Back again with another update people. How are these long chapters working for you? (waits to hear everyone say they love it) yeah, yeah i thought so. *sigh* Okay, not to be a story whore, but i wrote the first chapter for that Shinji/Nnoi story i had in mind so if you could kindly skip on over to my profile and check it out, that would be sexy. Oh and review and tell me if i should continue or not, ne? =D Lovely. Now, i would like to warn everybody that starting from this chapter, things are going to get dramalicious. if at any point in a chapter after this you arent following me anymore, speak up! i'll try to rewrite it into something more pleasurable/believable.
Breathexfreely: indeed i think i drooled on myslelf in the last manga chapters when my suspicions were confimred that Gin was indeed a good guy. its offical, i want to do him. DOWN WITH AIZEN (not really because hes sexy). Here you go with the present time, much more sad drama. T_T
Maru de kusanagi: why thank you, i tried to make the whole "toshi's-first-time" all sweet and slightly creepy. glad it was enjoyed.
Savagehunger47- yes my savagepimp, i tried to make it especially smutty, filled with cream and licking just for you. mwahahaha! nah jk, thats just my dirty mind. Gin was definately doing some major flirtage (i.e. flicking his hair, licking his lips, touching toshi extra dirty) hes just very sly with it.
ash4ever- then go read my story! lol jk no pressure...none at all to read and review my story which will make me feel like a failure if it is unloved...=D. Everyone likes those hormones. as a girl whos fallen prey to it more than once, i've got to say they are something to recon with.
Duril93- Wahhhhh so cool! and now you've got the net! have fun in all you Germany-goodness =D (its rainy where i am. *frown*)
Yay everybody, its time for the present! are you ready? You sure? Okay, lets go! Read, review, enjoy!
I've also been falling short on my smutty warnings so... WARNING: this contains boyxboy, dirty smutty yaoi madness. dont like, dont read! also, i dont own bleach. id i did, rukia would be dead. very, very dead. or a man to match her annoying manliness. Here is Racing Hearts.
~~Racing Hearts~~
Two weeks passed after the "incident", as Gin and I have dubbed it, and since our agreement things had progressed decently. He had not hit me once in the two week time span and we had jerkily fallen back into the swing of things. Daily I struggled to keep my promise and do everything Gin wanted without question, but my curiosity was getting the best of me. The same thought kept tugging against on my mind: why was Gin so against M. University? Most people would call me mad for still harping on this issue after I had seen the effect it could have, but I was like a dog with a bone. Sure, Gin claimed that it was too far away from home and that he didn't want to move, which was understandable since his house was undoubtedly amazing. But a little voice in the back of my mind kept telling me there was something else to that explanation, that he was hiding something because anytime he saw or heard me speak about M.U., a dark agitated shadow cast over his face. On those silent mornings curled up next to Gin in bed, I picked at the idea relentlessly. Gin himself had gone to M. University as a teen and it was one of the best in the country, so I knew it couldn't be that he thought the school wasn't good enough for me. As far as I knew, nothing horrible had ever happened in college. His record was flawless, which was another reason why his flippant attitude towards the topic left me feeling unsettled. Everything Gin had ever told me about himself was spotless. It was as though there was no blemishes in his life. Work, school, jobs after college, what he did with his money and time…it was all accounted for. The only topic we had never really covered was his family. The few times I had brought it up, he glazed over the details, that dark look coming over his face again and he had abruptly ended the conversation.
From what I did know his life was somewhat like mine as a child: unfulfilling and very lonely. However, I also knew both his parents had died suddenly, leaving him to be raised by a family friend, one who was never elaborated on or explained in depth. And I had never really pressed for more information, knowing that talking about my family was a topic I would rather leave untouched as well. Being the only two things that didn't check out in Gin's life story I thought M. University and his family must be related in some way and decided it was time to educate myself. For the first time ever, I realized I was completely in the dark about Gin's life and I needed to rectify that. My senses screamed that I should forget the idea all together; It would be highly dangerous to go snoop around and if Gin found out…I'm not sure how angry he would be. Yet, how was it that he knew everything about me, while I deserved to know so little about him? So everyday when Gin was out, making those quiet phone calls or locked up in that his "private office" I took it upon myself to scour the house.
