Disclaimer: Their not mine……..although if I could I would buy some stocks

A/N: I really like season 5 so far. It actually fits with the way I'm envisioning the story in my Verse! Ps: these thoughts of John are based on the things that happen in episode 3.08

John's thoughts

John knew that he wasn't the best father. He knew that he would never receive an award for most 'awesome dad'. He realized that little fact every day when he dragged his sons from motel to motel….it was a pretty hard fact to deal with. But the worst thing was..that his youngest son knew it too, and couldn't let a single opportunity slip to confront him with it. Dean, and here John allowed himself a small smile, his oldest had always been the most adorable kid ever. Not only was Dean the most obedient kid any parent could have wished for but Dean was also one of the kindest. Every living thing just…well for lack of a better description…fell in love with the kid. And it was not because the kid had the most amazing looks (although John had heard that often enough) but it was the way in which Dean acted that just melted everyone he came into contact to.

Dean just made John's life easier, more bearable. His youngest on the other hand… Sam rebelled against everything, questioning everything. The kid was smart, John knew that: Dean (and how sad was that) always told him that Sam aced an exam or did well on a project. However John also knew that Sam had some problem with the kids that he met, heck Sam had a problem with most people….not that people didn't like him or that Sam detested other humans……..no he just didn't click with other people like Dean did. John knew that it had something to do with the relationship between the three of them. Dean acting like a father, mother and big brother wrapped in one. And himself, John, the actual father who was never there to support his sons. Thus Sam had a feeling that he could only trust one person in his life and that the rest of the world could just disappear.

All of these things John knew and although it hurt he had accepted it. He had to accept it since there was no other way to deal with his kids then he did right now..not if he wanted to continue to hunt that son of a bitch that killed his wife and Dean and Sam's mother. But the acceptance did not lessen the pain he felt right now. It was Christmas and he had tried to get back at the motel on time……really he tried so hard, but he couldn't leave before he had finished the job and it had been harder than he anticipated. So here he was (too late! Once again) at the motel standing in the room and seeing his two sons deeply asleep next to each other: he could see that Sam had been crying and that Dean just crawled in with his little brother to ease the hurt his youngest son felt for the fact that his father once again screwed up.

Slowly inching forward when he saw a sparkle of …something..around Dean's neck he had to repress a cry when he could see what his oldest son was wearing: it was the amulet his wife had put on his eldest son neck the day he was born, and had suddenly disappeared after a couple of years. His wife had told him she and Dean had gone to the mall for some groceries and that Dean must have lost it there. John had searched everywhere, he had even gone to the police, because he knew how crazy the kid had been about the little trinket, but it had stayed missing. And know suddenly Dean was wearing the necklace again? Checking the surroundings for possible negative (demonic) presence or temperance John ended up calling Bobby for help. John found out that the necklace had been sent to Bobby, with a note to give it too John Winchester on a day Bobby saw fit, and when Sam had called him to ask for his help to find the perfect Christmas present for his dad Bobby had sent the necklace to the kid. When John asked Bobby who had sent him the necklace the only thing that Bobby could tell was that the handwriting on the note had been very feminine and John suddenly just knew who that female had been. What John didn't know was why she had done such a thing or why she had lied about it but that was something that he had to deal with later because John's eye suddenly fell on a piece of newspaper in which the trinket obviously had been wrapped. There was a bit of writing on the inside, and looking at it John's pain became too much, clutching the little piece of paper in his hands he let himself fall on his knees beside the bed on which his two sons slept and let his grief spill over because there in dark letters written in clear letters stood in Sam's handwriting: DAD.

TBC

Soooo……I'm dying to know what you thought of this story: do you still like it? Or are you starting to hate it? I'm using my own supernatural power to persuade you to press that little review button…..puppy eyes