Intuition
Chapter Seven
Dedication and Determination
Life was full of spirit-breaking moments.
He had his fair share of them before, but he knew he was up for quite a few more.
As a matter of fact, every time he had to see his father was a spirit-breaking moment, now that he thought about it.
Normally, he avoided seeing his dad in person, but it was time to talk.
It was almost as if his father knew.
He was waiting in front of his father's office and he had already been waiting there for three hours.
It was nerve-wrecking, not to mention a waste of time.
He glanced at his watch, but the time was still ticking away.
Then, finally, the heavy wooden door opened, revealing a tall man in the doorway, his blonde hair shadowing his face a little - he had become quite grey already in the last couple of years -, his expression unreadable.
"Roxas?"
He took a deep breath as he pushed himself off the wall he had been leaning against.
"Dad."
The man nodded, taking a step back from the doorway to let him in.
He followed silently, making sure to keep his head straight.
His father could smell fear from a mile away. He wasn't really afraid of his father, not anymore, at least.
He just needed something from his father that his father was not willing to give.
Here we go.
The office was exactly how he remembered it.
The dark grey colour on the walls had begun to break down a little in large patches, revealing the soft yellow colour that had been painted on prior to the depressing one his father had chosen years ago.
A metal lamp hung from the ceiling and the ebony desk was as massive as ever. The house plant in the corner was as dead as his father's soul.
His father gestured wordlessly to the chair in front of the desk as he sat down on his, leaning backwards as his father's metal blue gaze bore into his skin.
He kept standing, resting his hands on top of the empty chair. "I have a request," he said quietly.
His father smiled, a rare sight for him. "Sure. You can ask anything."
He raised his brow almost automatically.
The smile on his father's face sobered down right away to only the slightest of smirks. "Indeed. You shouldn't ask me for things I don't want to give."
He bit down on the side of his cheek for a second, wondering how the hell he ever managed to live in the same house as this person once.
No wonder he didn't really enjoy his birthday. The first six years of his life he didn't really know he had one to begin with.
For one horrid second, he wondered whether Kairi ever viewed him this way. He did share a couple of the same genes, after all.
He breathed out, forced himself to make eye-contact and thought of happy things… happy things… happy things…
"I want to quit."
His father's face was blank. "Excuse me?"
"I want to quit," it was easier as he said it the second time.
He had already dropped the bomb and now all he had to do was deal with the aftermath.
Cloud Strife stood up, walked over to the small window and turned his back on his son. "Interesting. Could you then perhaps tell me how this company deals with 'quitters'?"
"They get shot," he said, his knuckles white as he gripped down on the edge of the chair. "And you make it look like an accident. I know."
"Good. Then we're on the same page."
He took another deep breath. "May I remind you of two things?"
"Entertain me," his father said, his voice flat as the man slowly turned to face his son again.
"I'm currently your best employee," he said firmly. "Nobody has ever cashed in as well as I have for the past couple of years. Secondly, no matter how much you hate to be reminded of it, I'm still your son. If I die, you will have to organise my funeral, pretend to be sad and fail miserable, because of which Sora will never talk to you again."
It was a wild guess to assume his father would care about the other things, but he knew Sora was still his father's weak spot for sure, even after all these years.
His father's eyes narrowed, his blank expression replaced by a deep frown. "What do you propose?"
"I know you organised this procedure for the ones you deem 'trustworthy' and who want to leave. The one Sora went through when he left. He told me."
"Sora," Cloud said, his voice sharp as he crossed his arms. "Was not cut out for the job. We all knew that."
"I know, but-"
"You, no matter how much I hate to admit it indeed, are one of our best employees," Cloud continued, ignoring his son as he started to pace. "Give me one good reason for you to leave in the first place."
"I cannot do it anymore," he said firmly. "I met someone."
His father let out a scoff. "Please."
"Are you willing to battle this one out?" he said quietly, preparing to go to war. "Because you know I will."
"This has nothing to do with any of that," Cloud said, strangely naively for someone who should know better.
He, on the other hand, knew that he had enough of his father's genes to be as merciless as the man standing in front of him.
"Let me enlighten you then. When you were, what, twenty-six or so, you were one of the very best. You made sure no one knew about the illegitimate toddler son of yours and all was well," he said tonelessly. "Oh, wait, there was this brown haired woman that you tried to pick up once."
"Roxas." His name sounded harsh on his father's lips, but now it was his time to smirk.
"Right, she sure was cute, Aerith Evans. Cute enough to make you want to quit your job, how silly," he snapped as his father cringed a little. "You thought she'd ever want someone like you. You thought you were cut out for the family life, what a joke. You founded this company and let others do your work instead, while you pretended to be the good husband at home, especially after Aerith found out you were hiding me in the basement and you had to talk yourself out of that one. She may have bought it until that fateful night when she found out what had happened to me, who you were before and what you had done," he continued mercilessly. "And she made a run for it, with Sora and me. Too bad you were too friendly with Sephiroth."