By Valentines Day I was thoroughly exhausted and the search had been less than fruitful. Worse that that, at the strangest times, I would catch Gin giving me odd sidelong glances. Ever the perceptive one, he repeatedly asked me if something was bothering me; I replied no. No matter how understanding he pretended to be, if I asked Gin to tell me what it was he was so afraid of me finding out about M.U., I would get no answer and a rather painful distraction. So I woke up extra early on February 14th - after making sure Gin was still asleep - to get continue my investigations as well as make breakfast in case he wondered why I had snuck out of bed. Sneaking down the hall, I stopped in front of the only room in the house I had never entered in all the four years I had been with Gin. It was his private office, which I was curiously enough forbidden from entering on the grounds of severe punishment.
When I was 15, the command seemed genuine enough: what adult would want someone snuffling around in their workspace? But as time passed, the idea seemed ridiculous and then quite suspicious. Yes, it was clear he was hiding something, but what would require an entire room? Even stranger was that it locked from the outside and whenever he entered he would be locked in there for hours. I never listened at the door in the fear that he would discover me but the idea became quite appealing in the past few days. Turning the knob slightly, I sighed in frustration, hoping against my better judgment he might have left it open. But it wasn't. The only clue I had about the key to the door was the knob; each doorknob and its respective key had little matching insignias. This one had a round eye stamped onto it that would be easy to spot on a key but I had never seen it around. Deciding to try another location before Gin woke up, I crept down the steps and into the den.
Gin's den had a large desk taking up the far corner and two bookcases on either side, ranging in subject matter from how-to-do hobbies to the Darwin Theory. Leaving the door slightly ajar, I tip-toed to the desk, and leaned over to riffle through the papers on top. There were receipts, this months bills, different kinds of stock readings and letters all scribbled on with his elegant handwriting, but nothing to connect him to M.U. Another odd thought popped into my head; for someone whose alma matter was such a prestigious school, I hadn't seen any college memorabilia besides the red sweater he gave to me years ago. Encouraged by this new found realization, I slid around the desk stooping to go through the drawers. Nothing inconspicuous was there either, just more papers but in the last one I found a photo album. Predictably, it contained pictures that we had taken together on the beach, in the snow, in bed…most of them were just me. It made me feel bubbly inside to see that there was a big heart drawn around a picture of me sleeping, which I had not known he'd taken. Feeling more than childish and a little deflated that there had been nothing incriminating, I was about to but the album back but a picture tucked between the pages slid out. Thinking it would be me again, I sat down in front of the book case, but was surprised to see a young looking Gin standing next to a tall man with chocolate brown hair falling around his face with wire rimmed glasses and a regal smile. I had never seen him before and he was quite handsome, but looked shady in his white suit. Flipping the picture over, there was writing that looked a lot like Gin's but it was unpolished and childish. Plus there was a little smiley face in the upper right hand corner. "Dear god…it's a picture from his childhood! I know this isn't his father, I've seen him before, so who is this guy?"
"Mah mah, yer awake early Hime but what 're yah doin in here?" I heard Gin drawl from across the room and nearly jumped out of my skin.
Quickly tucking the picture between two books and slipping another into my hand I turned to him in surprise "Ahh! You scared me Gin! What are you doing up already?"
"I think I asked yah first," he said, narrowing his eyes and walking closer. He looked closely at the desk but everything was in place. Before sitting I had put the album back in the drawer and closed it. He gripped my shoulder firmly.
"Well, actually I woke up early to cook you breakfast because its Valentines Day and there was a special recipe I was looking for. Thanks for ruining the surprise," I said, faking anger. Flipping the book in my hand over, I showed him the cookbook I'd snagged hastily.
