Author's Note: Sorry for the brief hiatus. Fallout: New Vegas just came out. That's all you need to know. Oh, I forgot to mention this, but Desolation Ed is now one year old. It was first uploaded on October 18, 2009. Also, DE's first anniversary was one day before Fallout: New Vegas came out.
Chapter 9: Devious Endeavors
Daylight broke out. Eddy arrived on scene at the front gate to Hubcap Flats and managed to persuade the guard to let him in, no-questions-asked. He dragged the coffin of Joey Black along the dirt and cracked pavement of the town. Upon arriving at the Super 6 Motel Eddy dragged the coffin into a narrow alley behind the motel and stashed it between an old pair of dumpsters, cloaking it with chunks of discarded wood and trash scattered about the alley. Eddy also tossed his minigun into the dumpsters and covered it up in hopes it would be hidden from any scavengers snooping around the back alley.
After stashing the body and his new weapon, Eddy exited the alley and began to start the necessary tasks he needed to complete before leaving town. First thing's first; breakfast. Eddy reached into his backpack and pulled out a "Pep-Bar 3000". Surprisingly, the pep-bars managed to keep Eddy full for at least half the day. It's as if they had some sort of special ingredient added to the bars. Breakfast was abruptly ended after Eddy felt an all too familiar movement deep within his bowls. He was in urgent need of a restroom. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on your opinion of public restrooms) there was a small outhouse on the side of the motel. Eddy spotted it and opened the door. Suddenly, a smell worse than Ed's post apocalyptic bedroom hit Eddy square in the face. Sanitation laws in the wasteland were non existent. After an uncomfortable few minutes inside the outhouse, Eddy finished his business and proceeded on to his next task.
He walked up the stairs of the motel, deciding to pay a visit to Rosie and Sydney. He walked along the second floor of the motel and stopped at room number 13. Eddy turned the handle of the door only to find that it was locked. He knocked a few times on the door then waited. After hearing no reply, Eddy frantically knocked a few more times and waited for another thirty seconds. Finally, he decided that Rosie and Sydney must have already checked out and that they were probably down on Main Street selling their goods.
Eddy hurried on over to Main Street. He walked quickly past the crowds while checking the position of the sun in the sky every now and then. An anxious mood had been cast over Eddy; for he feared that the posse he left behind would storm into town at any minute, demanding their share of the reward money. By checking the position of the sun Eddy was estimating how much time had passed and how long it would take for the posse to reach the town. Soon enough, Eddy arrived at the old vacant lot where some familiar faces where there to greet him.
Sydney stood in disbelief. "Good Lord, he's back in one piece," she said to herself.
"Praise the lord! You're alive!" exclaimed a rather surprised Rosie.
"Darn right," replied Eddy. "You won't believe the fight we put up!"
"I'll bet. Sit a spout," said Rosie while making a gesture to the short stool next to his stand. "So tell me all about this amazing battle of yer's."
"It's kinda a long story, we can talk about it when we leave town," replied Eddy. Pressed for time, he constantly feared that the impending wrath of the posse would come upon him at any moment. "Speakin' of which, you're still geared up to go to Vault 69, right?"
"Shucks, giving you a lift over to that vault is the least I can do, Master Edward: Slayer of Raiders." Rosie bowed his head, the gleaming morning sun reflected brightly off it. "I've already managed to sell enough of my goods while you and the gang were out; made a few hundred caps. I guess now's a good a time as ever to close up shop. It's about time we leave Hubcaps Flats. Just give us a few minutes to get packin' and we'll be out of here before ya know it."
"Ok, cool. That's great," replied Eddy, relieved that it would only take a few minutes to leave town.
"I gotta go take care of some last minute business. I'll meet ya at the front gate of town when I'm done." said Eddy.
Rosie nodded in agreement and Eddy ran back to the motel. He sneaked back into the alley and unearthed Joey's coffin. He clenched the bottom of the casket and began to drag it down the alley. Eddy planed to only travel through the small alleyways of the city in order to not draw attention to himself. After slugging through the dank, filthy alleyways, Eddy managed to circumvent the congestion of Main Street and arrived at the central plaza, home to The Hub police station and the used car dealership turned town hall. Eddy covertly hauled the coffin over to the police station only to find that his task would take even longer than he expected. A sign posted on the front door of the building stated that the sheriff was "At Mayor's Place: Back Whenever". The sign was but another obstacle that stood in Eddy's way. Without further ado, he hauled the coffin further down the street to the town hall.
