Disclaimer: I don't own.

Author's Note: Funny, I really didn't like the last chapter, but you guys seemed to, so YAY! I hope you like this one, too! And I hope you're patient with me. I know what everyone wants, and it WILL get there. So hang in there. :) Thanks SO very much for reading and the reviews!

Clichés and Things "They" Say

Chapter 9 - There Has to Be More

January 30, 1980, Hyde's bedroom

His stomach was full, his body was as comfortable as a cot topped with a mattress would allow it to be, he was listening to some quality tunes and doing absolutely nothing. Normally all of the above would make his day a good one, but not today. He was distracted, thinking about his life in a philosophical way that drove him nuts. Thinking about the lunch he'd had with WB, and the conversation.

He glared at the ceiling. It was all WB's fault he was all of a sudden so restless and dissatisfied. And the lunchtime talk today hadn't helped matters.

"Steven, I know you think I'm being hard on you. Hell, the truth is, I am. It just kills me to see what you're doing with yourself. Look, I was just like you when I was your age. All I wanted to do was have a good time with my friends, get drunk, have sex. Nothing else even registered to me."

"I told you before that I didn't want to stroll down memory lane with you."

"Well, you need to hear it. Because doing all that and not giving a damn about anything else is what led me to the biggest mistake I ever made."

"And what was that? Fathering an illegitimate child?"

Hyde closed his eyes. The pause had seemed eternally long, and the look in WB's eyes had been familiar to him. Like Jackie's so often got. Clear, bright, honest. Affectionate. The way his own mother had never looked at him.

"No, Steven. The biggest mistake I've ever made was not being there for my son."

Too much moisture in his mouth, and Hyde swallowed.

"I'm sorry, Steven. I'm so sorry that I wasn't there when you were growing up."

No one had ever told him they were sorry for not loving him. No one had ever apologized to him for abandoning him. No one had ever given a damn about what they'd done to him. Except Jackie.

Damn it, no! This isn't about Jackie!

And yet, he knew it was. He knew it was all tied together.

He sighed and sat up, looking around his small, dirty, ugly room, in which most of the stuff in it wasn't his. Was this where he'd live the rest of his life? Was this all there was gonna be for him? He stood up and ran his fingers thorough his hair. They became caught in a tangle, and he grimaced as he pushed through it. It hurt. Felt nothing like when Jackie ran her tiny fingers through his hair.

God. He hadn't felt that in so long.

He began to pace around the room, and it seemed like the walls were closing in on him. He wondered what he'd look like to someone viewing this from the outside. Maybe like a caged, wild animal, too dangerous to be released into freedom.

Freedom.

I'm trapped. Right here. No escape.

He lowered his head into his hand and frowned. Such a damn headache.

"I know I don't have the right, Steven, but damn it, I'm going to ask you. I want to be your father. I know, I know, you don't need one, you don't want one. But I think maybe you do."

He hadn't known how to answer. Did he want a father? Did he need a father? He was twenty, and yet…the idea of having a dad, a real one…For all his disdain for family, for connections with people…He'd been pulled into one once. Kicking and screaming, true, but once he was there…So what if it had ended badly? So what if he had fucked it up? At the time…at the time it was…

Good.

"And as your father, Steven, what I want for you is this. Not for you to make me more money. I want you to be happy."

Happy?

"How am I supposed to do that? I've got nothing, man. I live in a basement. The only things that make me happy are beer and the circle."

"That's not true, and you know it. And my advice on how to be happy is to get rich." He smiled, and so did Hyde, but quickly, WB's expression resumed seriousness. "Seriously Steven, to be happy, you have to decide what it is you want, get it, and then do what you have to do to keep it. If you decide what you want is what you're already doing, fine. If not, that's fine too. I'm still going to be there for you, whether you like it or not."

Hyde stared at him and shrugged, feeling like a three year old kid being told he had to learn to read.

"I've already told you what you need to do to keep the store. Whether you want that is up to you, and it won't make a difference to me. I'm still going to be your father. Everything else, Steven, the rest of your life, is up to you."

Hyde's eyes dropped to the table.

"I know you need time to think. Take another week off, okay?And Steven…you may not think that you can get whatever it is you want. But I do. I know you can. I believe in you."

It had been a stupid, cheesy, over the top, twenty years too late heart to heart. It had left Hyde numb.

But thinking, too. About what it was he wanted. He sure as hell didn't want this same old crap anymore; living in the basement, hanging out and doing nothing with his friends who never changed, were always the same.

Watching Jackie get her heart trampled over. And he knew she'd take Fez back. She wasn't good at being alone. Never had been, never would be. She'd probably think being with Fez would be better than being alone.