For a minute he just stared and my stomach sank at the thought that I'd been caught. "Sorry Shiro-chan," he said with a wide smile "but I got worried when yah weren't in bed. In fact I missed yah." Gin bent, running his tongue over my lips and I shivered. He had only slipped on a robe over his boxers so his entire chest was exposed. I couldn't resist running my hands over his hard stomach in awe.
"Its ok… But now that you've ruined breakfast, the least you could do is make it yourself, which means no special treat for you." I said agitatedly. He laughed and kissed me.
"Mmm, what a lil extortionist! Yer bossy, even on Valentines Day."
"It's the price you pay for love. Now come on, I want some pancakes."
He picked me up, wrapping my legs around his waist and carried me to the kitchen, kissing me all the way there. I was happy for the easy out and with a little enthusiasm, Gin was thoroughly distracted from my suspicious behavior. Sitting me on the gray, gold flecked countertops, he moved away to start cooking. As the room filled with the smell of coffee, eggs and hot waffles, I tried to piece together what I'd seen in the odd photo. Gin had looked around my age in it, his creepy smile present even then but he seemed much colder and unhappy. He was leaning against the chair of the brown haired man casually, one arm resting around the top of its high back, while the other sat confidently in a white suit and his legs crossed, an indulgent smile on his lips. Behind them was a large glass window that seemed to overlook some sort of lawn with high building in the background but I couldn't tell what the scene was since Gin had come in at that exact moment. What I did remember was that there had been a name written on the back, yet I couldn't spell it out. What did it say…
"Ne, ne. What are yah thinkin about so early in the mornin?" Gin asked very close to my face. I hadn't seen him approach and I jumped a little again. "Yer mighty jumpy too. Are yah sure yer all right?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, I just got lost in thought again. I was wondering what you got me for Valentines Day. I couldn't find the present anywhere." I lied swiftly, hoping it would work.
"Eh, I didn't get yah anythin, seein as how yah don't like me buyin yah gifts and all" he said smugly, placing both hands on either side of my body.
"Be quiet, you know that's not true. I love gifts from you, just not ones that cost the price of a small village." I snipped. "Besides, there's no way you didn't get me something. You know the consequences for that."
"Oh?" he asked darkly with a smile "And what would that be?"
"No Valentines Day sex. And it was going to be so good this year."
He threw his head back and laughed. "Yah sure know how ta hit a man where it hurts, but I think yer willpower would need some more work before that " I blushed and looked away. "Ah, don't pout I got yer present, but it aint in the house… so yah can stop lurkin around" he said with a tilt of the head.
"Really? What is it!" I gushed, brushing off the feeling that he was getting at something else.
"Yuh'll just have ta wait until tonight," he said happily, passing me a cup of coffee and moving away.
I was a little miffed about being kept waiting, but my distraction had mostly worked again so it didn't really matter. Sipping the steaming coffee, I plotted on how to find the key to that office and further inspecting the picture. First I would have to get Gin out of the house.
"Fine, but you have to leave this afternoon. I need time to set up your present too."
"Mmm. I was gonna take yah with me ta get yer gift but that'll work too," he froze while setting two plates of food on the table "Toshiro, if yer not here when I get back though…"
Our eyes locked across the room and I froze too. The thought of escape genuinely hadn't even crossed my mind. For less than a second I started formulating how I could get away but it soon disappeared. Hoping off the counter I walked over to him, putting my arms around his bare waist.
"Gin, I wasn't planning on running, I swear," he looked unconvinced so in a low voice I said "Look, if you come back and I'm not here, you can tie me up and do whatever you want for as long as you want."
His eyebrows shot up, his red eyes opening "That's assuming I'm back soon enough ta catch yah."
"But you wont have to catch me because I'll be right here waiting for you. You said you would forget what happened Gin, but it doesn't work if you don't trust me."
We both looked at each other, searching for some sign of trust in the other's eyes. He peered at me intensely, like his gaze would weld me to the floor and I tried to keep myself from crumbling and I was just about to fold… until Gin frowned, his eyes slipping shut again "Two hours, I'll be back by seven. But if yer not here when I get back, we'll see just how far mah patience goes."
