This morning I decided to go for a run. I needed to clear up my mind,before anybody could see me. One look at the map and and I got it memorized. I just kept running faster and faster searching for some relief. I was afraid of my own reactions,I was afraid I might do something stupid. I needed to get things prioritized in my head again, I was not used with the confusion that reigned in it. The cold air whipped my face, my burning skin welcoming the sensation. The relief I searched never came though, her betrayal still scorching me,playing vivid imagines in my mind when I closed the door at the apartment. The house is quiet. Good. I go to the kitchen for some water and I find Sahoko. She is sitting at the table with her back to me,drinking coffee. I freeze in my track. Maybe she hasn't heard me coming in. Slowly I turn around to go hide in my room like a coward.

"Naoki-San, you're home!" to late. I go and pour myself a glass of water and drink from the bottle instead. What am I doing? I put the bottle down.

"Good morning. Where is everybody?"

"You've just missed them. We had breakfast and they decided to go on a shopping spree. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and tonight we have a guest at dinner. It's that friend of Kotoko, Jason. I stayed behind,waiting for you. This is my second cup of coffee. Kotoko really makes an amazing one. I never tasted anything like it." His name is like a slap on my face. I had nothing to say. I knew how her coffee tasted once, I wonder how is it now. I go and pour myself a cup. Maybe it's bitter,like her betrayal.

"Is everything alright? Naoki-San, you look,uhm..I don't know,you don't look like yourself today."

Nothing. Nothing! Absolutely nothing is alright!

I go to look out the window,afraid she might read to much on my face. It has a beautiful view over the city,I can see Central Park from over here.

"It must be the time difference" I lie "it's tiring "

She comes beside me

"What a beautiful city! We should come here for our honeymoon." She takes my hand. My first instinct is to withdraw it but I stop myself. Like she said,we are going to be on our honeymoon soon. I take a sip from the coffee. It still tastes wonderful.

I sense Sahoko lifting my hand.I look at her. She has her ayes closed and with a soft smile she leans her face in my palm. What is she doing?

"Naoki" she opens her ayes "kiss me."

Then it downs on me. She is falling for me. Why would she do that? Where did I go wrong? When did I ever gave her hope? Besides, of course, agreeing to the marriage. I don't want her though. I don't want her love. I want this marriage to be just for convenience for her as well. I don't want her to love me, because she will get hurt.

She stares at me,waiting,she searches my face for an answer to a question only she knows. I lean in and kiss her on the forehead. I am sorry, I will never love you.

It's alredy five o'clock in the afternoon. Sigh! I hear the front door opening and a storm of people coming do they must be so loud every time? I bury my head under the pillow. I have a headache. They moved on to the kitchen. I hear an ouch!, a thud,broken glass,an ouch! again and a very exaggerated sorry. I smile before realizing it, Kotoko is helping with dinner. Then I remember who is the special guest, the number one Jason and the smile fades away. I get up. I might as well get over with it. I can't hide in here forever.

I go into the kitchen. Nobody had seen me yet, I lean on the door frame. My ayes go straight to Kotoko. She is trying to gather the broken glass on the floor, my mother is fuming around Sahoko,giving directions,like the mother in low she was, even though Sahoko was the only one around who seemed to know what she's doing. All three of them with matching aprons. I hear another ouch! and see Kotoko put her thumb in her mouth. Before I could think of it I find myself crouching on the floor next to her. I pull the thumb out of her mouth. Her ayes widening in amazement. I look at it,just a small cut,nothing to worry about. I turn my head up to see my mother with pretty much the same expression on her face. I quickly let go of her hand.

"Idiot! Let me do it. Go and clean that cut and put a bandage on it or you'll bleed all over the food." yes,go away from me,I can't think clear with you around

"Onii-chan you're home!" my mother says with a pointing finger accusing me

"Of course,where should I be?" not understanding where she was getting at

Then her pointing finger goes to Sahoko's direction, still glaring at me. Why is she glaring at me?