"Stop. Please, stop," his father now whispered, now leaning heavily on his chair as he rested his forehead on top of it.
"Oh, sorry," he said, his smirk dark and crooked now. "Do you still want to forget he shot her? Oh, my bad," he added, chuckling. "I said it again. He shot her. She died, because of who you were and what you had done and who you were friends with. Funny story, huh?"
His father glanced up at him, clearly angry, though he kept quiet.
"I know I can't guilt-trip you forever," he said with a shrug. "But it's sure fun while it lasts, no?"
It wasn't just a leverage to him, truth be told. He loved Aerith, too, as the only real mother he had ever known. Sora's mother was as much his own mother and he had been as hurt as Sora was when that dreadful night had happened.
Even though, he had nothing to manipulate his biological father with, except for this. It was worth having to relive that awful memory in order for what he wanted to achieve.
"I was an accident," he said as his father didn't say a word. "Sora wasn't. I know you never loved me, though you love Sora to bits. It's fine, you know," he added as his father opened his mouth. "I don't care, not anymore. I just ask you to give me the same opportunity you gave Sora and I'll never ask you for anything else, ever again."
His father turned his back on him again, tapping his foot on the floor in slow, deliberate taps as he thought about it.
Then, he stopped, though he didn't turn back. "So it's like that, huh?"
"What?" he said, a bit distractedly.
"She's like Aerith?"
It sounded almost… vulnerable. He had not expected to be confronted with his father's vulnerability in this conversation. He almost automatically softened, too.
"Yeah. Yeah, she is."
He should've known it was absolutely the wrong thing to show his vulnerability, too.
"Well, then," Cloud said as he turned around, now smirking again. "I take it you're willing to agree to a couple of… terms, then?"
He straightened his shoulders. "Depends on the terms," he said, though he knew he had no means of negotiating them whatsoever.
"You'll have to sign a very strict secrecy agreement," his father said, the metal blueness of his eyes shimmering a little in the low light. "Break it, you die. Capiche?"
"Yeah," he said with a shrug. That much was self-evident. In this world, you either died a late death along with your secret or died very early for the truth. "Got it."
"Of course," Cloud continued. "If you insist on quitting, I'll secure you a job in a normal company, make sure you have the right certificates and make sure you have everything to get you above ground again, like Sora, as you've asked for," he added, his smile fading a little at the mention of his favourite son, the one who hated him most.
He waited, he knew that wasn't the deal. There was no way his father would give him all that in return for just his secrecy.
"Well, you see, times have changed," Cloud said, now grinning widely. "So you'll have to work for the money yourself. So, in short, we'll take two-thirds of your salary as it is now, but that won't do, of course. You'll have to at least double the amount of girls you're currently working with right now."
He inhaled sharply. That would be insanely difficult to manage. He was already working with a lot more girls than most of his other colleagues.
Doubling that amount was just suicide to his sanity.
"You're still agreeing?" Cloud asked quietly, a very smug expression on his face.
"Yes," he whispered. He knew that his father hadn't been so elaborate when he quit himself, leading to his lover's early demise.
He had to do this for Kairi, too.
If he didn't shake off his past as fervently as he could, it would always come back for him and take it out on the only one he couldn't bear losing, like they had done with his father.
"Good," his father continued, a bit displeased at his willingness to cooperate. "I see. It'll take you approximately two years, I think. If you keep it up. If you fail at any time, however," he added warningly, the metal blueness of his eyes hardening. "This chance will never present itself again."
"I'm aware of that," he said quietly.
"Then that'll be all," his father said with a small nod.
He gave his father a very small nod in return and turned around.
"Introduce me to her once," his father then said as his hand rested on the doorknob already. "I'm curious."
"Not if I can help it," he hissed back, not turning to look around at his father as he swung open the door and let it fall shut behind him.
Two years.
He just had to survive two years. He had already done this for so many years… two years meant nothing.
He let out a soft groan nevertheless.
Two whole years.
Managing the current amount of girls was already time-consuming, managing the double amount was going to be hell on Earth and doing that for two years… he might not even make it out alive.
He took another deep breath as he opened his new phone, to see Kairi smile back at him from his background picture. He'd manage.
He'd free both of them.
He had grown to hate this part most.
At this point, he kind of tuned out his thoughts and his sense of feeling during the intimate moments, just moving on automatism and on basic knowledge that he had collected throughout the years, but afterwards was the most horrifying thing ever.
He got off the girl, feeling a fresh wave of self-hatred and guilt wash over him as he dropped himself next to her, staring at the ceiling as he folded his arms behind his head.
