Author's Note: For nonbender7, because you need something cracky to take your mind of RL. *hugs from your BB*


Sango's POV

The night sky was gorgeous. A few stray clouds drifted across the blue-black sky, framing the moon…

The moon. I squinted frantically at it. It was almost full, lacking only a sliver of its side. That meant… Miroku's da-ru would be coming to an end soon.

Inuyasha must have noticed my silent meltdown because he leaned over, one ear flicking. "What's the matter, Sango?"

What's the matter, indeed. That was putting it lightly.

I shook my head, glad the darkness mostly hid my face. "Nothing."

Damnit, this isn't good at all, I moaned internally. I won't be safe from that pervert.

My hand hadn't sprung into action for a good long time – I wondered whether it would be out of practice. To be honest, I kind of missed the whistling as I wound up my body, the solid thwack of my palm connecting with his cheek, the sharp tingling of my skin of my hand afterwards.

Kami-sama! I'm turning into a monster!

"You're sure nothing's the matter?" growled Inuyasha suddenly.

I touched my cheeks – they were hot. Oh damn.

"Ah – nothing, really…"

He snorted, unconvinced.

"Ano… Inuyasha…?"

"Huh?"

"When do you think the moon will be full?"

He squinted at the sky. "Couple of days, four at the most. Why?"

"I was just wondering! It's such a nice night tonight, don't you think?" I interjected hastily, trying to change the subject. "I was expecting rain because it's been cloudy all day, but I guess I made a mistake."

I knew I was babbling – Inuyasha knew I was too, judging by the upraised eyebrow – but I didn't care.

I have got to stop blushing all the damn time. I feel like a bloody candle.

The hanyou wisely chose not to pursue it and turned away with a sound of annoyance. "Women."


Miroku appeared when I least expected it. I was dozing, head nodding when I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder.

Instinct took over and I lashed out, sweeping his feet out from under him with a roundhouse kick. When he crashed heavily on his back, I drew the hidden knife I carried and pressed it against the flesh of his neck.

"Sango, it's me, Miroku!"

"Houshi-sama?"

I let go, sheepish and watched guiltily as he rubbed his neck. "You shouldn't sneak up on me like that, Houshi-sama!" I scolded him. "This isn't the first time as well. You should know better than this by now, I could have accidentally killed you…"

"But you were half-asleep and I didn't want to startle you or anything," he protested. "Besides, I trust you."

"Inuyasha – where is he?" I looked around wildly. The last thing I knew, he had been sitting with me.

"Inuyasha went back to camp some time ago, saying something about you taking the watch." Miroku grinned abruptly, rubbing his chin. "He seemed to be mumbling something about women…"

I flamed again. Damn betraying body! Stop being so flustered!

"I… I have no idea what that was about."

"If you ask me, I'm not surprised that fellow's confounded by the mysterious ways of the fairer sex," commented the monk, a spark of mischief in his eye. "Two lovely women vying for his affection and what does he do? Run away, no doubt with his tail between his legs, if he had one."

The outrageous mental image generated made me laugh. I was about to snort in a most unladylike manner but caught myself in time, covering my mouth with my hand and tittering.

He laughed too, in an easy loose manner I envied. Head tossed back, legs and arms spread out. His hands were splayed out with the fingers resting among the blades of grass.

It was hard for me to watch him and not think lecherous thoughts. I could either stare and blush, or I could drool openly and not have the blood rush to my cheeks.

I picked the third option: bury my face in my knees, scrub all filthy thoughts from my brain and hope he didn't notice.

He noticed.

"Sango? Is anything wrong?" Miroku leaned over, a concerned look – Argh, don't wear the concerned look – on his face.

I looked at him and shook my head furiously. "N – no, nothing!"

"… Whatever you say," he smirked, settling himself back. A fraction closer to me, I noted. He's harmless, Sango, relax, I reminded myself. He can't grope you… but he can still play havoc with my mind. Oh damn.

"Maybe you should get some rest, you look tired," he suggested. "Don't worry – I'll take over the watch."

"That's okay, Houshi-sama! It's my turn to do it, besides, you took the watch last night."

That infuriating man smirked again. "It's no problem. Really. Go to sleep." The corner of his lip twitched. "I would gladly volunteer my services as a pillow, but…"

"… They are not required, thank you!" I said sharply, but the damage was done. Two pink patches of warmth had already appeared on my face. Luckily, the moon had been obscured behind a cloud, preventing him from seeing it.

I was never so thankful to a cloud before.

Miroku chuckled. "As you wish, my dear Sango."

