Saturday, 14 September
"You should have let me hex them, Remus!"
"You are not going back to prison," Remus snarled angrily. "If anyone is going to hex the Dursleys, it'll be me, understood?"
Sirius looked at him in surprise.
"They deserve it," Remus agreed heatedly. "The things I saw in their minds… They hated him, Sirius? How could anyone hate Harry? I wanted to rip those monsters limb from limb…"
"There's that wolf," Sirius said with a grin. "I'd help you do it."
Remus shuddered, taking a moment to close his eyes and breathe in deeply.
"As fun as it is to fantasize about killing the Dursleys," he said, his suddenly calm tone making his words even creepier. "Taking care of Harry needs to take priority. I'd like to do the ritual soon. I've got most of the requirements, and the basin in Grimmauld should do the trick."
"Blood magic's the kind of thing my family did," Sirius muttered.
"And it will be effective in keeping Harry," Remus said firmly. "Once we do the blood adoption, there's no way anyone can take Harry from you then."
Sunday, 15 September
Harry checked his robes for the tenth time in the last few minutes, making sure he looked presentable.
"Harry!"
Harry looked upwards – Sirius was flying straight down towards him! A few feet away, when Harry was contemplating dodging to the side, Sirius turned up sharply, rolling sideways on his broom towards the ground before hopping off nimbly, broom in hand.
"Hey!" Harry greeted him happily. "That was a cool trick you did."
"Thanks," Sirius grinned at him. "Just… don't try it, okay?"
Harry's face fell, and Sirius hurried to explain.
"Harry, it took years for me to learn to dive like that. The thought of you doing something that dangerous… That scares me."
Harry felt an odd flutter in his chest.
"You don't have to worry about me."
"I can't help it," Sirius scoffed. "That's what parents do."
Harry's smile returned as he looked up at Sirius.
"The Dursleys really signed the papers?"
"They did," Sirius confirmed, and reached out to take Harry's hand. "I'm your guardian now. I'm going to take care of you, I promise."
Harry accepted his hand cautiously, and Sirius squeezed it gently. He wanted to scoop Harry up in his arms and never let go, but Remus had told him that Harry was unused to physical affection, since the one time he'd hugged Harry, the boy had frozen up entirely.
"I thought, if you wanted, we could go to Hogsmeade," Sirius said softly. "It's not far to walk. We can get to know each other."
Harry nodded, but then remembered something. "We're not allowed to go until third year, though."
"I'll bring you back before dinner," Sirius promised. "It'll be our secret."
Harry grinned at that. "Can we go to Honeydukes? Terry's sister brings him sweets from there, and he shared them with me – they were great."
"It's not a trip to Hogsmeade without candy," Sirius agreed with a grin. "Now, I don't want to get you in trouble, so how about I glamour you? Then nobody there will know you're you."
"Really?" Harry asked excitedly. "Can you teach me how to do it? I'd love to know how to disguise myself. That way people won't stare at me all the time." He clearly hated that situation, and Sirius inwardly marveled at how averse Harry was to his obvious celebrity. James would have loved all the attention. But Remus had reminded him that Harry was his own person, and if he had to choose, more like Lily than James.
"It's easier to get away with pranks when you're glamoured," Sirius said mischievously. "This usually isn't taught until fifth year, but I reckon – you're a Ravenclaw, give it a shot. First, like most spells, intent matters – so picture yourself looking a certain way. Different hair color, taller or shorter, rounder face – whatever you think is best. The incantation is Dissimulo, emphasis on sim. Try it on one body part at a time – you have to move the tip of your wand in a circle around the desired area. So if you want a long, beaked nose – circle your nose."
Harry laughed at the idea. "Okay." He raised his wand above his head and concentrated. "Dissimulo."
Sirius whistled in appreciation. "Great work, your hair's lightened! Let me do the rest." He waved his wand over Harry's face, then over his head, saying the same charm each time.
"Is the scar gone?" Harry asked hopefully.
"Yes," Sirius assured him. "Not a fan of the lightning bolt?"
"Everyone stares at it," Harry admitted. "Sometimes they even ask about… how I got it."
"Nobody will see it now," Sirius promised him. "Well, except for me. Glamours only work on people looking directly at you. Reflections mess it up – in a mirror, you'll appear as yourself – to everyone else too. That's because it's a mental illusion – photos also show what you really look like. So glamours are only decent as a disguise. The best kind of disguise is Polyjuice Potion – that actually physically changes your appearance temporarily – everyone would use it if they could, only you actually have to be a good brewer, and the ingredients are damn expensive."