His skin crawled and he very much wished to take a shower.
Maybe three, if that would ever help him to feel clean again.
From experience, he knew even five showers wouldn't do the trick. Nothing would help against this.
"Tidus?"
It took him a second to realise she was talking to him; he was starting to pay less attention to the details and had forgotten that he was known as 'Tidus' to most of his girls.
"Hmm?"
She turned to her side, resting her palm on his chest.
He tried not to cringe; this was as much part of it as everything else.
Besides, he thought to himself, he would get to see her again tonight, he would get to see her again, he would get to see her again.
He kept repeating it to himself as a mantra to be able to endure all of this.
It had never before been this difficult. How had he done this for all those years?!
"Do you love me?"
Of course she'd ask. They'd always ask.
He glanced down at the girl curled up at his side, her green eyes wide as she gazed back a bit shyly, her brown curls falling messily over her shoulder.
Deep breath and there he went.
Just another lie.
Just another one— one more. 1. 2. 3, and—
"Of course."
He couldn't really say it.
"I love you, too," she said as she smiled, and he'd rather have her not look at him, so he rested his hand on the back of her head and pushed her down to his chest.
To her, it might've seemed like an intimate gesture, but he really hated not seeing the one he wanted to see during these moments.
No matter.
He would get to see her again, he would get to see her tonight.
He didn't want to hear those words from this meaningless girl, nor from any other girl.
He just wanted to hear them from a very certain auburn haired girl and maybe, maybe he would get to hear them tonight again, from her.
That was enough to keep himself going.
"Do you want me to take you home?" he asked her, fighting to keep the hopefulness out of his voice. "I'd feel bad if you had to go home by yourself."
"I don't want to separate yet," she complained and he had to remind himself to be patient.
Forcing his body to move accordingly, he reached out to stroke a few curls of her brown hair behind her ear. "I know," he said, trying very hard to keep his voice as smooth and low as he could manage to achieve the reassuring tone he needed. "I wish we could stay like this longer, too."
The words seemed to burn like acid on his tongue.
The words were no longer just lies, they were a fierce form of betrayal and knowing that he was betraying the only one he didn't want to betray was wounding him more deeply than he had imagined it would.
"Well," the girl, Olette, sighed a little sadly. "You do have to work late tonight, right?"
"Yeah," he said, a little bit more firm than he had intended to. "I'm so sorry."
"That's all right," she said, smiling. "I'll see you again, soon, right?"
"Very soon," he promised, though he wished that could be the lie.
He had to see her soon again.
The quicker he developed this 'relationship', the sooner she'd be secured and then he would only have to visit her once every month.
As Olette got out of bed to gather her clothes and belongings, he jumped up from the bed too, a new spring in his step.
Finally, finally, finally. He would get to see her again, he would get to see her tonight.
He sighed as he flicked a lone piece of glitter off his arm.
Not only did he feel awful during the times he had to touch other women or spend time with them, he had to cover it up afterwards too.
He hated glitters now as he would have to scrub off his entire skin later before he could head out to meet up with his girlfriend.
For the first time ever, he was genuinely invested in a relationship.
He wondered when he had become so invested in his relationship with her. He was pretty sure it had happened way earlier, maybe even as early as the time she climbed out the window to escape him. Maybe he had already stumbled as soon as their gazes locked as he approached her.
He had thought he had gotten rid of most of the glitter that Olette had smeared all over him, but he kept noticing little pieces here and there even though he had spend so much time under the shower trying to get it all off.
He stood in front of her front door and he took a deep breath.
The last time he had been here, no one had been home, but now there were cars parked just across the street and it made him a bit nervous.
Normally he could just behave as rudely as he'd liked, but now he wanted, no, needed to be the best version of who he was.
He wanted them to approve of him, and he was a little worried that they wouldn't.
It wouldn't surprise him if they didn't, considering Kairi was their daughter; she must've gotten that intuition of someone, after all.
She was the one to open the door, however.
It almost seemed as if she had been waiting near it because he had barely touched the doorbell before she yanked open the door.
"Hey," he said, laughing a little at her enthusiasm as she wrapped her arms around his neck because he felt equally as enthusiastic.
It felt as if he could finally breathe again when he hugged her back. He had missed her.
It had been too long; eight days were eight too many in his book.
"Hey," she said, leaning back to grin at him. "Wanna come in?"
He was as ready as he was ever going to be. "Yeah."
"I'm so sorry, by the way," she said as she let him go so he could enter her house. "I know most people my age live on their own but it was just more convenient like this. For now."
He thought he had imagined a flash of red hair somewhere up the stairs as she closed the door behind him, paying it no further attention but she started to smirk.