Smiling brightly, I leaned across the table to kiss him and the tense mood disappeared, leaving us to eat in silence. After nibbling our way through breakfast, I started some chores and Gin was off to grade more end of the year term papers in his upstairs office. At around two o' clock, I made off to the bedroom deciding to call my parents and update them on how I was doing, although they hadn't called me in over a month. The reason I was currently living with Gin was because sometime last year, my father had been transferred to a city farther away from Karakura, making it impossible for him to travel home every night, even with a private chauffeur. After promising me that this would have been our last move, my selfish parents had developed amnesia and decided that moving again would be the best choice. To make a long story short, I had blown my top, screaming that they couldn't do this to me again and took off, finding myself at Gin's door in tears. The same night he called my parents, saying I had come to him, fearing that I would have to make friends all over again and that the move might mess up my chances of entering a good college. Since I had always been his most devoted student, he offered to house me for my last year of high school. Flabbergasted that the rich and charming Ichimaru Gin would be willing to take in such an unruly child like me, my parents hastily agreed. So when January of senior year rolled around, I packed my bags and had been with Gin for the past month.
Though they had never sold out house - in fact the furniture and decorations were still in tact- it was practically deserted now. Anyway, I called them telling them everything was going fine and to enjoy their Valentines Day alone, covering my scoff when my father mentioned my mother had slipped out to have an early dinner with a "friend" in town…what a clueless man. Briefly, I thought about phoning Momo too; after the "incident" I had never been able to explain to her why I was a no show. She had called my cell phone twice but each time, Gin intercepted and pulled out the battery with a snarl and sharp shove. It was safe to say he hated her, after hearing about the little crush she used to have on me; to make matters worse, I had run to her two times before and when he came to get me, she proceeded to bar the doorway, making threats to call the cops if he didn't leave; it was a rather nasty showdown that had me bedridden for days when I returned. Thus, Gin had grown to despise her as well as our friendship. Just from that reminder, I quickly vetoed that idea in fear of Gin's wrath if he discovered I had called her on Valentines Day. Not a good idea.
For the rest of the afternoon the most pressing matter at hand was to get the house ready for our night together. He had finally left around five and I had no time to snoop around since I really did have plans for us tonight. I showered, sprinkled crimson red rose petals from the door, down the foyer into the living room (which circled around the plethora of cushions I'd set up on the floor), dimmed all the lights, lit candles and the fireplace in the living room as well, and finally slid into my surprise. It was a pair of red lace boxer shorts that I had bought as a joke until I thought of how Gin would react to me in them. Besides that, the only thing I wore was the old red M. University sweater that barely brushed my upper thigh. A part of me feared he would get that dark look on his face from the M.U. logo, but with the right explanation it wouldn't matter. I hadn't done it for shock value; it was so we would focus on how we used to feel when we'd fallen in love. I even pulled out the silver locked from the jewelry box in our bedroom, which I only wore on special occasions.
After everything was set, I rushed back into the den, hastily shifting through the bottom row of books until I found the picture again. I had miscalculated my time and there was only about 10 minutes left until Gin came back. Stuffing the picture beneath a loose floorboard in the back of our closet, I rushed back downstairs before I could even get a chance to look at it again. Just as I had settled down onto the cushions, I heard the front door open; taking his time, Gin walked down the foyer, following the path of roses into the living room an stopped cold. His eyes zeroed in on the sweater logo, then back to my face with restrained irritation.
"You're back," smiled, walking over to him. "Where's my present?" I decided to ignore the fierce look he was giving the sweater and ran my hands up his chest instead. For a moment he only eyeballed the sweater then tilted his head curiously.
"Close yer eyes." I did, hearing the click of a jewelry box. Before I could peak, I felt something cold slid around my right ring finger. Snapping my eyes open, I saw the shine of pure gold reflecting off the fireplace and pulled my hand back sharply to stare at it.
"Gin…tell me this isn't real gold! You promised no expensive gifts this time!"
