"I sit around and wonder about the fire in your eyes,
The movement of your fingers,
The way you slowly complicate my life."
Paolo Nutini
The girl wanted him to leave. Merle's first clue was that she never took her finger off the trigger of the gun she kept steadily pointed in his direction. The second clue was that she outright told him to leave. Yep, he was perceptive like that.
Normally would have taken great offence to someone pointing any kind of weapon at him. But it was obvious to him that she had been through Hell and was afraid. There was also the fact that she seemed hesitant to kill unless she felt that she or the boy were in danger, just based on the fact that he wasn't already dead.. What wasn't quite so apparent to him, is why he was so reluctant to turn around and just walk away when given the chance to do so. It was probably because of the panicked look in her eyes...like an animal caught in a trap.
So without knowing why, he outright lied. Telling her that he desperately needed supplies, and assuring her that he would just take any items that she had left behind...then he lied again and told her he needed to get some gas, but he needed to release the gears behind the counter to access the pumps. And that "of course" he would be more than happy to fill up her tank as well, if she wanted him too. She stared at him intently, but either she really needed gas in her car, or she wasn't sure how to make him leave without wasting one of her precious bullets. So she had reluctantly agreed and let him stay, but she wasn't very happy about sharing her space with him
They had been furiously packing items in an eerie silence for about thirty minutes. They carefully combed through the leftover items that were littering the aisles, stopping a few times to exchange items. She had given him all the cigarettes, two full size bottles of whiskey, and a dozen minis of assorted alcohol bottles from her bags. He in turn gave her a pack of apple juice boxes, a crushed bag of Fig Newtons, and a few dented cans of soup. At the end he handed her a coloring book, and then a small box of crayons. He held onto the little yellow and green box a second longer than he should have, before all but shoving it into her hands.
They both walked away from their uneasy exchanges feeling that they had each gotten the better of the deal. Beth had no use for any of the items that she had given the man, she neither drank or smoked. But the food that she had gotten in exchange, that was a priority for Dexy and herself. And on Merle's part, he was thankful for the cigarettes, if he got desperate enough he might even smoke the menthols. But he knew that he could easily trade the liquor and the cigarettes to other groups if pressed for supplies. He tried not to think about the only commodity the girl had for getting herself out of a bad situation.
They moved cautiously, keeping a watchful eye on one another at all times. She kept the gun in her hand, and his large rifle lay threateningly across his back, making it clear that she didn't trust him any more than he trusted her. She moved slowly and methodically down the aisles, getting closer and closer to the exit. She was intent on leaving the store without another word between them. Inherently Merle knew that if he made any fast moves he might frighten her enough to make her run...or maybe use that gun of hers. He decided it was best for him to honor her quiet and steady bid for freedom. So he uncharacteristically kept his mouth shut as as he made a final sweep of the store.
She faltered at the exit, boy clinging to her side, and seemed to be teetering on the edge of a precipice. She was clearly struggling with her own thoughts and trying to decide her next steps. He was surprised when she took a deep breath and moved back into the center of the store and towards the body of the dead man. She hesitated over him for a moment before bending down and delicately fishing a set of keys out of the one of the front pockets of the man's jeans, and putting them into her own pocket. Looking down at the gun at her hand and the boy that was clinging to her, she regarded Merle, her eyes wavering with indecision. "Can you help me roll him over?" she finally asked.
Merle nodded and walked to the counter to put his bags down on the counter before approaching her slowly as not to frighten her. He looked into her eyes as he slowly got down on one knee, then grabbed the man's shoulder and pulled him over roughly. She waited until he stood and took a few steps back, before her hand darted out and pulled out a small scrap of black cloth out of the man's back pocket. She stuffed it quickly into the same pocket as the keys, it took Merle a second to realize that the item she had retrieved was a pair of panties.
He took a few more steps back to give her some breathing space, then made eye contact with her once again and nodded briefly. As far as he was concerned their business together was done. He picked up his bags and silently walked towards the glass doors at the front of the store. He glanced back once and the girl and the boy following warily a few steps behind. Both adults stopped to look out the dirty glass windows, for signs of danger. Beth looked past the Suburban and she could see that he had a big truck pulling a motorcycle parked at the pumps.
He scanned the distance for movement and remarked without looking at her. "Was hoping to find an auto repair shop, truck has been makes noises. Ran into a herd of walkers..." He gave a rusty chuckle, "literally, think I got walker bits and pieces under the hood." She looked up at him to see if he was teasing, her nose wrinkled in disgust.