"So I stay away from mirrors and I'll be fine?"
"Yep!" Sirius' eyes twinkled. "Now, don't be surprised if people keep looking at your chest."
"Why?"
"Because they'll think that's where your head is – I made you look like a little kid," Sirius admitted, beginning to laugh.
Harry couldn't help but laugh as well. "That's a good idea. People won't suspect a little kid in town with his dad. If I still seemed school aged but none of the older students recognized me, that could be a problem."
"Exactly what I was thinking," Sirius lied obviously. "Because I'm smart like that." Harry chuckled along with him.
They continued walking down the path, both enjoying the crisp air and the sound of the wind whooshing through the trees.
"I got invited to the quidditch try-outs," Harry declared, hoping Sirius would be proud.
He was well-rewarded as Sirius stopped in his tracks and grinned. "That's fantastic! Did you make it on?"
"I'm starting seeker," Harry told him proudly.
"Merlin," Sirius breathed, clasping his shoulder warmly. "That's amazing! But you've never flown before this week?"
"Jarena says I'm a natural," Harry grinned.
"Eh? Who's this Jarena?" Sirius asked interestedly.
"She's my Quidditch Captain," Harry told him. "She's wicked good with a bat."
Sirius chuckled. "Is she pretty?"
"I guess – yeah, she is." Harry flushed.
Sirius chuckled. "You know, your dad knew he liked Lily all the way back in first year. Told that Valentine's day that he was going to marry her. And he did!"
"Wow," Harry said softly. "They were dating in first year?"
"Oh no!" Sirius laughed. "Lily thought James was an arrogant little berk – and he probably was, too – we both were. Wasn't til we stopped pranking in sixth year that she started to notice him. But he asked her out every Hogsmeade weekend since third year, and every time she turned him down flat."
"But… how'd they get together then?"
"First weekend of seventh year, James asked again – and Lily said yes! Biggest shock of his life, he tripped over a chair flat on his face."
Harry snorted at that.
"He picked himself up and promised her the best date she'd ever imagined – but nobody could really understand him with his broken nose," Sirius said fondly. "But apparently she liked it well enough, because after that they were together."
Harry liked that story, but he wanted to hear another. He asked Sirius shyly for more stories, and Sirius happily told him about the Marauders' Greatest Adventures. The only thing Harry noticed was that sometimes Sirius would cut off mid-sentence, a look of anger over his face. After a few stories where this happened, Harry realized that it was because Peter was a part of it.
"Why'd he do it?" Harry blurted out. Sirius frowned in confusion, and Harry clarified. "Pettigrew? Why'd he betray them?"
The angry look was back. Sirius bared his teeth, and Harry stepped back, startled at the vicious display. Sirius saw the fear in Harry's eyes, and took his own step back.
"Sorry," Sirius muttered. "I… I don't know why he did it. I'd never have suspected him. That's why I…"
A look of deep pain crossed his face, and Harry watched him with worry, then reached out to take his hand. Sirius shook himself free of the fog and looked back at Harry.
"I was their Secret Keeper at first, but I knew it was too obvious. Everyone in the Order knew, and Dumbledore suspected we had a spy in our midst. We trusted Peter, but he was always so…"
Harry waited for Sirius to go on. His guardian took a deep, shuddering breath and plunged ahead with the tale.
"Your father was a great wizard, and Remus is as brilliant as they come. The three of us, we were strong, popular, handsome… And Peter wasn't. He was a follower, not a leader. He never had many talents, he was weak, magically – but he was loyal. Or so I thought." Sirius swallowed uncomfortably. "I suggested we switch to Peter. So I blamed myself, that I trusted him, with your lives, and he just… gave you up."
They were quiet for a moment. "I hope you can forgive me," Sirius said, subdued, and Harry started.
"It's not your fault!" He protested. "Voldemort killed them and Peter betrayed them. It wasn't you."
Sirius had a twisted smile, and Harry knew his words hadn't mattered. He still blamed himself.
"I'll do my best to make up for it," he said seriously. "Look, we're almost there."
Harry looked ahead and saw the buildings ahead of them through the trees. He picked up the pace, eager to see Hogsmeade.