"I made yah no such promise" he said scowling at my harsh glare "besides, it's only a ring. It doesn't say anythin more than what we already know: yer all mine."
Something was very off with him and with the way he spoke, making me feel as though an unexpected storm was brewing. Twisting my finger, I could see something engraved on the outside along with a little heart.
"It says 'My heart is in you're hands.' I got one too if it makes yah feel any better" he whispered, pulling his right hand out to intertwine with mine. "Its like were married, ne? Yah really cant run now."
Suddenly, it felt like I couldn't breath and as I struggled to cope with my feelings my body went cold. I didn't know whether to be terrified or overjoyed. On one hand, he was basically proposing to me, letting the world know somebody loved me. On the other, it felt like he was putting a gold collar on me so that without a doubt, he could see my golden light, no matter how far I ran. I tried so hard not to feel like that, but the sense of ownership and hopelessness was closing in on me. The metal felt tight, unmoving and oddly heavy, like it was weighing me down. If I wore it, that meant I was bound to him in everyway possible and I couldn't help but shiver at how small the room suddenly felt.
"So lil princess…whats all this?" he asked slowly, bunching the fabric of the sweater in his hands like it was filth.
Taking a deep breath, I stepped back and said, "It's the wrapping for your gift." then slowly unzipped the red sweater and letting it fall away. His eyes popped open and roved over my body, trailing a hot path across the red underwear.
"Yare yare…I don't think we'll be leavin the livin room tonight," he said, shrugging out of his jacket and pulling his shirt over his head. Pulling me into him, Gin kissed me hotly, making me so lost in the kiss that I only distantly realized he was gripping both of my wrist between out bodies. Then, there was an audible snap and I felt cold metal on my skin. I looked down to see red handcuffs on me, thinking "This night has taken a very wrong turn…"
"Yah said we needed to work on our trust so why not start by trustin meh with yer body?" he with a bright red stare. But there was something foreboding in his words. This little experiment could go very bad very quickly and with the way Gin was looking at me, I knew it would. "Ne ne, I think trust is somethin we definately need more practice with."
He roughly pulled me into a searing kiss that broke the skin of my bottom lip, red droplets dribbling down the side of my mouth. Thoughts of pain kept swirling through my head but I was too scared and enthralled to really protest. Whatever Gin had planned would happen whether I wanted it to or not. Repeatedly, my quivering body bumped against his hard cock and he ground our hips together tightly, gnawing on my neck. My head flew back and I made to move away but he sharply smacked my ass until I reluctantly put my chained hands over his head. Long fingers ran up my torso to pull at my nipples, teasing them back and forth into hardness. Still quivering I brushed against him so he could feel my erection through the lace. With a groan into my lips, he tried to push me down but I swiveled and fell, scampering away on my backside. The fiery look in his eyes was startling, but I spoke before he could "I-I-its Valentines Day and I want to do something for you…" I gasped hoping he would relent. My body had lit up like a burning house, every inch of my skin hyperaware of every sensation, because I was waiting for the pain to come.
Gin's jaw unclenched when he saw me shift forward warily until I was sitting in between his legs. I moved my bound hands down his chest, sucking one pale nipple into my mouth. His hand slid down my back to cup my ass and squeezed, before smacking it lightly. I jerked, biting down on the same nipple before sliding over to the other one giving it the same treatment. Sliding further down his body, I kissed my way to his cock, ghosting my lips across the pulsing head. Gripping him tightly, I jerked with taunt upwards strokes, dipping my head to kiss and suck on each of his balls. "Oh fuck, just like that" he muttered with a sigh as he threaded his fingers through my hair, leaning back over the couch to sigh. I pressed my thumb against his perineum and his stomach muscles contracted with a snap of his hips. Just then, my mouth closed over his leaking cock, swallowing him as deep as I could take him into my throat. "FUCK!" he moaned, his cock twitching in my mouth. The grip in my hair tightened to an unbearable amount until my eyes began to water. Sloshing wetly around him, I tightened my lips and tickled the thick vein underneath his cock with my tongue. With another harsh suck, I swallowed him again and he leaned back on the cushions, pushing himself as far into my throat as he could go and creamy streams of cum shot down my mouth. Instinct kicked in and I gulped quickly to catch every last drop, the hot liquid scalding in my stomach.