He rasped a laugh…"Yeah...it smells like really bad barbeque once the engine is good and hot. Not a big deal in the long run I guess, but I haven't had the chance to look it over. I don't think it will make it much further, it's starting to make some noises that I'm not comfortable with. I can always take the bike if I get into a bind." He glanced back out into the parking lot. "She might be the love of my life, but unfortunately she ain't got room for most of my supplies. It'd best to fix the truck or better yet to find a replacement before it up and dies on me." He said regretfully.
Looking back down at her he asked, "You know of any dealerships around these parts?" His voice was hopeful.
Biting her bottom lip, she looked up at him and asked "Ummm, I'm not sure, can you tell me where are we?"
"Sugar, we're just outside Roanoke." He volunteered, his voice loud in the empty store. And was surprised to see the girl visibly startle. But he wasn't sure if it was because of his loud voice or the information that he had given her.
The boy peeked out from behind her, regarding him with solemn eyes. She took a step back from him, before looking back out into the parking lot, her brow wrinkling in confusion. "We were with the men that took us for a while, with all that traveling I thought we would have been further away." She looked around in wonder, as if the inside of the mini mart could somehow help to orient her. "We were just outside of Asheville when they took us. Has anything happened in the last few month or so, anything I need to know?"
He scratched his stubbly chin, eyes squinted in thought. "Besides the world going to hell?" He asked rhetorically, before continuing. "Stay off the main roads if you can. Most are so jammed up that you'll just end up bein' a sitting duck…where are you heading?" He asked, and saw her lips tighten before slowly answering, "The other side of Atlanta." He noticed that she had not said the name of the town. That was okay, he really couldn't say that he blamed her for being cautious.
He pulled a cigarette out of the pack in his pocket and placed it between his lips, then unconsciously patted his pockets in search of his lighter. Finding it, he lit the dangling cigarette and took a long, leisurely pull . The smoke tendrils snaked out of his mouth and nostrils and intertwined on their way to the ceiling. His whole attention was on that his smoke, like nothing, not even the people next to him were more interesting that that cigarette. He puffed out a short laugh then leaned against the wall by the door and took a second long pull, letting the smoke out in a short puff.
"Well, stay out of 'Lanta at all costs, bes' to go aroun' if you can. The walkers have taken over most big cities and all the refugee camps that I know about have fallen." He shrugged, "Last I heard the one in 'Lanta was still standing…but, the city seems to be a place to avoid now if you ask me. And I'd bet you my favorite gun that the camp gone by now, just a big ol' death trap by now, and I'm going to avoid that place like the plague." He chuckled at his own joke, flashing her a wide grin.
"I'm heading the same direction," He said vaguely pointing with his gun towards the parking lot. "my brother Daryl, he's got a place just outside Chattahoochee National Forest, In Tennga." before squinting his eyes at the road.
"Shit." He said still looking out the window and straightening up. "Looks like the beginning of a herd coming our way." She turned to look out the window and saw a group of the dead walking down the long drive from the main road.
Picking Dexy up she asked in a shaking voice, "Should we make a run for the cars? How fast can they move? We haven't seen one up close yet, the men we were with always took care of them."
Looking down he could see that she had lost whatever color that had been in her cheeks, her face was even paler under the bruises than it had been a few moments before. "Nah, too many coming. Best we block the door and go into the back where they can't see us and wait until they pass."
They watched as the first of the walkers turned away from the store and headed towards his truck. Making Merle grimace. "Left the car on...wasn't sure if I would get it started again if I turned it off. They must be distracted by the running engine." He reasoned as the corner of his mouth curled up in satisfaction.
Silently throwing the bolt on the door he grabbed a nearby magazine rack and managed somehow to wrestle it noiselessly in front of the glass doors. "We need to get out of sight before they see us, 'cause if they do, they will pile up at the door and eventually manage to break the glass." He looked down at her, "If we stay out of quiet and sight, the truck will eventually run out of gas and after a while they'll lose interest."
She nodded at him and hitched the boy higher in her arms. "Come on then." he said as he grabbed both of their bags, and quickly led her the the back of the store to a small office that she hadn't been in yet. She followed willingly enough, but at the door she balked, refusing to follow him through it. It was extremely small, and she could see a desk was taking up most of the space. A cheap chair sat behind it the only other items were a few old beat up filing cabinets. She couldn't help but to remember how willingly she had walked through another doorway with a seemingly trustworthy man.
