So, because I've been slack recently I am giving you lovely people another, extra long, chapter. And this one, is from Jacobs POV. Now we haven't really explored Jacob and Bella's older relationship "status" as it were, and this chapter explains why her and Jacob hadn't been talking much and why she keeps thinking about fond memories of the two of them from when they were younger.

I hope you like it, it was...well I wouldn't say "fun" to write, but I did find it easy and emotional to write.

I own nothing apart from the story line.


Jacob

I couldn't believe Bella had gone. I never even got to apologise for my actions. It was all my fault that we had fallen out and I would never forgive myself if she didn't forgive me. I didn't spend all my waking hours moping and pining after Bella. I had just realised she had actually gone when I rang her house and no one answered. I wanted to apologise to her before she left but I was too late and thought she was leaving tomorrow, stupid Dad getting dates mixed up.

"DAD! She's already gone you cock!" I shouted at him. I was so angry, more at myself than at him but I always ended up calling him bad things when I was upset or angry.

"Well, I'm sorry! I thought Charlie said the twenty-fifth not the twenty-fourth! Christ almighty. What do you think I have a mega memory" he said wheeling himself to me, I was stood by the telephone with my head leaning on the wall. He put his hand on mine "I'm sorry son. Why don't you ring her mobile?"

"Because. If she wanted to talk to me, she would ring me" I sighed and pulled myself away from the wall, he patted my arm and wheeled himself back into the living room. I looked at the phone and tore myself away from it going to my room to sit and have a mope on my own.

I sat heavily on the bed and looked at the pictures I had of Bella and me, she had made me a collage of pictures for my sixteenth birthday and I smiled remembering some of the good times we had. I picked it from my wall and looked at the photos; one of us at Disneyland both of us wearing our matching t-shirts and tigger ears, one of us in the sea during summer, yeah it was cold but we didn't care, there was a fantastic one of us when I had attempted to make Charlie a birthday cake, I wasn't the best cook ever and after loosing a bet with her I had to make him a cake, lets just say Bella had cake mix all over her and I stood triumphant with a mixing spoon and bowl that was pretty much empty, Billy had caught me in the act and lucky for us the camera was in the living room for when Charlie arrived so he snapped a picture of the mess we had created. I smiled as I saw one of us stood together before Bella's prom, only a few weeks before she gave me the collage; she looked so beautiful in her green strapless dress, blushing a bit as I was on one knee giving her a corsage, she didn't even want to go to prom, but I had told her that it would be a great experience for her and she shouldn't miss out, after much persuasion and a promise that she would only have to go for an hour then I would pick her up and bring her to mine for a film night at mine, she decided to go. I chuckled to myself as I remembered her words to me before she got in the car with Charlie to leave for prom

*.*

"You'd better come and pick me up at precisely quarter to nine or else I will hunt you down and murder you Jacob Black" she looked at me with such intensity and force that I wouldn't even DREAM of going against my word

"I will. And don't worry, Charlie will never know." I grinned at her as she smiled at my words and gave me a hug

"Thank you. He would go ape if he knew I was skiving prom" she whispered in my ear before letting go of me "I'll see you later!" she called as she got into the car

"Thank you for agreeing to pick her up Jake." Charlie said "You sure it's not too much trouble? I can stay behind and pick her up myself"

"No no, its fine Charlie. Honestly. You and dad have a good time watching the game, I'll pick her up at midnight and bring her back her before taking the old codger home" I laughed and smiled as he patted me on the arm

"You're a good kid Jake" he smiled and went to the car to drive Bella off to her one-hour prom.

That hour was literally the longest hour of my life. Making the excuse that I wanted to go home and work on my motorbike I left the two men and drove to pick Bella up from her school. Arriving slightly before quarter to I got out the truck and lent against the door, waiting for her to come outside to the car park. I noticed her as soon as she came outside the door, she looked nervous and worried so I walked over to her and pulled her into a hug

"Oh Jake. Thank you." She sighed into my chest. I lent my head on top of hers and shut my eyes

"No problem." I smiled to myself; I could hold this girl forever. I just hoped she felt the same way about me.

