Oh my God, I am so so so sorry it took so long for this update. It's been crazy these last few days. First I was moving out of my house, then I was moving into college, and then this last week I caught a nasty virus that has had me in bed literally all day every day. I'm finally starting to feel better so I pushed through this chapter. Word of warning, I'm posting it without proof reading or anything so I apologize in advance for any errors. I'll come back and fix it once my head is a little bit clearer.

On a side note, thank you so much to all of those who read, reviewed, followed and favorited my new story! I promise I'll get back to that one too once this virus is flushed out. I start classes soon so I might not update with the same frequency I did this story but I'll do my best.

Anyways, hope you guys like this new chapter! It's extra extra long because I feel extra extra guilty for making you wait so long lol Please Read and REVIEW! I love hearing your thoughts and opinions!

Enjoy! xoxo

PS: THANK YOU to the reviewer who reminded me! I totally forgot to post this:

WARNING: There's mention and somewhat graphic description of rape in this chapter, read at own risk. (Plus, I went a little off canon for this chapter and gave things my own little spin, nothing too major nor too significant. Only did it so it would work better with the story.)


I love you.

God, those words made me feel like someone had dropped a lead brick into my stomach. I could honestly not remember the last time someone had said that to me, since everything around here had been so rushed and chaotic with my return that not even my dad had bothered, especially now with my mom's death looming over us; but hearing them come from Emily had me with my stomach in my throat and my heart threatening to burst through my chest. The meaning she gave them, combined with the tenderness and undying devotion in her eyes as she looked at me like I was the only person in the world who mattered was just …utterly surreal.

To have someone at your side who you know would support you through anything and everything, who would go through hell and back for you – hell, who had already gone through hell and back for you and only continued to prove exactly how much she cares, how much she's always cared and probably always would, if I was lucky, meant more to me right now than I could ever put into words.

"I love you too," I said hoarsely, my voice breaking oddly at the end. I could feel the smile on my lips threatening to split my face in two.

Emily smiled sweetly, lifting her head just as I leaned down to meet in a soft, gentle kiss that was little more than a brush of our lips against each other's.

"Very. Very. Much." I added in a whisper, accentuating every word with another kiss.

Emily chuckled, stroking her free hand over my cheek. "Now who's the one crying?"

I frowned, my free hand reaching up to where her fingers had touched my cheek. Sure enough, they came back wet and only now did I realize that my cheeks were damp. I laughed breathlessly, bending down to kiss her again.

"I didn't even realize I was crying," I admitted sheepishly.

Her hands came up and held my face firmly, holding me in place to give me one last, long kiss that left me breathless and struggling to control my racing heartbeat. Emily sat up and turned to lean her back against my side. I shifted, resting my own back against the couch's arm so she could lean further into me and I could wrap my arm around her waist. She linked our fingers over her stomach as we settled comfortably to watch the final scenes of the movie unfold.

It was easy to forget the outside world with everything so quiet around us. It would be so easy to just…give in to each other and spend the rest of our lives like this. Spending moments like this made it possible to imagine a world without A – Friday night dates at the town theater, Saturdays lounging around or actually hanging out recreationally with the other girls, grabbing coffee at the Brew and poking fun at the private school boys in their preppy uniforms. But I could never manage to hold that image for long. A would always send a text, or a new threat, or blow something up and shatter the perfect world I'd created in my head. I would have lost hope a long time ago, but having the girls was the only thing that kept me going. And having Emily know would only fuel my determination to put this all to rest once and for all.

Emily shifted in my arms, resting her head in the crook of my shoulder in a way where she could look at me. I had a feeling she wanted to say something, but it was a couple of minutes later when she finally spoke up.

"Ali?"

"Yeah, babe?"

I saw her smile at the pet name, and I made a mental note to use it more often.

"You know that – that I −" She huffed, rolling her eyes at her obviously flustered self. I smiled reassuringly, nudging her temple gently with my chin in a silent prompt for her to continue. "…that I've been with – with other girls, right?"