I looked up at him with watery eyes, pulling away to bite my lip anxiously. "Gin…you-u wont hurt me tonight, right? I've been so good and…" The blank glazed stare in his eyes told me that my words were sliding right past him and into the abyss.
"Get on you're hands and knees, ass in the air" he ground out, reaching down to stroke his still semi-hard cock.
"Gin what did I do? You promise we would stop for a while. Please, Please-" I kept muttering my please even as I bent face first into the cushions, my upturned ass efficiently exposing my twitching hole.
"Yer body don't seem all that scared, Hime. Looks like yer already twitchin fer more" he growled and moved behind me. I only pressed my face deeper, praying that my heart was racing from fear, not anticipation.
Cool fingers circled the back of my neck, pressing me down in a vice grip and he dipped down to spread my cheeks with the other had. An unexpected warm tongue circled my entrance to then lick from my balls up my crack with a loud slurp. Shudders rolled through me and my fingers bit into the plush red pillows for stability. It wasn't long before the tongue had wormed its way inside of me and jabbed repeatedly against my sweet spot with precision till I wriggled restlessly under Gin's firm hold. In a move that seemed like a dirty French kiss, his mouth pulled from me with a pop and I whined, pushing my ass in the air for more. As though the move was expected, Gin shot up rigidly on his knees behind me and I felt a punishing slap register onto my cheeks. No sound escaped me at the first hit, but his had was racing down again, spanking me silly.
"Arghh! No, no! Shit, stop Gin….ughh…oh my god!" I screeched trying to pull away. Another well aimed hit landed shooting flaming tingles up my spine.
"Stop Gin Stop" He sang in a mocking voice, delivering three more bruising slaps to my reddened cheeks "Do yah really want me to? Or are yah just tryin to save face?"
"Fuck, please not anymore!" I wailed. Each hit crushed my ego making me feel small and helpless "You sick fuck, why would I want this?" He didn't even pause but snatched my hair and yanked my neck back at a very awkward angle that almost snapped my spine.
The hand that had held my head down now snaked around to grasp my thoat harshly "Ne ne, such a dirty mouth. Maybe I should take out the belt," he hissed and I jerked forwards with a "no" on my lips. He only laughed "Yer right, not tonight. But maybe tomorrow and the night after that and the one after that…" he hummed, spanking me again.
"STOP IT! Oh shit…" I wheezed out, dizzy from the lack of air and his thick words. My screams stuck to my throat and my eyes rolled back into my head.
"Yare, looky here!" he called out in awe "Seems like yer enjoyin it more than yah say yah are 'casue yer drippin all over" he mused, fisting my leaking erection tightly.
Truthfully, I hadn't realized that I was still hard. In my mind the burning coils in my stomach were attributed to my anger and pain but then again, when had pain and pleasure ever been separated for us?
"I-I-I…I don't want this! Gin I-I cant breath, please stop…"
Suddenly, he pulled back and I heard him spit into his hand. Bright red warning signals went off in my head; he wasn't even going to use lube. Just as I was about to protest, he positioned himself at my entrance and slammed into me. My eyes felt as though they would pop out of me and surely there was something torn. But when I opened my mouth to scream, a stream of curses and moans fell out as I clenched painfully around his hot cock, white lights exploding behind my eyes before I saw pure red. I had cum, the red handcuffs clinking in the distance as I felt Gin continue to pound into me.
"Mah Toshiro. If yer gonna come that fast, yah might need a cock ring in addiction to that gold band I gave yah. If this is how yah act when yah don't like it, imagine what would happen in yah did!" He whispered in my ear, our hips slapping together as he dragged me back onto his hot flesh.
