Levi and Hanji drove back to Trost on the following morning, happy to come back to warmer temperatures and to not have to shake uncontrollably because of the cold anymore. At least Levi's gift had been useful, but if he had to choose between letting the scarf take the dust in his closet or having to warp his face in it to prevent his skin from turning into ice, he would choose the former without hesitation. He was pretty sure his best friend would make the same choice if presented, knowing that she would most certainly have a running nose for the upcoming days, as she had spent the entire trip back sneezing and blowing her nose. His hometown was definitely not the best place to visit at this time of the year.

Going back to work after driving for twelve hours in two days with only an evening of rest turned out to be not as difficult as someone would think, and Levi went back to a steady working pace in no time. On the contrary, most of his coworkers seemed really tired from their holidays and weren't as efficient as they could be, which earned them a few harsh comments about their sluggishness from him.

Eren went back to his apartment on campus the weekend before the beginning of his new semester and started complaining about his flatmate the minute he had set foot in it. Apparently, the guy was annoyingly showing off the gifts he had received for Christmas and asking a lot of questions about his best friend, Mikasa. Then, when realization had struck him, he had spent the rest of his 'free' hours complaining about the fact that he didn't want to go back to class yet, even after two whole weeks of vacation. Levi had no idea how the kid would be able to survive in the future with limited days of vacation per year if he was complaining now.

January went by smoothly after that. Eren had stopped whining after his first day, and they went back to normal conversations on a daily basis. They started sending each other pictures of their day again, and Levi knew Eren was avoiding the subject he really wanted to bring back up. So it wasn't a surprise to him when, late January, Eren started to ask for pictures of him again. He was that predictable, which meant Levi had already had time to anticipate the situation and already knew how to reply. But because Eren had been a little shit almost every day about it, and as a small revenge, he had kept Eren waiting a few days before finally acting on the decision he had made a month ago.

Eren:
Come on, Levii! :(

Me:
Fine. You win.

Eren:
You're gonna send me a picture? :D

Me:
No.

Eren:
How is this me winning then? :(

Me:
Let's meet.

Eren:
Wait, what?

Meet?

As in face to face meeting?

Me:
Yes.

Eren:
Seriously?

Me:
Yes, brat. When do I ever joke about things like that?

Eren:
Really? Awesome! :DD

But wait… I don't even know where you live :(

Me:
Trost.

Eren:
What, seriously?

Me:
You're repeating yourself.

Yes, seriously. What is it?

Eren:
I live right next to Trost!

How is that even possible?

Me:
I don't know. Small world, I guess?

Where do you live?

Eren:
Rose university campus :)

Me:
Indeed, it's pretty close.

Eren:
Wow, i can't believe this!

Are we really gonna meet?

Me:
Yes pumpkin, now calm down a bit.

Eren:
Sorry… I just got a little overexcited

Me:
No shit.

Eren:
When do you want to meet? And where? :)

Why not meet at the survey corps cafe?
I still need to try their cinnamon latte!

Me:
Not a bad idea. The one near the business center?

And I have a few projects to finish in the upcoming weeks so not before two weeks at least.

Eren:
Yeah, it's the only one in Trost, i checked last time when i went there :)

Okay! I have a few tests and reports due mid-February too, so what do you say about the 23rd?

Me:
It's a Saturday, right?

Good thinking, at least you won't be able to blame me if you fail your tests.

Eren:
Eh! I got good grades for my midterms!

Me:
Good for you.

Keep on being serious and you might manage to pass your degree.

Eren:
Might? That's a lot of faith you're putting in me

Me:
Just being realistic.

Eren:
Gee, thanks

Then I better go sleeping if I don't want to increase my chances of failure

Me:
Yeah, sleep while you still can.

Eren:
Whoa, you're really a killjoy today!
Hard time at work?

Me:
The usual.

Eren:
Well, go to sleep too!

Don't let the excitement for our upcoming date prevent you from sleeping though ;)

Me:
I think that's my line.

And I didn't know it was a date.

Eren:
Obviously I meant it as a friendly date, like two people meeting, who happen to be friends

That's all

Me:
Sure.

Good night pumpkin.

Eren:
Good night sunshine :)

A date, huh? Whatever it was called, at least they were going to meet soon and Levi wouldn't have to spend his time thinking about how he could broach the subject. Now he would only spend his time thinking about their meeting, which wasn't better actually, but at least on the 23rd he would be fixed. Then he would stop wondering about how a meeting with Eren would go and what would happen. He just had to wait three weeks before being able to put an end to his speculations.

But three weeks was a long time and Levi was having a hard time sleeping. It wasn't from excitement like Eren had joked about, but more from anguish and dread. He was fearing their meeting, coming up with so many scenarios in his head, good and bad, that he was both ready for anything and apprehending everything. Eren was talking about their 'date' almost every day, as if he was scared Levi would change his mind, and that only made him more scared of his decision.

