It's been 2 more days, making it a total of 5, going on 6 days of no word from Cam. I'm upset but I'm going to listen to my mom and slowly move on. One thing that made this easier today was that Cam didn't show up to school today, it happened a week today when I met him. It worried me a little bit that he didn't show up but he told me not to text him, so that was what I was going to do. I finally got out of my class and I was debating on texting Zach but that could be a bad idea. I got home and just layed in my bed, while I was laying there I heard my phone go off. To my suprise it was Zach asking how I was doing.
I decided to answer him. "Hey, I was actually debating on texting you. I'm not doing to bad, been better ya know. I was worried about Cam because he wasn't in class today". Lets hope this doesn't go so bad. Zach texted me explaining how Cam was literally lovesick and that he doesn't know why he did it and he has no idea how to talk to me again. Zach also explained that he finally told the guys why he was such a mess. The guys knew we kissed at Starbucks, but they didn't know that he waited for me outside of class, took me to class on Wednesday, little pecks here and there and then how he opened up to me as much as he did and how I opened up to him. Zach explained that's the reason he texted me.
He explained that Cam won't do anything, he'll barely get out of bed. Apparently Cam feels horrible that he messed up everything. Zach wanted me to come by for a bonfire tonite and that the guys are gonna surprise Cam with me. I debated this because I feel that Cameron doesn't want to see me. Zach told me that Cameron really does want to see me, but he felt so bad even asking for a break he doesn't know what do to. The guys apparently decided that they are no longer going to tell Cameron what to do unless he asks. Zach thinks Cam said we needed to take a break because Michael made a comment about us becoming so serious so quickly. Ugh I swear I'm going to hit Michael one day.
I was seriously debating on going. I didn't know what was going to happen between Cam and I if I went. The guys want to fix things between us, so they all want me to come. I felt like the guys were using me to help them feel better about Cam being all messed up. What if Cam freaks out and wants nothing to do with me?, I finally texted Zach:
"Fine, I'll go, but I really don't want to, I'm going to feel weird", Zach replied quickly, "I understand that but know that he really does like you, and come over at 7, text me when your here and someone will come out to meet you". I totally don't agree with this, but maybe Cam and I could fix things? or I could at least help Cam get out of bed and show up to class.
I was getting ready, but had no clue what to wear. I decided to wear flip flops, jeans and a short black sleeved shirt with a v-neck and wore a red spaghetti strap tank top under it, and if it got cold I figure I'd bring my favorite montauk sweatshirt. I got all ready to go, explained to my mom what I was doing and headed off to their apartment. I was shaking I was so nervous.
I finally got there and texted Zach, "I'm here, and having a minor heart attack". I waited a minute and Zach came out to get me. He walked over and gave me a hug and with a huge smile, "Were really glad you came and don't freak out, its going to be fine". "Yeah, I'm not so sure of that", "Well Cam actually got out of bed to sit around the fire and made a comment about how it was your idea to have a bonfire and make smores." I smiled at that comment, and Zach continued,"Well today Nate went out to go get chocolate, marshmallows and graham crackers, so we can make smores and you are here". I laughed and Zach laughed with me and opened the door for me and we headed out the back. I was not prepared for what was going to happen next.
Zach yelled out to the backyard, "Guys I'm back and I have a surprise". I braced myself for what was going to happen. Zach walked ahead of me and I peaked my head out from behind him, and all the guys greeted me, "Hey Kerri", "Hey Girl" and Nate and Michael gave me a hug and Dillon just smiled and waved. I looked around the bonfire to see Cameron sitting confused. Great this is going well, and of course the empty seat was next to him, the boys must've planed that one. I saw him giving Dillon and Nate a face. I couldn't tell what kind it was.
"Hey Cam" I shouted from across the fire. He looked stunned that I even acknowledged him. Zach asked me to help him get some things from the kitchen and I followed. "Zach is he going to be like this all night?", Zach sighed,"I'm not sure, none of us are sure how he's going to react". We grabbed the things for the smores in silence and I walked behind Zach and put the graham crackers and chocolate on the table. Thats when I realized Cam wasn't in his chair, then I heard "Can we talk?" come from behind me, I didn't even see Cam move. I nodded and followed Cam.
We walked out to the front of their apartment quietly and I wasn't sure what was going to happen. We kept walking, and then he stopped, turned around and looked at me with this face of upsetness and hurt. "Listen, I don't know why the guys brought you here". I felt the tears starting to come, "I don't know why either, I knew this would be a bad idea." He looked at me and said,"No, I mean I'm glad they did, but I would've eventually talked to you" I wasnt sure how to take that, "Well they knew you were upset and felt bad for giving you bad advice and you were upset". He looked down kind of embarrassed. We stood in silence for awhile, neither of us knowing quite what to say. I honestly wanted to get my stuff and leave, I couldn't deal with rejection twice, but it also looked like Cameron was looking for words to say.
