Chapter 9: Attractions Acknowledged
They took the shuttle back to the Nos Astra Transport Hub. The ride was going to be long, but Miranda did not mind. She sat across from Shepard; next to Jacob, just as she had when they had first left the doomed Lazarus Project and met the Illusive Man. She had started to sit down next to him, but she wanted to maintain some professional distance; she realized that she was falling for the war hero, and did not want to risk being that close for fear of displaying physical affection. Also, she wanted to look at him as they spoke, look into his eyes. She thought she could just lose herself in those eyes.
"Shepard, Jacob, thank you both for helping me out with Ori," she said, not wanting to minimize the fact that Jacob had risked his life in the process as well. "You know, before now, I considered you both to be trusted associates. But now, you're more than that, both of you. You're friends; true, honest to goodness friends. I thought Niket was that, but I was wrong; until the two of you, I haven't had friends. Not since I was in school, and none of them would have risked their lives for me, and for my sister, the way you two did. Thank you."
"We've been through a lot, Miranda," said Jacob. "Even before the Collectors hit. Surprised it took you this long to see that."
"Jacob, that's not what I …"
"Come on you two," Shepard interjected. "We just did something good, with zero moral ambiguity. Kind of refreshing, if you ask me. Jacob, Miranda's slow to trust. We're on the short list of people she considers friends. That's something to be happy about. Don't be resentful about how long it took."
"Sorry, Miranda," Jacob said. "Shepard's right. I wasn't resentful; I just … I wish you could have seen that you had people around you who cared about you sooner – it might have made things a little easier for you, that's all."
"Jacob, you saw what I just went through," Miranda retorted. "My father … you have no idea what he's like, Jacob. No amount of explanation can communicate it. He was … he was a monster. Niket thought that having his money made my life happy, but it was a living hell. The money wasn't a benefit … it was a prison."
"But you broke out," said Shepard. "You stood up on your own feet, rescued your sister, and went out and made a difference in the galaxy. You stuck to your guns, held to your principles. I admire that, Miranda." Then he looked at Jacob. "You too, Jacob. You joined Cerberus to make a difference in the galaxy, not out of xenophobia or any ulterior motive." Then he looked at both of them. "I had the best team in the galaxy when I fought against Saren and the Geth. The Collectors took me out of action, Kaiden died on Virmire, and the Alliance broke that team apart once I was gone. But now? This team is going to be even better."
"I'm sorry Operations Chief Williams blew you off, Commander," said Miranda. "I know she meant a lot to you, and whatever I think of her personally, she proved herself in the battle against Sovereign."
"Too bad she wouldn't join us," agreed Jacob. "She's a real powerhouse; we could have used her."
"Yeah, Ashley uninvited herself, but so what?" asked Shepard. "The people we've recruited are all top notch, including Jack and Grunt. Zaeed's every bit the ground pounder Ashley was, and most importantly, Garrus is back, and I've got the two of you. Jacob, you remind me a lot of Kaiden; you're both biotic, and smart as whips."
Then he looked into Miranda's eyes, holding her gaze. Miranda was transfixed. She felt the connection between them, one that transcended physical proximity. She had never experienced this with anyone before, man or woman. Ori was the closest, but this was different. She felt as though Shepard could see into her very being. It was exhilarating, but also terrifying. Then he spoke.
"Miranda, you brought me back. Nobody else, literally nobody, would have done that. I don't know how Cerberus found me, and at this point, I don't even care. You brought me back. My life would be over if it weren't for you." He reached across and touched her cheek. "You're a miracle, Miranda. Don't ever forget that."
My God, if we were alone, this would be very different, she thought, trembling slightly at his touch. Don't do it, Miranda, she said to herself. Don't fall for him, not now. Too much is at stake. But she knew it was too late. The best she could do was keep control over her feelings and keep things professional. She had to; this mission was far too important. But she hated that she had to. She looked down, finally able to avert her gaze, but as hard as she tried not to, she knew that she was showing far more emotion than she should. Dammit, if we were just normal people, she thought. But then, as normal people, Shepard never could have stopped Saren, the Geth, or Sovereign, and she could never have brought him back to fight the Collectors. And they probably never would have met. It was just another reminder of the prison of her father's gifts; those gifts enabled her to be where she could meet the Commander, but at the same time, placed her in a position where she could do nothing about it. But she could tell him one thing.
"Thank you, Shepard," she replied. "You mean a lot to me; what you've done for me, for Ori, and … well … it means a lot." She took his hand with her own before he had fully withdrawn it and held it for a long moment before letting go. In another life, she thought, or perhaps when this is all over, maybe we can actually have that 'another life' for real.
