Ch.9 Rash Decisions
Caitlyn POV
I sat at the edge of the lake, my knees tucked up into my stomach, the water gently lapping at my feet. I was lost in my own little universe, my own little nirvana. I had grown accustomed to not thinking.
I didn't want Jason to take the easy way out, so I left my phone at his brother's. I wanted him to think, not just use an easy method to find me. I wanted him to remember all the places that we went to together that had made me happy. That's all I wanted him to do.
The water felt nice, cool and refreshing. I was here, at the hotel by Lake Michigan where we had once had the best summer of our lives, away from everyone, just us. It was after my sophomore year in college. I knew that, no matter how much I would grow to either love or despise Jason, I would always remember this place with happiness.
I sighed and looked down at my watch, which was ringing its usual 3:45 alarm. Wait… why did I have an alarm at 3:45? I didn't remember, and before now, I had only ignored the irritating ringing as some sort of reminder of my past with Jason…
Like a bolt of lightning, it hit me what this alarm was for. And it also hit me that my period was a week late.
Oh, shit, I thought anxiously, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. I had forgotten to take my birth control ever since I saw Jason kissing Ella. Shit was the least of the swears running through my head.
I ran off the beach, towards the hotel and therefore civilization, where I could easily go to a quick mart and pick up…
Let's just call it an exam, kay? I told myself. I nodded, in favor of that word rather than the proper term, and sprinted down to my car.
My hand was shaking as I put the key into the ignition and started to drive off. I drove slowly through the streets, staring back and forth around me for a Walgreens or something.
Ah ha! There it was. Quickie Mart. I parked my car in a messy, across-two-spaces-so-I'm-going-to-get-a-ticket-on-top-of-all-this, fashion and ran inside the store. I paced through the halls, ignoring the frantic pacing of my heart and finding what I was looking for… that little stick that I had to pee on.
Great, I thought sarcastically before taking it to the counter. The check out man gave me a smirk and I glared right back. I didn't have time to be affected by people's stares, after all.
I ran right back out of the store and drove back to the hotel. I was still driving slowly, probably because I didn't want to find out what this meant. Although, let's face it, I certainly had an idea.
I walked slowly up the hotel steps to my room, and slammed the door. I entered the bathroom and took the dang thing. At the moment, I hated that I had ever been so completely stupid as to get revenge on Jason by sleeping with Sander!? I felt so idiotic.
The little alarm that I had set on my watch rang. My hands were a shaking mess as I picked up the stick.
I felt like I was in Juno. There it was. That little pink plus sign that meant that things just got complicated.
Well, I wasn't going to let them stay that way for long. I went to the phone book provided by the hotel and looked up a place, any place, where I could… ah ha!
I grabbed my keys and ran out to my car again. People gave me looks, as I had been running back and forth in here all day.
I drove down to the clinic, and signed my name on the sheet. The receptionist looked at me as if she was analyzing me, popping her gum. Now I really felt like I was in Juno.
"First time?" she asked finally, watching me shake with a smirk.
"Yeah," I mumbled. She chuckled again.
"It's okay, you get over it. Really," she rolled her eyes, "So why, though? I bet you could take care of it," she continued to pop her gum.
"Well… there was some drama… and the father isn't exactly who I would like to be the father of my first child," I mumbled.
"Ouch," the receptionist winced, "Well, you'll be next, it's a slow day."
I nodded and sat down, shaking a little. No matter how much I justified this in my head, with things like if Jason found out, that would be it. Everything would be over or with I don't want to have to worry about a baby yet! Or Sander? A father? That's like the apocalypse. Or, my last one, my first baby's going to be with Jason if it kills me. Or it. Nothing changed. I was still about to… terminate… the thing. And my conscience, however small, didn't like that.
"Ms. Geller?" the receptionist called, her voice still bored and amused at the same time.
"Yeah?" my voice was almost as jumpy as I felt.
"You can go in now," the receptionist smirked at me as I ran inside the little room quickly and without a second thought.
CampRock
I knew afterwards that I had made the wrong decision. The very, very wrong decision that I wanted to scream for making.
It was horrifying and horrible. They offered to drug me out, and I took it, but for some reason they didn't give me enough drugs because I was conscious the whole time. I knew what they were doing. I knew that they were sucking the thing out of me…
When it was all over, I walked out of there with tears pouring down my face like rivers. I got in my car and rested my head on the steering wheel, sobbing so loudly I wondered why no one was coming over to look at me. I had just killed something that was half me. I continued to sob and sob, unable to stop. This was horrifying. I was a horrible, horrible person.
I needed Jason, right now, to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be alright. But I was so stupid that I had pushed him away when he was willing to make things right.
I realized, then, in that moment, how stupid I was being and how much I had screwed things up. I drove back to the hotel, still sobbing, and ran up the hotel steps. I reached for the phone and dialed the number, knowing what was going to happen when she found out…
"Hello?" Mitchie's voice sounded tired, annoyed and sad. I swallowed a little before answering.
"M-Mitchie? It's… its Caitlyn," I whimpered.
There was a long bout of silence at the other end.
"What's wrong?" she asked finally, settling on that as the proper response thanks to my lovely wavering voice.
"I… I… I was pregnant," I decided to answer.
"You were pregnant?" she whispered, "What does that… oh my God, you didn't!" Mitchie screamed.
"I'm a horrible person," I whimpered.
"Oh my God, why? Why, Caitlyn, why?" Mitchie continued. I heard a small gasp in the background that I instinctively knew was either Shane or Maggie.
"Because it was Sander's, and that was the wrong guy, and I was panicking, and I wasn't ready for a baby, and it was all so much and I didn't know what to do or how to… how to…" I began to sob loudly over the phone.
Mitchie sighed, a long drawled out sigh that made me feel even worse.
"I'll be right there, okay, Caitlyn? Where are you?" she continued.
"I'm in Wisconsin, at that hotel Jason and I stayed at that one summer…" I paused, knowing that she knew where I was talking about.
"Okay, I'm coming up. Don't do anything more that's considered drastic, okay? Everything's going to be fine," Mitchie soothed.
"Okay," I whispered. She hung up the phone and I sat there, hugging my knees to my chest, feeling somewhat emptier than I ever had before.
CampRock
I sat in my hotel room, staring out into space as I watched the sky darken and the world cease to move. I was tired, cranky and so upset tht I couldn't actually see straight. I didn't know what I was doing to myself before, much less what I was doing to it. I was a horrifying, horrible person…
"Caitlyn? Caitlyn! I got your room number from downstairs! Open the door!" I heard Mitchie call out. I was shaking as I stood up and opened the door.
She pulled me into a hug and held me close, allowing me to cry into her shoulder. I sobbed and sobbed, so insanely upset that I had killed someone that I…
"I'm so sorry, Caitlyn," Mitchie murmured, "This is like a scary dream to you, isn't it?"
I nodded, still sniffling.
"It'll all be okay, Caitlyn. We're here for you," she pulled back and looked at me straight in the eye, "You found out you were pregnant and aborted it all today?"
I nodded again.
Mitchie whistled and continued, "Are you going to call Jason and end this?"
I shook my head, "I'm not ready yet." Mitchie sighed.
"I hope you'll be ready soon, Caitlyn," Mitchie hugged me from the side, "I hope you'll be ready soon."
"Why?" I asked, my voice very soft and hoarse.
"Because this is getting rediculous," she answered honestly. I sighed. She was right.
AN: I love writing at school… ha, ha. I probably should be studying for my AP Euro test. Whatev. Please vote and review!