After passing through the front wall made from tires, Eddy was halted by the two men guarding the front doors. Both of the men wore identical combat armor and wielded M16 assault rifles.
"Halt!" one of them interjected. "State your business."
"I'm here to turn in a bounty," Eddy replied.
"Provide evidence of the body and a proof of bounty declaration," ordered the guard.
Eddy remembered that he still had Joey Black's wanted poster. He pulled the poster out from his backpack and handed it to the guard. Eddy then walked over to the casket and pried the lid off from it, displaying the body to the guard. The guard compared the body with the poster and agreed to grant Eddy access to the building.
"Alright, you're cleared for entry," he responded as he handed the poster back to Eddy.
"Thanks a bunch," replied Eddy.
The second guard opened the doors and Eddy entered the building with Joey's corpse in tow.
The interior of the building was elegant compared to everything else Eddy had seen. Tidy floors, tasteful carpets strewn across the rooms, an organized collection of cleanly scrubbed hubcaps mounted to one of the walls, and not a heap of junk in sight with the exception of an old automobile lying in one of the corners of the display room – it was a used car dealership, after all. Eddy explored the building a bit, admiring the exceptional quality of the showroom.
"This place reminds of that old car place my dad used to work at," Eddy thought to himself. He noticed many similar objects and details about the building that he recognized from his youth. "Huh… Just maybe…"
Before Eddy could complete his thought he spotted a large pair of double doors with a sign that read "Main Office" next to them. After figuring that this appeared to be the headquarters for the mayor of Hubcap Flats, Eddy marched through the double doors and was greeted by the appearance of a man sitting behind a desk, currently preoccupied with filling out paperwork.
"Hey there," greeted Eddy.
The man looked up from his paperwork.
"What on Earth are you doing here?" he replied, confused as to why a teenage boy would have any interest in setting foot in a government establishment and how he even got past the front guards.
The man had long but slick black hair and his facial hair consisted of a goatee and mustache. He had brown eyes and appeared in his early forties. He wore a lavish and well maintained red suit. His office was decorated with a fine assortment of fanciful items accumulated from his travels and business throughout the wasteland. Silver and gold plated cigarette cases, clean and mint-condition pre-war apparel suspending by hangers, shiny automatic weapons mounted on racks, and even a personal purified water cooler were but a few of the extravagant items littered among the man's office. With a collection this impressive the man was nothing short of merchant king.
"Why are you just standing around? I am a very busy man. Answer my question," he pestered.
"I'm here to claim the bounty of Joey Black," answered Eddy.
"What!?" replied the man in disbelief. "You, a mere child, has brought Joey Black to justice? I don't have time for your games. Guards, remove him from the premises!"
"Whoa, hold on!" Eddy retaliated. "I've got proof right here!"
Eddy dragged the casket further into the man's office and popped open the lid. A foul odor emitted into the air as the body began its slow decay. Eddy held up the wanted poster for the man to compare it with the body. After squinting at the poster and staring at the body the man came to a conclusion.
"I'll be a monkey's uncle. You were telling the truth! You even managed to pick out a coffin for Joey. How convenient! I apologize for my previous behavior. I am Jethro Owens; Mayor of the settlement of Hubcap Flats."
A pair of guards rushed into the office but Jethro swiftly assuaged them. "Sorry men, false alarm." He directed his attention back to Eddy. "Please show me the wanted poster for the bounty."
Eddy handed over the poster and Jethro examined it.
"Charles!" ordered Jethro to one of the guards. "Head to the safe and bring back one-thousand caps."
The guard left to fetch the reward money while Jethro handed the poster back to Eddy.
"I'm impressed that someone of your build could defeat a merciless criminal like Joey." spoke Jethro to Eddy.
"Well I had some help from a posse of police guys. They're… Uh, waiting back at the police station for me to return with the money," Eddy lied, hoping his fib would not arose much suspicion from the mayor.
"I see," replied Jethro.
The guard had not yet returned and the two shared and awkward minute of silence with each other. Eddy decided to break the ice with a question.
"So… How'd you get so rich?" he asked.
"Well about a year after the war I became what we in the business call a "Brahmin Baron", roaming the countryside selling numerous amounts of goods together with a heard of these two headed cow creatures. I then decided to stake a claim to this former auto dealership before you. The dealership became a market place for my wares and people began to flock here from all over the county. After years of trading I managed to amass a great deal of cash from both the sale of my wares and from the profits of others stationed here. You see, as the newfound owner of this lucrative merchant empire, I charge others who wish to set up shop within the town lease. They get a designated spot to sell their wares and I collect weekly rent as well as 20% tax off their income," explained Jethro.
