{.x.o.} | Rapture's Remorse | {.o.x.}

{x| Chapter 9: Resolution |x}

His narcotics… his dazing drugs were meant to keep the nightmares away, to dull them, to eradicate that part of him—or at least, make it numb. Now they were gone, and it slowly crept to the surface.

"Inuyasha," she whispered in a rush, the pretty, pale, maiden fell upon her floral sheets, her brunette strands in a disarray to frame her flushed, pink, cheeks as her russet eyes weakly stared up at him. "Is… is this wrong?"

He just shook his head at that, his tongue was tied though he tried to say 'yes, yes, yes'. Each time he struggled to say just one word but it never came out as he knelt down on the bed above her and placed one hand above her head, the other gently caressed her cheek before leaning down to let their eager lips meet.

Fleeting breaths swirled around the dark room as they mingled upon the bed, one of their hands intertwined with the others at all times.

They would have gone all the way that night, regardless of the consequences, but the door bashed in and the voice that forever haunted the hanyou shouted, "what are you two doing!?"

Both were fully clothed but there really was no explaining their position, their fluster, so they just stared at awe at their 'father'.

That was when his eyes flew up and body jolted up, his breath shook almost as much as his body as he lifted a hand to his sweat covered forehead, "Inuyasha?" The sweet angle to his left inquired in a hush as she slid off the dresser, placing her book down silently but her presences went by unnoticed.

He was a sick fuck; really, he was the root of all her misery. It was him that corrupted her; it would be him who would surely ruin the new girl in his life. The one he wasn't worthy of, he never deserved either of them. He closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing as he leaned forward letting his face fall into his cupped hands.

Once his step-father caught them his sneaking suspicion of their not-so-sibling relationship was confirmed and the next day Kikyou was sent to an all-girls and all-year boarding school in Kyushu—he couldn't have sent her further away and still be in Japan! It was meant to purify the poor girl of her brother's sinful ways; it was even a Catholic school where they would reform her and shepherd her into the light once more.

She probably found it… since she only sent him e-mails for a few months before they stopped arriving all together. The ones he sent her went unanswered—she forgot about him. Left him; forsaking him like everyone else. She cleansed herself of the taint he was, it was all him.

He grinded his teeth as he grasped his head in his hands, where did she go? Where was she right now? Was she happy? Miserable? Did she miss him like he missed her? Why'd she have to leave him? Why her? Anyone else could, his mother, his father, his friends, but not her. Never her. But she was gone… gone, and not a day went by that he didn't think about her.

Did she smell the same? Did she look different? Did marry? Did she have a family?

"Where are you?" He whispered, not at all feeling the pressure on his bed as Kagome kneeled next to him and cocked a brow.

"I'm right here, can't you see? That's no good; we'll need to take you to—"

Kagome was there? He didn't think—it was such a hassle—he just grasped her and pulled her to him so he could rest his forehead against her collarbone and take a deep, much needed, breath. Her hazels only widened at his gesture—Inuyasha? Inuyasha instigating the hug? Was that even heard of? She gawked at the very prospect before she realized what it had to be, withdraw. It was messing with his head, a smile returned to her lips and lightly patted him on that back with one hand and with the other smoothed his bed-hair down.

"I know you're here, I'm not blind," he griped back at her.

"Congratulations, today marks the two month anniversary of you being sober."

Sober… he hated it, every part of it, but maybe it was really the answer? Yes, he was sure of it, he decided then and there that he would stay sober and… he'd find her. He just needed to see her, just to know she was OK; that was it… just so he could let her go. If she can let go, if she could become untainted, then maybe there was some hope for him, too?

That's when an odd thought popped into his head, what would Kagome think if she knew how revolting he really was? He could never tell her, never ever, because… he couldn't have her leaving him, too.

He would have nothing. He'd be nothing.

[…]

Breakfast at a quaint little corner café, with croissants, crepes, and coffee on a lovely spring day with a cool breeze, what better way was there to start the day? To him, all that mattered was that there was coffee; caffeine was his only allowed addiction. The food didn't matter, he wasn't hungry in the least bit but he ate because the girl he was with pouted her precious lips and fluttered her lashes at him. If it would keep her happy and quiet then he'd force down the eggs and muffin.

For a few weeks he had been permitted supervised outings since they decided, honestly, they couldn't keep him locked away forever and he would probably go insane stuck in his studio. It never really crossed his mind to run away from any of them. Well, it did a few times but he never actually considered it, particularly when he was with the hazel eyed beauty though she'd be the easiest to get away from. He could avail the priest probably, the nurse would surely tackle him or at least try, but Kagome—his little guardian—would just be perplexed and pout about it. It was just amusing to be around her, she was in awe of the smallest little things and apparently spring was her favorite season.

