Chapter Nine – Shatter
It was past dawn by the time I reached the hospital, the sky melting into shades of white and pink high above. I went straight to the main wing. The moment I walked in, an old fat nurse behind the desk rushed over to me. Thankfully, the rest of the lobby was deserted.
"Oh my, what's happened to her? Poor thing," the nurse exclaimed, calling the other aides for help.
I said nothing, because I couldn't think up an excuse fast enough.
Two other nurses appeared, taking Tifa from me, and vanished immediately through the double doors down the hall. I felt anxious suddenly now that Tifa was out of my sight, as if she would simply disappear forever into the arms of faceless enemies. Before I could follow them, the old nurse grabbed my arm and pulled me to the desk.
"Now, just tell me her name, sweetie," she smiled up at me.
The hospital scent and her clean white dress made me feel uneasy. I felt the air grow thick and my pulse raced.
"Her name, please?" the old nurse asked again, a bit agitated.
The room suddenly felt smaller and I was sure at any moment something horrible would happen. I couldn't control the fear, my breathing shallow, as though I were being crushed. I had to get out.
"Sweetie, are you sure you don't need to see a doctor too?" the nurse asked, holding my arm tighter.
"No!" I said instantly.
Sweat was forming on my skin, and I wanted nothing more than to leave, unable to breathe in that hospital for a moment longer. The idea of seeing a doctor made my skin crawl.
"No, I have to go," I said, attempting to resume a normal tone. The nurse eyed me strangely, as though I were lying.
"Well, at least tell me your friend's name," she said disapprovingly.
"Lockhart... Tifa Lockhart. I... I'll be back to check on her," I replied. I couldn't stay a second longer. My heart was beating too fast, everything in the hospital felt villainous.
The nurse released my arm to type something into her computer, but I didn't dare stay a moment longer, my blood trembling throughout. I tore open the lobby door and left the hospital without another word.
Once outside, the anxiety began lifting slowly. I took a deep breath after I had gotten a few blocks away. What the hell was that about? My fear dissipated and I was left feeling extremely foolish, but unable to shake the cold away from me.
My head was beginning to clear. I wanted to go back and stay with Tifa, at least for a few hours, but the idea of experiencing that awful dread again dissuaded me. Then, I remembered Marlene and Denzel. And I had a pretty good idea where they would've gone to hide.
But first I went back to the bar, just to make sure they weren't there. The door was unlocked, and inside the entire place was a wreck – broken tables and chairs everywhere, spatters of blood on the floor, shattered bottles of liquor. It felt so long ago, yet I had stood here just last night, at the mercy of an enemy within.
I went upstairs. Everything was eerily undisturbed. No, they weren't here, of course. I left quickly and made my way to the church. Without a doubt, that would be where Marlene would've wanted to go, and Denzel would most likely have stayed with her. I doubted Vincent had actually gone to ensure their safety like Tifa had asked.
Aerith's church always felt dually welcoming and disheartening to me, a scent of eternally blooming flowers mixing with the rot and decay of the wooden benches. And it never got any easier to accept that she was dead. Every time I entered, I swore I saw her, standing there, waiting for me. And I always sighed the same when she vanished instantly, nothing but a memory.
But this time, my eyes were not scanning for her. Light was spilling in from the broken ceiling, illuminating the crumbling gray stone everywhere. I walked slowly down the center path, looking for any signs that the kids were here. Everything appeared untouched.
"Marlene?" I called gently, my voice echoing slightly.
A tiny sob emitted from behind one of the fallen pillars, then someone whispering harshly. I took a few steps towards it and peered over.
Marlene and Denzel were crouched low, huddled together.
"Cloud!" Marlene's smiling eyes turned up to me, "I heard you call me, but Denzel-"
"Get away!" Denzel shouted at me fearfully, placing himself in front of Marlene, his arms spread in her defense.
"Relax. It's just me," I said.
"Get away!" Denzel repeated, louder, hatred gleaming in his eyes.