The skycar docked at the Nos Astra Transport Hub, and the trio alit from the cab, Shepard tried to let Miranda go first, as she tried to do the same. They smiled and exchanged mirthful smiles, and then each tried to go first, which resulted in their gently bumping up against each other. It seemed as though they were about to share a kiss, but then Miranda said,
"Sorry; that was my fault."
"Totally mine," replied Shepard. "Ladies first."
Miranda smiled back as she walked past him. He smiled back; how could he not? She's beautiful, he thought. And we definitely have a connection. Two years had passed since he and Ashley had been together, and their most recent meeting had officially ended their relationship. Two years, he thought. Nobody would hold it against me, especially not after her behavior on Horizon.
"She really cares about you, you know," said Jacob. "And as far as I'm concerned, you're the best thing that's ever happened to her."
"Thanks, Jacob. Definitely food for thought."
Now that they were back at the hub, Shepard immediately got to work on Liara's request to hack terminals in the area. It did not take him long; he had found himself bereft of Omni-gel prior to the new security upgrades that nullified it, and had been forced to hack in the old fashioned way. Garrus and Kaiden had both taught him some tricks of the trade. Now, he was as proficient a hacker as most combat engineers, though he was nowhere near Tali, Garrus' or Miranda's league.
As he hacked the last terminal, Liara contacted him, asking him to check in with her as soon as he could. He made a note to do that, though he did not want to get too involved in Liara's side projects; friend though she was, he really needed to stay focused on the mission, and at this point, it did not seem as though investigating the Shadow Broker would intersect with stopping the Collectors. With that done, he went to visit Tracking Officer Dara, the contact Liara had given him to connect with the Justicar, Samara.
As the trio approached Officer Dara's remote office in the hub, a green skinned Asari woman seated on a bench saw him and stood, walking hurriedly to meet him.
"Commander Shepard," she called before closing the gap. Miranda's head jerked to look at the beautiful, but unusual looking Asari, almost as though someone had forcibly yanked the operative's head in the Asari's direction. Miranda looked … jealous? "Commander Shepard," repeated the woman as she reached the Commander. "I don't suppose you'd remember me. I'm Shiala; we met on Feros during the Geth attack."
Shiala, the Asari Commando whom Saren had traded to the Thorian in exchange for the Prothean Cipher, and who had also transferred to Saren's mind. Shepard had freed her, and then she had given him the Cipher as well, which ultimately enabled him to understand the visions from the Prothean beacons and discern the location of the Conduit. Without that, he would never have been able to succeed in his mission. After freeing her from the Thorian, she had stayed on to help the human colony of Zhu's Hope on Feros.
"Saren had given me to the Thorian creature as a slave," she continued, pacing back and forth nervously. "You killed it, and saved me. I promised to help Zhu's Hope recover, and I'm actually here on Illium for just that purpose."
"Is there something I can do to help?" Shepard asked, remembering what a miserable time the Zhu's Hope colonists were having of things in Feros after the Geth attack and their being used as living test subjects by Exogeni. If he could do anything to facilitate Shiala helping them, he would, so long as it would not derail him from his primary ojective.
"I'd appreciate it," replied the green Asari, who went on to explain that after the enslavement of the Colonists by the Thorian, they had suffered unusual health problems, ranging from headaches, shared sensations, and in Shiala's case, a change in skin color from blue to green. Baria Frontiers had offered medical treatment and scans to the colonists, but that buried in the small print was a contractual clause that allowed them to perform invasive procedures if they found anything of interest. And as it turned out, they had.
Shiala's mission was to talk to Erynia, the Baria Frontiers rep, whose kiosk was nearby in the Transport hub, and try to get her to change the contract. Unfortunately, Shiala's efforts had come to naught, and the cold hearted Erynia would not budge. Should the colonists refuse to allow the invasive procedures, they would be declared in breach of contract and be sued for far more money than they could afford. Even the legal fees of defending themselves in the suit were beyond their reach.
"I'll talk to the survey group," Shepard volunteered.
"I appreciate it, Shepard," Shiala replied gratefully.
Miranda and Jacob followed Shepard as he made his way to the Baria frontiers kiosk. She was familiar with predatory companies such as Baria, and how they preyed upon human colonists, who frequently were not well off and even more often, not highly educated. It was one of the things that had made her a supporter of Cerberus. She felt a degree of righteous indignation, but she was also anxious. As they approached the Baria Frontiers kiosk, it was clear why Shiala had made no headway. The rep, Eryinia, was waiting for them, a scowl on what would have been an otherwise lovely Asari face, and her body tense, wound up and ready for a confrontation.