"Well, at least I'm not as old as my brother. I mean, let's be real here… at his age it's just embarrassing to be still living at home," she added a little louder as she glanced up the stairs as well.
As it turned out, he had not imagined something, or rather, someone hiding out there.
Finally, a tall guy with bright red hair came stomping down to glare at the girl to his side, who was grinning now. "I'm not old, you brat!"
"Roxas," she turned to him again with a soft giggle. "This is my brother Axel, who tried to spy on us, but miserably failed. Axe, this is Roxas, my boyfriend you tried to spy on, but miserably failed."
The redheaded guy raised a brow in a dignified manner as he came forward to extend his hand, strange black triangles tattooed under his eyes. "Tch. I was just trying to look out for my baby sister. Nice to meet you, though."
He couldn't help but grin widely as he shook the guy's hand. He felt like he could get along with anybody who put Kairi's safety high up their priority list. "Likewise."
As Kairi led the way to the living room, Axel gave him a stern look, holding him back. "If you hurt my sister, you'll have to deal with me, got it memorized?"
"Got it. I will do everything I can to prevent that from happening," he promised wholeheartedly. "I promise."
Axel grinned, giving him a pat on his back. "Good. Then we're clear."
As they entered the living room as well — Kairi had waited for him, giving him a curious glance — Axel went on ahead into the kitchen while he stopped next to her and wrapped his arm around her waist.
"Oh, you must be Roxas, then," a woman with short, blue hair said as she rushed towards them before Kairi could open her mouth and he had seen her try. He bit back a smile as she rolled her eyes, giving him an apologetic smile. "I'm Aqua, Kairi's mother."
"Nice to meet you," he said politely as he extended his hand to greet her.
For a second he thought her brother had come back into the room, but the triangles under the eyes had gone missing and he realised that this guy was probably her father. "Hi," the man said, his grin identical to his son's. It was almost unsettling. "The name's Lea. Nice to meet you."
"Likewise," he said, slightly flabbergasted at the similarities between father and son.
He wondered whether he looked this much like his father, too. He hoped not.
So far, though, he didn't really see any signs of distrust that Kairi had very clearly displayed at their first encounter. He wondered whether they were keeping it in check for Kairi's sake or whether they lacked it completely.
He couldn't help but be curious, yet he had no idea on how to gain answers to the questions he had.
He didn't want them to be distrustful of him, after all.
Luckily, help - if you could call it that - was on their way as they were having dinner a bit later that evening.
"Well, you've passed the test," Axel told him with a grin. "As soon as she heard that the two of you started going out, ma checked all the systems for your name at the police station."
He felt a small rush of coldness run through his veins. "Police... station?" he asked as nonchalantly as he could, trying to cover up the panic he could feel pounding in his neck as his heartbeat picked up.
"Oh, hush," Aqua said to her son, though she seemed a bit flustered. "I just said that I hadn't heard of him before, that's all. Don't worry, sweetie," she said to him with a reassuring smile. "I'm a police officer, so if I haven't heard of you that's a good thing. In my book, at least."
He was dating a law student with a cop as her mother.
He really couldn't have made this up and it was so unnerving for a second that it was almost hilarious if it hadn't been so freaking dangerous.
"I suppose," he said, rubbing the back of his neck with an awkward chuckle. "Well, I guess that explains your choice of career, huh?" he said to Kairi, who smiled back with a small shrug.
"So, are you still studying as well?" Lea asked, something shimmering in his green eyes.
He had been prepared for this and he would be as truthful as he could be.
He wouldn't have to lie, either, at least not completely. He would just leave out some details.
"I'm doing a couple of business courses," he said. "I help out in my father's business, too."
"Have we heard of it?" Aqua asked interestedly.
He hoped not.
He shook his head. "I don't think so, it's not that big. The main activities consist from advising other companies," he said, knowing that was how the legal part was known of his father's business.
Advice… what a bunch of bullshit. Well, it gave him at least something to refer to.
"Well, that should give you a lot of experience," Lea said thoughtfully. "You can put everything you've learned into practice right away… Quite helpful indeed."
He tried not to think of his daily tasks and his gained 'experience' much as he smiled back. "Yeah. I'm really lucky to have such an opportunity."
They'd hang him if they knew. No, they'd skin him if they knew.
"Honestly, Kairi," Axel said, giving her a teasingly flick against her arm. "Did you really nearly break your neck for such a nice guy, huh?"
She flushed a little. "Shut up."
Aqua shook her head at her son before she turned to him again with a smile. "Don't worry too much about that either, dear. That's my fault, anyway. I always told Kairi that she should always run from situations that feel wrong, just to make sure that it's not the one out of ten times that something really is wrong. It's not you personally."
Oh, it had been him, for very personal reasons, all right.
