But I'm not helping you with that, it's too late. My empathy has some limits. And at 3 am they're definitely crossed."
Kurt hummed and tried to roll off the bed but gave up before he managed.
"I want to sleep." he murmured and buried his face in a pillow.
"It's fine, I'm not going to attack you in our sleep. Also I'm pretty sure I've seen your junk already at some occasion."
"We don't mention that, San." Kurt slapped her thigh and made her chuckle and throw a pillow at him.
"Anyway, for the amount of jokes I make about going straight I really couldn't be any gayer."
'I know. And even if you weren't, I am. Now shut up, I want to sleep."
Kurt tried to avoid Blaine in the morning which was easy when he had an early morning shift in a diner. He took a shower and then went to Santana's room.
"I'm sorry you had to sleep here" he whispered to the sleeping figure. "I shouldn't have gotten so bad last night. I was probably stressed and you don't deserve to be treated like that. I love you" Kurt kissed Blaine's cheek and left the apartment. He had a long shift ahead of him.
Blaine looked at Santana as she came back from the diner. All he knew was that she went to visit Kurt in a diner and bring him lunch.
"Hey, Bright Pants. I'm not going to bite off your dick. Though maybe I should." she threw her bag to a chair. and sat on the second one.
"I told you, it was an accident." Blaine sighed.
"I know. But bad things aren't good just because they were accidents."
"True. It's just hard sometimes. I love him and I just wished we could do everything already."
"Lady Hummel doesn't want it, Gay Smurf. And he thought you two were on the same page." Santana put her legs up on a table.
"Yeah, I might not have been honest enough about it. But I'm ready to wait, you know? I know there's no rush and he's not going anywhere."
"Oh that, Santana rolled her eyes and looked at him. "You know, if it was up to me, he'd not be with you. But it's not my choice. And I like you, I really do, I like all of my friends. But you keep bothering Lady Hummel with your stuff and it feels like you" she pointed at Blaine "forget that we're adults and he tries to squeeze you into your schedules every day. He's always here for you but he's struggling, too. We all do. We're all supposed to be adults and it's stressful especially in this city. He can't babysit you."
"What do you want me to do?" Blaine asked quietly with a frown.
"I don't want you to do anything. You're smart enough to figure it out yourself. And I don't want to sound like I care." Santana shrugged and stood up. "And you better make dinner or I'm not letting you back into your bed today again."
Blaine rolled his eyes and moved to the kitchen as she left to her room.
When Kurt came back from the shift dinner was already served and he tried to relax while listening to his friends' bickering. Santana seemed a little more tense than usual and he still technically didn't talk to Blaine but it was like any other day.
"How was work?" Blaine asked quietly and Kurt sighed but it wasn't exactly sad. He was just tired and the thought of all struggle in a diner wasn't a very happy one.
"Usual. A lot of angry customers and today one of the cooks was pissed so I had to deal with that, too. So that was fun."
Blaine rubbed Kurt's back and nodded.
"I'm sorry it was stressful."
"It's fine. I'm glad I can relax now, you know? I'm so glad I managed to get this Sunday free."
"Yeah, you should get more free days." Blaine whispered and then starting gathering dishes as there was knock on the door. Kurt slowly got up and went to open, smiling at the sight of Dani and Elliott waited on the other side.
"Well, hello there." he said excitedly and went to hug them both. "What are you doing here?"
"We figured we'd try to convince you to hit the clubs with us but now I see you're in no shape for that." Dani said with a raise of her eyebrows. Kurt shook his head.
"I'd love to but I'm really tired..." he said apologetically.
"Can we come in? We could stay inside today?" Elliott asked.
"Sure, sure" Kurt stepped back and invited them inside. Santana got up and quickly got to them, kissing Dani hello. Blaine promptly ignored them as he continued to do the dishes until Elliott approached him with an extended hand.
"Evening, dude" he smiled friendly, which forced Blaine to dry his hands and greet them. He then slowly excused himself as the group went to Kurt's room and got on his bed.
"You two okay?" Dani asked quietly as they settled down.
"I'm going to tell you two later." Kurt whispered and put his head on her lap and looked at Elliott who already was telling them a story about the kids in the subway trying to pick up on him.
"What's up with Kurt and Blaine?" Dani asked Santana quietly as they drank their morning coffee. Elliott was still asleep on a couch while Kurt and Blaine were probably as unconscious as him but a lot more gross with their cuddling and Santana was really happy she didn't have to look at it.