We lapsed into a comfortable silence just as the moon remerged, silvery moonlight spilling over the land. Despite the clouds Inuyasha and I had seen earlier, it was turning out to be a clear night and some stars were visible in between the clouds, scattered over the patches of clear sky.

"What a beautiful moon!" commented Miroku happily. "Oh – it's not full yet. It will be in a few days, I guess."

My head had snapped up instantly the moment he mentioned the moon. Now that he had commanded my fullest attention, I racked my drowsy brains, searching for an answer that would convince him I was still ignorant of the da-ru.

"I think so too. Inuyasha said the same thing earlier."

Miroku made a sound of non-committal and I relaxed. Things were practically back to normal between us.

Without warning, a strong north wind picked up and blew through. I shivered, feeling the cold pass my bones. A dusty wind too – I screwed up my eyes against the fine debris it carried, covering my face with my sleeve for further protection.

Finally, the howling died down and I ventured a peek. "That was a sudden wind," I remarked.

Miroku nodded, looking a little disheveled. "No kidding."

I don't know what possessed me to look up – but I did – and saw that all the clouds had been blown away from the moon for the first time that night.

Revealing the fullness of the celestial orb.

Oh kamis. A full moon. Ice gripped my heart as out of the corner of my eye, I saw a spark pass through Miroku's eyes. He's back in business.

"Hey Sango…"

I forced myself to look him in the eye without showing a trace of nervousness. "Yes?"

He grinned that perverted grin. "If you're feeling tired, come over here and rest your head on my shoulder…"

"I thought we'd already established that I have no need of your services as a pillow?!" I almost squeaked.

"Yes, well, I was just checking…"

I swallowed. If I had known that the full moon was coming in a few days, I would have had the time to prepare myself for the onslaught of personal space violations that lecher was bound to commit. I could then deal with it in the mature, effective way I always did: slap him senseless. I certainly wasn't expecting to be dropped head-first into it like this. My guard was still down, for heaven's sake! I mean, I'm actually taking the watch with Miroku!

When I shook myself out of the second part of my mental meltdown, I noticed he had shifted closer to me, a gleam of I-don't-want-to-know-what in his eyes.

I resisted the urge to move in the opposite direction, forcing a blandly polite look. "Houshi-sama, what is it?"

"It's cold," he answered in such a ridiculously pathetic voice, I didn't know whether to cuddle him or throttle him. "We should huddle together for warmth."

"No, we shouldn't! And kindly keep your hands where I can see them." They immediately withdrew from the grass and settled in his lap.

Miroku pouted. "But why? It's not as though I'm going to grope you, I haven't done that in a month! What makes you think I would try anything now?"

The hideousness and the dreadful irony of the situation would have reduced a lesser woman to hysterics but I remained impassive. "I'm not keen on taking chances, houshi, you know that."

"Huh. Fine."

I kept one eye scanning the surroundings for any threat, the other trained on the delinquent monk and following his every move. Needless to say, it left me rather cross-eyed.

What happened next, I don't know. I must have spaced out, I must have let my concentration slip… but the next thing I knew, Miroku was close to me, so close I could feel the heat radiating off his body. Much too close, in other words.

"Sango…"

I squeaked and waited, my entire body rigid with expectation. The pleasant interlude of comfort and ease had been nice; looks like it was back to the cat-and-mouse relationship that we shared normally. Any moment now, his hand would descend to my ass and my palm twitched, ready to slap him. I could hear the faint rustling noise of the prayer beads binding his hand as it moved towards my rear.

"… You're shivering, here."

Miroku had unknotted his kesa – the source of the noise – and clasping the fabric in both hands, he threw it around my shoulders. The sensation of being engulfed by warmth was soothing: it was like being hugged. A dim childhood memory of being embraced by my father came to mind, the love that enveloped me recalled fondly.

"T – thank you." I pulled it closer around my shoulders, thankful he did not see my blush. I was immensely guilty for suspecting him of lechery when he was just trying to be caring – perhaps I was the one with the dirty mind.

I felt his hand move towards my back and all sympathy and remorse I had for him evaporated instantly. Just when I thought Miroku was changed…

"The back is all bunched up," he commented, tugging on the cloth and smoothing it out with his fingers.

Damnit! That monk had no idea what he was doing to me, making me taut with tension. I'm not going to say anticipation, because I don't like being groped. It simply wasn't healthy, all the nerve-wracking he was causing as I waited for the grope that never came.

A lesser woman might have caved in there and then, a twitching wreck, but I was different. I am Sango, the demon slayer, one of the last survivors of my tribe. I am determined. I am fearless. I…

I am going to kill that monk.