A wide smile suddenly grew over Eddy face after imagining all the money he could make with a job like that.
"Now that's what I'm talking about. Maybe I should become a "Brahmin Baron" or whatever it's called."
"I don't think so," replied Jethro, trying to prevent any future competition. "It's a backstabbing, cut-throat business and I'd… hate to see you wind up in some unmarked grave."
Charles the guard then walked into the room carrying a basketball sized burlap sack stuffed full with the reward money.
"Here you are, sir," he responded.
Jethro took the money and opened up the bag. He eyeballed the amount of caps within the sack then tossed the bag up and down in between his experienced hands to check the weight. After assuming the correct amount of caps was in the bag he handed the reward money to Eddy.
"Here it is; one thousand caps for the capture of Joey Black's body. Don't spend it all in one place," spoke Jethro. "Unless it's here, of course," he added with a smile.
"Thank you, sir," replied Eddy, grasping the bag. Another wide smile appeared on his face as he got carried away with imagining all the goods he could buy with the reward money.
Eddy opened the rather large sack. He had never seen so many bottle caps in his life. He pulled out his hand and stuck it in the middle of the sack; feeling around in the sea of crimped metal. Eddy cautiously tucked the bag deep into his backpack. He left the town hall and exited back into Hubcap Flats.
Eddy stood in a literal intersection of many decisions. To his right stood the police station, where he still had the opportunity to do the right thing; to wait for the posse to arrive and split the reward money. In front of him stood Main Street, a road not only filled with merchants selling the many goods, items, and fancy weapons that Eddy had always yearned to own. Finally, to his left stood a business of water merchants whose purpose was to deliver barrels of purified water to the people of the waste. Eddy spotted the water merchant building and remembered his vault. Though he still hand another four days to find the water chip, which was more than enough time for a simple travel to and from Vault 69, the inner conscious within Eddy told him that his vault mates should never have to worry about a rapidly depleting water supply and that they deserved the reassuring feeling of having a backup reserve. But of course the greedy side of Eddy's conscious told him that sending a few barrels of fresh water to the vault would gain him instant popularity and respect. As expected, Eddy listened to his greedy side and decided to pay a visit to the water merchants so they could send a few barrels of water to the vault, not out of kindness but out of a desire for popularity.
As Eddy stepped into the water merchant building a sudden breeze of refreshment hit him. The air inside the building was much cooler and filled with a revitalizing atmosphere of moisture. A receptionist was preoccupied with the filing of reports at the front desk of the building. After hearing the sound of the door closing shut, the receptionist turned her head and greeted Eddy.
"Welcome to Wheelwell Water Merchants. How may I help you today?" she greeted.
"Yeah, hi. I'm looking to buy some tanks of fresh water or something. HUGE ones. Enough to supply a vault full of people for a week or two. Do you guys do that?" replied Eddy.
"A vault you say?" questioned the receptionist. She then took notice of the vault jumpsuit Eddy wore. "Not a problem. If you'll will just walk down the hall to your left and go through the last door on the right you can speak to someone who you can arrange payment and order details with," she replied.
"Thanks," he said before walking down the hall to his destination.
He opened the last door on the right and walked into the office of the region's top water merchant. A balding man sat behind a desk. Behind him was a window that peered out to the loading dock of their building where barrels of purified water where stacked in great abundance.
The man looked up and greeted Eddy with incredulity. "Hello there… Young man. How can we help you today?"
Eddy responded. "I need a big shipment of water delivered to my vault A-SAP. Like, within the next four days."
The man's eyes widened. "A vault? You're actually one of the lucky few get a spot in the vault?"
"Yeah," replied Eddy.
"Hmm, interesting," replied the man. He then switched his voice to a more sly tone, hoping to sound more charismatic and convincing. "No matter. Here at Wheelwell Water Merchants, we don't discriminate and are dedicated to providing fresh water to any settlement or place of residence… As long as you've got the caps. Our water is pumped, purified, and delivered from our pumping installations stationed at Lake Garcia a few miles south from here. You won't find better filtered or tastier water anywhere else in the wasteland, and that I can guarantee."
"Lake Garcia, huh?" inquired Eddy. "How do bring the water from all the way down there to here?"
"Wheelwell Water Merchants owns a fleet of cattle. Each specimen is equipped with a special containment harness designed to up to 200 gallons of water. Just give us the amount of water you crave, the location of where you wish for it to be delivered, pay the accustomed fee, and the water shall be delivered. Shall we get down to business?"
"Sure thing—" Eddy squinted at the nameplate on the man's desk. "—Ben."