"They had some fight." Santana answered, not looking at her girlfriend.
"You know something..."
"Dani, I live here. I know everything. But I can't tell you."
"Why, now?" Dani reached for Santana's head and frowned.
"It's his business. He would probably slap me if I told anyone. And, you know, I'm becoming a better person now." she winked and shushed Dani when she started laughing.
"Is Kurt going to be okay, though?"
"I think so. But you'll have to ask Lady Hummel himself."
Dani nodded and looked out of the window without another word. Both she and Elliott knew something was wrong and they both couldn't decide what it was. Something about Kurt just felt different and despite spending hours on trying to figure out they were still as clueless as when they first noticed it.
"You know, I just want him to be happy."
"I know. We all do" Santana squeezed Dani's hand and rolled her eyes as Blaine came out from behind the curtains, only in his underwear but at least without hairgel. "Look, who's here" he said quickly, stopping Dani from whatever she wanted to say and pointing at Blaine. Dani smiled gratefully and nodded. He didn't have to know they were discussing his fiance's well being.
Kurt was making dinner with Santana, waiting for Elliott and Dani to come over. Blaine was still in work and they were alone. He joined late when she already had pasta cooking and ignored her comment.
"I had to finish something, sorry."
"Surely you did" Santana hummed and finished chopping vegetables.
"School." Kurt said quietly and started cutting meat into pieces.
"Or just lazy butt, Lady Hummel."
"Think whatever you want." he chuckled.
They worked in silence for some time, not bothered by any sounds and without the needing to talk. Santana glanced at Kurt and then made her decision.
"Why exactly are you with Gay Smurf?" she asked suddenly. Kurt jumped and dropped the knife on the counter.
"You startled me." he said quietly.
"You're easily scared."
"Probably." Kurt shrugged and continued to chop the meat after he rinsed the knife.
"So why are you with him?" Santana asked again.
Kurt sighed and bit his lip. "I love him." he shrugged and put the cut meat on a pan.
"I love Brittany. But I knew when to stop. Sometimes you just can't do it anyway, you know?"
Kurt looked at her with raised eyebrows.
"You were there, Santana. You actually supported it." Kurt looked at her suspiciously. "If you hate him so much..."
"Once again, I don't hate him. I just don't think you should be with him. I don't have to hate him for it."
"There's no reason for me to break up with him. I love him and he loves me, we're engaged and obviously everyone around thinks it's a good choice. I don't see why I shouldn't date him?"
"It's none of my business, lady. But I just think you're not exactly good to each other, you know?"
Kurt shrugged.
"I don't know what you want from me, Santana."
"Just think about it, okay?"
"Sure." Kurt nodded and stirred the vegetables.
"Hello there, sweet lovers!" Elliott entered the apartment and chuckled when he saw Kurt started, again. Santana went to kiss Dani which caused Kurt to make a noise.
"Yeah like you and the helmet hobbit don't make out on the couch I used to sleep on." Santana rolled her eyes.
"Mmmm..." Kurt let Elliott hug him and smiled. "I'm glad you two could make it. I feel like I've been missing something and these dinners, I missed having some kind of ritual with people I know. I used to have it with my parents, then my dad, then the gang and now I have it with you all."
Elliott frowned and looked at him suspiciously.
"Are you okay? You don't seem completely fine, you know?"
"I'm fine." Kurt chuckled and turned back to the pan.
"I don't mean right now? You're different, you know? When I met you for the first time it was completely different. You were different. I'm wondering where that Kurt is."
"I've changed but it's not necessarily a bad thing, right? Everyone changes." Kurt answered quietly.
"It's not, you're right." Elliott nodded and rubbed his back. "Do you need any help?"
"You could put the garlic bread in the oven?"
"Sure, I will..." Elliott nodded and went to help.
Kurt worked in silence for a few minutes until Blaine entered the apartment.
"Hey, everyone." he waved at the girls and went to kiss Kurt.
"Hey." Kurt smiled and pulled Blaine close. "Did you have a good day?"
"It was good. Work was fun but I'm glad to be home."
"I'm glad you're here. I missed you." Blaine kissed Kurt and wrapped arms around him.
"We could... Spend the night together, maybe." Kurt replied quietly and kissed him back with a quiet moan. "Haven't done that a lot..."
"Maybe." Blaine winked and went to fetch himself some juice from the fridge.