He didn't want to get rid of his friends. But there had to be more. There HAD to be more than this.

What did he want?

He paced circles on the floor that grew wider and wider. Nothing came to mind.

Except her face.

"Damn it," he muttered, again running his hand through his hair, again noticing how different his fingers felt from hers. "I do NOT want her!" Fury opened in his stomach, and he shook his head. "One solution to this."

He rushed back to his cot and kneeled down in front of it. He'd tucked away something special a few weeks ago, and boy, did he need it. Possibly all of it, the way his mind was working right now. He reached underneath the cot, and instead of the paper bag he recalled hiding his stash in, his fingers felt something….furry. Furry? He frowned and pulled it out.

A little troll doll with fuzzy orange hair.

He stared at it.

This is the first day of the rest of your life.

There was her face again. Her smile as she'd given him the lunch she'd made him that day and shoved his suit at him. She'd believed in him then. Hadn't she always bugged him nearly to death by telling him that?

And….god. She'd told him just the other day that she believed in him. She must be incredibly stupid to still believe in him.

But she did.

His shoulders slumped and he stared at the troll doll. She'd always been the only one to really get him. To really understand what he meant when he didn't speak.

The doll seemed to smile knowingly at him. He could almost hear a high-pitched voice taunting. "You know you want her!"

Jackie.

Hyde nodded. "Yeah, I do," he whispered. He wanted her to sit on HIS lap, to hold HIS hand, to drive HIM crazy. To look at HIM that special way, with those bright, mismatched, revealing eyes. To badger HIM to do something with his life. To make him WANT to do something with his life. To hold him when he had those damn dreams that made him sweat so much.

Again, too much moisture in his throat, and he swallowed. There was no way in hell he'd ever get her back. No way in hell.

Later on, he stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. That stupid moustache. Why had he even grown it? It made him look like a porn star. And although he was certainly gifted enough to be one…he smirked…he wasn't sure that was the look he should be going for. Especially because Jackie hated facial hair.

Huh.

He traced the 'stache and narrowed his eyes. The last time he'd shaved off facial hair she'd liked it. Maybe….

No. It wouldn't work. She was too upset about Fez. She probably wouldn't even notice.

He rolled his eyes and reached for his razor.

What the hell.

The same time, Jackie's bedroom

"Jackie, I think you should know that Fez has still been hiding in my closet. Even since you and he…got together. In fact…" Donna sighed sadly. "That same night, I found him in my closet."

Jackie lay on her bed, staring up at her ceiling. Popcorn ceilings were so ugly. So terribly tacky. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six…

She'd heard Donna. What she'd said didn't surprise her.

Seven. Eight. Nine…

Donna stood next to the bed and looked at the brunette. She seemed so calm, lying there so still, the only part of her moving her eyes that were wandering rhythmically over the ceiling. She was like ice. Not cold. Frozen. Easily breakable if just touched the wrong way. And it filled Donna with anger. She began to walk around the room, her strides long and dangerous to the carpet. "God, I can't believe that Fez did this to you! And how he thinks he's gonna get you back with just an apology." She looked at Jackie and pointed her fingers. "You know, those roses and that necklace he gave you? Bribes! Because he felt guilty about that slut Mandy he screwed at the party!"

Jackie rolled her eyes towards her friend. "Thanks so much for reminding me, Donna."

Like she didn't know that. Like she didn't REALIZE that the gifts weren't because she was beautiful and he loved her and adored her and wanted to worship her. Like she didn't feel that.

"I'm sorry." Donna sat down on the corner of the bed and gently patted Jackie's knee. "I just…He's acting just like Kelso used to. I never realized how alike they were…but he's like a mini-foreign Kelso or something."

Jackie sat up and glared at Donna. "Shut up! He is not! He loves me! He is NOTHING like Kelso!"

Oh, yes he is. And maybe…maybe that's a good thing. Because if Mom is right, that's what I should WANT. If all men cheat, I need one who's gonna make things right with presents and complements and nights out.

And presents are better than anything. Presents can never hurt. Presents can never break my heart.

"Oh no…." Donna noticed the defiant flash in Jackie's eyes, just barely covering up the vulnerability. She'd seen it many times before. And she knew exactly what it meant. "Jackie, please tell me that you're not thinking of taking Fez back." Jackie didn't answer, but looked away, and Donna's head fell back on her neck with a groan. "Why? God, WHY, Jackie?"

Jackie tumbled off her bed and stalked to the window. She looked out, half hoping to see Steven coming towards the building like she had the other day. "You wouldn't understand, Donna."