Soon they were walking into town. Harry was enchanted already. The houses and stores were all gray and black stone, with sharply pointed roofs. There were children playing on the walk, throwing balls around, and a few people zipping overhead on broomsticks. The main street was lit with what appeared on first glance to be simple streetlights – but then they began to change color, and Harry realized that they must be magic.
"It's beautiful," Harry breathed in wonder.
Sirius looked at him, and felt his tension melting away. Every time Harry smiled, it seemed a little piece of something he'd thought he'd lost came back to him.
"Where do we go first?" Harry wondered. There were dozens of shops – bookstores and cafes, pubs and apothecaries, places that sold robes, brooms, and parchment and ink.
"I think you said something about Honeydukes?" Sirius grinned disarmingly.
Harry grinned in response. He slipped his hand into Sirius', and the man's breath caught as Harry tugged him along to the candy store.
It was amazing seeing Harry wander around the shop, staring at everything in amazement, trying all the little samples and laughing when the multicolored jawbreakers turned his tongue all colors of the rainbow.
"Do you think I could get some of these?" Harry asked hopefully.
"Harry, I should've been buying you candy for these last ten years," Sirius reckoned. "We need to get enough candy and chocolate to make up for all of those."
Harry's eyes widened – and then slowly, that mischievous Potter smile that Sirius had thought he'd never see again came to life on the young boy's face. They did go a little wild, and soon had a large bag full of goodies.
"Thanks, Sirius," Harry said gratefully as they headed outside.
"You're welcome, Harry. Anytime you like," Sirius promised, and Harry believed it. They were both happily munching on large slabs of fudge as they wandered down the street.
"Have you ever had butterbeer?" Sirius asked abruptly.
"Beer?" Harry asked, astonished. "No, of course not."
"Oh, there's hardly any alcohol in it!" Sirius assured him. "It's like liquid butterscotch, only creamier – and bubbly!"
"I'll try it," Harry agreed.
So off they went to the Three Broomsticks, where Harry decided that butterbeer was absolutely the best drink he'd ever had. They finished their fudge with it, and headed out again.
Sirius showed him Zonko's Joke Shop next.
"These tricks made my time at Hogwarts so much better," Sirius sighed happily. "What can I get for you, Harry?"
"I don't know," Harry said slowly. "I don't really want to pull pranks on my friends."
"Oh come on – not even harmless ones? Look, you put this in your dormmate's shampoo and their hair turns bright green for a day!"
Harry's smile was growing mischievous again. He didn't want to make his friends mad, but he did know one person who might actually enjoy being pranked.
"Well, maybe…"
When they headed out again, with a bag full of tricks and pranks that Harry was already imagining pulling. This time it was Sirius' turn to reach out and take Harry's hand. It felt so small in his, and he couldn't bear the thought of the day ending. But the sun was starting to lower in the sky, and he'd promised to get Harry back in time for dinner, so he wouldn't be in trouble.
"One last thing before we go back," Sirius declared. "Since it's your first time here, you have to see a real tourist site."
Sirius led the way to some back streets of the town, past all the other houses. There was another path into the woods that led them to an old building. When Sirius stopped in front of it, Harry gave it another glance, then frowned.
"This is what you wanted to show me?"
"Ah hah! I can hear the suspicion in your voice, Harry! But it's not just any rundown old house, Harry – this here is the Shrieking Shack."
Sirius paused dramatically, and Harry slowly began to smile.
"I suppose I'm supposed to ask you – why is it called that?"
"Some twenty years ago, people started hearing horrible shrieking coming from inside," Sirius said, his voice low and deep. "It sounded like someone being murdered, but they never found a body.
Harry grinned.
"It's not really haunted though, is it?"
"Most everyone thinks it is," Sirius raised an eyebrow. "But if you like, I can tell you the real story. Do you want to know?"
"Of course I do!"
Sirius chuckled at the immediate response.
"It began with a boy, just about your age. He had just started at Hogwarts, in Gryffindor House. He was quiet, kept to himself – everyone wondered why he was so secretive."
"Was this you?"
"Oh, no! Me, quiet? Never!" Sirius laughed. "This was someone else. See, the boy did have a secret. He was a werewolf. Every month, at the full moon, he would transform into a wolf, losing his mind and becoming a beast. In this state, werewolves are dangerous, just like a wild wolf, and can hurt people – but for the rest of the month, werewolves were as harmless as anybody else. Nobody could know his secret because it was illegal for werewolves to study at Hogwarts. If the boy was caught, he could be arrested – as could the man who broke the law and let him attend Hogwarts – the Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore."