He turned and looked at her, "Ain't you coming?" He questioned, glancing back at the still visible glass doors. He quickly took a few steps back so he was just out of view from any of the passing dead. She didn't answer him, but just stood looking at the doorway as if crossing the threshold would bring certain death to her and the boy. He could see that she was starting to hyperventilate in her panic.
"Girl...you need to get ahold of yourself." He snapped at her coldly. "I don't know what you think I could possibly do to you behind this door that I couldn't already have done out there if I had really wanted to." He rubbed a large hand against the back of his neck to relieve his frustration. "It's just a matter of time before the dead out there see you. And once that happens, they won't be leaving until they've had you and your boy as a nice little snack...and I refuse to be the main course." He walked over to the small shelf hanging on the opposite wall and keeping eye contact with her he pulled the large rifle off his back and clicked on the safety he was and placed it carefully on top.
"Believe me, I want to leave just as bad as you do. I want nothing more than to be on my way to find my brother. Finding Daryl is the most important thing to me...he is the most important thing to me. But you and I, we both need to be smart about this. If those geeks get in here, I'm pretty sure I can get away. But you will be running with that boy in your arms...how far ya' think you'll get?" He waited, watching her face for any clues to what she was thinking.
"I'm tellin' you now, I ain't dying to save you. I get that you're scared, but I promise I ain't gunna do nothing to you or the boy. I give you my word...my word on my brothers life, that you will be safe with me. But you need to move it or I'm going to shut this here door and let you figure your shit out all on your own." His timbre of his voice seemed to drop even lower than it had been before.
He stepped away from the shelf where he had placed his gun, and further into the room and away from the door to allow her space to come in. "Come on now...if they see you then we are going to have to run. If we wait in here, and we're quiet they will leave after a bit. They are on a constant hunt for food, if we don't give them any reason to stay it's only a matter of time before they have to move on." he tried to reason with her.
After a few more moments, she set the boy down so and slowly stepped into the room, leading the child in after her. He noticed that the gun in her hand was shaking violently. He waited until she had stepped past him before he moved to shut and locked the door behind them. He scrutinized her, before he pointed to the desk then back to the door. She nodded in understanding, thankful that he let her know in advance what he was going to do. And watched as he moved the heavy standard business issued metal desk in front of the door. He uttered a few creative swear words and his face turned an alarming shade of red as he struggled to move it.
He appraised them as he waited for his breathing to return to normal. Addressing Dexy he said. "Bes to stay quiet, just in case. If we don't hear them in the store by morning, then I'll take a look to see if they've moved on." He looked from the boy to her and back.
Beth could only nod her head as she sank down on the floor in corner furthest from him. Pulling the boy onto her lap, she told him, "Dexy...were going to play the quiet game. Only this time it's ok to whisper if you really need something. Do you think you can do that?" The boy nodded his head solemnly, before turning his uneasy blue eyes back towards Merle.
They had been in there for about an hour, Dexy kept shooting Merle mistrustful glances under eyelashes too long for a little boy. And he seemed to trying to keep his tiny body between Merle and his Momma, making him feel like a fuckin' pervert.
After seeing that Merle hadn't made any moves toward them he pulled his thumb out of his mouth with a 'POP". Talking to his Mama he pointed in Merle's direction stating matter of factly in a cold voice not meant for a 4-year old, "Him's a stranger, we're not 'pose to go with strangers."
The girl looked down at the boy and back up at him. "Yes, you're right...he is a stranger. But there is nothing to be done about that now. Anyway, he hasn't done anything bad to us" the unspoken "yet" hung heavy in the room. "...we can't judge everyone on Len and Dan." She reasoned with him.
"Why not?" he asked looking up at her questioningly.
"Because not everyone is bad, Dexy." She sighed, "What about all the good people out there? We can't be as trusting as we used to be, but we can't let what Joe, Len and Dan did make us hard. It's not right, and it's not the way I want to live."
The little boy nodded, "Okay, Mama...I try."
She rummaged around in her bags eventually coming up with a package of wet wipes. She pulled out a few and handed them to Dexy, and pulled out and handful for herself before tossing them to Merle.
Sitting down she tried wiping the thick gooey blood off her feet, before looking up at him, he was just awkwardly standing there, holding the wipes that she had given him in his hands.