I raised an eyebrow, nodding slowly. Of course I knew that. I disappeared and left behind a meek and shy girl who was barely bold enough to kiss her boyfriend in front of her best friends, and I came back to a woman who was completely attuned and confident with her sexuality, gay as it was. That clearly hadn't happened on its own – and besides, I had CeCe check up on the girls often enough to be kept up to date with their relationships.

"I mean, that I've been with other girls…like that." Her eyes flickered to my neck where I was sporting my own branding, marking me as hers – proudly, I might add. I'd scream it to the world if I had it my way.

My mouth formed a silent "oh" as I finally understood what she meant. "Are you trying to tell me that you've had sex before, Em?" I asked with a smirk.

Emily turned her head into my neck as she nodded, a failed attempt at hiding the blush that was heating up her face. I chuckled, resting my cheek against the top of her head.

"I know that, Emily, I'm not stupid. I mean, you've had your share of relationships." She looked up at me shyly through her lashes and I smiled, dropping a comforting kiss to her forehead. "It's okay, sweetie. I know I wouldn't be your first." I paused for a moment, unsure of whether or not to ask what was on my mind, but the way she smiled assured me that she knew this was pure curiosity. "Can I ask who was?"

She sighed, dropping a soft kiss to my neck before settling against me. "Maya. I mean, I know I said that thing about Ben but −"

"Oh, I always knew that wasn't true." I admitted. The look of surprise on her face made me smirk. "Sweetie, if you'd actually had sex with Ben willingly and liked it enough to not make it awkward between the two of you, you would've been glowing. At the least, you would have tried to tell me or one of the other girls before word got out."

Emily's brow furrowed in confusion. "You seemed so surprised when I told you the rumors weren't true."

My fingers immediately reached up to smooth away the wrinkles on her forehead. "I figured you had a reason for lying. I wanted to see what it was before going to you about it."

I'd had my suspicions about her sexuality for a while, especially after I realized she'd lied about sleeping with her boyfriend. It was only after Noel's Halloween party, where I saw her checking Jenna out, that I was sure, and the surge of jealousy that overcame me that night, inexplicable at the time, unfortunately fueled my urge to use her secret to my advantage.

She titled her head, assessing my words, and finally she just shrugged. "Well then yeah, Maya. But it was the second time around. After Samara and the fling with Paige."

My stomach twisted at the mention of her very recent ex. It seemed that every time I turned a corner Paige was there, looming over us, waiting for the perfect moment to dive in and sweep Emily off her feet like she'd already done before.

I didn't really want to know, but the words were out of my mouth before I could think twice about it.

"And you and Paige never…?"

Again she blushed, but she surprised me with a shake of her head. "She wanted to, a lot – I mean, I thought I did too – and we almost did, a couple of times. We'd get half way through, but when it got to me I never really felt –" Emily paused, chewing on her bottom lip. I could see her struggling to come up with the right words. "Completely into it, I guess. I just never felt like I used to feel wi −" She bit down hard on her lip as her cheeks suddenly flushed a dark shade of red and she turned away.

I raised an eyebrow, tilting her head gently to get her to look at me again. "With whom?"

"Nothing, never mind." she mumbled, shaking her head.

I angled my head to get her to meet my gaze, offering what I hoped was a reassuring smile as I stroked her cheek softly. "You can tell me, sweetie, I won't say anything."

Emily sighed, her face heating up in yet again other blush. Jesus, was I making her this uncomfortable? I was starting to think that it might be a good idea to drop the conversation before she passed out or something, but she finally spoke up after a moment.

"With Maya," She glanced at me quickly, her lips curling into a tentative smile. "And especially with you."

I smiled in return, feeling my chest about to burst with pleasure as her words began to sink in, yet I wasn't totally sure I was getting what she was trying to say. "What do you mean?"

"I loved Paige, don't get me wrong," she explained, now with more confidence. "What we had was so genuine and she'll always mean something to me, but…I don't know. With Maya, everything felt so…intense, because it was new, I guess. She was my first honest relationship. But with you…" She chuckled to nothing in particular, glancing at me with a bashful smile, her eyes dancing with mischief.

