Chapter 9
"What am I going to do when you finally decide to go home?" Edyn looked up at me with sad eyes.
"That's easy," I touched her cheek. "I'm not leaving. Not without you that is!"
"Yeah, right." She sighed heavily and turned away from me. Something was wrong. Edyn had been very quiet and withdrawn lately, not her usually perky self. At first I wondered if it had something to do with her mother's birthday being last week, but her mood had continued to be gloomy. Maybe it was that PMS thing girl's joked about. I shuddered. I'd lived with sisters long enough to know that was dangerous ground. Whatever it was it had me worried.
"Edyn," I touched her shoulder. She didn't move. "Please tell me what's wrong. I want to help if you'll let me."
"I love you," Her voice cracked. "Everyone I love…leaves…"
"Edyn," I stared deep into her eyes trying to dispel her gloom. "I will NEVERleave you! If I go anywhere…you will be going with me! I can't be anywhere that you aren't! I need you!"
Her eyes locked on mine trying to decipher the truthfulness of my declaration. The hostility in her eyes softened and she smiled a little. It didn't last long. She quickly glanced down at her hands fidgeting in her lap.
"I keep waiting to…wake up," she giggled nervously. "For you to disappear like … like…a mythical creature or something." The hair on the back of my neck stood on end, and I gulped for air. "I know that sounds silly, but I can't help but think that you are just a figment of my imagination…" She trailed off looking at me strangely.
I stared at her without blinking. Mythical creature? Figment of her imagination? What next? Was she going to suddenly blurt out that she believed in vampires and ghosts and…werewolves? She was getting closer and closer to the truth and it was a little…no a lot…unsettling. I wanted to tell her! I had been having this same internal argument with myself a lot lately…to tell her…not to tell her…it was a vicious circle with no end. Her mom said she had a gift of intuition…I wondered how I fit into that "gift." I was surprised that she hadn't already figured it out by now. I know she was taking mental notes on everything we said and did. She also paid very close attention to the small details…It was only a matter of time before she put two and two together! The image of her running for her dad's gun resurfaced in my mind.
"Ouch!" I jumped at a hard pinch on my forearm. I blinked rapidly clearing the haze from my eyes. Edyn was smirking at me. "Did you just pinch me?"
"Yep," she nodded. "My mom always said that you could tell if something was real by…pinching it." She reached over and pinched me again. "You are most definitely real!"
"Ya, so stop doing that!" I rubbed my arm pretending it hurt. "So if I'm real, why all the worry about me disappearing?"
"I don't know," She shrugged. "I guess I'm worried that I'm not enough." The gloomy, hostile look was back. I didn't like it at all. It changed her somehow.
"What do you mean…enough?" I wasn't following where she was trying to lead me. "You're more…"
"Do you remember the day I asked about Bella?" She interrupted me. I nodded my head. "Do you remember what you said?" I was wracking my brain trying to remember what exactly I had said to her. She got impatient waiting. "You told me you loved her, but that she wasn't meant for you…Do you still love her?"
"Edyn," I took her hand in mine. "I told you…"
"Just answer the question Jake," Her eyes pleaded silently. "Please…be honest."
I was shell shocked. Where in the world was all this coming from? The first and last time we had ever talked about Bella had been a few weeks ago. Had I said something without thinking? I hadn't even thought about Bella in weeks! I was completely and utterly confused.
"Edyn, the only person I love is you!" I rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb. I wanted to crack a joke about loving myself too, but I knew that now was not the time. "Have I done something to make you doubt that?"
She looked like she was going to burst into tears at any moment. Her chin quivered, and she blinked so fast I couldn't see her eyes.
"Not necessarily," she whispered. "Not knowingly anyway."
"What do you mean 'not knowingly'?"
"The other night in your sleep," Her voice was barely audible. "You mumbled her name and that you…love her." Edyn finally looked up and met my gaze. Her eyes were brimming with tears. She blinked and one by one big crocodile tears slid down her cheeks. "So, do you? Love her…"
"Edyn, I did love her. It's part of my past." I brushed the tears off her cheek. "She wasn't meant for me. Even if she had been, I know that Bella and I could never have worked because eventually I would have found you."
"What if she changes her mind and decides that she…" Her voice was thick with emotion.
"Edyn," I sighed. How could I explain all of this without breaking so many rules? "Bella was always mean to be with someone else…to be with…Edward. Fate brought them together, and nothing will be able to tear them apart. They will be together for the rest of…" I stopped to take a shaky breath. "They went through so much to be together…there is no doubt…" I had to stop again because I did doubt that they were meant to be together. That didn't mean that I thought that Bella and Ishould be together anymore, just that I still didn't believe that Edward was the right choice for her. Edyn was watching my every move, scrutinizing every facial expression for something to let her know that I still loved Bella. Well…I didn't love her…not like that…not anymore.
"I don't really know how to explain it Edyn," I cocked my head to look at her. "All I can tell you is that I don't love Bella. I love you! I wouldn't have told you that unless I was sure…and I am very sure."
"Does Bella know your secret?" She looked at me curiously.
"What secret?" I tried to cover the shock in my voice. Was this it then? Was this the beginning of the end for me? "Edyn, I have no secrets."
"Yes you do." The eagle eye was back. "It's the same secret you've had since I met you in the forest."
I didn't answer. Instead I chewed on the inside of my lip.
"Would you…will you …tell me?"
I stared blankly back at the girl I loved and wondered how I was going to get myself out of this mess. Without so much as a warning Edyn stood up and walked away.
"That's what I thought," she mumbled over her shoulder.I grabbed her arm, but she shrugged away from me. "Don't Jake. Please just leave me alone."
I dropped my hand and watched her walk away.