Eddy took a seat on one of the two chairs in the office while Ben pulled out a clipboard and a pen.
"So how many gallons of water to you wish to be delivered?" he asked.
Eddy thought for a moment. He was trying to think of an amount that was enough to sustain the vault yet wouldn't cost a fortune to purchase.
"Let's go with one-thousand gallons to start," Eddy replied.
Ben wrote the amount onto his clipboard. "And the location where you want it to be delivered?"
"To Vault 23, about a couple of miles northwest of here," Eddy replied.
Ben looked up with confusion. "I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that location. Can you provide directions?"
"Yeah sure," replied Eddy. "Got a pencil and paper?"
Ben flipped over the piece of paper he was writing on as Eddy brought up his Pip-Boy. He spent the next few minutes going over the map screen while Ben jotted down directions and a crude rendering of the map on the order form.
"Aright then," said Ben as he finished up the map and began to calculate the total price of Eddy's order. After a few minutes, he replied, "Based on the ambiguity of the location and the size of the delivery, the total sum of this order will cost you one-thousand-two-hundred-and-fifty caps."
"Whoa, whoa, hold on there!" Eddy jumped, outraged at the high price of delivery. "That price is waaaaay too steep for me!"
Ben tried to explain to Eddy. "I'm sorry, Son, but we run a business and if we expect to make a profit this is the amount we must charge. Now pay up."
"No way!" Eddy rebutted.
Ben shrugged and said, "Then I guess your little vault won't be receiving any fresh water. Good day."
"Ok wait!" Eddy pleaded. "Look, my vault's water purifier thing broke a few days ago. We've only got enough water to last another week. If we don't find fresh water soon me and the rest of my vault will all die! It's filled with nothing but children for crying out loud! Think about the children!"
Eddy noticed the sympathetic expression of Ben's face. Eddy quietly thought the word "Bingo" in his mind.
"Well, it looks like you've got yourself an emergency situation. I guess I can slash down the price a little. 850 caps is my asking price," replied Ben.
"Deal!" shouted Eddy.
The two shook hands and while Ben filed the paper work Eddy pulled out his large bag of bottle caps and began counting out 850 caps. After about twenty minutes of counting Eddy had stacked a mountain of caps on Ben's desk. He pushed the pile closer to Ben like a dealer at a roulette table.
"Very good," said Ben. "Now sign here." He pulled out the form he was filling out and pointed to a signature spot at the bottom.
Eddy grabbed the pen and wrote his full name on the paper. Ben took back the paper and observed Eddy's signature. He noticed that the pen had accidentally smudged some ink over Eddy's last name. He accepted the signature none the less.
"Pleasure doing business with you, Eddy." The two once again shook hands. "We'll send out a cattle drive to your vault in a few days."
"Thanks," said Eddy as he exited the office.
He swaggered down the hall and exited the building toting his sack of caps, deciding on what to spend it on next. As he observed his surroundings Eddy noticed that the sun rose high above in the sky. It was almost noon and the posse Eddy left behind surely would have stumbled upon Joey's missing body by now. For all he knew, they could very well have been on their way to Hubcap Flats this very minute. Eddy held up his sack of bottle caps and observed the amount left inside. There were only about 150 caps left. Eddy then saw the police station directly in front of him. It was too late to make the honest decision but it wasn't too late to make a half-hearted decision. Eddy took a deep sigh of hesitation and reluctantly walked down to the police station.
Before he opened the door, Eddy covertly counted out 50 caps and separated them out from the bag. He deposited the 50 caps into his backpack leaving 100 caps left in the burlap sack. He then grabbed some dirt and pebbles off the ground and started filling the sack until it was three-fourths of the way full, in order to give the illusion that it was filled with more caps. Eddy took a deep breath and entered the police station.
The negligent sheriff had returned from his trip to the town hall and was now seated behind his desk, his eyes fixated upon an old magazine; the wood fibers stained a nasty yellow while the ink in some spots faded away.
Eddy cleared his through to announce his arrival but the sheriff didn't even bother to set down his paper. Instead he simply said "What is it?" while continuing to read the five year old rag.
Eddy lied, "I'm from the posse set to hunt down Joey Black. They sent me up ahead to claim the reward money. Here." He set the bag down onto the sheriff's desk "They'll be here soon to take their share. Keep your eye on it until they get here."
While showing absolutely no interest in Eddy's explanation, the sheriff imprudently replied, "Whaaaatever, kid".
With that said, Eddy turned around and exited the building.
"That was easy," thought Eddy to himself.