"Marlene-" I tried to appeal to her.
"Denzel, stop it! It's Cloud!" she yelled and pushed past him.
Denzel made an attempt to stop her, but she climbed over the fallen pillar quickly holding her arms out happily to me. I stooped and picked her up. She instantly hugged me tight around the neck, and I looked over her shoulder at Denzel, as if her actions should be enough to clear me of any guilt from last night's event.
"Denzel, please, trust me," I said sincerely to him.
"But I saw you fight Vincent and... and you hurt Tifa... and you even ASKED me to stay away from you that one morning before you left!" he listed defiantly.
Marlene continued hugging me, and I felt warm little tears on my shoulder.
"It's over, Denzel," I told him, my voice as soft as possible. "Please, just trust me."
"Where's Tifa?" he demanded.
"She's safe." I couldn't exactly tell them she was in the hospital, or they would only worry more.
Denzel seemed to relax a bit from hearing this.
"Everyone is safe, now," I went on, "And I needed to make sure you were both safe too."
He looked down for a moment, a sigh shaking his tiny frame and sat back. His eyes lost their accusing glare and he looked at me sadly.
"Was Vincent here with you?" I asked warily.
"He was, but when we woke up just now he was gone..." Denzel replied downtrodden, "He told us that you didn't know what you were doing, that you were gone."
Good going, Vincent. Scare them half to death, why don't you?
"Well, that wasn't the truth because I'm right here," I tried to sound friendly, but I was inwardly angry Vincent had left them alone.
"You won't leave us, right, Cloud?" Marlene small voice sobbed.
"No, of course not. I'm going to stay right here with you," I said, and my gaze met Denzel's again.
Had they even gotten any sleep? Both of them looked as though they would faint.
I sat down, leaning against the back wall of the church, behind the pool of flowers, with Marlene settling next to me, and kept my eyes on the door, half expecting Vincent to rush in full of accusations and malice. Marlene snuggled under my arm and closed her eyes, sighing happily.
Denzel was still eyeing me suspiciously, but sat down next to me leaving a deliberate space between us. I didn't say anything else, the silence alone emphasizing the distance. I wanted to remain with them for as long as I could, the world outside felt hectic and demanding. I thought of Tifa in the hospital. I had to see her later, no matter what.
Marlene soon fell asleep under my arm, and eventually Denzel leaned against my shoulder, his eyes closed. I sat with them, motionless, for a long time, letting them rest. I had no desire to sleep, but I contented myself with patiently watching the door as the sun climbed higher in the sky, warming the air.
For the first time in a long time, I began to feel at ease. Tifa was safe. The kids were safe. I was safe, at last. Sephiroth had faded back into my memories and the cloned Jenova cells had been purged. And I hadn't felt Jenova's voice in the longest.
A sense of complete sanctity settled around me, and after my adrenaline had at last calmed, I became aware of a sharp stinging around my eye and jaw. It must have been from Tifa, I thought grimly. She defended herself against me no doubt, and would have ultimately failed. Had I not regained control at that exact moment, I would have killed her.
The door creaked and my eyes popped opened, attention snapped to the intruder. I hadn't even realized I had dozed off until I awoke.
But I stayed motionless, the kids still sleeping on either side of me. The church was lit a bit brighter, the sun higher in the sky. I must've been sleeping for hours... The thought alarmed me and for a second I was worried I had blacked out again.
"Ah, we knew you'd be here," Tseng's voice said.
Tseng and Elena stood by the entrance, staring over at me. Still, I didn't move. I was trying to discern what their motives could be because I was sick of fighting.
"Cloud-" Elena began, but she stopped talking once she spotted the kids asleep.
"Cloud," Tseng's voice was lowered considerably, "We know what's happened."
"No, you don't," I replied, my volume matching his.
Denzel stirred.
"We've known," Tseng went on, unfaltering, "And the Director of the Science Division has personally contacted us on the matter, requesting termination of the entire project."