"You got a little...a lot...of...stuff...everywhere." she tried to delicately point out while motioning to her face.
His eyebrows rose, "Oh, yeah. Was in a tight spot and found out by accident that if you're covered in the deads...guts an' blood the others can't smell you. If you don't give yourself away, then you got a good chance of getting past them." He informed her. "I was hopin' to find a crick to bathe in, guess I forgot about it in all the excitement." He took a handful of wipes and ran it over his forehead and against the advanced scruff of his beard. A chuckle escaped him. "Shit, I must look a nightmare...surprised you didn't shoot me on sight." He said to her.
It took him almost the whole package before a wipe came back clean enough for him to stop. The girl sat there watching him as he put the last wipe in the trash can. The boy's face and hand were clean. And the girl made a real good effort, but you could still see traces of the dirt and blood around her hairline.
She had settled down on the floor but she kept the gun in her right hand, pointed in Merle general direction. She did her best to look at the toddler at her side while still keeping an eye on Merle. "Do you think you could eat a little bit of food, Dexy?" She asked him softly.
"Yeth, Mama." he said taking the juice pack she held out for him. Seeing that Merle was settling down in the opposite corner of the room, she searched one of her bag and pulled out a bag of beef jerky. She separated it into 3 piles and placed the larger portion and a small bottle of water on the desk just out of arm's reach of the big man, before sitting down on the floor next to Dexy with their rations.
After a few hours she wasn't sure what to think. The man sat on the desk, seeming to alternate between searching glances and totally ignoring them. But for the most part he left them in peace. It was was strange being near a man that wasn't making any demands of her. At times it almost looked like he was daydreaming, except every once in awhile he would frown or shake his head. And he had the habit of muttering a few disjointed words to himself. But if she listened carefully she could somewhat figure out what he was thinking about. He was making plans for what he was going to do next, and her and Dexy were "fuckin' complications" was what she was hearing.
They had only exchanged a few whispered words in the few hours that they had been in the small locked room. Beth holding Dexy in her lap like a shield, and pressing herself against the far wall as Merle casually lounged on top of the desk with his back against the door. Even after she had relaxed somewhat he couldn't fail to notice that she kept the gun in her hand at all times.
When the sound of walkers clawing at the glass never came, he glanced in her direction to see her holding the sleeping boy to her chest as she ran her fingers soothingly through his dirty hair. She was humming, but it was so soft that he almost couldn't hear it a few feet away from her. And in a strange way he found it somewhat soothing himself.
She glanced over and saw him looking at her, and the mental image of her mother insisting that "There is no good excuse for bad manners" sprang into her mind. Placing a kiss on Dexy's chubby cheek, she looked at Merle and whispered softly, "Thank you...for helping us. I know that you didn't have to. You could have turned back around and walked out that door the moment Len gave you the opportunity." She said, then added frankly, "Not that it would have stopped him from trying to kill you once your back was turned."
He grinned at her, his blue eye glittering in the low light from the lone tiny window placed high up the wall. "Ma'am, seems to me that you helped yourself. I'm just happy I got to be there to see it, was a fuckin' sight to behold." She gave him an embarrassed grin, her tired eyes momentarily shining. "And believe me, I would have never turned my back on that man...if you hadn't of killed him, then I most likely would have." She gave him a small smile and a nod. "Well, thank you anyways." She paused seeming to consider something, before adding. "I'm Beth...Beth Greene. And this is Dexy." She said glancing down at the sleeping boy.
"Merle Dixon." He said gruffly, tipping his head slightly in acknowledgement.
After small amount of time he noticed that her eyes stayed closed for longer periods of time. She was fighting it but she was losing her fight to stay awake. It was clear to him that she felt vulnerable despite his going out of his way to give her and the boy their space.
Finally she couldn't fight it anymore, and he watched her finally give in to her body's demands for sleep. The hand with the gun came to a rest on the floor and her hold loosen, he wondered if he should move it before she accidentally shot someone. But it was an uneasy sleep at best. He watched as her eyes moved rapidly under her thin purple lids, and then her fingers started twitching…was she playing the piano in her sleep? he wondered half amused. He couldn't help but to notice she looked even younger in her sleep. A fuckin' child raising a child, well if that just wasn't a Dixon cliche right there.
He shook his head and came back to reality. This was survival. Why would he help some broad, especially one that he wasn't even fucking? Especially one with a small child in tow? Why in God's green earth would he put his life on the line for some dead girl walking?