Eddy's business in Hubcap Flats soon came to an end and it was time to focus back on his original task; recovering the waterchip. Eddy took one last stroll down Main Street, thinking about all the vendors he could have stopped at to make purchases. He planned to revisit The Hub sometime in the future once he managed to earn a few more caps. He also naively figured that the posse's hatred of him would have cooled down by then. Soon enough Eddy arrived at the Super 6 Motel where Rosie and Sydney stood in line behind all other sorts of merchants waiting to exit The Hub.
Rosie spotted Eddy. "So yer back. Take care of your business alright?"
"Sure did," replied Eddy "But just wait one more minute. I've got an awesome item that I need help carrying."
Eddy ran to the back of the Super 6 Motel. He searched behind the two dumpsters and sure enough his minigun was still there. He flung the garbage and debris off of it and dragged the weapon out to the street. Rosie and Sydney gaped open mouthed at the sight of the majestic weapon.
Rosie's initial reaction was to let out a cowboy holler. "Sheeeeeeuuuwee! How'd ya get yer hands on a fancy weapon like that!?"
"This is happens to be Joey Black's prized weapon. He won't be needing it anymore." Eddy proudly replied. He held the minigun up with two hands, proudly displaying it.
"What are ya waitn for? Load it on back of Bess and Tess!"
Eddy dragged it over to the cow and Rosie safely secured it between two crates on top of the cow.
"Lord o' mercy, I can't wait to hear your war story!" exclaimed Rosie in excitement.
"The sooner we get out of here the sooner I'll be able to tell you it." Eddy then noticed the how long the exit line had grown. "What's the hold up? What, did one of the pack cows keel over?"
Rosie replied, "Well, they always stall all the exiting merchants at once and take a twenty percent cut of their profits." Rosie silently mumbled "Greedy Mother Hubbards".
"So how long will this take?" asked Eddy.
"Oh, they've already came through and collected the caps. I guess they're dealing with some wackos on the other side of the gate. They've been hollering at each other for five minutes now," replied Rosie.
"Uh oh," thought Eddy to himself. "Please don't be them, please don't be them, please don't be them."
Soon enough, the gate to the town rolled open and disgruntled group of men stood at the front entrance. It was the posse alright and they were not pleased. Eddy recognized the scowling faces on each of the men; Daniel, Lucas, Cody, Jean, and Jay. Eddy immediately ducked down to the side of Bess and Tess. As the posse entered The Hub, the convoy of merchants exited the town.
Rosie noticed Eddy crouching behind the cow and questioned his behavior. "Just what the heck are you doing down there?" He then spotted the posse passing by. "Hey, aren't those your little friends?"
Eddy frantically snapped at Rosie, "Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!"
Using the cover from the caravan, Eddy managed to sneak past the posse and out the front gate of town. The last glimpse he ever caught was the posse heading directly towards the police station.
With the anxiety of a vengeful group of gunmen hunting him down lifted from his shoulders, Eddy breathed a sigh of relief and once again focused on his main objective.
"So where's this vault of yours, Eddy?" asked Rosie.
Eddy decided that now was the perfect time to utilize his Pip-Boy 2000. He pulled his arm up and flipped to the "World Map" tab. He zoomed out from the current location on his Pip-Boy to view how much of the wasteland was charted on the map. The Pip-Boy had a revolutionary geo-mapping device built into it. Every step Eddy took in the wasteland added a segment of land to the map. The texture of the ground was rendered in monochromatic shades of green and black. While the path Eddy took, from Vault 23 to Hubcap Flats, had been filled in with terrain, a map marker for Vault 69, which consisted of a black vault door on a green square along with the title of the location underneath, was surrounded by a sea of pitch black, as the are had not been geo-mapped yet. Eddy pressed his finger on the map marker for Vault 69 and a menu popped up with the following options:
Edit Location
Set to Compass
Cancel
Eddy selected the "Set to Compass" option. A green arrow pointed in a southern direction on a small electronic compass located on the left side of the Pip-Boy separate from the screen.
"Looks like we're headed that way," said Eddy as he pointed in a southern direction.
"Let's move it out, then!" said Rosie. He whipped the posterior of his pack cow and the small group separated from the main merchant convoy.
After a break from his main quest, Eddy was finally back on track to Vault 69; the fabled vault that quite possibly contained the key to both his survival and quite possibly score him some major popularity points as well. After all; it's always been about showing off to the kids… Hasn't it?
Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Sorry for the lack of action but remember: every story needs a non-action-y chapter to set up plot exposition. Out. -Jspy