What had he been thinking? It was a terrible idea. A really stupid and terrible idea. Why did he decide to listen to Hanji? He hardly did, and when he did, it had always ended up in a disaster. What if he wasn't able to talk normally with Eren and afterwards he didn't want to talk with him again? What if Eren found him not really interesting and realized he had just lost his time befriending him?

So many questions were arising inside his head, flooding and numbing his mind. It was at the extent that sleep had decided to abandon him and he just spent his nights looking at the dark ceiling above him, unable to close his eyes and drift into unconsciousness. It had only been a week since their agreement and the lack of sleep had started to take a tool on his daily mood. He was getting angry and frustrated over nothing, was sighing and yawning most of the time, and had a hard time keeping his eyes focused. But still he couldn't sleep, and when he did, the frontier between a conscious state and an unconscious one was so thin that he didn't feel like he had slept at all when he woke up.

He was slowly losing his mind, and the 23rd wasn't coming fast enough. Hanji had apparently heard about his foul mood from Erwin and had been harassing him to tell her what was wrong with him. Ultimately, he told her about his meeting with Eren, which put her in a gleeful mood, telling him over and over again that it was going to be okay, that he had nothing to worry about, in a vain attempt to reassure him. But if saying this was the way to go to calm his nerves, he wouldn't have reached this state of sleep deprivation and anxiety.

That was how his first week had passed: not enough sleep, too much thoughts.

The second one was a tad better. Levi had started to be buried in his projects' deadlines which had succeeded in keeping his mind off the dreadful date. He was able to sleep a bit more, too tired to think of anything, and his mood got a bit better. Eren was also buried in his work, busy between exams and reports to fill in. He couldn't stop complaining about how he wouldn't be able to do everything that had been assigned to him, taking the last minute to do everything like per usual, which kind of amused Levi and helped him thinking about something else.

By the third week, and a few days before the 23rd, Levi was eventually at peace with himself. No matter the outcome, he just had to wait and see. Only time would tell. It was the type of thoughts which perfectly reflected the kind of mindset he was in at the moment, and not even the excited texts from Eren about their meeting could change it. He had already thought of the worst, so now all he could do was wait for the fateful day while keeping himself busy with his work to distract his hyperactive mind.

It had worked more than he had anticipated, and by the time he could have a break and take a deep breath, it was Saturday, the D-day. They had agreed to meet in the morning, for breakfast. Well, in Levi's opinion, breakfast was already over by 10 am, but Eren was a late riser so he hadn't commented on it. Levi had been a bit surprised, he had thought they would meet sometime during the afternoon or for dinner, but he suspected Eren had suggested the morning so they could have more time during the day to be with each other and talk, and that was fine by him. Besides, the sooner they would meet, the least Levi would have time to worry himself sick about the outcome of the day.

Levi entered the Survey Corps café, his hands a bit sweaty from the stress, his shoulders tensed, and his eyes scanning every face present in the shop. He had come way too early, unable to keep calm in his apartment and thought a warm cup of tea would help appease his nerves. He would take a second one when Eren would come if needed, he didn't mind, their teas were that good anyway.

His unsteady steps and his furrowed brows gave away his uneasiness as he made his way to the counter, but if the barista had noticed his discomfort, she didn't say anything while she welcomed him with a friendly smile. He came enough to be recognized as a regular customer and to know the name of the employees without looking at their badge, and he tried to relax his face as he stared at the short ginger-haired girl in front of him. She was one of his favorite baristas and he knew she made good tea, at least the way he liked it, and that thought relieved him a bit.

She nodded at him while tapping on her screen as he placed his order, and she gave him a big smile before turning to the machines to prepare it. He absent-mindedly drummed his fingers on the counter while waiting for his drink, his eyes traveling from the clock to the door.

"Here you go, Mister Ackerman!"

His attention turned to the barista once again, holding out a steaming cup to him with a professional smile. He took it in his slender fingers, trying and surely failing to return her smile. His face had started to tense again and he was pretty sure it came out more as a creepy and weird rictus than a friendly smile, but hers didn't falter even when she saw it. On the contrary, it only grew wider when he replied to her, something he rarely did, considering he tried to keep social interactions at the minimum once outside of his office.

"Thank you, Nifa."

Nodding at her when she wished him a good day after he had paid, he turned around without giving her a second look and tried to find a table. There were some people already sitting at the back of the store, enjoying their beverage and talking to each other, but Levi's eyes just passed over them, concentrating on his task. His gaze stopped at a table for two which had a direct view on both the entrance and the counter, and he made his way towards it, sitting on the chair while keeping his focus on the door, waiting for a pair of emerald eyes and a dazzling smile to come into view.