Harry smiled at that. He was glad the boy got to go to school too. Harry couldn't imagine how different his own life would have been if he hadn't been allowed to come to Hogwarts.
"During the full moon the Headmaster needed somewhere to hide the boy away, so he couldn't hurt anybody."
Harry nodded, clearly enraptured by the story.
"He would take this boy into this unclaimed house – this very shack – and ward it to keep him inside. The boy would transform into a wolf, but he wouldn't be able to leave, or hurt anybody, for as long as he was there."
Sirius looked at the house almost fondly.
"That's it?" Harry demanded. "So why did everybody think they heard people screaming?"
Sirius sighed. "The process of transforming is very painful. It was the boy that everyone heard. He screamed from the agony of his body shifting. The werewolf transformation is forced, unlike an animagus transformation, which isn't painful at all."
"That sounds horrible," Harry frowned. "How do people become werewolves?"
"If you're bitten by a werewolf, you become one," Sirius said sadly. "For the majority of people, it's not something they choose. They're discriminated against because of it. There's all sorts of laws forbidding werewolves from having certain rights, and it's hard for them to find jobs – at least in Wizarding Britain."
"That sounds wrong," Harry frowned. "So what happened to the boy?"
"He was alone for some time," Sirius said carefully. "But the other three boys in his dormitory tried to get to know him. Eventually they succeeded in becoming his friends, although he couldn't tell them his secret. They were clever, though, and they found out his secret. When they realized how horrible it was for him, they decided that they wanted to help him in any way they could. They discovered that werewolves only attacked people, not animals, so they resolved to become animagi. It took a long two years, but eventually they succeeded."
"Neat," Harry whispered. Sirius' recent addition to the tale confirmed it for him – this must be about Remus. Hedwig had told him Remus was a werewolf, and he knew that Sirius, James and Peter were all animagi.
"In their new forms, they visited their friend when he was a wolf. This helped keep the wolf calm, and they spent the night of the full moon frolicking around together."
"I bet that really helped Remus," Harry said softly. Sirius looked at him in surprise, then shook his head ruefully.
"How did you know it was us?"
"Hedwig told me about your animagus form, and about Remus."
"Did you know your dad turned into a stag?" Sirius asked wistfully.
"Yeah," Harry grinned.
Sirius led him back into town, then into the woods as they headed back towards the castle. Harry looked deep in thought.
"Knut for your thoughts?"
"Oh, I was just wondering what my Animagus form would be."
"You want to be an animagi someday?" Sirius grinned.
"Soon, actually," Harry returned. "We've started collecting the ingredients for the Form Revealing Potion."
Sirius' jaw dropped. "No way – you've already started? We didn't even think of it until third year!"
Harry grinned, and shrugged. "You guys were slow."
Sirius shook his head. "You're precocious. Your parents would be proud. And I am too," he added, earning another smile. "But Harry, as your new guardian, I need you to promise me to be careful. Once you actually start the transfiguration process, things can go wrong."
"I'll be careful."
Sirius bit his lip. "Can you hold off on that part until the summer? Then I can walk you through some of it."
Harry looked slightly disappointed.
"I just… I need you to be safe," Sirius said, his tone low. For once he didn't want to joke.
"Okay," Harry said, sensing the truth in Sirius' voice. "I can wait until then. We'll just take the potion, I guess."
"Then I'll train you over the summer, and you can help your friends in the fall. Who's going to do it with you? Maybe you'll be the next generation of the Marauders."
"Terry, Hermione, Padma, Neville, Blaise, Ron, Susan and Hannah," Harry listed his friends.
Sirius stared at him in disbelief. "That's a lot of people, pronglet."
"What's a pronglet?" Harry frowned.
"Your dad's Marauder name was Prongs – because of his antlers, see? And you're a mini-Prongs, so – pronglet."
Harry nodded. "I like it," he decided.
They had reached the end of the forest path, and Harry slowed down, not wanting his afternoon with Sirius to be over.
"What's going to happen to… Pettigrew?"
"I don't know. I didn't… I wasn't asked to the trial. He's probably in Azkaban by now."
Harry could see the haunted look on his guardian's face. "It was horrible, wasn't it?"
"Yeah," Sirius said hoarsely. "Worst years of my life – and I thought nothing could top the years with my mother."
Harry flinched at that. It sounded like Sirius' family had been as bad as the Dursleys.