"Oh. Shit. Oh. My. God. Right. There. Ohmygod!" My arms shook wildly as he kept jerking my dick with strong sure strokes. He was hitting my prostate with each ram, my body spasming wildly. I quickly came again and my arms gave out. My head lolled to the side and I let him fuck me hard, thinking he would come quickly. But he kept hitting that spot again and again and I came, screaming in a phantom orgasm. "No more, Gin, no more…I cant…cum anymore"
He thrust into me a few more times, then pulled out to flip me over. I barely caught my breath before he was inside me again, pounding furiously. His eyes were open and he was looking at me with a dangerously furious look I wasn't expecting. I turned away in shock.
"Look at me damnit!" he snarled, gripping my jaw to whip my head back "Do you think I haven't seen you snooping around the house recently? Did you really think I wasn't watching every move you made? What the hell are you looking for!"
My hips stopped moving and had I not been in the middle of a very intimate moment, I'm sure I would have thrown up. As it was, the burn in my heart felt as though I would suffocate from the searing pain.
"I was just…looking" I gasped pathetically. The death grip on my throat tightened drastically. "Is he really going to kill me?" I thought hazily, fighting for air.
"What the fuck for!"
"I was. Just curious…about you! You hide everything from me and -Oh God I'm gonna come again!" I screamed and cried as another dry orgasm ripped through me.
Still twitching when he pulled out with a loud pop, my chained hands reached up to pull on his hair tightly, feeling a few strands tear. One hand pumped himself furiously and the other stayed tight on my neck. With two strokes I saw creamy cum splatter across my stomach and chest, searing my skin as it hit. We stayed hunched, breathing in rugged gasp for a long time; no one wanted to speak. His head lolled forward to brace against my sweaty forehead, slackening his death grip on my neck as I gripped at his face in cupped hands. Gathering my senses I whispered the words to him my heart begged me to say.
"Do you know how it feels….. to be completely left in the dark about the one you love? How long did you think it would be before I noticed that you're hiding things from me! For someone so intent on the truth from me, why do you always get to lie?" I ended angrily, frightened he wouldn't answer.
He stayed on all fours for a second before standing and retrieving the keys for the handcuffs. Walking back to me, Gin yanked my arms out, unlocking them quickly and tossing the cuffs to the side. My wrist were rubbed raw, the red manacles seeming to still be on me and my ass felt as though a bomb had gone off inside of me but I pushed the pain aside.
"You're curiosity is gonna be the death of you and me Toshiro. Since when is it your place to question anything I do? If I'm hiding something, I'm doing it for us and no matter how much you sneak around behind my back, you wont find anything unless I want you to. Because I control you." His scarlet eyes flashed and bored into my own. Perhaps he hoped I would cave, but as I heard his arrogant statement I felt burning anger rise in my chest.
"…Yes, you control me. But you seem to barely be able to control yourself these days! You've changed Gin, this isn't the man I fell in love with. For the longest while I've been thinking its something I've done wrong, that I changed, but that's not it's!" I snapped and his glare intensified. "What happened to us, huh? What have we become since the day you gave me this sweater? And what is it about M.U. that you're not telling me! " I yanked back and slid till I was sitting with my hands between my knees; The red sweater sat across my lap like thick reminder of the past, weighing me into the ground. I knew I was testing the waters by arguing with him but I wouldn't stop, couldn't stop. Would no one in my life ever be completely honest with me? Of all the people in the world, I never thought Gin would make me feel this unsure of myself and I was terrified things were falling apart.
Gin's eyes closes and a sneer spread across his face like the room was suddenly foul. Tilting his head, he spoke darkly "Is that what this is about again, M.U.? Do you want to know what I was thinking when I gave you that useless sweater? I was wishing that I could drive you to my house that day and tie you up so I could paint all the different hues of red across your flesh like a bruised mural and see just how long you would last before screaming for me to stop, blood smeared across your legs. With your skin pasted against that wet school shirt, I couldn't stop thinking of all the different ways you would end up soaked in your own tears when I got you alone. But you weren't ready for all that, so I threw that on you to keep myself from pulling over and pummeling you senseless. I can guarantee you that is the only good memory I have connected to M. University or the sweater, but if you want to keep exploring this little obsession of yours with my college days, go ahead. Its only gonna hurt you in the end and I'll still get to see all those pretty, different shades of red."