He knew the brunet wouldn't come before at least thirty minutes, if he was on time, but he couldn't control his eyes. He was looking at his phone, waiting for a text since he hadn't got one since yesterday evening, then he was looking at the clock on the wall on his left, and finally he would look again at the door before starting all over again. His tea was long forgotten in his left hand, starting to cool by the minutes without having drunk even one sip of it. His right leg was bouncing nervously under the table, revealing his growing anxiety, and his mouth was closed in a thin line, only opening from time to time to release sighs he wasn't even aware of letting go.

Levi almost spilled his cup when he heard the short buzz of a notification coming from his phone, and without wasting any seconds he unlocked it and looked at the text he had received, his heart beating fast in his chest. A small grunt of annoyance left his mouth when he noticed it was only from Hanji, and he finally let his body relax.

Shitty glasses:
Don't be grumpy and enjoy your date with Eren! :DD ;))

As much as he was annoyed by her text, it still succeeded in relaxing him a bit, and he finally took a mouthful of his drink, enjoying the bitterness of his black tea. His nerves were further calmed down once he felt the hot liquid going down his throat, warming his stomach and eventually his whole body. There was really no need for him to be so on edge, he repeated himself a dozen times, and he quietly continued drinking his tea in order to relax his body further more. He still had a good fifteen minutes in front of him before meeting with Eren, and he wanted to be composed when it would happen.

He was deep in thought while looking at the two-winged logo of the shop printed on his cup when he heard the door opening, a familiar figure getting past the threshold. His grip tightened on both his drink and phone while he looked at the man standing in the entrance, a hand passing through his brown locks and revealing his forehead and two unruly eyebrows. He was wearing a green hoodie with a small rose design on the right part of his chest – most likely the logo of his university, a dark red scarf tucked inside his clothes and hiding the shirt he was wearing underneath. His legs were encased in a tight pair of blue skinny jeans, also in a dark tone, and Levi had to stopped himself before staring too much at his muscular thighs.

Levi hadn't been expecting him before at least ten minutes. He hadn't thought Eren would come before the appointed time. But with the way the brunet was playing with his hair, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and taking a deep breath before making his way to the counter, he could sense that he was also nervous. Taking a deep breath of his own, Levi tried to calm his heartbeat and directed his attention to his phone, a new text message incoming, this time without a doubt from Eren.

Eren:
I just arrived at the cafe!
Are you already there? :)

Wiping his sweaty palms on his pants, Levi took his phone in his hands once again, taking his time to reply in order to collect himself. He wasn't paying attention to his surroundings anymore, looking intently at the three letters he had typed, his thumb ready to press the send button, when a cheerful voice reached his ears, most likely meant for him.

"Hey! You're the guy from before!"

Shit. Shit.

Levi raised his head and looked at Eren, confusion plastered all over his face, but not for the reasons the brunet assumed when he added:

"Sorry, you don't remember me I guess."

For sure Levi remembered him, the problem was that Eren remembered him. It was all he had wished wouldn't happen. It was the worst-case scenario he had tried not to think about, and he had thought about a lot of different ways this meeting could go. Eren not wanting to talk with him afterwards because he was socially awkward. Eren founding him scary instead of, as he had said, cute. Them just looking at each other without saying anything because of awkwardness. Hell, he had even allowed himself to think that everything would go just fine and that he was worrying over nothing.

So, no, Eren remembering him as the stranger who had taken his picture hadn't been on his list. And now he didn't know what to do with himself nor did he know how to react. Should he just say something along the lines of "Sorry brat, you must have confused me with someone else, it's actually me, Levi"? As if it would work. Eren was a lot of things, oblivious being one of them, but stupid definitely wasn't. It was either coming out clean or continue with the lie. With the former he had to admit and explain to Eren why he didn't tell him anything last time, and with the latter he had to lie. Again.

But his mouth was faster than his brain and didn't care about his inner turmoil, because before he could come to a decision, he could already hear himself talk, making the decision for himself.

"You're the pumpkin spiced latte guy." Continuing with the lie it was then. Shit.

Eren beamed at his response and offered him a genuine, albeit nervous smile.

"Yeah! Thanks for the suggestion by the way, their cinnamon latte is mind-blowing!" He took a sip and closed his eyes with a small pleased hum. Levi couldn't tear his eyes away from him, internally battling with himself, his right hand still clenching his phone with his unsent message.

"Sorry if I'm bothering you, I'm actually waiting for a friend and it seems like he isn't here yet." He checked his phone at that, making sure he hadn't missed a text and looked again at the raven, a shy smile on his lips. "Do you mind if I sit here while waiting for him?" As Levi shrugged, Eren sat down in front of him, slightly turned towards the door to see who came in, and his phone on the table to check it regularly.

They were sitting at the same table, they were talking, but it wasn't how it was supposed to happen. Eren still didn't know, and all of the sudden Levi was transported two months back when he had met the brunet for the first time, feeling as powerless as he had felt back then. Deprived of all courage and filled with angst. Feeling like a coward.