"The Dementors that they have guarding the prison… They drain all your happy thoughts, leave you with just your worst memories for company. All the guilt I had, over failing you and James and Lily – they made everything feel worse."
Harry moved in on impulse, and wrapped his arms about Sirius' waist. Sirius folded his own arms about Harry, holding him close.
"I forgive you," Harry said softly. "For not being around, for whatever else you think you did. But I wish you'd forgive yourself. It was Voldemort's fault, not yours."
Sirius clung to Harry and tried desperately not to break.
"Thank you," he said lowly.
"Did – did anyone visit you in Azkaban?"
"Not a one," Sirius said, bitterness creeping into his voice. "They all thought I was a traitor and a killer. But we'd told everyone I was the Secret Keeper – Dumbledore cast the damn spell. Nobody knew that we switched… It was the perfect opportunity for Peter to frame me."
"How did you get through it?"
"I changed into a dog most of the time," Sirius told him. "It made it harder for them to feed on my thoughts. If I focused on the bad thoughts, they couldn't find the good ones to take them away. And I kept thinking – tomorrow, that's the day they come get me out. That's the day they come visit."
Harry pulled back slightly and looked up at Sirius. "Do you think Peter feels the same way?"
Sirius looked at Harry in amazement, marveling at the boy's heart.
"Not that he deserves it," Harry said quietly. "But… if you could… would you go ask him? I want to know why he betrayed my parents."
Slowly, Sirius nodded. He wanted to know too. He just wasn't sure that he could go there without killing Peter.
Monday, 16 September 1991
"Get up."
Peter blinked and rubbed his eyes.
"What - "
"You've got a visitor," the guard interrupted him gruffly. "Come on."
Peter followed the guard obediently. He was glad there was an actual human guard bringing him. He'd been in here a week, but it felt like a year. He could feel his happy memories fading in their presence, and all he could focus on were the worst times of his life.
The guard led the way down dozens of corridors – Peter soon lost track of what turns they'd made. He could hear someone laughing, high and shrill, in one of the cells they passed, and he couldn't stop himself from shivering.
Finally they reached an area he hadn't been before. There were actual rooms here, not cells. The guard opened a door and shoved him inside – and slammed the door behind him.
There was a table inside the room, with a single figure seated at it. The man looked up at Peter, and the prisoner squeaked and shrank back against the door.
"Hello, Wormtail," said Sirius Black.
Peter pressed back against the door, trembling. Was he here to kill him? He didn't want to die.
"W – w – why are you here?" Peter finally managed to whimper.
Sirius reached into his pocket and drew out a flask, which he set down on the table, in front of the second chair.
"Drink up."
"I'm not drinking that!" Peter cried.
"Relax, Wormtail." Sirius' eyes glittered dangerously. "It's not poison, I'll swear on… James and Lily's memory."
Peter shivered. He was stuck either way – he drank it or Sirius would make him. He didn't have a wand, but he could see Sirius' sticking out of his pocket. Trying to draw his courage, he walked to the table and sat down in the second chair, across from Sirius.
Looking Sirius in the eye, Peter unscrewed the flask and took a deep gulp. He nearly choked in surprise at the taste.
Sirius almost chuckled despite everything. It was exactly how Peter had reacted the first time he'd tried Ogden's, in their dorm room in second year. The little boy had choked and coughed for a good five minutes. But Peter had changed since then. He didn't cough, just breathed in, his eyes closing as he savored the burn of the firewhiskey.
"That's good," Peter gasped. He took another sip, more slowly this time. Peter felt his heart racing – he still half expected to keel over. As if sensing his thoughts, Sirius spoke.
"Poison is for Slytherins." He said derisively.
Peter nodded jerkily. "What do you want, Sirius?"
"I want to know why," Sirius said lowly, his eyes fixed on Peter's. "Why did you betray Lily and James?"
Peter swallowed harshly. It sounded reasonable – but Sirius was anything but reasonable. The last time they'd met, Sirius had tried to kill him.
"You know what happened," Peter whispered. "He found me. Somehow, He knew that I knew the secret."
"Why did you tell him?"
"He tortured me," Peter said, his eyes closing again. "The Cruciatus, over and over again – I thought I was going to die. Fire spells and cutting spells, all over my body. I just wanted the pain to stop. He said he'd end it if I told him..."
"Show me your arms." Sirius ordered. His eyes, as ever, were unfathomable.
