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Chapter Nine - Declaration

Edward POV

"I remember when you brought me here before," she whispered. Her eyes glanced around, taking in everything around us. "This was our place -- our special place." I felt as though I could fly when the memories began to come back to her.

"Yes," I replied calmly. I waited a few minutes, watching her closely. "Do you remember anything else?" A smile spread across my face as I gazed into her beautiful burgundy eyes. She was avoiding my eyes, but I was still able to see hers as she took in our surroundings.

The seconds turned into minutes of silence as Bella sat there saying nothing. I hated that I couldn't read her thoughts. The longer she was quiet, the more nervous I became.

I let my own mind wander. I studied every feature of the new Bella -- the one I hoped would love only me one day. It felt as though I were on some kind of emotional rollercoaster.

I was elated that she now allowed me to tell her I loved it, but it killed me that her only response was, 'I know'. Did she still love me? Could she ever let me into her heart? Would she ever forget Jacob?

I'd had enough of this unbearable silence and rolled over onto my side, leaning my head on my hand. My movement seemed to have brought Bella out of her reverie. I reached out and placed my other hand on top of hers.

"I love you, Isabella."

"I know," came her usual quiet response.

I was usually very patient, but when it came to Bella's love, I didn't want to wait anymore. I was going to lay all my cards out on the table and see where it got me. I was walking a thin line between wearing my heart on my sleeve and pushing Bella too far, too fast.

I took a deep breath. Now or never, I thought. "Bella, leaving you was the biggest mistake of my whole existence," I began. Her eyes slowly made their way to mine. I smiled, pouring all my feelings into it. "I will spend the rest of forever making it up to you." She blinked, but otherwise remained motionless.

I sat up and leaned in toward her. I stood, lifting her to her feet. I pulled her into my arms, inhaling her new intoxicating smell. "I am never going to let go of you again," I whispered in her ear. I pressed my lips to her neck and she shuddered, melting her body against mine.

Responding to her, I kissed up her neck, along her jawbone and finally our lips were together. She sighed and for the first time, I was able to let my tongue explore the perfection that was Bella. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled herself closer to me.

"Oh, Edward," she muttered softly.

"Please let me love you," I pleaded. She pulled away looking deeply in my eyes.

"I can't." She wiggled out of my grip, turning her back to me. Her shoulders shook as she began crying.

"Don't cry," I reached out for her shoulders, hesitating momentarily. Her delicate hand moved up to cover mine. "What did I do?"

I waited through her quiet musings, until she turned, staring at me incredulously. "You left me," she reminded me coldly; her eyes were as flat as her tone.

"Bella, I…"

She disappeared from in front of me. Panic began to consume me in the seconds it took for me to spot her beautiful figure directly across the clearing.

"Bella, I need you to listen to me," I implored. She was frozen where she stood. I inched my way to her. When I was finally close enough to touch her, I reached out taking her by the shoulders. Soft sobs were coming from deep in her chest.

I pressed myself to her back, holding her tightly. My lips touched her head.

"I will never leave you again. Don't you understand that?" I turned her so she was facing me. Her eyes were desperate. "I need you." She tipped her head slightly, pleading for me to convince her. "I can't leave you; even if I wanted to." I kissed her softly. "Bella, I need you -- desperately. I want to spoil you, give you your heart's desire," I paused, kissing her again, "to love you."

I let all the emotion of the moment consume us, pressing my lips to hers passionately. She allowed herself for the first time to completely lose herself in me. "I love you too," she muttered so quietly I barely heard it and was sure I wasn't meant to.

I lifted her into my arms. She cradled into my chest and laid her head on my shoulder. I returned to the blanket and sat down with her in my lap. She twisted so she could look into my eyes.

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"I need to feel that love. As much as I want to give in, I can't. What if one day you wake up and don't love me anymore? What if you did decide to leave me again? What if…"

I stopped her worrying by placing my finger on her lips.

"Bella, my love," I replaced my finger with my lips, kissing her sweetly, "I will spend every second of every day for the rest of eternity convincing you of my feelings." I kissed her. "I love you."

"I want so badly to believe you," she muttered. "I need to believe you."

"Promise me, you'll let me make it up to you," I pleaded.

"I…" her head jerked to the side. She closed her eyes, inhaling deeply. She shook her head, returning her gaze to my face.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I…" she stopped again. "I'm sorry."

"Take whatever time you need. I will be at your side -- loving you."

"Thank you." She leaned into me again and I ran my fingers through her hair. I could hold her like this forever and hoped that she would let me.

We sat in silence, holding each other as the moon moved across the sky and the beautiful oranges and reds of morning began lighting our surroundings.

"Bella?"

"Um hum," she replied dreamily.

"We should probably head for home. Carlisle wanted to get out of here early."

"Just another minute." She got to her feet and slowly walked around the perimeter of the meadow. When she returned to my side, she took me by the hand. "Okay, I'm ready."

"Let's go."

Bella POV

Edward was kind enough to let me set the pace. I wanted to remember everything about this place and all the memories it held.

The journey back allowed me time to sort it all out. My feelings were in turmoil. For a second, I thought I smelt Jacob; his scent that now reeked, but once had been my only source of comfort. He wasn't really there though, and a second sniff verified that fact. I was going to drive myself insane if I didn't let go.

My heart belonged to a man I could never have.

I replayed my last conversation with Jacob over in my mind. Let him love you, Jacob had asked of me. I promised him I would. But could I really give up on Jacob?

I returned my thoughts to Edward and his promises. I wanted to believe him. It seemed that the fate I assumed wanted me to be with Jacob had now changed the plan. Edward was here. He loved me.

I wanted to let him. And I hoped with time, I would.


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