AN: As promised - a quick update. I hope that everyone is still loving the story as I had a great time writing this one. We are ever so close to the end now. And I should give a warning, this chapter does get a little sad. =( Remember - read and review!


Dr. Harvey hadn't been kidding when she'd said that it was going to be a rough couple of days for Nathan. Puck spent a week wanting to hit someone, throw something, or anything really just to get out all of the anger of watching his son go through chemo. He was so weak every day and it just got worse. All he could do was sit by as his son vomited everything that he'd eaten that day until there was nothing left so all he could do was dry heave. He was pale and slept most of the day. He wasn't up for visitors although everyone stopped regardless. It was like he was a ghost of the boy that he'd met.

Rachel assured him that this was normal, par for the course of chemo and he was thankful that he hadn't been there before because he was sure that he would've killed someone. But at the same time he was sorry that he hadn't been able to be there for Rachel while she was watching Nathan go through this. It wasn't something any parent should have to do alone.

But it was finally time for the transplant and all he could do was thank God that it was time. He'd sat by Beth's bed after her procedure, but the doctor had also been right about her. She'd been up and about just days after the procedure.

They'd moved Nathan into a sterile room and they were all required to stay outside while Dr. Harvey attached the IV that would transplant Beth's marrow into Nathan's system. They would be allowed into the room a little later in the day, but for now Dr. Harvey didn't want anything to upset the boy. Once the transplant was complete they would be allowed inside, but only after donning the sterile outfits that were being provided.

Puck knew that this was for Nathan's benefit, that they were trying to do everything that they could to prevent him from getting sick, but it was driving him crazy. He'd never been a patient person and this waiting was killing him. And he was pretty sure that he was doing the same to everyone else.

"Noah, you need to stop pacing. You're making me nervous." Rachel was sitting in a chair, hands clasped in her lap as she watched him pace the floor.

"I don't know what else to do. I feel useless, helpless, and I fucking hate it." Puck stopped his pacing to lean his forehead against the wall and it felt cool against him warm skin. When he got agitated his body temperature spiked.

Rachel sighed and he felt her eyes on him. "Maybe you should leave for awhile. Go see your mom and sister. I'm sure that they'd love to see you."

"They see me all the damn time now that we've rented that house. Shit, they see me more now than they did when I lived in Lima."

"Look if you can't calm down then you have to leave. I'm nervous enough as it is." Rachel shook her head, drawing his attention to her. "I can't have you working me up anymore."

"Oh, I bet that I can work you up real good, Berry."

He watched as her cheeks reddened as she glanced around quickly to see if anyone was within earshot. "Noah, I really do not feel that this is the time for those types of comments. Not that any time is really appropriate, but especially now."

Puck walked over to sit next to her, leaning back into the seat with his arm over the back of her chair. "Just trying to lighten the mood, babe. Isn't that what you want? For me not to be freaking out? The best way for me to do that is to hit on you."

Rachel laughed. "And you really find that appropriate?"

"Shit, I never said I was appropriate. In fact I'm probably the most inappropriate person you'll find. But that's what you love about me."

When her eyes shot up to meet his he saw something there, but it was gone in a flash. The look she'd given him was familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. "Incorrigible."

"Yes, it's because I'm incorrigible that you keep me around." Puck nodded, pulling her close to his side.

"Of course, what other reason could I ever want to keep you around besides the inappropriate sexual innuendos that you're constantly making?"

This time it was Puck's turn to laugh. "Well I can think of a LOT of reasons you'd want to keep me around. In fact I'll be happy to show you a few right now." The only response he got was an elbow to his ribs.


The first few days following the transplant went well. Nathan's color started coming back and he was awake more often. They began to get their hopes up as they improved, but Puck should have known that something was going to go wrong. Because that was just the way life was. One minute you're on top of the world and the next you've bottomed out. It was a vicious cycle and it was something that he needed to remember.

It was five days after the transplant that Nathan spiked a fever. It was around 104 and the doctors couldn't figure out why. He was on antibiotics and anti-rejection drugs so nothing should have gone wrong, but it did. Medications were changed and there was still no change. By the end of the night on the sixth day Nathan was in a coma.

"Rach..."

"Just leave me alone." Rachel voice was choked with tears, her head buried on the bed next to Nathan's hand.

"C'mon, babe." Puck touched her shoulder lightly but she jerked away. "Rachel, you're not going to do him any good if you pass out from exhaustion and lack of food."

Rachel sat up, tears still falling down her face. "You want me to eat, to sleep, while my son is lying in a coma?"

"Our son, Rachel. He's our son. And I expect you to take care of yourself so that when he wakes up you're not in the hospital yourself." Puck flinched because it had come out sounding harsher than he'd meant for it to.

"I can't leave him. What if he wakes up and I'm not here? What if he wakes up crying for me and I'm not here?"

Puck knelt down in front of her. "I'm worried, too. I'm not suggesting that we just up and leave. I think we should go down to the cafeteria, get some food and then see if they'll let us bring some cots in here or we can pass out in the chairs. It doesn't matter. We've just got to eat and sleep or our bodies are going to give out."

Even as he spoke, Puck felt like he was in some alternative universe. He'd never thought that he'd see the day where he was giving Rachel advice on how to be healthy. But he'd watched her fall apart and Nathan's condition had gone from good to bad to worse in a matter of hours. It tore at him to watch as his son deteriorated so rapidly that the boy that lay in the bed looked nothing like the Nathan he'd known.