I laughed, desire pooling in my stomach when her eyes darkened as she realized I'd finally caught on.

"You were so hot for me, Em."

Emily turned her head to press a kiss to my neck, and I could feel her laughing against my skin. "Can you blame me, Ali?"

Now this side to Emily Fields I was more than interested in getting to know. With a smirk, I playfully grazed my teeth along her earlobe and tugged before whispering, "Well it was and still is definitely more than mutual."

She emitted an almost feral groan from the back of her throat as she pulled my lips to hers, meeting half way in a hungry kiss. Her tongue swooped into my mouth possessively and I just let my head fall back in surrender, content to let her take the lead in this one because – really, a dominant Emily was hot.

I heard a whimper of disappointment when we broke apart, and for a moment I was confused since she'd broken the kiss herself, but when she laughed and pecked me on the nose I realized that I had been the one complaining. Emily's haughty grin was a turn on, I'll give her that, but my only urge was to wipe – or kiss – the smirk off her face. Before I could get a chance to, her smile softened considerably, she kissed me once more, sweet and gentle, and laid her head back against my shoulder.

"So, have you ever…?" I glanced down to see her gesturing abstractly with her hands. "You know."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Okay, maybe Hanna kind of had a point.

"Have you?"

"Slept with a girl before? Can't say that I have," I chuckled as she elbowed me playfully.

She rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean."

I grabbed one of her hands and laced our fingers together, silently hoping I could find some way of diverting this conversation elsewhere. I should have known it would turn back to me when I started talking about this, and I wasn't quite ready yet to tell her what had happened to me.

"But in all honesty, Em," I squeezed her hand for emphasis. "You're the only girl I'd ever even consider being with."

Emily brought my hand to her lips and pressed a sound kiss to my palm. "I'm glad to hear that." But when she looked at me, she was frowning. "Why are you avoiding the question?"

Damn.

I shrugged, brushing it off as if it were nothing but I could feel my pulse starting to betray me. This was getting a little too close for comfort. "I'm not avoiding it, Em. You already know about it."

"Your pregnancy scare in Cape May? Was that your first time?"

I nodded, rolling my eyes at the memory of it. "Yeah, CeCe insisted on hooking me up with some friend of hers that apparently thought I was hot. I kind of didn't want to, to be honest," I admitted, realizing with a pang that this was the first time I was telling this story to anyone. It felt to easy talking to Emily, so natural. I'd grown so used to having to double think everything and watch what I say that it almost felt unusual to just be able to speak my mind. "But you know CeCe, I didn't have much of a choice. I had a couple of drinks with him, and since he was pretty cute and I already knew he wanted it," I shrugged. "I went for it."

"And how was it?" she asked, watching me carefully.

Again, I rolled my eyes. I barely remembered that night, and the little I did remember wasn't pleasant. We were both wasted and he had been everything but gentle. "Unmemorable. In fact," I laughed dryly, more of that night coming back to me as I recounted the story. "He passed out right after he finished. Literally right after he came."

Emily snorted. "Jerk." Her gaze softened as she stroked her thumb over my knuckles. "I'm sorry your first time was with him."

"Don't worry," I said with a nonchalant shrug, smiling as I nuzzled her neck softly. "I can have a different one now."

That got her to smile. "I'll make sure to make it memorable then."

The smile that spread over my face was one I knew by now only Emily could get out of me. I kissed her temple in thanks, thankful that she seemed content to drop the subject as she curled up against me. Yet my relief only lasted a few minutes, since apparently she'd only paused to gather up courage to ask her next question.

"Was he your only one?"

Damn it.

I literally felt my blood run cold. "W-what?"

She didn't seem to notice my stutter because she didn't even hesitate to repeat the question. "I mean, you said he was your first time. Was he the only guy you ever slept with?"

I knew why she was asking. Back then I was always flirting around with guys and talking her and the others about random college guys I'd meet with CeCe, all four girls oblivious to the fact that most of what I told them was bullshit. She was just curious, and it would be so easy to just say that he was the only one and appease her curiosity.

