James found himself in creative writing, taking the seat farthest from the front. The professor has yet to show up; he had his stuff out for the class but his mind was far away, he staring blankly out the window at the gray, cloudy mess outside. Lost within the shelves of his mind palace.
There was no rain in sight, but the clouds were growing darker and darker. If no rain came now, it was promised for later.
'Hopefully it will hold off until I'm home. I hope Mom and the staff are alright; Abby gets a bit nervous when there's a thunderstorm.' The brunet made a mental note to call home during his half hour break after CW, to make sure things were running smoothly. That, and because the staff (Abby, Nicholas, Diane and John) were like family to him and he'd lose it if something were to happen to them.
He's already suffered one loss. One or two more would...would just…
James bit his lower lip and squeezed his eyes, a darker grayish-blue, shut. It was not the time to think so pessimistically. He was in school, dammit. He had to stay calm, cool and collected.
'Hold it all in, don't let it show. Hide it, don't feel it. Conceal, don't feel...like Elsa; alone but alone and free, keep it all in. It's for the best, no need to feel. You feel, you fall apart. Emotions can make you, but also break you.' He repeated this mantra of sorts over and over in his head, yet deep down something was...hurting.
It wasn't a strike to the chest kind of hurt though, but more of a pulling kind of hurt. It was a sensation that seemed to be telling him something; a sensation that was telling him something, not that it seemed to.
The brunet felt his eyes widen as the sensation only grew and grew. Grew and grew stronger and stronger. He felt like his torso was being crushed between two stone pillars; his blood went ice cold, and a sudden dizziness began to cloud his mind. His vision blurred, though not via tears. He felt a weird stinging, prickling wave wash over his skin like nails. He let out a slight groan and gripped hard at his hair, hoping whatever nauseous, ill tangle inside him would pass.
The last thing he needed was to collapse. Again. Only this time in sc-
'What the…?!' James's train of thought broke there and then, he sitting up straighter with eyes threatening to pop right out of their sockets.
-Page Break-
"Love…" Erin couldn't help the term of endearment from slipping past his lips. He stood behind Kendall, said dirty blond's bottle green eyes on James, his own starling blue-green ones lighter, brighter than normal.
At least he was seeing with his own eyes that James was okay. The brunet had a habit of getting himself into strange, dangerous situations. That time with Miss Jean Love wasn't James's last near brush with a fatal injury.
'He was always in danger around me, whether I acknowledged it or not. Whether I acknowledged it then and there.' Erin thought with sad smile, perfect teeth chewing at his lower lip.
He was pulled out of his stupor however when a low growl rumbled free from James's chest, eyes dark and hostile and narrowed. He looked like a cobra ready to strike, a hand unconsciously going for his tattoo again.
"What the bloody hell are you doing here?" Never once has Erin heard such animosity, such venom in his young husband's voice before now. He's always been so sweet, happy and friendly to everyone he came across; he was nice even to Amelia when she didn't deserve it, when she had tried to crash the wedding their friends and family had worked in hours to help prepare.
'James...what has happened to you?'
Erin watched in awe as Kendall only smiled, as if brushing off the sting of the older boy's greeting.
"You dropped this, you're welcome." He said, pulling out a thin, plastic card and approaching James's desk. He didn't toss it onto his books, carelessly threw it; he took the time to gently place it in...James's free hand before strolling along and taking the seat behind him, getting everything he needed for class out as well.
James's eyes were wide once more, face paler than normal though.
'H-he...gave this back to me?' Both sets of warm, thin caramel-colored fingers traced the cool surface of the ID card, darkish blue-gray eyes going a golden-hazel in confusion.
James looked over his shoulder at Kendall, who paused in getting out a pencil to meet the brunet's face.
They said nothing to each other for three, long minutes. Erin's eyes kept flickering from James to Kendall, Kendall to James and back again, wondering what will be said finally.
...Nothing, they said nothing. James's beautiful face twisted into another hard glare before he turned his head back to his desk, stabbing the next clean sheet in his binder with his own pencil.
"Thank you…" He spat as if the words tasted bad, teeth clenched and shoulders tense.
"We'll finish this up after class." Kendall responded with a tone of finality, flipping through his sketchbook to the drawing he's been working on. James let out a snort, amused a bit as he disappeared into his mind palace; he still had time to get away from here before class, what better excuse than to the files and books and shelves in his mind?
Those trips, often random or planned, into his subconsciousness really did help. At least for a while.
Erin swallowed hard and took a seat in the corner of the room, away from the other students. He felt a lopsided smile pull at his lips; he had an idea. It was a strange idea, a crazy idea that normally he wouldn't work with if another choice presented itself.
But James, James needed this. His dear husband, if he kept this up...would place himself in danger. Danger of self-destructing himself, of causing his own death. A sad death. A heartbreaking death. A premature death.
He had way too much to live for…no, he has too much to live for. James will not die so young, suffer any longer if Erin has a word in it. He loved his husband, will always love him but he won't be able to move on, pass on until he was sure he was leaving the other in a more stable, emotional and physical, state of mind.
James, even in death, was everything to him. Even in death his love for the brunet went on. People say that a marriage, that a love on earth lasted until death pulled them apart. Those people were wrong though; love never dies, it's forever. The body dies sure; it rots, wears away, loses its vigor and energy, spirit, love but that is only the physical. The mental and emotional...those are hard to kill, even with the most potent of illnesses.
James will always be the one Erin holds dear. James will always be Erin's world, reason to smile even in this new "life". He was trapped in limbo, both were, but he could get them out. He had a new chess piece to play you see, this boy Kendall Knight.
Erin could use him, use him to get James to finally move on and see the future in a whole new way.
Use this Knight boy as a chess piece, plan his moves right until...he made checkmate. Until James was happy.
If there was a God watching Erin, and if angry at him for breaking the rules between the living and dead...then Erin didn't seem to care. If God couldn't help James move on, then he will. He will help his young husband move on, heal and find a way to love again. To love and live again.
With this new chess piece, this knight...he will make it checkmate.
Which meant...
"The game is on."
Hey everyone! Sorry we've been gone for so long: a lot of drama (more personal than academic-wise) has been plaguing our state of mind and it's still is, but we have worked a way to deal with it: mind palace. And we lied, this chapter turned out to be shorter than expected but as Erin stated: "The game is on". :) Meaning, the story will now pick on the healing and moving on portion, with some James resistance at some points. Will Erin help Kendall in this seemingly impossible case? Just how will Erin use Kendall, his new chess piece, and how will James reinforce the walls around his heart? Will those walls last for long? Stay tuned for the next magic act and see! :D Again sorry for the long absence but we all love you, thanks for the major support for this story! We totally appreciate it, hoped you all enjoyed this chapter and we'll see you in the next one! Hopefully we'll have it out sooner than later, but thank you again and stay beautiful! ;) Oh and we forgot, we were thinking of Sherlock (BBC) while writing this so if you see any references, you'll know that that show (and Benedict Cumberbatch) has become a major part in our life now! Disclaimer: We don't own Big Time Rush! All we own is the plot and the OCs that are the mysterious Erin Masters, the insane fan Jean Love and Amelia Blackwater! :D