Nervously, Peter unbuttoned his robe and let it fall to his waist. Now with only his shirt on, most of his arms were bared. Slowly, Peter laid his arms out on the table.
Sirius looked at the pale skin. Peter's arms were littered with long scars, white lines covering almost every inch.
"Why didn't he just kill you?"
"Because he wanted me to suffer," Peter scowled. "He thought I was going to die slowly, from the pain and my wounds – I was bleeding out from my stomach, a long slicing hex."
He lifted his shirt to show Sirius the mark. It was still there – the mark of a bad healing spell.
"I know I'm a coward," Peter admitted. "I'm weaker than you or Remus. I never wanted anyone to die, Sirius. I loved James and Lily – and Harry."
"Not as much as you loved yourself."
"No," Peter flinched. "He wanted you because you were known to be the Secret Keeper. And I… I gave them up to make the pain stop. He laughed when he realized I had the secret the whole time. Cut me open from end to end, to let my guts spill out. I think I would have died if I hadn't fallen on my back. He left me there, and I crawled to get my wand, closed myself up… I had the emergency potions Remus made for us all, I took those, since I'm bollocks at healing spells. I apparated straight after, to Godric's Hollow. I wanted to warn them He was coming – but it was too late. By the time I arrived it was already in ruins. I was so devastated, Sirius, you don't know– I knew it was my fault – James, sweet Lily, poor little Harry. I wanted to leave, never come back, coward that I am. I couldn't face anyone – couldn't face you."
Sirius was shaking in his chair. "Why'd you go to Diagon Alley?"
"I was getting money, to leave," Peter gasped. "Then you were there, and you starting throwing curses at me! I didn't want to hurt you, Sirius, but I didn't want to die. I ducked behind a car, and I saw the sewer drain – and I had a brilliant idea."
He let out a half laugh, half sob.
"I was going to throw an exploding curse at the parked car. Make it look like a suicide, and transform and run into the sewers. Last part of the plan was to use a cutting curse to leave my own toe behind. Then everyone would think I was dead. Nobody would look for me…"
Peter drew in a shaky breath.
"So I did both curses, and I ran, and ran – until I thought you weren't after me anymore. I didn't realize I'd overpowered the cutting curse. It went through my big toe – and through the ground and to the gas pipe. I heard the explosion behind me – it was too big, and I knew that something went wrong. I didn't know, not until I got out and found a paper a few days later. Eleven people killed," Peter grimaced. "Padfoot, I didn't mean to, I swear. I meant to make it look like I died. I didn't want to kill anyone. Then I knew I couldn't come back, that with those many lives I'd taken… Nobody could forgive me."
Sirius swallowed hard. At last, words came to him. "But – you were the spy…"
"No!" Peter shook his head violently. "I never spied against the Order, against you or James or anyone. I wasn't a Death Eater! Look!" He pushed his bared arms forward again.
"He didn't Mark all of his followers." Sirius countered.
"I wasn't a Death Eater," Peter repeated urgently. "I hated Him too."
"You stayed out on the run while I was in jail," Sirius delivered his final accusation. "You let me rot in here!"
"I didn't know you were here, I swear I didn't," Peter said frantically. "I stayed in muggle London for years, eating scraps and living in the sewers. I didn't know anything about what had happened in our world. I thought the war was still on! Hoped you and Remus were still fighting, and maybe one day Dumbledore would kill You-Know-Who for good. Everything was dirty, ordinary, seemed normal after years of it…
"Then one day I found some cheese – didn't even realize it was in a trap. This man came and grabbed me. I guess he caught rats and sold them to pet stores. They put me in a cage with a dozen other rats, all of them with hungry eyes… I was almost ready to bolt, when that very day, Arthur Weasley walked into the store."
"Really?" Sirius raised an eyebrow. That sounded a little too much like coincidence.
"Really!" Peter swore. "He pulled out a dead rat, brown and fat – and showed it to the owner. Said he needed a replacement. The owner came over, found the best match – me – and sold me to Arthur Weasley."
Sirius was silent, and Peter took that as permission to continue.
"He talked to me, told me I should behave, because his son needed a pet and I was all he could afford. I didn't escape just then – he apparated me to his home, and there were all these kids – so happy, so excited…" Peter chuckled at the memory. "Arthur said that Scabbers had run away and came back missing a toe. The kids were impressed – except Ronald, he wanted a more impressive looking pet."
"Why'd you stay?"