"I saw your conversation, human," Erynia said tersely. "You're here to complain about the medical contracts those colonists from Feros signed. I suggest you leave. Your life is short enough. Do not waste what time you have bothering me."
Bitch, thought Miranda.
"Why are you insisting on these tests?" asked Shepard, ignoring the Asari's protestation. "What use could they possibly be?"
"Their use is not your concern," dismissed Erynia. "A legally binding contract was signed. Nothing else matters." Then she brushed them off with a wave of her hand and began lecturing them, all the while walking around as though she were an actress on a stage. "All you, Humans, Salarians, Turians; you come to our planet and complain that our laws don't suit you." Then said she turned and walked straight to Shepard and very hostilely said, "The galaxy would be a better place if nobody but the Asari had ever dragged themselves out of the primordial muck."
"Why are you so prejudiced against aliens?" Shepard asked dispassionately.
"Pheh," Erynia snorted derisively. "Where do I start? With Salarian explorers unleashing the Rachni on us, then unleashing the Krogan to correct their mistakes? Or the Turians, so eager to bomb every problem away? Or the Humans; the new arrivals who already think they should be in charge?" With each sentence, her voice rose in volume, intensity, and anger. Then she got quiet, but no less intense. "Every war that has plagued this galaxy has been caused by your people. My people's deaths are on your hands," she said, pointing directly to Shepard as she spoke.
Ridiculous, thought Miranda. The woman is insane!
Shepard folded his arms and looked down at her with disdain.
"You seem to forget that a Human saved you from Saren and the Geth," Shepard countered.
"The Geth created by the idiotic Quarians?" she asked defiantly as she began walking about again, her voice raising to its formerly high volume. "Led by a rogue Turian Spectre in an attack? The Geth didn't start at the Citadel! They attacked your human Colony, Eden Prime first. You humans brought the Geth upon us! You humans, and the Turians and the Quarians!" Then she shouted, pointing and reiterating, "My people's deaths are on your hands!"
"That sounds personal," observed Shepard. "Whose deaths are we talking about exactly?"
"My bondmate was killed on the Quarian homeworld during the initial Geth uprising," Eryinia explained sadly, the fury suddenly sucked out of her. Then she began crying, tears streaming down her face. She turned and walked to the railing by the kiosk and leaned against it, her back to Shepard. Then she spoke, just above a whisper. "My daughters died on the Citadel during the Geth attack. One worked in the embassy, the other was a greeter for the Consort." Then she straightened and turned around, her voice now at a conversational level, but hard, and cold. "I'm not speaking in hypotheticals, human. The aliens will never be my allies. The best they can do is give me useful medical data."
"Your bondmate was with the Quarians," observed Shepard, "and your daughters worked every day with aliens at the embassy and the Consort."
"And look what happened to them!"
"You've suffered, I get that," Shepard said, now condescendingly, now walking towards Erynia. "These colonists are trying to live peaceably, and they've suffered too. They've lost family to the Geth, and to the Thorian creature. Don't add to their anguish."
Erynia backed up until she hit the railing next to the kiosk. Then she slumped and collapsed, crying in a heap on the floor. Shepard walked over and offered his hand, helping the bitter Asari to her feet.
"I'm sending an amended contract," the weeping Asari said, her voice raspy and low. "No more tests, no more fees. There's enough grief in the galaxy. I don't need to add to it."
Miranda could hardly believe it as they walked back. Shepard had backed Erynia down with the sheer force of his personality. He never raised his voice or returned Erynia's insults; he simply stated the truth. Powerfully. And in the face of a xenophobic Asari. Suddenly, Miranda wondered if that was how Cerberus, and groups like Terra Firma and Earth First sounded to Shepard. No, she thought, we're not like that. We're not hateful like she was!
"What a piece of work," exclaimed Jacob. "I can't believe you didn't let her get under your skin! I wanted just shake that woman and make her understand!"
"I knew her daughters," Shepard announced.
"You did?" Miranda was surprised that Shepard would have even remembered them.
"Yeah; when I first visited the Citadel after Eden Prime, her daughter at the embassy helped me learn my way around the place. Later, I had to settle a dispute involving an Elcor Diplomat, a Turian general, and the Consort, which is when I met the other one. They were both very helpful to me. I feel bad for Erynia. I understand why she's bitter."