Yet my mind couldn't help but flash back to that horrible night in Philadelphia nearly two years ago, the scar on my thigh tingling at the memory. I was so stupid. Granted, I had just barely run away and I was scared out of my mind. But now that I could look back on it with fresh eyes, that entire ordeal had had trap written all over it in big, bright, neon red caps.

Emily shifted next to me, making me realize I had probably hesitated for a second too long.

"Umm, no – yeah. He was the only one." I fought back the urge to cringe, the words sounding fake even to my own ears.

I busied myself with my cuticles, knowing that she'd read me like a book if I so much as looked at her. She'd shifted so she was facing me completely now, and I could feel her staring at me.

"What aren't you telling me?"

Fuck. "I'm not not telling you anything, Em." Please, just drop it.

Her hand cupped my cheek and she guided my gaze to meet hers. I did my best to keep a straight face, even as her hand slid down to my neck where she could probably feel my pulse hammering away nervously.

"Come on, Alison." she pleaded, her tone gentle but her eyes swimming with confusion. She almost sounded hurt as she said, "We said no more secrets, right?"

I tried swallowing around the huge lump that had suddenly formed in my throat. How was I supposed to respond to this? I'd promised I'd stop lying to them, to her, but I never thought that would come back to bite me in the ass and make me tell her something like this. Hanna had already come close to finding out about the scar during my medical exam a few weeks ago, but she was a lot easier to diffuse. Emily was different, more persistent in a way – or maybe just more interested.

"Ali?"

My mouth opened to respond before my brain could come up with something to say, so I was left with my mouth gaping like an idiot, all chance of smooth talking my way out of this conversation completely out the window.

"Alison." Emily grabbed my face in her hands fiercely enough to match her tone of voice, her eyes hardened with determination. "What. Is. It?"

"Emily…" It barely came out as a whisper, and my eyes watered despite my best efforts. Her gaze was too penetrating – I felt like she could see straight through me, see every disgusting thing I'd had to do to survive while I was gone. "I – I can't."

"Yes you can!" Her fingers tightened on my face, her eyes glistening, whether with confusion, frustration or disappointment I was too overwhelmed to decide. "You can tell me anything. You know this, Ali."

"I can't talk about this, Emily!" I snapped harshly. I didn't want to lash out at her, but the tone of voice slipped in naturally. It was enough to make her let go of me, her eyes flashing with hurt, and I immediately buried my face in my hands, resting my elbows on my knees.

We spent a few moments in silence, and I thought maybe I'd managed to throw her off enough for her to leave me alone. I didn't want to hurt her, I hated myself for it. But it wasn't long before I felt her place her hand hesitantly on my lower back.

"What is so horrible that you can't talk to me about?" she asked softly.

Her touch opened my floodgates and I found myself blinking back tears behind my hands as her fingers scratched lightly over my shirt. I wouldn't cry – I couldn't cry.

"I'm not going to judge you," she murmured. "I don't care what you did." The scent of her hair filled my nostrils as she leaned down close enough to kiss my shoulder softly. "I love you – no matter what."

I knew deep down that if there was anyone I could confide in without being judged, it was Emily. Yet there was just no way she wouldn't …I felt sick to my stomach every time I thought about that night.

I inhaled deeply through my nose, swallowing the sob that threatened to choke me. Yet with one glance at the look of unconditional support on her face, the tears I'd been adamant in suppressing tumbled down my cheeks harshly, surprising both of us in their numbers.

"Ali," Her hands came up to cup my cheeks again, her eyes searching my face helplessly, completely at loss for what to do. I could practically see the gears turning in her head as she tried to figure out what was going on.

"I'll explain," I promised hoarsely.

Emily was shaking her head, utterly baffled, as I pried one of her hands away from my face and placed it in my lap. Taking a deep breath, both as mental preparation and as a way to stop my seemingly endless tears, I hesitantly spread my legs and led her fingers to my right inner thigh.

"What're you −?"

I stopped about an inch away from the scar, the damaged skin already prickling in anticipation. She was staring at me in complete bewilderment, as if I'd grown two extra heads. I closed my eyes and finally placed her hand over my scar, dragging her fingers along the jagged skin. Her sharp intake of breath told me she understood now.