He was definitely the one out of ten times that something was wrong.
"Oh, I know," he said with a smile as he wrapped his arm around Kairi. "Well, I have to say I was quite impressed. No one's ever done that before, so it was definitely a first for me."
She was still a bit embarrassed but she grinned at him nevertheless. "I had to leave a lasting impression, right? It's hard to stand out these days."
He raised his brow as he teasingly twirled a strand of her hair around his finger. "Right… Having red hair really is kind of plain. Didn't even notice it, either."
She laughed and he saw from the corner of his eyes that her parents visibly relaxed.
He realised the warning from her brother had been more serious than he had expected.
They probably all had the same developed sense of danger, though they had based it off of Kairi's stories, probably, mixed with the usual worry that parents had.
He felt more relaxed too, for some reason.
He really felt, in that moment, that she was as safe as she could be, cherished by so many, and that thought put him at ease.
After dinner, Kairi led him up to her bedroom so they could retreat for apartment hunting and as he had forgotten his laptop (he rarely took that along with him on his dates anyway), she had offered him hers.
That was why he was laying on her bed, his head resting on her lap as he scrolled through different vacant apartments, hoping to find one that was appropriate.
He really had to find a new one that was suitable for him and the scarce moments he could share with her.
She was running her hand through his hair, which was quite nice, as it relaxed him.
He had been quite tense and the soft gesture was making him shiver in a strange sense of relief and calmness.
"What about that one?" she suddenly said, pointing to an advertisement that he had originally scrolled past. "That one seems nice, doesn't it?"
"It's a bit too big," he said thoughtfully. "I'm looking for something a bit smaller."
"Your place is already too cramped," she protested. "If you're moving out, you might as well get something a little bit bigger, you know."
He smiled at her a little. "That's more expensive, too, you know," he said, a bit amused.
The money itself wasn't necessarily the problem, but he had to make sure that she wouldn't know that he had way too much to spend.
He would have to justify the origins and he wouldn't be able to talk himself out of that one.
Besides, with his father claiming most of his money for the upcoming two years, he wouldn't have as much as he used to have either, anyway.
"Yeah," she sighed, twirling a strand of his hair around her finger. "I guess that would be a problem."
She kept silent as he continued his search, her slim fingers barely brushing past the skin on his scalp and he swore his brain itself had goosebumps all over.
"You know," she finally said again, sounding rather surprised as her ministrations stopped for a second. "There's glitters in your hair. Did you nuzzle with an unicorn?"
He cursed inwardly, freezing slightly.
As he recovered, he shook his head as his thoughts swirled through his mind like a hurricane, coming up with something plausible, anything. "Nah, there… there was this girl in our workgroup today who had sprayed some in her hair for… I dunno… a party or something. That shit gets everywhere," he added in a heartfelt complaint.
It did. It did get everywhere but he would rather kill himself than tell her how it got on him.
"Oh, I see," she said, sounding so understanding that his heart constricted. "Yeah, that stuff does get everywhere. Poor you and everyone else. You'll have to walk around with that for quite a while, I'm afraid."
He reached out to touch her cheek. "Sorry," he said, really wanting to apologise for the fact he had slept with other women, though he didn't say that out loud and instead apologised for something else. "I'm no fun tonight."
"That's okay," she said at once, her attention back on his hair. "This is important, too. I'm just happy to be with you."
"Yeah," he sighed. He was happy to be with her too. He really did see her too little. It tore at his heart that he had to leave in a few hours again.
"Can you get that advertisement again?" she asked quietly.
"What? For the bigger apartment?" he asked distractedly, scrolling back to find it.
"Yeah."
He flipped through the pictures again, narrowing his eyes as he studied them. "It looks good, I'll give you that. But Kairi, that's way too expensive for me."
"What if there were two paying for it?" she said rather shyly.
He sat up, staring at her. "Two paying for it? You want me to share it with someone?"
She was a bit flustered, folding her hands in her lap, smiling a bit nervously at him. "I mean... unless you don't want me to… to live with you."
He wanted to shout out in both excitement and absolute terror.
Living with her would be amazing; coming home to her every single day seemed to make everything so much more worth the pain he was going through.
Yet, living with her would make things just so much harder, especially as he would not always come home every single day. How would he explain not being able to come home at night at times?!
Those things happened and would happen more often as he would have to manage a double workload! He would have absolutely no excuse whatsoever.