Miranda realized that Shepard had lost a lot of friends and family over the years. His parents died when he was very young; he lost squadmates on missions, Kaiden on Virmire, and more friends with the destruction of the old Normandy. Then he lost Ashley, though in her case, it was an emotional loss rather than a literal one. Empathy, she thought. He has so much empathy. Then she berated herself for lacking empathy. She knew people thought of her as cold, but she could not help it; she had learned to keep people at a distance. Empathy opened one up to trust, and trust opened one up to being betrayed. She had learned that the hard way long ago.
Contrary to what people thought, Miranda was not at all devoid of emotion. In fact, she was very emotional. But she had bottled up her emotions long ago, keeping them well controlled. She never allowed herself to feel; that led to misjudgment and pain. Niket … he was the last to hurt her, and his cut was the deepest. They had been through so much … can I ever trust that deeply again? She put that question aside as they approached Shiala.
"You did it! Shepard," exclaimed the green Asari as they met her, "they just sent over the revised contracts! You've saved Zhu's Hope again. I don't think I could have …" Downcast, she shook her head. "Is it always like this? Yesterday's problems lingering in some new form? Isn't anything ever just fixed?"
The irony of a woman over three centuries old asking Shepard, a man in his late twenties, questions about life, was not lost on Miranda.
"You've got the power to make a difference, Shiala," replied Shepard. "Not everyone does."
"You're right," agreed Shiala. "You gave us a chance by saving the colony. I can't let them down – I won't! Thank you for what you've done here, Shepard. I'll keep doing what I can." Then she got very close to the Commander and said, "Maybe some time when … I'm not organizing the colony, and you're … not doing whatever you do …" Then she touched Shepard's shoulder and looked at him longingly, pain and sadness mixed with the wistful dreaming of the man who had just saved Zhu's Hope again. Miranda thought the Asari was going to kiss the Commander, and felt a surge of jealousy, but Shiala did not. She abruptly looked away and walked off before she said anymore. Miranda felt the jealousy subside, replaced with … satisfaction? As though a rival had just been vanquished?
No, she thought, this can't be happening.
After getting a lead on Samara from Tracking Officer Dara, Shepard led them to Liara's office and gave her the data. This led Liara to explain that she was trying to locate a Shadow Broker agent known only as the Observer. Liara explained that with the data Shepard had obtained, data from various terminals in the trading floor could be reconstructed and analyzed to figure out who the Observer was. Her assistant, Nyxeris, explained that they had narrowed the Observer down to one of five agents, who were referred to only by profession and race; a Turian, a Salarian, a Krogan, and a Vorcha. Liara asked if Shepard would put his hacking skills to use once more, which he agreed to do before leaving.
Shepard hit the four terminals on the trading floor, and a fifth in Eternity. With the logs reconstructed, Shepard looked it over. A troubled look crossed his handsome face. Yes, Miranda decided. He's very handsome. He contacted Liara.
"All five of the suspects are male," said Shepard. "Something's not right. Who gave you this information?"
"My assistant, Nyxeris," replied Liara. "She got the information … Nyxeris gave me the information." Then they heard her call, "Nyxeris, could I see you in here for a moment? Shepard, I'll talk to you later."
By the time they got to Liara's office, Nyxeris was dead. As it turned out, Nyxeris was the Observer. Liara boasted that she had found some "interesting data" on Nyxeris' computer, and thanks to Shepard, now she was that much closer to finding the Shadow Broker. Liara transferred five thousand credits to Shepard's account as thanks for his help. Then she said darkly,
"And when I find the Shadow Broker, I hit him with a biotic field so strong that what's left of his body will fit into a coffee cup."
"That anger can't be just from what you've told me," noted Shepard. "What else happened between you and the Shadow Broker?"
Liara looked at Miranda, and then stood and looked out the window, her back to the trio.
"Did Cerberus ever tell you how they recovered your body?" Shepard shook his head, but before he could respond verbally, Liara continued. "I gave it to them," she confessed. "I gave you to them, Shepard, because they said they could rebuild you."
Shepard suddenly was bold upright in the chair, shocked by the revelation, and Jacob looked sharply at Miranda, mouthing, "is this true?" Miranda nodded, silently, gaving thanks for Liara finally revealing what Miranda herself could not.
"And to do that," Liara continued, sitting back down, "I had to take it from the Shadow Broker, who was going to sell your corpse to the Collectors."
Shepard turned and looked at Miranda, then back at Liara.