"Alison…" Her voice was thick, like she was holding back tears. "How did you get that?"

I opened my eyes and was momentarily blinded by the tears that had accumulated before they trailed down my cheeks. Glancing at her confirmed what I already knew: she knew what it was, what it meant. She wanted me to deny it, to say it was a childhood injury I'd gotten while riding my bike, or climbing over a fence, or playing field hockey, that it was just a scar she'd never really noticed before because I was embarrassed of its location and had never allowed anyone to see it. Anything but the truth.

I hung my head, not trusting my voice to speak and too ashamed to see the look on her face when she realized there was no other truth to this.

"Oh my God."

She leaned forward and placed her elbows on her knees, clasping her hands together and leaning her forehead against them. My tears came fast and powerful when her face scrunched up in silent sobs.

"When did it happen?" she asked after a moment, teary eyes turning to look at me.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, choosing to look anywhere but at her. I couldn't bear the thought of her thinking any less of me, and I didn't want to see the moment when she'd come to face the truth. "A few weeks after I disappeared," I answered in a croaky whisper. She didn't say anything else, and I realized she was waiting for me to continue. "I'd had another run in with A and I was hiding out in this café in Philly I'd found a few days before that. There was this guy there, supposedly married,"

I could still see him perfectly in my head: he'd been in his mid-thirties, tall, brown hair, well built, warm hazel eyes, charming smile…your typical Philadelphia businessman, a coffee house regular. He'd been so easy to talk to. Yet now I could remember certain traits that might have been a red flag had I noticed them back then: eyes maybe too wide, too interested in what I was saying, smile maybe too understanding, wedding ring too worn out to be less than five years old.

Emily stood up brashly, hands on her head as she started to pace, inhaling deeply with every step. Her movement jostled me out of my flashback.

"I'd met him a few days before," I continued quietly, trying to ignore how between every lungful she took, her breath hitched as she fought to control her tears. "He'd always sit in the same spot and talk to me from time to time when I went there to hide out. He saw me freaking out that day and offered to help. God," I laughed dryly, glaring up at the ceiling, cursing him inwardly. "I was so stupid."

Emily sat down again, her breathing finally normal. I chanced a glance at her face and wished I hadn't: her eyes were bloodshot and her cheeks were soaked with tears, much like what I imagined I must look like. She was waiting for me to go on, face expressionless.

"He seemed so nice," I said, my eyes leaving her face and focusing on my knees instead. "So genuine. And I was so – so desperate. He told me he had a family, a wife and kids. Said that his wife could take care of me, give me a hot meal and lend me some clothes." I scoffed despite myself because really – I'd been that stupid. It sounded so ridiculous now. "His family turned out to be two burn-out roommates in this shady apartment bordering West Philly." My throat tightened again as new tears started blurring my vision. "By the time I realized he'd tricked me, he had already locked me inside his apartment."

Memories were coming back hard and fast now. The acrid smell of mildew and beer that had completely overpowered his entire apartment, the dampness of his furniture on my skin as they'd pushed me against them, the heart-clenching desperation of wanting to run and not being able to…

"I tried fighting." My voice broke at the end, and only then I realized I was crying again. "I tried fighting with anything and everything I could find around me and inside me. But they had me outnumbered three against one."

Emily was dragging her hands through her hair now, her fingers clenched into claws in an act of desperation. She kept shaking her head, as if denying it to the universe would make my story that – just a story. If only.

"They took turns," I said grimly. "Two would hold me down while the third got his round. One of them had a Swiss Army knife in his pocket that started digging into me while he was thrusting." The scar on my thigh stung, as if it recognized I was recounting its creation. "They didn't even care about the blood. They just figured I was a virgin and they were 'taking care of me'." I put air quotes around the last words and Emily chuckled darkly.

"How'd you get away?" she asked, speaking up for the first time since I'd started the story. Her voice was even, but her eyes were brimming with rage and disgust. I could barely look at her without flinching.