*.*

She didn't thought, not anymore. I thought to myself as I put the pictures aside. She only thought of me as a friend now, and maybe not even that anymore. I sighed and wished I had done things differently over the last couple of months, I knew it was my fault that we had fallen out. I knew it. I had pushed her too much, been too forward with her. I sighed and mentally kicked myself. If only I had done things another way and thought of her more than myself then maybe we would be together still. I thought back to the five beautiful weeks that we were actually a couple, they were the best weeks of my life.

*.*

"Jake. Can we please put a different film on" she asked. We were 10 minutes into My Sisters Keeper and already she was bored. I stood up from the couch and looked at her, still in her prom dress, raising an eyebrow.

"What do you want to watch then?" I said folding my arms. She bit her lip and thought for a second

"The grudge" she said suddenly. I looked at her confused

"That film scares the crap out of you"

"I know. But, I feel like watching it. Besides, you're here with me, so…I'll be ok" she said smiling sweetly. I sighed and stopped myself from staring at her

"Ok, if you're sure"

"I am uber sure" she said crossing her bare legs on the sofa. I turned and put the DVD into the player and sat back down next to her. I knew she would freak out during this film, not many things scared Bella, but this film and The Ring were two of them, so I prepared myself for screams. Just as I got comfy I felt Bella shuffle next to me and then felt her lean against my shoulder, I looked down and in the faint light of the TV I saw that she had moved so her feet were hanging over the top of the arm of the sofa and she was sitting sideways on the sofa using me as a back rest, after a whilst I moved my arm from under her and placed it round her waist underneath her arm, she placed her hand on top of mine and held it.
I knew she was scared already but didn't say anything, the feel of her hand on mine was different to usual, maybe it was because it was dark in the room or maybe it was because when I moved my arm round her she shuffled around some more and was now sat with her whole body leaning against me with her head resting on the front of my shoulder. She usually only lent on me when she was tired and I knew for a fact she wasn't tired right now. I tried to focus on the film but my entire body was aware of how much of her was leaning against me. All of a sudden she screamed and spun into a side on hug, her face buried in my shoulder, her arms clutching me in fear. I rubbed her back and laughed at her quietly

"Regretting putting this film on" I whispered to her chuckling. She brought her head up and looked at me in the eye

"Not really" she whispered back smiling slightly, our eye contact held and I could feel her breathing quicken against my side I felt my head slowly leaning in towards her as she looked at my mouth. She angled her head to the right and I felt our lips touch lightly before she pulled back and gasped

"I'm sorry Jake. I shouldn't have done that." I could see in the little light that she was slightly flushed. I smiled and chuckled, my heart racing

"Don't apologise Bella." I said moving her hair off her face "you have nothing to say sorry for" she smiled against my hand and knelt up to kiss me again, this time she brought her right leg over and straddled me as we kissed, I put my hands on her hips and my thumbs ran circled over her back. All of a sudden she pulled back and stared at my chest a look of surprise mixed with confusion on her face

"What's wrong?" I asked raising my hand to softly stroke her cheek. She shook her head and then looked at me before smiling slightly

"Nothing. I" she paused "I was just surprised at myself" she chuckled nervously "I. I've never felt like this about you before. Not really. I mean." She took a deep breath in "I have but. Not. Properly." She shook her head looking down, her brow furrowed

"Hey, hey, hey" I said putting my finger under her chin and raising her face to look at me "its alright. Nothing has to happen if you don't want it too." But oh how I wanted it too. So badly. I had wanted to be with her for as long as I could remember, even as kids I would purposefully hit her just so I could give her a hug afterwards and make her feel better. But I had learn over the past two years that that didn't work anymore and she would just get annoyed with me, so I changed my tactics and kept the physical violence to a minimum, even if she would hit me daily for something I had said or done, in a playful way. I pulled her in for a hug and rested my chin on top of her head.

*.*

That was the start of our relationship. And looking back now I was clearly blinded with love to see that something wasn't quite right. Every time we kissed she would have the same reaction, it would be forceful and passionate and then suddenly she would break off and stare at something. I asked her about it once and she said that she was just adjusting to being in a physical relationship. Why I didn't realise something else was wrong I have no idea. I wish I had realised sooner, maybe then I could have saved our relationship, and our friendship.