"I don't even know how he looks like actually, we've never met before." Eren fidgeted in his seat, his eyes set on the door, or his phone, hardly sparing a glance towards Levi. "I'm kind of nervous." He was playing with his bottom lip, sinking his teeth in it before releasing it, and starting again. He then finally looked straight at the raven. "It's strange, isn't it?" He was smiling again but Levi could see the agitation and impatience in his eyes, and he wondered what was visible in his. Fear? Uneasiness? Shame?

"How are you going to find him then?"

"He saw pictures of me, so he'll recognize me." Eren shrugged, frowning at his phone and eating his lips once again. It was now past ten. Past their meeting time. If Levi could see himself in a mirror, he would definitely see shame in his eyes, he eventually decided. Shame, and also a bit of guilt.

He hurriedly put his phone on silent mode and back in his pocket when he saw Eren typing a text, and resumed to drink his tea, which was too cold to be drinkable now. But he wasn't tasting anything that went past his taste bud, wasn't even feeling the pain as he crawled his nails into his right leg, around his phone tucked in his front pocket. All he could register was the constant thoughts that were passing through his mind in an infinite loop.

What are you doing? What are you doing?

Because really, what the hell was he doing? Eren was there in front of him and, once again, he was unable to say anything except lies. Or at least he wasn't being honest with him. And everything felt like a huge déjà-vu, bringing to the surface the guilt he had felt months away, and he was starting to feel sick. Sick with his powerlessness, with his cowardice. Sick with himself.

As Eren was typing another message, Levi brusquely stood up, two green eyes looking at him with surprise.

"Sorry, I have to go." Eren gave him another small smile, locking his phone and turning his way, while Levi was trying his damn best not to run away too quickly and be at the very least polite.

"Oh! Yeah, sure! Sorry for taking your time!"

Levi wanted to retort that it wasn't a problem but the words died in his mouth and he grumbled a small "Good luck" instead, still absorbed in his role of a friendly stranger, already heading towards the exit with long strides. The last thing he heard and saw while finally leaving the café was Eren thanking him, waving at him and giving one of his big, all-teeth-out smiles.

He tried not to think too much about what had just happened, about what he had done, again, as he was heading towards his apartment. He didn't need anyone to tell him how much he had screwed up because he knew. He didn't need anyone to tell him that the best thing he should be doing right now was going back in the coffee shop and tell Eren the truth. Even beg for his forgiveness if he had to. But his body wasn't following his mind, and his mind wasn't following what his body was doing. Before even realizing it, he was in his apartment, sitting on his couch, his phone in his hand, and he had to try to calm himself and take several long and deep breaths before unlocking it and looking at the several text messages from Eren.

Eren:
I already ordered :)

I'm trying the cinnamon latte and damn it's good!

You think you're going to be there soon?

Still waiting for you here, Levi

Hey, don't tell me you overslept or something?

You didn't get into a car accident or anything right?
You live near the cafe right?

Seriously Levi, just tell me if you're okay because i'm not kidding with any of this shit, and you better than anyone should know this

As much as he just wanted to wallow in self-pity right now, he knew he couldn't leave Eren without an answer. Without telling him he wouldn't come. Without telling him he was okay, even if it was a lie. Again.

Me:
Sorry, I got called out this morning for an emergency at work. I thought I was going to be able to finish this shit before 10 but it's worse than I imagined and I'm still not done. Sorry I didn't see what time it was.

Sorry for making you worry but I can't come right now, I have to deal with this.

Rain check?

He didn't even look at the answer he got, too disgusted with himself and by how easily the lies came to him.

Levi had always considered himself as someone honest. He didn't mince his words, always spoke his mind even if it could hurt. The only thing he was aware of not being honest about was about his own feelings, because he actually had no idea what he was feeling himself. And maybe he used sarcasms a lot too, but that was a totally different situation.

But this, he had never done. In this moment, he was feeling like the biggest liar that have ever walked the earth and it made him so sick that he didn't think he could look at himself in a mirror without gagging. He was so disgusted by himself that if it was possible, he would punch himself in the face for being such an idiot.

"It's fine!", she had said. "He won't remember!", she had said.

Of course the kid remembered, he had said he had a good memory. Levi should have seen this coming from miles away. But no, he had chosen to ignore all the warning bells and had went along with her crazy idea. He only reaped what he sowed. Everything that was happening now was only him facing the consequences of his actions. His cowardly actions. And the more he lied to Eren, the worse it would be the day he would discover the truth.

Eren didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve someone lying about his identity like Levi had done twice. He didn't deserve to be stoop up and abandoned by his date. He deserved so much better than to wait for a coward and a liar like Levi. He deserved people to be honest and earnest with him.

And Levi hated himself for not being that person.