Lupin wished for the days to go slowly, but of course three weeks slipped past like water through cupped hands. He and Tonks went everywhere Margaret wanted to go with her. They explored sights of Europe, and when Margaret's naps became all too frequent, the two of them explored the small town, and Remus remembered all his adventures as a kid. Don and Rose stayed at the house, playing with her many toys and with Don trying to teach her how to add and write her name.
Margaret was content, just being with her close and personal family. Sirius stopped into visit, along with some of Don's closer friends. Even Marie's mother came by, but Don couldn't bring himself to face her. Everything was just fine with Margaret's life; until the morning of the 21st day.
"Should we go see?" Tonks asked Lupin as soon as they'd woken up.
Lupin shrugged. He didn't want to face the fact that if the doctors were right, he no longer had a mother. "I don't know…Do you think she may have pulled through?"
Tonks got out of bed and threw on a set of bright blue robes. "I'm sure she's all right. She seemed fine yesterday."
He nodded. "I just hope she's still fine." He got out of bed too, and after getting dressed, Tonks grabbed his hand and they went down the hall to her room.
Remus tried to knock, but his hand was shaking too badly so Tonks did it instead. The "Come in!" came, but it was so much weaker then the voice they'd heard last week. Feeling nervous, Tonks turned the handle.
"Good morning, Mar- what's wrong?"
Margaret was lying in bed with tears rolling down her face. Remus went to her and held her. "Mum, what is it?"
"It's over…I can't even get out o-of bed…I d-don't have the energy. Oh, Remus, I'm not ready, I don't want to die!"
The look on her face made Tonks start crying too. She felt so terrible for the strong woman who she had gotten to know so well. "Mum…I thought…you said you-'d be all r-right."
Margaret shook her head frantically. "How could anyone be ready for this?" She looked out the window into a truly spectacular sunrise. "To look out there and think that that could be the last time you're ever going to see this beautiful Earth?"
Tonks struggled to keep her voice steady. "But…Margaret, don't you believe in a heaven?" She nodded. "Well, I think…I think once you're up there, that this window will be there, and you can look out it any time you want, and you'll be able to watch R-Remus and Don…and R-Rose…" Tonks pressed a hand to her mouth. She couldn't keep talking. Remus took her hand tightly.
Margaret smiled weakly. "I suppose you're right. I think heaven can be whatever you want in to be. So I'll just have to hope it is…Happiness, being able to walk again…It sounds n-nice." She looked out the window again. Don came quickly into the room, holding Rose's hand. She had pretty brown curls and bright blue eyes. She looked up at Margaret, and then crawled up onto the bed with her.
"Grandma…Don't be scared. God told me last night when I was praying that you'll always be with me, even if I can't see. You'll get to be an angel." She smiled sweet as honey. Don gaped at his daughter.
Margaret stared at her beautiful little granddaughter. "Just remember then, sweetheart that I'll be there when you get older, for your graduation, and your wedding, and all your birthdays-"Rose held up seven fingers. "Yes, especially for your seventh birthday. Please just know that Grandma Meg will be watching." She hugged Rose as she nodded solemnly.
Don wiped tears from his eyes, and joined the hug, then lifted Rose up, and kissed her on the cheek. "Daddy loves you," he whispered.
Margaret looked around at her family. "I think…I'm ready now. Tonks, dear come here." Tonks let go of Remus's hand and leaned down to get her last hug from her would-be mother-in-law. "You're like a daughter to me. I shall be watching you and Remus, I promise. And remember me at your wedding." She winked softly. Tonks managed a small smile through her tears. Remus came forward and hugged his mother for what he knew would be the last time.
"I love you Mum. I always will." Then he stepped back, and gathered Tonks in his arms, trying with all his might not to think of what would come next.
Margaret turned her head, and closed her eyes. One by one, Don, Rose, Tonks, and Remus each left the room, none of them looking back. Slowly, Remus shut the door.