It was almost funny how Gin could make my blood run from hot to cold so quickly; how I could love him with an intensity that would make most people cringe and hate him with a deep set fear most never experienced. None of this was making any sense. There was no reason for him to have this much hatred towards me finding out about his past; something was very very wrong; he was trying way too hard. Slowly, I moved to my feet and slid the sweater over my shoulders, quick to hide my nakedness from such an ugly man. My body trembled but I couldn't tell if it was in fury or something much darker.
"Damnit, Gin." I muttered "You keep trying to sugar coat your bullshit with shiny gold rings and kisses. But I know you just as well as you think you know me and I know why you wont tell me what's really going on. Sneaking into your "private office" when you think I'm sleeping and doing god knows what till the early morning. So what's the plan now that we both know I'm not a complete idiot? Are you going keep me here and smack me around until you've completely broken my heart? You can do whatever you want with me and I'll let you do it because I love you, but are you willing to take the chance that I come to hate you in the end?" He stood quickly, wide eyed and fuming to slap me hard across the face. Smoothly his hands snaked around my neck in a vice grip, tilting my face up to his own.
"Toshiro, do not test my patience. You have already angered me enough with your little crusade for the truth" leaning in, his breath fanned my face "Whatever you think is going on is none of your business and its because I love you that I wont skin you alive for even trying. But if you keep this up, I cant promise your well being." Pushing me away he turned to leave. "Now clean this room up."
"Don't you dare walk away from me" I called, fist clenched against my sides "After all the things I've given up for you, you cant shut me out like this. We're not done damnit!"
"YES WE ARE!" he roared, turning back around "Because I say so and I never say anything without meaning it. The sooner you learn that, the better it will be for all of us."
My watery eyes burned with some crazy mixture of hate and fascination "Okay Gin" I whispered "whatever you want. Its always whatever you want, isn't it? What about me? In what part of this relationship do we do something that I want?"
"Ne ne I'm not sure you even know what that is. Your so tied up in circles that you leave everything up to me to decide, so please tell me, what do you want Toshiro?"
I looked him dead in the eyes "I'm starting to think that it's something you may never be able to give me." Silence passed like a storm wind and I knew I had hit his weak spot: his fear that he would never be able to keep me satisfied. "I'll take whatever you want to give me so long as you remember one thing: if this keeps up, whatever we have between us isn't going to be enough eventually and in the end I'm going to leave and find exactly what it is that I want. Without you."
The murderous look on his face would have made me quake moments earlier but right now I was too heated to care. That less than subtle threat of me leaving again hung in the air like a dense cloud looming above us. Yes, my plans to quietly dig for information had fallen through nearly as soon as I made them but I couldn't give up. No matter how much I bluffed, I still wanted this man with a passion, more than anything I had ever wanted in my life. So if I had to be beaten into a pulp and fight him tooth and nail, so be it. One way or another he would tell me what I needed to know. I just wasn't sure if I would survive the fight and as we squared off in another ultimatum, I prayed that all these secrets would come to light sooner rather than later because I didn't know if my racing heart could take anymore of a beating than it already had.
Whooaaaa. Tenseness, ne? sorry, i've been writing like Gin for so long i found myself saying "ne, ne!" to my mom and she looked at me like i swallowed a frog. hehehe. Poor little toshi. You know, when i was writing those mental mandatory Flashback Chapters, all that fluffy goodness appealed to me. when this is all over, i think i might just go back and write some more of thier history. what do you think? i've got the name of the story picked out and everything (not telling, its a secret). Those two have had alot of past drama that wasnt always this...violently mind fuckery. mind games, yes. violent...slightly less. Tell me if yah like my idea, ne? anywho, review and make my mailbox explode with all the alerts, so much so that my computer crash from the reviewing overloady goodness! bye lovelies!