It scared the shit out of him to think about how he might not wake up. Dr. Harvey had explained that somehow an infection had set in and due to his suppressed immune system, it had spread rapidly. She'd also informed them that the bone marrow wasn't engrafting correctly. He hadn't known what the fuck she was talking about and he'd said just as much so she'd explained that Nathan's body was trying to reject the marrow. They'd tried multiple medications, but so far nothing had been able to knock out the infection nor stop the rejection. And then she'd told them to prepare for the worst.

Prepare for the worst? How did a parent prepare for the fact that their child might die? He couldn't even begin to think about what it would be like if Nathan died. And as he led Rachel from the room he tried to push the thought from his mind, but it wouldn't go.

It wasn't until they were seated with food in front of them that he realized that Rachel had been thinking along the same lines as he had. She was pushing the food around her plate as she stared down at it when she spoke. "What if he dies?"

He looked up at her and even as his mouth opened he knew that he had no idea. He had no idea what to say to her. He knew that he should try and make her feel better, try to get her to see that their son still had a chance, but he couldn't. He couldn't because he was wondering the same thing. "I don't know, Rach."

"He's my baby boy and...well, thanks to me you've barely gotten to know him. I can't lose him. Not after all that we've been through." As she spoke she refused to meet his eye, looking everywhere but at him. "I don't even know what I would do if he died." Suddenly she looked up and met his eye. "Would you hate me if he died?"

"Hate you?" What the fuck was she talking about? "Why would I hate you?"

"For keeping him from you for all of those years. If he died then you never would have really gotten to know him."

Puck paused. She was right. He would have every right in the world to hate her, but as he looked at her he couldn't find it in himself to do so. "I couldn't ever hate you. I couldn't even hate you for the last five years." He paused again. "I'd hate to think of all of the things that I'd miss out with him. I'd never get to teach him how to catch a football, how to win a fight or how to score with a babe. I'd never get to play with him at the park or throw him a party, teach him to drive." With every passing minute, with each word Puck felt the realization sinking in that it was altogether possible that he could never get to do any of these things with his son. They weren't just words, they could be the truth. And it hurt. It felt like someone had taken a knife to his heart.

"Fuck, Rach. He can't die. I can't let him die without knowing what a great dad I could be. Without me being able to see what kind of dad I could be." He didn't know when it had happened, but he'd stopped looking at Rachel and had been staring down at the table and Rachel's hand on his drew his attention back to her. "We can't think like this."

"I don't know what I'd do without you here to calm me down." She paused, wiping the tears from her face. "I need to tell you something. I know that I told you that I forgave you, that I believed you about cheating but I didn't. There was some little part of me that wouldn't let it go. That's why I've been avoiding you." She glanced down at their entwined hands. "Because if it wasn't true then I had thrown the best thing besides Nathan that had ever happened to me away. And every day I've wondered about that, wondered about what would've happened if we'd stayed together and raised Nathan together." She raised her eyes to met his again. "And no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop loving you."

Puck felt like he'd been run over by a truck. First he'd opened his heart about his fears of Nathan dying and he never getting a chance to be a real father to him and then Rachel revealing that she still loved him, that she'd thought of him every day since their split. It was all too much and he felt like the room was closing in on him. He just couldn't deal.

He quickly stood, not meeting Rachel's eyes. "I need some air." He tried to ignore the pain in his chest as her shoulders shook and the tears fell down her face. He knew what she was looking for. She wanted him to tell her that he still loved her, which he did, but he wasn't ready for this conversation. He wasn't ready to turn his life upside down anymore than it already was. So he just walked away.


It was hours later when his phone vibrated, telling him that he had a new message. It was from Rachel and he'd been so tempted to ignore it, but how could he with Nathan in such bad shape?

Get to the hospital asap. He's getting worse.

Well fuck. Not only had he walked away from Rachel, leaving her sitting there in tears but then she'd had to deal with their son's condition worsening on her own. What kind of an asshole was he? His mom would beat the living shit out of him if she found out.

He quickly exited the bar that he'd found up the road from the hospital and started walking back. He'd probably had a little too much to drink to be going back, but if she said Nathan was getting worse then he wanted to be there.

Fifteen minutes later he was suited up and heading into Nathan's room. The first thing he noticed was Rachel sitting next to Nathan's bed, head buried in the covers beside him and her shoulders shaking. The second thing that he noticed was that there were more machines in there than the last time they'd been in there.

"Rach?"

Rachel's head shot up and she was in his arms in seconds. Her entire body was trembling and his shirt was soaked from her tears, but she didn't speak.

"Rach, babe. What's going on?" What the fuck had her so rattled that she couldn't even talk? Hell, she always had something to say.

Slowly she pulled back from him, looking up into his face. "Nathan coded about an hour ago, but the doctors were able to resuscitate him. They told me that there's a good chance that he won't make it through the night, that we should say our goodbyes." She shook her head. "He died, only for a few seconds, but he died Noah. I can't lose my baby boy."

Puck pulled her close to him, wrapping his arms around her as he laid a kiss on the top of her head. "We're not going to lose him and we will not say goodbye because that's giving up. We'll just wait here by his side until he wakes up. Because he will wake up. You know any kid that we have would be a fighter, so don't give up on him yet."

Rachel pulled away enough to look up at him again. "Thank you. That's what I needed to hear."