"Hey," he muttered after their silent walk about the city, which was another thing he appreciated. She had long ago given up on pestering him and for the most part let him instigate a conversation otherwise she was fine with the hush that fell over them, just like he was. "Let's go in there," he requested with a nod towards a small little cathedral on the opposite side of the busy street than them.

"Why?"

"To see if it'll miraculously help, isn't that how it works?" He taunted some with a subtle smirk as he crossed over to enter the wooden doors.

"That's not how it works," she whispered back, "be respectful, seriously, Inuyasha."

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered back to her with a wave of his hand, the place was fairly empty so it was easy to find a pew for the two to silently sit in. With mild curiosity he watched as she made the sign of the cross and knelt down to pray, honestly, he couldn't get over how odd she was. Slowly, his golden gaze left her for the cross high on the wall.

Would it matter if he prayed, too? He really, really doubted it.

[…]

Truly, he had been acting so strange from the very start of the day. It wasn't out of the norm for him to pop up out of bed or stay quiet for a while but to hug her? Yes, that was very weird. Then to go to a church and sit, motionlessly, staring at the wall for two hours straight? She couldn't help but worry, was there something bothering him particularly that day or was it just the whole withdraw ordeal? Honestly, she didn't know which would be better or which would be worse.

"How can you believe in this shit?" He inquired, finally breaking the creepy calm that had lulled around them. "After all, if He's real then He gave you that weak heart."

"And He's the one that gave me my savoir, too," she whispered, her hazels drifted from him to the bible tucked away in the pew.

He raised a brow to that but didn't bother to ask, her past was her burden to carry, his was his, and as long as he didn't probe around about hers then maybe she wouldn't his? What hell would break lose if she knew the truth? How sick he was? He just sighed and leaned forward to rest his head against the cool wood, "whatever."

[…]

Nikko had other hospitals than Saint Raphael's, any many of them were far larger, but that didn't make it any easier on the frail, worn, girl to find the one person she was looking for, the only person that could give her peace. Through the white spackled gray tile floors and white walled corridors she went, her bloodshot hazels glancing into every room she passed until she finally, finally, found the right nurse, "Kikyou-sama."

Some stun was on the fair skinned beauty's face as she glanced up from the chart she had been examining to the girl that called her name, "Kagome-chan, what are you doing out of your room? You really shouldn't be up."

"I know, but I had to talk to you, I haven't seen you all day. You are mad, aren't you? About yesterday, about Suikotsu-sensei, I'm—" her words were rushed and fumbling together as she rubbed her hands over and over upon each other before the kind hearted woman smiled and stopped her unneeded frenzy.

"Settle down, Kagome-chan, your operation is tomorrow, you need to rest. I don't hold anything against you; you're but a girl, a scared, poor, innocent girl. How could I be mad?"

"Kikyou-sama," she chocked and tried her best to blink away the tears that stung her eyes but she couldn't. How could she be so forgiving? How could she give her—the traitor—such a reassuring, warm smile? Truth be told, the only person Kagome had ever considered a true, loyal, comforting friend was Kikyou and she went behind her back to commit such an atrocity? How could she be absolved?

"Hush, hush, Kagome-chan," Kikyou soothed while she walked out of the nurse station to put an arm around the shaking girl's shoulders and lead her back to her room and tuck her in. "Everything will be alright, just rest."

"Kikyou-sama, do you have to leave?" Kagome quickly inquired after she had already reached out to grab her hand.

It took a moment but her smile returned and she shook her head as she sat down on the edge of Kagome's bed to cradle the girl in her arms, "no. I'll stay."

"I'm… frightened," she confessed, every time she was put to sleep for a surgery she wondered if it would be the last time.

"Don't be, everything will be fine."

"Do you really believe that? Will I really be alright? I hear the whispers, will the operation really work? Or will… I…?" She bit her bottom lip and shut her eyes, she had always been lingering on the fringe of life and the Hereafter but… that did not make it any easier to bear.

"It is a bit experimental," she muttered, "but I have faith in the procedure and so does Suikotsu, so just believe in it, too."

"I do, if you do," she sniffled. "I… I hear that… Suikotsu-sensei is planning to leave Saint Raphael's to go to it's sister hospital in Tokyo…"

"It will be a tragedy to lose him, he is such a wonderful cardiologist, but I believe it will be better for him there. In Tokyo he has family, a few brothers."