"Once the last one was almost done, they started to let their guard down. I managed to use my nails to get the other two off me and I ran out of the apartment, half naked and screaming for help." I rolled my eyes, wiping at the wetness on my cheeks with the sleeves of my shirt. "No one even bothered to come out and see what was happening. It was such a shitty neighborhood I wouldn't doubt that seeing something like that was nothing out of the ordinary. I ended up running through the streets in the middle of the night until I hit UPenn and some campus security guard found me. He helped me call CeCe and she took me to the hospital."

We were quiet for a while, my occasional hiccups and Emily's deep, even breathing the only thing breaking the silence between us. I didn't look at her, too afraid to see what her reaction would be. I didn't want pity, but I didn't expect her to just brush this off either.

Finally she spoke up first.

"My God, Alison."

The couch dipping caught my attention, and I looked up just as she was scooting to close the distance between us, sitting so that our thighs were touching completely. She opened her arms, prying one of my arms away from my knees and pulling me into her embrace.

"C'mere, sweetheart." she murmured as she wrapped her arms around me, the endearment rolling off her tongue so naturally I didn't think twice about it.

I let myself fall into her, my head resting easily in the crook of her neck. And when she whispered an "I love you" into my hair, all hell broke loose inside me. It started with a sniffle, but suddenly I was crying – no, sobbing hysterically into her chest as she rocked us, and I let her hold me. I couldn't remember the last time someone had done this for me – the last time someone had held me like this while I'd had a good cry. Come to think of it, I couldn't remember the last time I'd let myself cry like this either.

I felt so goddamn safe with her, in every sense of the word.

I don't know how much time passed, but only when my sobs died down did I realize she'd been whispering into my ear all this time.

"It's okay," she cooed softly, her hands running through my hair. "You're okay, Ali. Let it out, it's okay. It's over."

The sleeves of my shirt were already soaked, but I wiped away at my cheeks anyways. Emily noticed and gathered my face in her hands, the pads of her thumbs stroking away the wetness I had missed. She held my face mere inches from her own, forcing me to look straight into her eyes.

"You didn't deserve that," she murmured fiercely. Her cheeks were stained with tears but she'd stopped crying a while ago. "You know that, don't you Ali? This was completely out of your control and no one, no one deserves to go through what you just told me."

"For the longest time I thought it was karma." I admitted, too mortified to meet her loving gaze. "That it was just the universe's way of making me pay back everything I did to the people I knew and the people I cared about, because A just wasn't enough."

Emily rested her forehead against mine and I closed my eyes. "Karma's a bitch, but no one deserves that." She kissed my forehead softly before she started peppering kisses all over my face. "You're the strongest person I know, Alison. I don't ever want you to forget that." Her lips brushed against mine, and my hands flew up to her wrists to hold her in place. "I am so so proud of you."

I smiled at that, turning my head to kiss her palm. It was nicer than I expected hearing her say she was proud of me. I wormed my way to her side again, snuggling my head into her neck and wrapping my arms around her waist as she wrapped hers around me in return.

"So this doesn't change anything?" I asked timidly because I couldn't help myself.

"Not in the slightest," Emily whispered, kissing my forehead. "You are just as beautiful and gorgeous and perfect as you've always been."

I rolled my eyes with a smile, feeling some of my attitude coming back. Then with a smirk, I added, "So…you still wanna sleep with me?"

"More than ever."

Her lips were still brushing over my face and she sounded so genuine. My eyes watered against my will because she was just too perfect and beautiful and there was no way in hell I had ever done anything in my life that made me worthy enough of having her to myself.

I hadn't even realized I was moving until our lips met and I was on my knees beside her, cradling her delicate face in my hands. She placed her hands on my hips, fingers ghosting over my skin as I took my time to explore every inch of her mouth with my tongue, and she let me. She let me control the kiss this time, and I quickly figured out dominating Emily was just as hot as having her dominate me.

"I love you so much," I mumbled against her lips before finally breaking away, resting my forehead against hers. "Thank you for not giving up on me."

Emily smiled. "I told you, Ali." She captured my lips again, quickly but heatedly.

"Never."