"I missed people," Peter confessed. "I'd tried to isolate myself, as punishment. But to be with wizards again… Ginny had these stories that Molly read to her, about the Boy-Who-Lived. It was such a shock – Harry had lived – and defeated You-Know-Who? It felt like a dream. The books said that Harry was spirited away to a safe place with people who loved him. Molly and Arthur never mentioned you, so I imagined that you and Remus had taken him somewhere sunny," Peter smiled in remembrance.
"So I laid back, and enjoyed my month in heaven, eating Molly Weasley's cooking. Then they shipped me off to Hogwarts with Ronald. Got to do the first year boat ride on the Lake again. I was on the boat, looking up at Hogwarts when I heard a familiar sounding laugh. I looked at the next boat – and I saw Harry… It was so obviously him, you know. For minute I thought – déjà vu – I sat next to James on our boat ride to Hogwarts. And they looked identical. And then Ron decided to try and drown everybody by throwing a dung bomb in the boat..."
"What?" Sirius roared. Harry hadn't told him about that!
Peter laughed and tossed back another swig of the whiskey. "They were fine, just a little cold and wet. We got to Hogwarts and I watched Harry get sorted into Ravenclaw. More like Lily than James, I thought. Then Ron went to Slytherin, and I was stuck in the dungeons…" He shivered.
Sirius watched him. Peter was definitely getting tipsy already.
"I hated those dungeons," Peter mused. "Though it seems like nothing now – Azkaban's much colder."
"The coldest," Sirius agreed, then pursed his lips. This was an interrogation, not a conversation.
"I was there for a few days… Found a hole in the wall and made my way to the kitchens, had all the food I could ever need. Ron didn't really want a pet, but I was comfy enough. And one day, he took me out of the dorms, and gave me to Harry. I didn't know why at first, but Harry brought me cheese, and I trusted him… He was talking to trying to transfigure a box into a mouse, and said I was a model…" Peter laughed raucously, shaking his head. "Definitely fell for it. I reckon he stunned me. Woke up next in a holding cell in the Ministry… No food or water for two days, then they dragged me out. I was screaming for answers, water, anything – then I was knocked out again, and woke up here."
Sirius swallowed the bile rising in his throat – it was nearly identical to his own story. "When's your trial?"
"I don't know!" Peter laughed, nearly hysterically. "Nobody's said anything to me before you showed up. I haven't even been interrogated. Maybe they're just going to leave me here to rot… At least I got one last drink before I go."
They're just going to leave me here, I think. Leave me to rot. Thought that was my fate, but I guess you'll end it earlier for me. Still, I got a last drink before you kill me – my thanks to you, Padfoot. Keeping it classy."
Sirius stood up abruptly. "I have to go."
Peter flinched. Slowly, he pushed the flask back to Sirius.
"Keep it," Sirius barked. He shook his head as if to clear it. "You'll get a trial."
"Really?" Peter's eyes widened hopefully.
"Even cowards deserve due process," Sirius said quietly.
"Thank you," Peter whispered. "Thank you, Padfoot."
For a moment, Sirius said nothing. "Wormtail," he said at last. "I don't forgive you," Sirius clarified. "I can't forget that if you had died to protect them, they would still be here."
Peter looked down. "I think about them every day," he said hoarsely. "I beg their forgiveness, but I don't know if they'll give it. I really loved them, Sirius."
"As did I," Sirius' voice was shaking. "My advice, Wormtail –keep yourself transformed whenever you can. It makes it harder for the Dementors to take all your happy memories."
Before Peter could thank him again, Sirius left, slamming the door behind him. Peter sank forward, his forehead coming to rest on the table. With Sirius gone, he was alone – with only his guilt for company.
Outside the door, Sirius ran for the exit. He couldn't stand to be on this island another second. He could feel them, longing for him, trying to take away his recent happiness. He couldn't forget – couldn't forget Harry, or Remus…
His breathing finally settled when he was on the ferry away from the island. Sirius closed his eyes and went over what Peter had said. He'd put veritaserum in the whiskey, enough that Peter wouldn't have been able to lie, though it wasn't enough to force him to answer all his questions. But he had answered. And unless Peter was a master occlumencer, which Sirius highly doubted, he was… telling the truth?
Something awful settled in the pit of his belly. For ten years, he'd hated Peter more than anyone, even himself. If Peter was just a coward, and not a traitor… Everything he'd believed might be false. And then what would he do with the rage inside him, the rage that had nearly consumed him, that had kept him alive in Azkaban?