Finally after what felt like 20 minutes he talked, "I got scared". I looked at him confused, "what are you scared about?", His cheeks got red, I never saw that before. "Well, we were hanging out so much and we kissed and I liked kissing you, a lot actually and I just wanted to always be with you and that scared me, I've never felt like this and then when I left you and Nate to talk, Micheal made a comment about us being serious and it scared me. Kerri I've never been serious like this with a girl ever, its all so new to me I got scared. But then I realized after the first day I screwed up and to see the hurt on your face was the worst thing that has ever happened, I felt horrible. I couldn't record anything, much less get out of bed because of how I hurt you. I wanted to fix things but I didn't know how, finally the guys confronted me yesterday morning and I told them everything, like how we would have little kisses, how we opened up to each other, and I waited for you outside of your class and they all told me I was stupid, but not for doing those things, for saying I wanted a break. The only thing I've wanted to do the past 5 days was talk to you and apologize and hope that you would take me back" He stopped his little rant and just looked at me. I didn't know what to do, so I smiled, "well what do you want to do?". He giggled to himself a little bit, "Well if your willing to do this, I want to be with you, officially. I want to be your boyfriend, and you my girlfriend. I want to be able to call you or text you good morning or goodnight and be able to introduce you to people as my girlfriend." I felt the smile slowly forming on my face as he said that sentence. He realized that and took a step closer closing the gap between us and looked at me for my response. I was so happy I didn't know what to do. "Well, if you feel that way, of course I'd like to make it official with you" We both smiled at each other and we hugged. We pulled away from each other and he bent down to kiss me. Not to sound cliche but I seriously felt sparks.
That kiss seemed to last awhile, and as we pulled apart we heard clapping and cheering. We realized the boys were watching the whole thing play out from the window, they would. We just smiled at each other and he grabbed my hand and led me back to the apartment. It felt nice to hold his hand, it felt like it was right. We both couldn't stop smiling and as we walked in all the guys just smiled at me, and Zach winked. I was really glad Cameron and I fixed things and that we were offical. We sat down next to each other infront of the bonfire, but Cameron ended up scooting his chair closer so we could hold hands.
The rest of the night was fun, with all of us messing around. We made smores like I suggested a few days back and everything was just going really well. I got made fun of for making a mess of my smore, causing everyone to laugh at me and Cam helping me get the marshmallow off the random spots on my face. Michael of course decided to make it interesting and dared Cam to lick it off my face and he'd give him $20. Cameron looked at me to see what I would do and I smiled and nodded, and he licked off the random Marshmallow from my face, causing me to laugh. Then Cam decided to turn the tables on Michael, he told Michael to lick the marshmallow off Nate's face for $20, but neither Michael or Nate would agree to it.
It was so carefree when I was with the guys. They messed with me like I was one of them and I messed back in the same way. I excused myself from the fire to run to the bathroom real quick. While in the bathroom I checked to see how red my face was, it wasn't terrible, but I did notice I smelt like fire something fierce. When I got back outside the boys decided to play truth or dare, which I knew could not go well. I agreed to play, whats the worst that could happen?
Zach goes first asking Nate truth or dare, "Truth" so Zach asked Nate if he thought Lizzie and I would get along. Nate looked over to me and smiled, "yeah actually I do." I smiled and now it was Nathans turn, he looked between mike, cam and I and didn't know who to choose. So he looked and went with Michael, Michael picked Dare. Nathan asked him, "I dare you to rate everyone around this fire on their swag level" Michael laughed, agreed and went around the circle. "Zach-5, Nathan-7, Myself-10,000, Cameron, well he used to be a negative 5, but now I'd have to say 4" I laughed at that comment, then he got to me, "Hmm Kerri, girl where do I start with you, from what I can tell, your almost as cool as me, so I'd say your about a 20" I laughed at that and said thank you. It was Michael's turn and I feel like he likes to pick on me a lot in a joking way so I had a feeling that he was going to pick me but he picked Cam, all I thought in my head was thank goodness. Cam picked Truth, Michael said that was lame but continued, "what was your best memory since we've been in New York". He grabbed my hand and said "Either when I spilt coffee on Kerri, cuz I got to meet her or after Starbucks" I smiled and blushed at the same time. Of course all the boys adding to my Blush factor went "awwwwwww". It was Cameron's turn and I knew he wouldn't go for me until I heard him go. "Kerri truth or dare" I was caught a little off guard and I didn't want to pick truth so I said "Dare". All the guys looked shocked that I did that, and I was hoping it wouldn't be to bad. Cam started to talk, "I dare you to kiss me, like this kiss depended on life or death" I laughed, while all the boys looked shocked that those words came out of Cameron's mouth. So I did what he told me to do. I kissed him passionately, that he started to go along with it. When we pulled away the guys just applauded us. I didn't realize what time it was until I looked at my phone and it said 9:30. "Sorry guys, I had fun but I have to head home, I have class at 8, unlike some of you" as I smiled and hugged everyone goodbye. Cameron walked me to my car.
When we got to my car I went to explain before, but he went straight into apologizing, "sorry for before in truth or dare, I just got to into it." He kept rambling, and I figured what I was about to do would make him feel better, so I mustered up all the confidence I had and since I knew he wanted to I interrupted him by standing on my tiptoes and pulling him down towards me, my lips landing on his. At first he seemed shocked then went right into it. I pulled away, looking at him. He just smiled. "Its not that I didn't want to silly, but all the guys were there, so I didnt feel totally comfortable, I hope you don't mind". He was still smiling at me, "no I don't mind, I should've figured, but that just then, totally worth it" I giggled at him and jumped in my car. "I'm really glad we fixed things", "Me too Kerri, Me too. I'm sorry for everything you mean so much to me" he leaned down to kiss me and with that I closed my door and headed off home.