He lounged idly by, lying in the grass innocently – but I knew what was on his mind – and looking up at the sky.

"Sango?"

I jumped. "Houshi-sama?"

The monk sat up, brushing dust off his kimono. "Really. You should get some sleep. Come on, now." He got up and tugged on my sleeve. "Go on, I'll take the watch." Without waiting for a response, he scooped me up and walked briskly over to the main camp, where the fire was burning low.

"Houshi-sama?!" I spluttered indignantly, beating his chest ineffectually. "Put me down this instant!" I waited for the hand on my ass: normally, that pervert couldn't resist and he'd grope me while I was helpless like this.

No straying hand. One remained under my knees obediently, the other calmly clutching my shoulders. The shock made me give up my fight and I let him put me down in my bedroll.

"Good night," said Miroku cheerfully, as though nothing had happened, walking away to resume his post.

Good night indeed, I huffed mentally. How can I sleep when I know his deviously perverted mind is up to something no good?! There's no way Miroku passes up a golden opportunity like that unless…

Unless he's going for bigger prizes at the end.

The thought disturbed me profoundly and I spent the rest of the night puzzling over the houshi's actions, working out possible plots, weighing probable motives and the like.


Kagome woke early the next morning. "Sango-chan!" she squealed, rousing me from my dozing.

"What?" I asked a bit tetchily.

"You look terrible! Didn't you sleep well last night? Inuyasha!" The younger girl wandered off, shouting for the hanyou. "Inuyasha! Where are you?"

"What is it, wench?" The surly dog demon hopped down from the nearest tree, right in front of her. Kagome made an 'eep!' sound and jumped back a pace in fright.

"Don't do that, you scared me!"

Inuyasha scoffed. "Keh, scared of a small thing like that…"

Kagome frowned, the look on her face eerily matching his. "Don't make me say the 's' word… now you've distracted me. Inuyasha, did you make Sango stay up all night?"

His eyes widened indignantly. "No, I didn't!"

She pointed at me. "You take a look at her!"

Inuyasha gulped. "Damn, Sango, you look terrible! Don't tell me you did stay up all night – I didn't tell her to, I swear!"

I had been watching the entire tableau rather wearily – it was far too early in the morning for one of their squabbles – and as they stared at my horrific appearance, I held up placating hands.

"I'm fine, I just couldn't fall asleep last night."

Two pairs of eyes regarded me for an instant before turning back to each other.

"You did say something, didn't you?"

"I didn't! Honestly, wench, sometimes you can be so stupid…"

I sighed, tuning them both out. It seemed as though they wanted to fight and nothing else gave them greater pleasure than taking potshots at each other. I already knew how this one would end: an "Osuwari!" from Kagome and Inuyasha would eat dirt and…

… They'd probably start fighting all over again.

"Sango, didn't you sleep well last night?"

I whirled around. Miroku was kneeling behind me, wearing that concerned face again.

"Houshi-sama… I …"

He shook his head and reached out in the direction of my ass, a grin on his face…

I instantly slapped him. He toppled over comically, a hand flying to his reddening cheek. "Lecher!" I exclaimed almost gleefully. Things were back to normal.

Or so I thought.

Miroku sat up, an expression of indignant hurt in place as he rubbed his sore cheek. "What was that for?"

"You know very well what for! You were trying to grope me just now! Don't lie, I saw that perverted smile on your face!"

"No, I wasn't!" he protested. "I was trying to retrieve my kesa! I was just smiling because you'd thoughtfully folded it up neatly…" I looked in the direction the monk pointed, seeing the neat bundle of cloth resting there, beside my left elbow.

I folded my arms. "No use feeding me excuses, Houshi-sama."

"I hate to say this, Sango – since this is Miroku and all – but he's telling the truth."

"What?" I blinked. Inuyasha and Kagome had stopped fighting and were staring at the both of us.

The hanyou's ear flicked. "His scent's the same. Miroku isn't lying about intending to grope you."

It was Miroku's turn to fold his arms and look offended – although the bright red handprint on his cheek spoiled the effect somewhat. "You see? I've been wrongly accused."

"I – but – you – " I stuttered. I noticed Kagome and Inuyasha were also eyeing Miroku strangely – no doubt because of the da-ru.

He stood up, the picture of calm composure. "Come on," he said, "we'd better get moving before the sun's too high."

Miroku took off at a quick pace, Inuyasha and Kagome falling behind him with Shippou, me and Kirara bringing up the rear. As we walked, I listened hard to catch the whispered conversation between the hanyou and the miko. Inuyasha wasn't the only one with sensitive hearing around here.