And she wouldn't. Ever. Despite his girlishness, Eric had never cheated on Donna. Never would. Jackie hated Donna for that.

"You're being stupid, Jackie."

Jackie whirled around. "No. You know what? Maybe I'm being smart for the first time in my life."

Donna's eyes widened at the bitter, icy tone of Jackie's voice. This wasn't her normal bitchy snotty voice. This was something else. Deeper. Fuller. And desperately hurt.

"I've just gotta accept the fact that all men cheat, and they always will."

"Eric's never cheated."

"Eric doesn't really count as a man, Donna."

Donna ignored that. "Hyde never cheated."

Jackie smiled sarcastically. "Oh no? Don't you remember the nurse?"

Donna took a few steps towards her increasingly cracking friend. "But he felt so bad about that, Jackie. He was truly sorry about it. About the fact that he did it, not just that he got caught. Fez is only sorry that he got caught." Donna sighed as Jackie's tensed shoulders slumped. "Jackie…"

Jackie shook her shoulders back into haughty place and summoned all her pride. Donna didn't need to see how bad she felt. She'd already cried enough. She had to somehow get on with things. Make a decision, stick to it, and live with it.

And maybe later she'd cry until she couldn't cry anymore.

"Look, Donna, it doesn't matter, okay? What matters is what I can get out of this."

Donna stared at Jackie. Such cynical, cold words. Sure, Jackie had always loved getting presents. In fact, she'd always demanded presents. But even with Kelso, she'd always truly believed that it was love, that Kelso loved her. It sounded so different now. It sounded like Jackie, the eternal romantic, ultimate girly-girl who lived in the hopes of a fairy tale, had given up on love. "Jackie, is that what you want out of a relationship with Fez? Don't you want more? Something real? I mean, there has to be more than just him screwing up then buying you off with presents."

Jackie's eyes stung with tears, despite the steel she was trying to wrap around herself. "Not according to my mom."

Her voice was barely a whisper, but Donna heard, and she realized something. "Jackie," she said softly, walking to her friend and putting her hands on her shoulders. "You are NOT your mother."

Jackie closed her eyes. "Yes I am. I'm just like her. Beautiful, charming, incredible…I'm just like her. Everyone has always told me that. Oh, Jackie, you're so much like your beautiful mother!"

And maybe she'll love me if I start acting just like her. Maybe she'll love me, and maybe I'll…maybe I'll be able to deal with Fez. Somehow. Maybe she'll love me and stay with me. Maybe she can help me if I tell her I wanna be more like her. Maybe she'll teach me how to not hurt so much.

"You weren't like this when you were with Hyde."

Jackie looked up at Donna, and her tears burst out. She turned and walked back to the window. Steven. Steven was…so much more than Michael had ever been. So much more than Fez was. He was so…huge to her. Intense, passionate, frustrating, exhilarating…just so much.

But it hadn't worked. It had ended. Badly. He'd married someone else, and that had hurt more than anything else ever had, even Fez's sleeping with her mother.

"Steven and I…we were so wrong for one another."

Lie. He was so good for me. He made me smarter. Better. Made me feel so much more like a whole person.

"We were miserable together, Donna, and it's better for both of us that it's over."

Another lie. He made me happy. Those times when he let me see him, when he saw me…those sweet times, those hot times…god….no…

Donna shook her head. "You were perfect for one another. Never thought I'd say that, but I really think you…"

"Shut UP, Donna! GOD!"

Donna shook her head, now slightly angry. Jackie was the most infuriating person she'd ever considered a friend, and she was sick of having to nurse her over problems of her own damn making. "Whatever. But I'm not gonna comfort you the next time he cheats on you." She raised her eyebrows. "And I think we both know that he's going to. "

Jackie's eyes met Donna's, and for a moment, she wanted to spill her soul to her. But something inside, her pride, that damn pride, held her back, and instead, she snapped one angry word. "Fine!"

And she punctuated that with her best stomping trounce out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Three hours later, the woods

They'd had their first date here, though it had been much warmer then. Jackie shivered and buttoned up her long coat, glad that it covered her rear end, because her legs were killing her and she wanted to sit down. The only place to sit was the ground, and it was covered with snow. No matter. She didn't care. She might freeze. She might ruin her coat. It didn't matter. She sat down and brought her knees to her chest.

Could she learn to be like her mom and ignore her feelings? Could she really live only for presents and trips and expensive dinners?

She'd always loved those things.

But she'd also always loved fairy tales, romantic stories, happy endings, where the prince and the princess found true love that transcended any problem, and the prince was always willing to fight for the princess' honor.