" 'Project' ?" I said more viciously than I intended.
Denzel woke up, but remained silent once he spotted Tseng and Elena. I didn't need him or Marlene hearing any of this.
Tseng went on, "The Director asked-"
"I don't care," I cut him off sharply.
I had no interest in dealing with ShinRa ever again. Rufus simply uses people to whatever purpose would promote his company. He used me to appease the company's science division with their sick obsession over Jenova, and he used my apparent "failure" to bring finality to the whole Jenova issue. And of course he sends his little Turk here to talk to me, unable to face me himself. I had no respect for the man.
Elena and Tseng looked at each other, apparently concerned.
"Well," Elena began softly, "then, it's over."
"I know," I said without looking at her.
"Cloud, this entire matter has gone from a security issue to a classified event," Elena told me.
"What Elena means," Tseng interrupted her, "is that, as far as ShinRa is concerned, this never happened. You are not allowed to speak of it nor will ShinRa ever confirm anything that's occurred."
The words cut me deep. It was Nibelheim all over again. I should've seen this coming.
"Well? Don't you have anything to say?" Elena asked after several moments of silence.
"No," I said with a sigh. Of course I was furious, but it was unremarkable behavior for ShinRa and I blamed myself for not anticipating it. There was no sense fighting anymore. I thought of Tifa.
"And what of the cloned Jenova?" Elena said sideways to Tseng, her voice lowered.
"It's gone," I said loudly. She looked at me in shock. I went on, "It was a failure anyways. But I'm sure you'll put that in your official report, no?" The sarcasm was so fitting I couldn't resist.
Tseng made a slight nod at Elena and they both turned to leave. Good riddance. The moment the door closed behind them, Denzel sat up straight, his blue eyes fixed on mine.
"What did they mean? What about Jenova? Isn't that the stuff you told me makes people crazy," he asked fearfully.
"Yes. But don't worry. Here, let's go see Tifa. I'm sure she's worried about you both," I changed the subject as quickly as I could without raising suspicion. At the mention of Tifa, his eyes lit up.
Marlene was still asleep so I carried her in my arms gently with Denzel walking alongside me. He remained silent, following me through Edge. The closer I got to the hospital, the more anxious I became, remembering the gripping fear that suffocated me last time.
"Where are we going? Where's Tifa?" Denzel asked, once we turned down the block to the hospital.
"She's ... in the hospital, but she's ok, don't worry," I added hastily.
"Why is she in the hospital?" his eyes went wide.
Please stop asking questions...
"I ... uh, don't worry. She's fine," I found myself repeating, more so trying to convince myself than him. Denzel fell silent.
Once inside the lobby of the hospital, I saw the same old fat nurse sitting at the reception desk. She seemed to remember me because her face broke into a smile.
"Oh, so you did come back! Well, your friend is fine. Oh my," she looked at Marlene and Denzel, "I didn't realize... Is that your wife in there? Awww, what beautiful children! My, look at those big blue eyes!" She squinted at Denzel.
"Well, no, it's not like that," I tried explaining, but she wasn't listening, so I gave up.
"Here, let me show you her room. Don't worry, sweetie, she's just fine," the nurse patted Denzel on the head as she spoke, and Denzel looked at me worriedly.
As she led us down a stark white corridor, the smell of various chemicals mixed with rubbing alcohol made me uneasy. I took a deep breath, forcing my mind to focus on Tifa. The strange fear had begun creeping over me once more. Ok, I'll just stay to make sure she's alright, then I'll leave, I told myself, feeling my pulse quicken.
"Here we are," the old nurse stopped at a nondescript door and continued grinning at me. Then she abruptly turned and vanished around a corner.
Exhaling, I put my hand on the cold metal door knob. I hated hospitals so much.