"Why didn't you tell me this before now?"
"Because, I screwed it up, Shepard," Liara confessed. "I barely escaped with my own life. And when I gave you to Cerberus, I told myself that I was doing it for you, for a chance to bring you back. But I knew Cerberus would use you for their own business. And I let it happen, because I couldn't let you go. I'm sorry."
"You did the right thing, Liara," Shepard said consolingly. "My mission is important, and I couldn't do it if you hadn't given me to Cerberus."
"Thank you," exclaimed Liara, her face brightening. "I … I was afraid you'd hate me. So that's why I must destroy the Shadow Broker. For what he did to my friend, and to you, and for whatever he's doing with the Collectors."
"Be careful out there, Liara," warned Shepard. "Don't turn into the thing you're hunting."
"Says the dead spectre working for Cerberus," chided Liara. "Don't worry Shepard; I'm not my mother. Everything I'm doing, I'm doing of my own free will … for better or for worse."
The trio left Liara's office and went to meet Detective Anaya, who put them in touch with Samara directly. After obtaining the name of a ship that a fugitive the Justicar was chasing had taken, the beautiful Samara agreed to work with them. In the process, they exposed a Volus trader as a smuggler, and killed the Eclipse merc who had murdered the trader's partner. The detective even slid them some credits to thank them for their help. Through it all, Shepard handled himself with dignity, never failing to do the right thing. The Justicar was so impressed that she swore an oath of service, binding herself to Shepard's code for the duration of the mission. Miranda could never have obtained such an oath from a woman like Samara.
If things keep going like this? We just might survive this mission after all, Miranda mused.
With Oriana safe, the trio returned to the Normandy. It was time to take care of more personal business, and Shepard decided that dealing with the unstable Jack's request was at the top of the list now that he had helped Jacob and Miranda – especially Miranda! What an eye opener, he thought. The façade of cold professionalism had completely fallen away, though at least with the crew, she had resumed it to some extent, but even that was less cold, less impersonal than before.
When the shuttle had again docked in the shuttle bay, Miranda had thanked him very warmly, and then immediately went to her cabin, almost breaking into a run to get to the lift. He noted that it was the exact same look Shiala had given him before walking away. Jacob shook his head, laughing at the absurdity of it all.
"She's got it bad, Shepard," he asserted. "And right while we're preparing for a suicide mission."
"About that, Jacob," said Shepard. "I plan on coming back and making sure that the Alliance can't just try to make the problem go away by ignoring it. The Harbinger is coming. The Reapers are coming, and I plan to meet them … and send them straight to Hell."
"I believe it!" Jacob exclaimed. "So make that woman see the light! You two belong together, Shepard."
"What about you, Jacob?" Shepard asked, curious about Miranda's past with Jacob. "I get the impression that you two had something together at one time."
"Nothing romantic," explained Jacob, "though we did have one of those 'moments' where things could have taken a romantic turn. Yeah, I was attracted to her, no denying it; I mean come on – who wouldn't be? But nah; she was too much of a company girl for my tastes. I don't have what it takes to bring her around, but you? She's open to you, Shepard. You've made the kind of connection with her that no one ever has! That's a beautiful thing. Don't waste it."
"I won't, Jacob, and thanks." Shepard shook the other man's hand firmly, and then clasped his shoulder. "I'm glad you're here, Jacob. You're a good man, and a good friend."
"Like you said after you helped me; anytime, Shepard."
Shepard entered the CIC only to be greeted by Kelly's announcement that he had message at his private terminal. He thanked the Yeoman and checked his messages, only to find that Oriana had already contacted him.
From: Oriana (Lawson)
I hope this is the right Commander Shepard. I'm Oriana. My sister only told me a little, but I don't think it occurred to her that I'm as smart as she is. I poked around a little and found an information broker who got me this address.
I got to thank her, but I never got to thank you for helping me. My parents don't really understand it, but I know how much Miranda did, how many little things over the years were her looking out for me. I'm not going to tell them. I still want to go to school and get some degrees. But I wanted you to know that I know you saved me.
I had a guardian angel all these years. I don't know if my sister has anybody. She said she's working for you, and it was pretty clear that you were doing something dangerous. Make sure she comes back alive, okay?
-Oriana
PS: Don't tell her I sent you this. It would just make her angry.
PPS: Miranda, quit looking at Shepard's messages. Oh, don't act like you don't. It's what I'd do.
"She does have someone," he said softly. "You may not know it yet, Miranda, but you've got me. Without even trying, you've got me."
