Hi everyone.. I hope you like Chapter 9. Its looooooooooong and it has highs and lows.. I tried to make Beck's emotions and behaviour as realistic as possible so he's not really gonna be himself for a while and I guess Jade takes on another role in this too. Ahh i'm worried xD Let me know how I did pretty please xx
Disclaimer: I don't own victorious.
The day of the funeral came around quickly. Jade woke up early that day, so early that it was still dark outside and it took her a moment to realise where she was. She had spent every night the past week at Becks and it felt so cold waking up without him again. Never in her life had she seen him so fragile and she felt uncomfortable leaving him in his house that was filled to the brim with family members who just seemed to be overwhelming him right now. She just wanted to hold him in her arms constantly and protect him from anything else that could hurt him.
Jade remembered the morning after Danielle Oliver's death so clearly. It was the first time in months that she'd woken up next to Beck and it had felt so familiar and yet completely unfamiliar at the same time. She was only awake a few minutes before Beck too began to stir. His eyelashes began to flutter a little as he slowly came around and Jade braced herself for the worst. She thought she saw a flicker of pain contort his face as he remembered, but after taking a couple of deep breaths he stopped looking sad and another emotion came to his face.. worry. Jade was confused why he seemed so anxious but it all became clear as he spoke, and the words he said really broke Jades heart.
'I'm so sorry' Beck croaked, covering his eyes with his hands.
'What for?' Jade frowned confused.
'Last night, I was a wreck, I'm sorry you had to deal with m..'
'Don't you ever apologise for that!' Jade interrupted him, her eyes wide with shock as she pulled his hands away from his face. He looked up into her eyes but didn't know what to say. He held her hand tight and just let her hug him because God he needed it.
Looking back she thought maybe she should have expected it. Beck had always found it difficult to deal with emotions and apologised if he showed his true feelings. He expected himself to be a rock and he almost always withdrew and pretended everything was fine. For most of the week he did that and to a lot of people he just seemed like normal Beck. Jade had lost count of the amount of times she'd overheard him being told he was being so strong, but if you looked properly you would see that he was often on the brink of tears. And then when he was safely away from everyone, it would all come spilling out in a painful, angry, devastated mess.
Jade tossed and turned in bed trying to get at least a couple more hours sleep but she soon realised that wasn't going to happen. Everything was swirling around in her brain so instead she climbed out of bed and began to get ready for what would no doubt be another difficult day. All their friends would be attending the funeral and for once Jade was glad they would be around because Beck really needed their support right now. Neither Beck nor Jade had seen any of them since the day it happened as they hadn't gone back to school. But Jade had kept Andre and Tori up to date with regular texts and even encouraged them to keep texting Beck.
Jade got in the shower and washed her hair. And before she changed into a simple black dress she grabbed her phone and texted Laura to see how Beck was holding up.. She got a reply a few minutes later and sighed as she read it.
'Pretending everything's fine as usual.'
'Beck?' Jade looked up into his eyes debating whether or not to ask this question. It had been eating her inside for days and she just needed to know for sure. Jade and Beck were sat in the backyard and it was almost 9pm and cold but here was really the only place in the house they could go to be alone. All Beck's family were staying there and Beck had moved out of the RV and into his bedroom when Laura had arrived so she would have somewhere to stay that was still slightly separate from the house. Beck looked into Jades eyes nervously, he could sense what she was about to ask him but he wasn't sure he was ready to answer this question.
'When- did you find out?'
Beck sighed and looked away. Jades heart began to thump wondering if she'd pushed too far, too soon. It was only 4 days since his Mum had died.
'I found out-' Beck started but shook his head unable to finish his sentence.
'It's ok.. you don't have to tell me right now' Jade whispered rubbing her hand up and down his arm. The memory was painful for him. It had been a dark, dark day. He remembered his parents asking to speak with him in the living room and he remembered seeing the tears in his Mum's eyes as they told him it was back and that there was nothing they could do this time. Jade deserved to know. She'd deserved to know from the start but somehow every time he'd tried to talk to her he just couldn't get it out and he was so angry and everything got out of hand and before he knew it.. he didn't even have her anymore.
'About 2 days before the stupid queries for couples thing' Beck whispered barely audibly, closing his eyes, the memory torturing him.
'Oh Beck' Jade snuggled her face into the crook of his neck and held him tightly against her whilst he got himself back under control. That was the answer she had been afraid of. That week he had been snappier, angrier at her and she had not taken it well. She should have known something was wrong for him to act so uncharacteristic but no she was selfish and indulged in the argument. The guilt sickened her and she wished she'd handled things differently.
'Sorry, i'm trying to be strong for you but I just..' Jade said wiping her eyes on her sleeve.
'Hey.. I thought we said no apologising.' Beck croaked wrapping his arm tighter around her. He turned his head and kissed the top of her head tenderly. As hard as it was he managed to catch her eyes and give her a weak smile and Jade pressed her hand against his cheek and caressed him. They didn't need to say anything else about it, at least for now.