Denzel pushed past me, apparently upset with my hesitation, and opened the door, rushing to Tifa's bedside. The moment I entered, Tifa's face illuminated, her eyes sparkling. She was sitting up in the bed, wearing a hospital gown, the unnaturally bright white blankets thrown off. The entire room was quite tiny and an empty chair was pulled up alongside the bed. I vaguely wondered who else had visited her before me.
"Marlene, wake up," I said softly, nudging her awake.
Marlene slowly took one look around then squealed in delight once she spotted Tifa, jumping down from my arms and running to her.
"Cloud," Tifa finally looked up at me, "Oh my god, your eye!"
I glanced over at the unframed tiny mirror near the door. The socket of my right eye was a dark blue. Wow. That would explain why it stung so much. Had the kids been too frightened to mention it? It didn't matter. One black eye meant nothing against the pain I had inflicted on her.
"I'm ... I'm glad you defended yourself, Tif," I said at length. The distractingly bright white walls were really bothering me.
But I stood there, watching them all hugging and smiling and laughing like they hadn't seen each other in years, and I felt myself distinctly apart from that happy picture.
"Tif," I said softly, and their voices halted, eyes turned to me, "ShinRa is denying everything now."
"I know," she replied, a hint of bitterness in her tone, "Reno and Rude were here already. They told me."
"But... you and I are... well, I was thinking," and everything in my head was a mess, "Usually, someone with Jenova is also showered with Mako, to support the Jenova cells... and you never were... uh..." I really did not want to talk about it in front of the kids, but I couldn't exactly ask them to leave.
"I'll be fine," she said instantly, "You... you told me there wasn't a lot of Jenova in my body anyways." Her eyes avoided mine.
I certainly never told her that, and at once I understood that Sephiroth had told her that. She didn't want to use his name.
"Right," I nodded as though I remembered, "Of course."
The creeping fear grew worse. I wanted to leave. My heart beat faster. The walls appeared to crowd inwards, intent on crushing me. I had to get out of there.
"I don't want to stay here," Tifa sighed deeply.
"Then, let's just leave," I replied instantly.
"Well, the nurses told me to stay put at least overnight-"
"If you want to leave, I'm taking you home," I said firmly without hesitation, then added, "They won't stop me."
All three of them stared at me, unsmiling. I looked away. Perhaps that was the wrong tone to use.
Tifa broke the uncomfortable silence, "Cloud, are you alright?"
"Hospitals make me... uneasy," I muttered. I was probably in the vicinity of hundreds of needles...
"Then let's go," Tifa said lightheartedly, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. A huge white bandage was wrapped over her thigh and her palms were layered under gauze, not yet fully healed. I helped her stand and together we left the confines of the hospital room.
Marlene was chatting rapidly with Tifa, who walked beside me, clinging to my arm ever so often for support, her wounded leg still giving her some trouble. I felt like some fugitive escaping a prison as we hurried through the cleanly glossy halls. I knew Zack would have gotten a kick out of it. It was rather comical, I'm sure.
None of the hospital personnel bothered to give us a second look, but the fat old nurse by the desk was squinting at me with suspicion as I neared her.
"Where do you think you're going?" the nurse called out.
"Out this door," I replied, motioning towards the lobby entrance.
"No, you're not. She needs rest! You're not authorized to remove any patient!" she cried out desperately as I kept walking. She scurried away from the desk and grabbed my elbow.
"She wants to go home, so I'm taking her home," I responded curtly.
"No... But, you cannot!" the nurse shouted, all the friendliness absent from her voice now.
"Yes, I can and I will. Go call the president for all I care," I pulled my arm away from her. Let her go call Rufus. What more damage could he do? Send more Turks after me? Oooh, scary!
"Stop!" the nurse cried in vain.
I glared at her over my shoulder and she fell back, halting her small tirade. We exited without further incident. Outside the air was now thick and humid, a few clouds sifting through the sea of deep blue sky.
It was strange walking with all three of them in complete silence. Any mention of the events that transpired last night was conspicuously avoided. The moment I was out of that hospital, however, my anxiety lifted and everything seemed a little brighter.