"Are you sure?" he said, his voice a bit higher and coming faster as he felt terribly conflicted. "I mean, I live very irregular. I don't always come home at night and-"
"Oh, no," she said quickly as she interrupted him, pressing her hand over his mouth. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to panic you. Sorry. I just thought," she added in a softer tone, dropping her hand. "I just thought it would be nice, you know. I don't care if you come back late, early or sometimes not at all. That's the same as it is now, too, isn't it? I just… I want to be with you as much as possible," she started to talk faster and faster as she got embarrassed, running a hand through her hair. "I have to move out soon anyway and I thought, why not share a place with you instead of with someone I don't know and-"
"Kairi," he gently interrupted her. "I think it would be amazing. Really. I'm just a little concerned whether or not you might feel alone if we would."
"I won't," she said at once, giving him a hopeful glance. "I won't get in your way either. I promise."
He reached out to cup her face, as careful as he could, before he pressed a soft kiss against her lips, feeling strangely overwhelmed.
She couldn't be real; there was no way she was for real.
Her mind really worked backwards and for her, being as cautious as she was, her overwhelming trust in him was out of this world. It was out of this world.
He should pinch himself.
"So, wait… Was that a 'yes'?" she asked quietly in between kisses, almost shy.
"Obviously," he said, grinning a little as she pulled him back to her.
He would make it work somehow.
He would have his own place which he could share with her.
His heart swelled at the thought that he would be able to have a home, for real. With her.
What were two years if he could have that?
Even though he had already contacted Sora before, he still felt a bit nervous.
Kairi had her arm linked through his, giving his upper arm a soft squeeze with her free hand as he reached out with a trembling hand to ring the bell.
Sora opened the door, surprise clear on his face as his eyes widened.
Then, his expression became cautious, though he could see the shimmers of amusement in the familiar blue eyes of his brother.
He was ready to play his part and it was hard not to smile at that.
Damn his brother.
"Roxas."
"Hi, Sora," he said, his voice trembling with the effort of keeping his laughter down, though it may have looked like he was really nervous. "It's been a while."
His brother hadn't changed much throughout the years. His brown hair was still defying gravity, and there was no visible proof of him having grown older. Young forever… it did sound like Sora, now that he thought about it.
He could see Sora was fighting the urge to grin and trying to look severe, too, though to Kairi, it might've looked as if he was looking for words. "So… er, what are you doing here?"
"I wanted to apologize," he said sincerely — even though he had done so already — before glancing down at Kairi with a smile. "And I wanted you to meet Kairi, my girlfriend. Kairi, this is Sora, my little brother."
Sora had already been glancing at her curiously as he extended his hand. "Nice to meet you."
"Likewise," she said brightly. "I've heard a lot about you."
Sora gave him a look, raising his eyebrow.
He shrugged; even though Sora had never finished one girl, he knew protocols as much as anyone else in their field of expertise.
He couldn't really explain that now, though. It would have to wait... and Sora could probably already guess that much for himself.
"Well, come in, then," he said, as if he had to be convinced.
As he passed his brother, Sora gave him a gentle pat on his back, grinning slightly.
He, too, felt slightly giddy about getting to see his brother again.
As Kairi had sat down on the couch, she glanced up at him expectantly.
He took a deep breath as he sat down next to her.
Right, he was supposed to do an elaborate apology.
He had practised last night. He would never admit that, though, especially not to his younger brother.
"Sora, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean those things I said to you and I'm sorry I haven't apologised sooner. I've been an idiot."
Sora lost the battle against himself and grinned. "Thank you. I've said some stupid things, too, so I'm sorry too."
Kairi seemed rather surprised at the speed of their apology, but Sora gave her a bright smile as he folded his arms behind his head. "This guy's hella stubborn, you know. It can take him a long time to be able to apologise and it takes a lot out of me to be patient enough to wait for it."
She smiled up at him, ruffling her hand through his hair. "He means well, though," she said to Sora.
Sora cast a cautious glance at him before he cleared his throat. "So, er… this is rather new to me," Sora said earnestly as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Roxas usually doesn't really date, so I can't help but be curious," he added with a slight smirk on his face. "How did the two of you meet?"
He bit back a smile. Sora didn't waste any time at all; he probably had been waiting for this moment ever since the phone call.
He probably wanted to ask her that question ever since she had appeared on his doorstep.
"Oh, that's a funny story, actually," Kairi said, a very slight blush covering her cheeks. "I, er… ran off."
Even though Sora's acting was very poor, he did a rather decent job on portraying confusion. "Ran… off?"
"She escaped through the restroom window," he clarified again, grinning at Sora's attempt to keep in his laughter. "I should've listened to you when you told me my pick-up lines were crap."
"No, wait," Kairi interrupted as Sora's eyes started to tear up while trying to hold in his laughter. "Before you laugh at me, I do want to point out he was out with this very creepy guy and he was approaching me and my friend almost… well, predatorily," she added slightly accusing as she raised her brow at him. "I really felt like I had to get out of there. Even so," she finally said with a tender smile. "I came across him later and he turned out to be the complete opposite of what I thought he was."