"What's with that bouzu?" hissed Inuyasha.

Kagome shrugged. "I have no idea – I thought he wasn't stupid enough to try that stunt until the da-ru was over – it isn't the full moon yet, is it?"

"No – Sango and I saw the moon last night. It's coming soon, though: probably in a couple of days."

"Anyway… did Sango-chan seem on edge to you earlier? Normally, she'd wait for the hand to touch her ass before she'd slap him."

"I bet she likes that lecher feeling her up, that's why she waits that long – I mean, with instincts like that? – before clocking him."

Kagome paused to glare hard at the hanyou before she answered. But both shot furtive glances at me, checking whether I was eavesdropping. I deliberately looked away, pretending to be immersed in checking Kirara's fur.

"Sango-chan? Is everything alright?" called Kagome.

They were suspicious. I shook my head, smiling brightly. "Yes, Kagome-chan! Just found a flea in Kirara's fur!"

She growled, incensed at the implication that her hygiene levels weren't up to standard – a grave insult for a feline. I scratched behind her ears to placate her.

"Sorry Kirara, just this once. I'll make it up to you."

A red-eyed glare.

"With fish."

Still glaring.

"Okay, okay, big fish. And I'll beg Kagome-chan for some of that salmon you love, okay?"

She purred.

"I've spoiled you, you terrible creature," I muttered under my breath. Glancing at Inuyasha and Kagome, I noticed they were back in huddled discussion and I walked faster to catch up.

" – bet he's just playing with her." Inuyasha's gold eyes were shrewd, flicking to Miroku's back now and then.

"Mmm, I wouldn't put it past him… but they've been getting along so well these past few weeks."

"Keh, you know what he's like – he's dying to get his hands on the women."

"But what about Sango?"

"What about her?"

"Inuyasha, you jerk! You know that Sango-chan has feelings for Miroku-sama – even if you're too thick to notice, I've been telling you for ages – and well, if he goes after other women…" The miko threw up her hands in frustration, seeing the confused look on the dog demon's face. "Well, he shouldn't!"

Inuyasha was about to open his mouth to respond when Miroku stopped short ahead, making the pair of them stumble. "A village!" The hanyou settled for shooting Kagome a look which clearly said "Later." As he walked in front to speak with Miroku, I spotted Kagome sticking out her tongue at his back.

We needed supplies – I vaguely remembered telling Miroku that the other night – but with all the bustle of the morning, all of us had forgotten about it. The monk commandeered the shopping, picking the groceries and essentials with Kagome. Many of the shopkeepers were beautiful young women – a fact that made both Inuyasha and Kagome sneak furtive glances at me – who made no secret of finding Miroku attractive and made their intentions very clear.

Worst of all, that monk was the very model of incorruptibility. He fended off each advance tactfully yet firmly. I'm not joking when I say he left a trail of broken hearts wherever we visited in the village.

And as per the da-ru, there was no groping, no flirting and no infamous question.

To say I was baffled was the understatement of the year.

After Miroku crushed yet another maiden's dreams of blissful married life – not to mention after all the staring Kagome and Inuyasha were doing – I couldn't take it any more.

That night, I seized him by the front of his robes (after he plucked yet another leaf from my butt) and dragged him to a quiet clearing where we could talk in private.

No mean feat, given Inuyasha's hanyou hearing.

He turned wide, innocent eyes on me. "Why, Sango, what's wrong? You've been very tetchy all day… Did I do something to offend you?"

"You know very well what you've been doing!"

"But the girls… I turned them all down! And I didn't grope them, you saw – "

I huffed. "I know! That's what's been bothering me!" I could have sworn I saw him smirk.

"You and I both know the da-ru is over!" I informed him.

Surprise flitted across his features. "It is?"

If he wasn't going to drop that boyishly adorable smile, I am going to throttle him. "You know it is! The moon was full last night!"

I grabbed the front of his already wrinkled robes again. "I can't take it any more, Houshi-sama! Hurry up and grope me, so I can slap you!"

He blinked. "Why would I want to grope you, Sango?"

"Because you're a pervert and a lecher, you delinquent monk!" I growled.

"That's harsh."

Releasing him, I thought I would go mad from frustration.

"Wait a second…" Miroku frowned. "How did you know about the da-ru?"

"I overhead Inuyasha, Kagome-chan and you talking about it weeks ago."

"Ah," he smiled. "That Inuyasha has a big mouth."