On the other hand, could he live with himself if he walked away from them with the knowledge that they probably wouldn't make it very far without his help? She had pretty much admitted that she had never killed a walker before. It was apparent that she could, if provoked, kill a living man. So how hard could it be to teach her how to kill a dead one? A few days? Surely he could give her a few days, at least as long as they were heading in the same direction.
Why the fuck was he even considering taking on the liability of this woman and her child? It had to be because the boy reminded him so much of Daryl, he decided. Why else would he be having this sudden urge to be a do-gooder. 'Fuck me, if that boy isn't Daryl incarnate!' He thought unable to help himself from taking in the boys chubby cheeks ruddy in sleep and the dark circles under the boys closed eyes.
He needed to make up his mind on what would be best for him, and he needed to do it soon. He could always leave while they were sleeping, just walk away...could even take their car and their supplies with him when he went. After all they wouldn't need them, because they wouldn't make it a week out there alone, supplies or no supplies. Or he could just leave them with their items and take off with his own, no harm no foul.
He just had to push something in front of the door to keep them safe as he walked away. But that would only work against the dead, what if it was the living found them?
How many bullets did she have left in the guns of hers? His guess was that the first gun was empty based on the fact that she hadn't used it to shoot the man the second time. No, she had used the the man's own gun the second time she had shot him. And it was that second gun that she had kept pointed in is general direction at all times. It probably was still pointed at him somewhere under all that faded fabric of her fuckin' ugly dress. So how many were left...no more than five, likely less.
No, he decided. I ain't leavin' them vulnerable. Sure as shit, it would eat at him until it drove him crazy. He would probably lose focus and get himself killed worrying about that damned girl and her kid if he left them this way. He'd feel better if he knew that they were more prepared. And after when he left, he would be content in the knowledge that he gave them a real fighting chance.
Should only take him a day or two, to make sure she was ready to manage on her own. Did the girl even know how to use a gun? Sure, he had watched as she had shot and killed the other man. But at such close range, he would have been more surprised if she had missed. He could spare a few days, couldn't he? A day or two...three at most." He assured himself. "While he was at it, he really probably should make sure that she could at least kill the dead with a knife if she needed to. It would be the right thing to do.
Sure as fuck, Daryl would do it if it had been him that had found her. Daryl's soft heart would come into play, and he would make sure the girl and her boy were safe. Hell, Daryl would most likely hand deliver them to wherever they wanted to go.
"Fuckin' pussy." He muttered crossly. Of course Daryl wouldn't say more than a handful of words to them while he was doing it. He thought condescending, but Daryl could always be counted on to do the right thing.
That was it. Period. He just wanted to do the right thing. Might be the last good thing he ever did in his piece of shit life. He could be more like his sainted baby brother. It would only cost him 3 days...a week at most. He glanced sideways at her. Her body was tucked around the boys and her head was resting sideways on the wall. She was clearly exhausted and even dirty and covered with bruises this young girl glowed. Glowed like she was lit from within, like she was filled with light. The bruises and jaded stare attested that she was just as damaged as she was beautiful. But Merle Dixon couldn't hold that against her. Hell, he was damaged...and Daryl, Daryl was even more damaged than him. And he loved Daryl more than he would ever admit out loud. But he knew first hand that two damaged people would often pull each other under, in their bid to stay afloat.
Not that he was thinking long term, mind you.
A few ideas and wordings were "borrowed" from the awesome letscallitink and her fanfic "Velveteen" an X-Men Rogue fic. You should read it, it is awesome! She has a wonderful way with words. There was a line about Toad's voice being so rude, like he thinks you're less interesting than cigarettes." that was stuck in my brain, that would be a very "Merle" like thing to think. Because it was so brilliant and it begged to be borrowed...I did.
I have the next chapter written, it just needs to be polished up a bit. However, Chapter 11 is giving me fits. If you haven't been able to tell yet my posting is going to be all over the place. My goal is to post at least on chapter a month, and then hopefully surprise us both when I'm able to post more than that.
Thank you Athlete Girl, you make my writing readable. Also, for making this story better with your suggestions, and answering my long, meandering questions on the whys and wherefores of "MY" Merle and "MY" Beth. And for pushing me to give up that word, sentence, or paragraph that just doesn't work...and making me come up with reasons why I need it. It is making them more believable and giving them more dimension, and in my opinion flawed people are way more interesting.