*/*/*
That night was a full moon. Remus ran out into the forest, feeling glad for the escape. He wanted to run away, and just for the night, forget it all; the hurt, the flashbacks to his father's funeral, the look on his mother's face when she realized that the road had come to a dead end. So he did. He just ran, until exhaustion swallowed him, and he fell asleep under the same tree his father's memorial stood at.
Tonks sat in the living room, staring at the fire place for a very long time. She didn't know what to think; what to feel. She had never lost anybody so close to her before, and suddenly here was this hole in her heart where Margaret should be. And that was how Remus felt constantly. How he must have felt when Marie died, when James and Lily died, when his father died…that stymied her. She couldn't imagine losing her father. He was one of the most important people in her world, someone she could share anything with. And Remus had already lost that. No wonder he was so guarded. She sighed. At least know she could understand; empathize. But then again, that was why they had each other. So they could face the dark parts of life together. And that was just it, is Remus knew that, but he also knew that he couldn't stand to lose anymore then he already had. That he was going to hold on to her as tight as he could, to keep her safe. And somehow, free-spirited that she was, she didn't mind at all. As long as he stayed protected too.
Making sure that Rose wasn't around, Tonks got out her wand and rekindled the fire. Then she cried again, remembering Margaret. Only when the kitchen door opened, and Remus stumbled in did she realize how late, or early, it was. He didn't say a word, just came and sat down beside her on the couch. He knew how hard it was to sleep when there are so many thoughts intertwined in your head. She looked up at him. She could only think of one thing to say. "Remus…I'm so sorry."
He just nodded. "I know. I love you."
She smiled and nodded. "I know."
Then they stared into the fire for a little while longer, until Rose and Don crept down the stairs quietly. But it wouldn't matter if they had been completely silent. "She's gone." And they came and sat down on the couch too, and watched a sunrise that Margaret would never see.
*/*/*
They spent the whole day downstairs, afraid of the non-existent ghosts. But maybe it was more the memories. Every time Remus went past the staircase, he remember when he'd fallen down them, (or when Don pushed him), and how Margaret had just kissed his cheek, and cured him with one spell. When he sat at the kitchen table, he remembered all those times during summer when she'd help him struggle through all the Transfiguration and History of Magic homework. When he went out for a walk, he passed the park that his whole family used to go to every Saturday for a picnic. After he came back in, he remembered when he'd accidentally sprayed her with the hose and she'd chased him around the whole yard, finally caught up with him, and then tickled him till he'd cried. He sat down on the front steps, trying not to feel, which as all humans know, is pretty impossible. Tonks came outside at about noon.
"Hi." She sat down next to him.
He sighed. He was happy to see her. But was that enough? To only be happy when he was with her? Where had the happiness gone? "Hello…Dora, I want to talk to you."
"Good. You've hardly said three words today."
"I know, and you know, that I love you. But-"
"No, Remus. Stop. There is no buts. You told me that you loved me and I love you, so what more are you looking for? Stop running away."
He shook his head. "But-"
"I know everything you're about to say! So don't bother. I know you're hurt right now, but don't pretend like I don't understand. Because I lost someone too. It's not just your pain. Other people feel exactly like you do right now. You can't always be alone. And happiness will come back. The world would be black if it didn't. So don't even bother."
She stood up to go back inside but he grabbed her hand. "I'm sorry. You're right, Dora. You always are…but that's just it. I am happy…in one way. I'm happy when I'm with you, and I'm happy when I'm teaching, and I'm happy when I can make people laugh. But in the long-run, I feel like I can't be happy completely, because there's always going to be another shot of pain. So I know you're going to say that I should stop looking ahead. But I can't."
She sighed. "Remus, I love you way too much. You're scared to lose me, I know. So if you feel like you need to, you can protect me. Be with me every moment. I wouldn't mind. I know why you do it. But I can promise you that you won't ever lose me…unless you keep going on about this."
He nodded…"Then I guess I've already lost. Because I can't stand to lose anything else. That's why I'm alone."
She stood up. "Then I don't even know what I'm doing here."
She disapparated.