*.*

"Look Jake" she said before taking in a deep breath "It honestly isn't you. It's me. And I know everyone says that. But. It's true. I'm not good for you Jake. You need a physical being, I'm, not quite there yet and I know its been hard for you that I haven't been able to…do things and I know you're going to argue with me and say that you don't need anything physical and that you are happy for me to take my time but I know you are being self sacrificing. And I can't deal with that. It's not fair. I wont let you have to put up with my crap, that's just how it is and, I now know that" she shut her eyes for a second and my heart broke as she continued to speak "you are JUST my friend. I've realised that, we can never be more. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have led you on. I'm an adult. I'm sorry. This isn't going to work." my stomach felt like it was in my throat. I was stupid. How could I have thought that she would want a child like me. She was eighteen I was sixteen. It would never work. Anger sparked up in me

"If its such a big thing to you. The two-year age gap. Then why start something in the first place. Were you just upset because no-one wanted to take you to prom that night and you were lonely? Or is it that you've known me for so long that you thought you could use me to try something out before going to college? And now you are making excuses up so you don't have to be in a relationship when you get there? I see how it is Bella, use and abuse." I looked at her full of upset and anger, and instantly regretted what I had said, she was my best friend, she would never treat me like that. My eyes widened "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I, I" I stuttered as she backed away from me looking disgusted, tears welling up in her eyes again

"I can't believe you think I would use you Jake. You're my best friend, one of my only friends. I would never risk that on purpose. Ever. Clearly our friendship isn't as important to you as it is to me. I'm sorry for upsetting you, and messing you around. I really am." She let out a small sob "I would hurt you intentionally, ever ever ever!" she took in a deep breath "I'm going home now Jake. See you around." She turned and started to walk away from me. My heart broke even more as I saw the hurt wash across her face before she wasn't facing me

"No Bella!" I grabbed her arm "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I was upset. I still am. Surly you understand that? I love you. I'm sorry. Please, can we make this work?" she turned back towards me

"No Jake. I can't explain why, not properly. I'm sorry. Do you believe me when I say that it is honestly me and not you?" she looked at me with such conviction that I almost did. But I knew I was to blame

"Why wont you tell me the truth Bella. I know you're lying. Just tell me why. We're perfect for each other."

"I'm not lying!" she shouted "I cant tell you why. Not properly Jake. Just understand. You, you are perfect. Me, I'm not. Its all me."

"Bullshit. If you cant even tell me the truth Bella when I ask for it. Even as friends you wont tell me the truth. I don't think we can even be that. Friendship and relationships are based on trust. And right now, I don't trust you. I've always trusted you Bella, I thought we told each other everything?"

"There are some things I cant tell you Jake. Not ever." She looked disgusted

"Fine. Be like that. See how you cope in college without any friends because they don't trust you. And you are so far up your own arse that you wont trust them, even though they clearly love you and would die for you. You are such a pretentious cow!" I was so mad and upset.

"Fine. Be like that! Arsehole! I fucking HATE YOU! STAY AWAY FROM ME!" she screamed at me. I stopped walking and turned round, she had started to run home. And that was the instant that I regretted everything I had said that night.

*.*

I jolted awake to the sound of the telephone. Still dressed I had fallen asleep on top of my bed next to the collage. I rubbed my hair out my eyes, it needed cutting, and sighed as I put the pictures back up on my wall.

"Jacob!" my dad shouted

"What!" I replied

"One sec" I heard him mutter. He opened my door and looked at me smiling "Bella's on the phone" my stomach dropped and I instantly felt sick.


So...erm...what do you think? Dramatic huh? The thing with Jacob is that Bella hasn't told him about what happened to her as a child, as you have probably gathered. And at this point in time, she is only just beginning to understand exactly what happened to her so everything is new and fresh and that is why she gets over emotional and upset when they argued. (just to clarify and explain so no one goes off on one about how silly and over the top the argument was).

please please review. I love to hear from you :)