"You've been home all day long?" Now I get it. Again with the' naughty things',the way she likes to call it. If only she knew. To bad mom,you can't control everything after all.

" Yes,so?" I see Sahoko blushing , confirming my mother's doubts. I look at Kotoko,but she keeps her head down,holding her thumb. Is she in pain? I get up and start searching the cabinets for a first aid kit. Found it! I take a plaster and hand it to Kotoko.

"Here,take it" but she doesn't react

"Hmmm.." I get down on my knees and try to apply it myself. She looks up at me with teary ayes. Does it really hurts that much? Now I'm worried. I look at the cut again,maybe is more deeper than I thought. I finish up and put her hand back in her lap.

"You should be fine now." I get up and leave the kitchen.

I go into the living room, where everybody is watching a game on tv, I sit beside them and pretend to watch it to but my mind goes back into the kitchen. I have this nagging doubt at the back of my mind. Were those teary ayes just for the cut? I ask myself. Or did she just interpreted the situation between me and Sahoko the wrong way like my mother? Is there a possibility that she might be jealous? That can't be,she has Jason now. But what if I got it all wrong,like she was trying to tell me last night?

Hope. I still have hope

I hear the door bell.

"I'll get it!" I tell everybody. There is just only one person that can be. Jason.

I open the door and there he stands,with some flowers in his hands. I stare down at him,I literally look down to him because he must be taller than Kotoko by a few inches. I smirk

"And who might you be?" I ask him. I know what his name is but what I really want to know is who is he for Kotoko?

He looks at me confused for a second then at the number on the door. Yes idiot,you got it right.

He straightens himself up

"You must be Naoki. Nice meeting you" he says to me while he pushes me aside and go inside uninvited. I open my mouth to say something about having some manners when I see Kotoko smiling,coming towards us. Her thumb must be just fine. I close the door a little a harder than I should

We gather around the table and Kotoko starts with the introductions. I stay a little far behind,analyzing him. Dark hair,blue ayes,leather jacket.

"Everybody,this is Jason Donovan,my roommate. He helps me with the bills and he actually saved my life a couple of times."

Donovan. I heard that name before.

"Hey,don't worry, I'm at your service,anytime." He pokes her nose and makes an exaggerated bow

"...and of course you've already met Naoki"

He turns himself around,to face me,puts an arm around her shoulder in a protective way and whispers something in her ear which makes her giggle. Is he making fun of me? I want to kill him. I take a step to do just that when he burst laughing out loud. He shrugs his jacket off and comes to me still smiling like an idiot.

"Why so serious NAOKI? " he says my name like he is spelling it." Nice meeting you"

" You've said before. " I ignore his stretched hand and sit at the table "So what are you majoring in? Circus managing ?" I get straight to the point.

I watch him closely all throughout the dinner. Something seems off with this guy. Beside the name that I surely heard before,it's the attitude the he has,way to comfortable in his own skin. He has everyone wrapped around his little finger in a matter of minutes. Telling jokes,making everybody laugh, but still seriously answering all Shigeki's inquiry questions. He talks a lot but not really saying anything. Again with the jokes and funny stories about Kotoko at school, I even smile at one of does, the praising and the compliments, I see my mom blush once or twice. He is having a successful night,wining everyone's approval by the time it is over.

The only thing I'm glad for is that he hasn't tried anything funny with her at all. The more I watch the more I become convinced that there is nothing between them.

"On Christmas Eve my family is throwing a party every year,and you are all invited. My father asked specifically for Kotoko to come. You see, it's like she is a part of the family." he says that watching me intently."What do you say Naoki?Will you and your lovely fiancé come tomorrow night?

"But of course,we would all love to come" my mother answers for me "Kotoko you will definitely wear that dress I bought for you today!"

I don't like this guy. But it seems I am alone in my opinion. As long as he stays clear from Kotoko.

*** I hope you enjoy my two new chapters. Let me know what you think***