He knew his brother already knew what she had picked up on that faithful day, but Sora burst out in laughter anyway, though his amusement must've gotten from something else. "I wish I could've seen your face after you found out she'd escaped you."
"I didn't stay long enough to see it," Kairi said rather amused. "I would've liked to see it, though."
He kept quiet as Sora continued asking Kairi questions; he knew his brother was really curious and he had every right to be.
He had wrapped his arm around her shoulder and drew lazy circles with this thumb over her shoulder and upper arm as he listened to her.
It was rather amusing that even though Sora had never truly been in business, the same sense of alarm flashed in his eyes at her mentioning her law school and her mother being part of the police like it had probably done in his, too, when he heard.
He found it also rather endearing that she was telling Sora enthusiastically about their plans for the apartment.
To him, it was only a matter of paying the rent every month and a place to be able to spend time with her instead of having her over in the same place he also used for work.
To her, it was a whole new, exciting step forward and she was fussing over the smallest of details.
It was cute, to him, at least. And, as it turned out, to his brother, too.
He could see the admiration in his brother's eyes and that somehow made him feel relaxed too.
There was at least someone in his family he could entrust her to if things got really bad.
As they finally stood up to leave and Sora went with them to see them out, Sora gently wrapped his arms around Kairi.
"You have no idea how glad I am that he met you," Sora said quietly to her as he let her go.
She smiled almost bashfully as she brushed her fingertips past his to intertwine her fingers with his. "I'm very lucky to have met him too," she said, though he wasn't sure whether that was meant for him or Sora.
Well, he would beg to differ - he had always thought of her to be very unlucky in that way -, but he was glad she thought better of it. Maybe she was lucky for being able to give him a change of heart.
He reached out to give his younger brother a hug too, though he didn't let go of her hand. "Take care."
"Yeah. Do call me sometimes," Sora said with a grin.
"I will," he said, grinning back.
He was glad that his 'private life' was getting a head start.
Everything was working out just fine and that made him having to work so much harder a lot easier.
He knew that if he couldn't be there to take care of his girlfriend, there was always someone ready to help out if she needed help.
He just had to work twenty-two more months before he could devote himself entirely to a much more peaceful life.
He was almost safe. Almost.
"Your brother looks a lot like you," she said suddenly as they were on their way to her place.
"You think?"
She nodded, smiling a little. "Yeah, even though you two have different mothers. You seem to understand each other rather well… I can't imagine what your fight could've been about."
"We've had a ton of fights," he said rather evasively. "Sora's much more childish in some ways and definitely more mature in other ways. We tend to clash a lot over things like that, though I do understand where he's coming from."
"Well," she said, resting her head against his shoulder as they walked. "I think you were really brave. It's always hard to own up to your mistakes."
"Thank you for coming with me," he said, pressing a kiss on top op her head. "That helped."
"Have you really not dated before?" she asked him rather shyly. "Sora seemed quite surprised."
"Not really," he said, feeling that was the truth.
He had dated, technically speaking, but it was never for real., not for him, anyway. He never meant it quite like he meant it now.
"That surprises me," she said thoughtfully. "You seem very experienced if that makes sense."
"Well," he said earnestly. "I have been with a couple of girls, I guess, but it's never gotten quite serious and I've never really been with anyone like I've been with you. That's why Sora's never seen one of them, and why he has met you, now."
She nodded, still a little lost in thought. "I see. That makes sense."
"Jealous?" he asked her teasingly, as she had absolutely nothing to be jealous of.
He had never before experienced something so overwhelming as this and he was willing to bet everything he had on her.
There was no one who could surpass her in that way, but he did enjoy her flustered expression.
She didn't disappoint as she flushed a bright red. "N-not exactly. You're not seeing them anymore, are you?"
That was a difficult question, phrased exactly right, as she often did.
He was still seeing most of them; once a month, to be exact.
It was just to collect money in exchange for the usual amount of drugs (or slightly less, depending on their earnings), so he figured he wouldn't really be lying if he said 'no'.
He could hardly call that business-like exchange 'seeing someone'. "No, of course not," he reassured her.
She smiled at him. "I'm glad. I mean," she added quietly. "I do trust you, but sometimes my mind just wanders off to some dark corners… and you've been working really hard lately, so I haven't really seen you all that much."
"I'm sorry," he said wholeheartedly. He really didn't want to put her through those kinds of doubts, though they were partially justified (which he hated) and partially unnecessary because there really wasn't anyone he wanted to see so badly as her.
She shook her head, beaming up at him before he could say anything else. "It's all right," she assured him. "I'm relieved that you take your future seriously, honestly! It's just that it gets lonely at times," she added with a shrug. "I'm glad I don't have to worry about you cheating on me on top of that."