She sounded so sure, so stoic, did it not matter? Did she really not care for Suikotsu? Did that make her betrayal the day prior not really a betrayal at all? "I'll miss him, won't you?"

A pause lingered between them before a frown appeared, "yes, but I think it's for the best for me, too."

Kagome couldn't help but cock a brow at that as she pushed away to look up at her oddly, "I am sorry about yesterday. I love you more than I do Suikotsu-sensei, Kikyou-sama."

That won the nurse's smile back and even wiggled a real, rare, laugh from her before she kissed the girl on her forehead, "I love you more than I do Suikotsu, Kagome-chan."

"I am going to keep my promise to you," she asserted sternly, truly her utmost to look sincere and stronger even though she had never felt weaker than at that very moment. "Kikyou-sama, I'm going to get better, and I'm going to go find your brother and help him. I promise. I will. Because you are my savoir and everyone deserves that."

"Kagome-chan," Kikyou whispered as she brushed a few of her loose strands out of her face, "you really do not need to do that…"

"I insist."

"Well, if you insist, I have no way of stopping you, now do I?"

"No," she laughed meekly before closing her eyes and lying down once more, "I'm going to get better… I don't want to die."

"You will, Kagome-chan, I know you will."

[…]

"I'm going to stay sober," snapped the daydreaming damsel back to the real world, almost with the click of his locks before he leaned against his door to stare at the ceiling.

It took a moment or two for her to register what he said and mull it over—she did hear her right, didn't she? "That's good," she replied in a soft tone.

"I'm serious," he stated. He didn't like being sober, he hated withdraw, and he still desired little else than the release of a needle to his arm but he wouldn't do it. He'd fight against his naughty urges.

"Good," she smiled earnestly, "where did all this determination come from all of a sudden? Did going to church honestly help?" She knew it wasn't that but she couldn't help but tease and it did win her the affect she aimed for; his eyes darted to her in a bit of a glare.

"No," he grunted, "I just want to… you… you remember how I told you I have a younger sister?"

A pang pulsed through her heart; she almost lifted her hand to grasp at it but restrained herself to meekly mumble, "yes."

"I haven't seen her in… forever," he explained in almost a whisper as his sunlit stare dropped to the floor and nostalgia washed over his face. "I'm going to stay sober for her. I want to see her, just see, I don't really need to talk to her, I just want to know she's OK and that's all. I miss her… but I don't want to ruin whatever life she's built for herself."

"Inuyasha," Kagome muttered, "wherever… wherever she is, I know she wants to see you, too. I am more than certain that she misses you, too."

"Thanks," he grumbled, "but I doubt it." He couldn't hold her naiveté against her, though. She was young, innocent, she couldn't possible imagine the horrors he had caused his sibling.

"I'm sure," Kagome asserted as she took a step closer to him to reach out and tilt his chin up, "really… I am."

"Whatever," he sighed, "so, now that I'm sure about this, can't I be alone? I'm really sick of someone always being here."

Her hazels had to wander about him some, then the studio, before she nodded ,"alright, Inuyasha. I trust you. I do."

"You are stupid to," he wanted to say, since, really, no good ever came from trusting him but he didn't, he just met her eyes and nodded, "good."

"I'll see you later then," there was no hiding the hesitation she felt about leaving him, she could tell he sensed it, too, but he seemed so sure and eventually he'd have to be alone… so she undid his deadbolts and opened the door, taking one last long look at him before saying goodbye and walking out.

It was really invigorating to be left to the peace and tranquility of his place all alone. It shouldn't have felt so strange but it did, like it was gift almost. But it wasn't, it was his right, since it was his place—a place he no longer paid the rent for.

Really, the one part of the whole 'rehab' thing that bothered him the most was that. He hated other people's charity, mostly when it came financially, too. Now that he could be alone, he couldn't—wouldn't—let that keep up, he'd have to find a way to make a living again. He wavered on what to do, though the voice in the back of his head was already whispering what he should, until he finally walked over to the laundry basket of clothes, he riffled through it until he found the right jeans, pulled out a card, and went for his phone.

"Kaguya?... Hey, it's me… yeah, it's been a while… uh-huh, whatever, sorry… right… wanna meet up?"


A/N: Sorry for the belated update and small chapter but I'm having writers-block problems with this story. I know what the major stuff I want to happen are but I'm just having problems connecting the dots. Anyway, thank you all very, very much for all the reviews. I hope to update this within the next week but I might not, I have two midterms to study for after all :(