She sucked her lower lip into her mouth, and for some reason, reached her hand out and wrote a word in the snow.

S….T….E...V…E…N.

He'd punched out that guy who'd called her a bitch. He'd insisted that she stay with him when her house was empty. And once, he'd punched out a guy at Six Flags just for looking at her a little too long.

She'd loved Steven in a way she had never done before, or since. She'd never knew something so all consuming or passionate, or both hot and warm at the same time. With him, she'd relied on the love they had to keep them together. She'd learned to look for love in things other than presents and material things.

She frowned. She'd loved him, and she knew, or at least she hoped, that at one point he'd loved her too. But in the end, it hadn't mattered enough. He'd cheated. He'd married another woman. He'd chosen that other woman over her.

Her face twisted as the pain from remembering that took a vice grip on her heart, and she hurriedly wiped her hand over his name, ruining it and erasing it. She wiped as hard as she could, until she felt the frozen ground beneath her palm.

Love hadn't mattered. In the end, it had been worthless.

And she couldn't ever go through that kind of pain again. Wanting to die with each breath. Missing him with every movement she made. Feeling his absence from her life even when in the same room with him. Knowing that he wasn't thinking of her, wasn't missing her. Knowing he was with someone else every night. Knowing he was forgetting her with each passing minute.

Knowing he was erasing her every time he kissed that whore he'd married.

She could never, ever go through that kind of pain again.

Maybe she wouldn't have to. If she took her mom's advice, she wouldn't have to. She could shut down. Ignore that silly little girl fantasy of a fairy tale and accept reality. Men cheat. Men pay for cheating with shiny presents, beautiful flowers. Women milk it to their advantage and wind up with plenty of things to make up for being cheated on.

The sound of a car approaching made Jackie turn her head, and to her surprise, she watched the grill of Steven's El Camino slowly come closer. It parked, and she watched, with her mouth slightly open, as Steven got out of the car and walked towards her.

What was he doing here?

She turned her head when he stood next to her and stared straight out in front of her. "Why didn't you tell me about Mandy?"

Hyde shrugged. He didn't know what he was more surprised by, the fact that Jackie was here, or the fact that she was sitting on the ground in the snow. "Would you have believed me?"

She smiled faintly. "No."

Hyde sighed and bit the bullet, hoping she wouldn't leap to her feet and run away. It was too cold. And had she walked here? Her apartment was at least two miles away. Damn. He sat down next to her.

Neither of them said anything.

He looked at her and searched for something, anything to say. She looked as if she'd been crying. Of course she had. He wanted to brush that strand of dark raven hair off her forehead. Wanted to feel even just that tiny bit of her. But he didn't dare, and looked away. He felt hers on him, and took a shallow breath.

"You…your moustache is gone, Steven."

"Yeah," he answered, turning his eyes towards her. "I uh…guess I just needed a change." She smiled and looked away again, and he closed his eyes.

God, Hyde, say something that isn't completely idiotic!

"Plus, I…I thought it might cheer you up."

Her head twisted back, and their eyes met. They remembered, and knew the other remembered too.

Her heart skipped a beat. His pounded in his chest. And the air around them, to both of them, suddenly felt warmer.

She wasn't sure what she was doing, but she knew it was right. She pulled of one of her fuzzy on the inside gloves, and lifted her trembling hand. With a fingertip, she traced the now clean shaven skin over his top lip.

So soft, but slightly rough. Just enough to feel manly. So warm. His skin…he'd shaved…to cheer me up?

His eyes closed, as if he was enjoying her touch, and it made her chest expand then constrict in such quick succession that her breasts and ribcage ached with pain. It was so good to touch him this way. So good to watch the way his eyelashes fluttered against his skin. Like he was enjoying it, too. His lips opened slightly, and she pressed her fingertip against the upper lip she used to adore tasting.

What are you doing, Jackie? He hates you! So what if he's been acting so sweet lately? Deep down, he hates you!

She pulled her hand away and scrambled to her feet. "I uh…I should head back. Gonna get dark soon."

"Wait, did you walk here?" Hyde, intensely disappointed from the way she tore her finger away, herself away, just when he'd been considering kissing her, stood up as well. She nodded, and he shook his head. "Well, you're not walking home. It's freezing. Come on. I'll drive you home."

She didn't resist. Couldn't. It really was freezing.

And she couldn't stop herself from sitting close to him in the car and resting her head on his shoulder. He'd hate her later, she knew, but at least for the twenty minute car ride back to her house, she'd have his shoulder.

So warm. So very, very warm.