A sharp sting of pain coursed through him.
He didn't deserve her trust at all.
Even so, he wanted so desperately to be worthy of her never-ending faith. "Of course not," he said, feeling miserable at having to lie.
He could hardly tell her that he was sleeping with multiple women and sometimes all of them on the same day, these days. "I promise, as soon as I've gotten my certificates, I'll have more time to spend with you."
She gave a playful, slight tug at his sleeve. "Hey, don't worry about it. Besides, I'll be quite busy too, as I'll have to do research for my thesis soon. That'll take me quite some time, too, you know."
"Yeah, I might just be the one feeling lonely," he said jokingly.
She stuck her tongue at him. "Yeah, all the hot judges who are ancient in comparison to me might be tempting after all my isolation."
He burst out in laughter. "How will I ever win from such a threat?"
She giggled. "You won't, that's the thing, you're just not ancient enough. No, honestly," she added with a soft sigh. "Besides, we will live together very soon. That'll be fun, right?"
"Yeah," he said, the corners of his lips turned upwards at that thought.
"I really hope we get invited by the owner again," she said, a bit anxious now. "I really, really like the apartment."
"We'll get it," he promised her. Even if they weren't invited again to talk things through, they would get it. He'd buy the entire building if he had to. "I'm sure."
"I hope so," she said, her warm fingers still intertwined with his. "We'll have to wait and see."
Twenty-two months, he told himself as he gently brushed his thumb over the back of her hand.
Twenty-two months and he wouldn't have to worry about having to keep so many secrets anymore.
Twenty-two months and he would be exactly the guy she thought she was dating.
The past would cease to matter at some point and there would be nothing standing in between the two of them.
He almost couldn't wait for that moment.
He suppressed a yawn, fiddling with his keys as he tried to a) find the right key and b) keep his eyes open at the same time.
His legs were shaking and his body was hurting all over.
His stomach hurt, his head was pounding and he was feeling rather dizzy.
At this point, he had no idea whether this was because of the exhaustion or because of the pills he was taking to be able to last throughout his dates during the day and night.
Finally, as he fumbled with the lock, the door opened and he went inside, closing the door behind him as silently as he could.
If he were on his own, he would probably have gone straight to bed, but he knew what he smelled like and he most definitely didn't want her to smell that.
Besides, even he himself didn't want to smell like that.
With a soft grunt, he kicked out his shoes and managed to stumble into the bathroom.
The warm water was welcome on his sore muscles and his skin finally stopped crawling as if a million ants were running just underneath his skin.
He shut the water off, got out and dried himself off rather sloppily.
He was too tired to care at his point, his hair still dripping wet.
He managed to step into a clean set of boxers and made his way into the dark bedroom, where he became as still as a statue and stopped breathing.
He could hear the clock ticking regularly, her breathing slow and steady as she was fast asleep.
His eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness and as he started breathing again, he could see her figure on the bed.
Very cautiously, he moved over to his side.
Holding his breath again, he lifted the sheets and tried to float his way into the bed.
This, however, as he should've expected, did not go according to plan.
The mattress creaked like the devil had used it as a trampoline when he stepped into bed and he could feel her stir.
He closed his eyes, praying that she would not wake up as he forcibly pressed his head down into his pillow.
Don't wake up, don't wake up, don't wake up.
She did wake up, though.
"…Roxas?"
She sounded as tired as he was.
With a pang of guilt, he realised she must've been waiting for him for quite some time before she had finally decided to go to bed.
"Sorry," he whispered back. "I didn't mean to wake you."
She rubbed her right eye with her hand as she yawned. "How late is it?"
"Pretty late," he mumbled as he flipped over on his side, facing her.
He reached out to stroke her hair with his hand. "Go back to sleep," he ordered her softly.
She hummed in agreement, nuzzling closer to him, her face resting against his chest. "I'm glad you're home," she murmured, almost slurring a little in her drowsiness. "I love you," she added in a sigh that could've been his imagination.
"I love you, too," he said, for the millionth time that day, but the first time he actually meant it as he tucked her head underneath his chin and closed his eyes with a content sigh of his own.
It was good to be back.
Fifteen months to go.
Good night or good morning. At this point in the night, I'm not sure which it is anymore, haha. Sorry for weird sentences or grammar or anything, I'm not really awake anymore at this point. Anyway, happy September! I hope you all had a good one. A busy one, for most, haha. I... uh, went a little overboard. Most chapters are not this long, but as it's titled dedication and determination, I decided to show you some of mine. That's just an excuse, though, so for those of you who enjoy longer chapters, you're welcome. For those of you who prefer them short, uh, sorry. Good night/morning/afternoon and I'll talk to you next month, Lots of love, Your author.