"Houshi-sama, you're missing the point here!" I was this close to losing self-control over his not-gropes, and he was talking calmly about Inuyasha's inability to keep a secret. Men were hard enough to understand, let alone this perverted monk. "The thing is: you love to grope me! Now you can, you should be unable to keep your hands off my ass!"

He raised an eyebrow. "… I can't believe that just came out of your mouth, Sango. And you all say I have a filthy mind."

I blushed furiously as the impact of what I just said hit home; I've been spending too much time with Miroku. Covering my hot face with my hands, I turned away from him.

"Besides," said a masculine voice dangerously close to my ear, "what's the fun of being so predictable? I find the suspense quite exciting."

I wheeled around just as Miroku stepped back, the infamous lecherous grin in place. "You mean – you know – you were – " Half-finished questions and thoughts shot out, each replaced by another equally chaotic thought.

He knew. He was toying with me the whole time. Realization struck my brain like white-hot lightning.

"You perverted – !" I drew my hand back to slap him but its motion was arrested by a warm hand on my wrist.

"Now, Sango," he chided, "I don't think that's a slappable offence, now, is it?"

Forget slapping. I wanted to pound him into a pulp. Pivoting on one foot, I shifted my weight and reached for his other hand.

Miroku must have guessed what was on my mind; he darted out of my grasp and let go. I dropped into the cat stance, calming my breathing. I wasn't going to win, flustered like this.

"Come on, Houshi-sama," I grinned. That irascible monk grinned back, only his was definitely more perverted.

I struck out, one hand going for his ribs, the other for his throat. A quick end, no need to make it any messier than it already was. Miroku dodged both and his fist lunged out. Chinese tiger-style, said my warrior's instinct, reading the lines of his body. Despite my foreknowledge, those robes camouflaged the movements well.

My foot went up to where I guessed his torso would be and I let out a grunt. It missed completely: Miroku moved around it and disappeared. Before I could turn around, arms wrapped around my body; one around my shoulders, pulling me backward, the other around my waist, pinning my arms to my sides.

I flew backward into a very solid wall. "I win," breathed his voice from somewhere above my head.

I was about to retaliate with a quick elbow to his gut when the ludicrousness of the situation sank into my rational mind.

"Fine, Houshi-sama, you win this time," I acknowledged, squirming out of his grasp. "You fight dirty."

Miroku answered me with another lecherous grin. "I have too, otherwise you'd flatten me."

Just then, Kagome's voice rang through the trees. "Sango-chan, Miroku-sama! Where are you?"

I was about to shout back when I remembered. "Oh, shit…" We were both panting and red-faced, sweaty from the fight. Our clothes were disheveled as well: especially for Miroku, since I'd been pulling on them a lot.

That monk was about to say something when our condition dawned on him. "My, Sango, you are a wild one, dragging me out here to deflower a blushing virgin like myself."

I clobbered him over that thick skull of his. "Shut up, it's not funny! Oh no, they're going to think we were doing that…"

I paused mid-freakout. "… And since when were you a virgin? I think you don't even know the meaning of the word!"

"True, true," he sighed. "Shall I demonstrate my complete lack of understanding of the word…?"

"Now's not the time!" I hissed, just as the bushes rustled and Kagome, Inuyasha, Shippou and Kirara poked through.

Four pairs of inquisitive eyes traveled over our bodies, taking in the disheveled appearance, the lecherous grin on Miroku's face, the horrified expression on mine, the red hue of both.

Kagome immediately covered Shippou's eyes. "Hey!" he protested, kicking his little legs. "Why can't I see? Adults get all the fun…"

"Damnit, can't you keep your hands off each other, or at least wait until everyone's asleep before doing that?!" muttered Inuyasha. "Keh, so it's true the da-ru's over…"

"Inuyasha!" scolded Kagome, her cheeks quite pink as she tried to avoid meeting my gaze. "We're sorry for interrupting, we should have waited back at the camp – "

"Kagome-chan! It's not what you think!" I desperately tried.

" – we'll just go back now, err, come and find us later, okay?"

She winked as she herded Inuyasha and Shippou off. Kirara was left there, peering up at me with round eyes. I turned to her.

"Kirara! You believe me, don't you?"

She mewed and walked off, tails in the air, with all the airs of a approving parent. Obviously, she wasn't going to forget the flea episode in a hurry.

Miroku snickered. "Since they all already think we did that, why don't we just do it then? No need to hide it from them now."

"You pervert!" I growled. "This is all your fault and that's the only thing you can think about now?!"

"Well, it is rather distracting, you know…"

"… Shut up. I don't want to hear anything right now, especially not from you."