Jade drove herself to the church. She could already see a lot of people dressed in black gathering at the front and she began to feel nervous. She hated everything about funerals. They were just uncomfortable and painful and depressing. But she knew this one was different. Climbing out of the car Jade spotted Tori, Robbie and Cat standing in a small group at the side of the car park. They waved unsurely to her and gave almost sympathetic smiles as she walked over to stand with them her face solemn. Jade could already feel a lump rising in her throat. It just felt wrong to see Cat dressed so dark.
'Are you ok Jadey?' Cat asked in a quiet concerned voice. Jade nodded and faced the other way hoping they wouldn't ask her too many questions right now as the nerves kept on building. Tori held onto Cat's hand as the four teenagers headed together towards the entrance of the church.
There were tons of people there. Andre was there with his parents and there were a few of the other parents of kids at Hollywood Arts. There were many of Danielle's colleagues and friend and then of course members of Beck's huge extended family. Jade recognised a few of them from the house although none of them seemed to acknowledge her. Jade didn't try to pretend that any of them liked her anyway.
The day that the family arrived had been a tough day. Beck had been quiet all morning and he disappeared promptly after breakfast, saying he was going for a walk - but he'd been gone almost six hours. Laura tried to keep Jade distracted, getting her to help prepare dinner and giving her other small tasks but she kept zoning out, becoming increasingly worried as Beck didn't show any signs of return.
'He just needs some time to himself, he'll be alright' Laura reassured the goth who was peering anxiously out the window for what felt like the hundredth time. Whilst he'd been gone, around 16 relatives had arrived and they were all gathering in the living room. They didn't really interact with Jade and a couple of his Great Aunts even shot her disapproving looks, probably because of her coloured streaks, tattoos and piercings. Jade felt increasingly like she shouldn't be there; what right did she have to be there anyway? Who was she? Beck's Girlfriend.. Friend.. Ex-Girlfriend? She was none of those people.
She was sitting alone in Beck's bedroom when she finally heard the sound of a key turning in the front door and the familiar thud of Beck's boots. She quickly made her way downstairs to the living room just in time to see Beck inundated with family members hugging him and offering their condolences. He looked completely lost and childlike, overwhelmed as each person repeated the same things.
"I can't imagine what you're going through"
"You're being so strong"
"I'm so sorry for your loss"
He had said nothing and looked like he was ready to break when thankfully Laura realised what was happening and managed to pull him out of there before he lost it in front of everyone. Jade followed him into the kitchen but froze as she watched Beck repeatedly punch the wall furiously.
'Beck stop' Jade gasped, quickly stepping in front of him and grabbing his fists as he panted trying to catch his breath. Tears were streaming down his face and Laura locked the door to keep everyone out, shocked by his angry outburst.
'Stop' Jade repeated softly. A few seconds later and he was leaning his head on her shoulder sobbing as Jade wrapped her arms around him, stroking her hand up and down his back. She hadn't wanted it to happen like this but she'd been expecting it. This was just how Beck handled things, he kept things bottled up until it was too late, until he couldn't take it anymore. But Jade knew him and she would be damned if she let him do that alone.
Beck's father and Laura were stood at the door of the church with the vicar and welcoming in the guests. As soon as Laura caught sight of the raven haired teenager she whispered something to John and walked over to the younger girl with her arms wide. Laura had always been Jades favourite member of Beck's Family but they had become even closer after this week. Tori, Robbie and Cat made their way into the church as Jade closed her eyes accepting the embrace.
'Thank you baby girl' Laura whispered softly. Jade didn't know why she was thanking her but the nerves began to fade a little as the older woman softly stroked her hair.
'Hey' Beck said numbly walking over to them. He was wearing a black suit and his hair was all straight and tidy, he didn't look like himself at all. Jade could tell he'd been crying from the croak in his throat and the glassiness of his eyes, but she was relieved to see he was holding up for the moment.
'You alright sweetie?' Laura asked him sympathetically, letting go of Jade. Beck nodded making his way over to Jade and taking hold of her hand. The relief they both felt when they finally touched was unmistakable. Their fingers intertwined and it was all they could focus on, they held on so tight.
'I'll see you both inside' Laura told them, sensing that they needed a moment and she headed back inside the church. Beck pulled Jade over to the side where no one was around. Jade observed his face carefully, he seemed unable to hide the range of emotions he was going through right now, a mixture of sadness, anger, frightment and nerves.
'Would you stay with me?' Beck whispered, his hand shaking as he ran it through his hair, 'I don't think I can do this.'
'I don't think your family will want me at the front baby' Jade took his shaking hand from him and began to rub small circles on his palm. Jades heart sunk seeing how crushed he looked.
'Please'
'Beck..' Jade sighed. 'Your Dad will be with you, Laura will be with..' Jade trailed off as she looked into his eyes, seeing how much pain he was already in and she just knew she couldn't do that to him.
'Ok' she agreed and quickly Beck took hold of her hand, not wanting her to change her mind and lead her into the church.
It was a slightly unusual service. The casket was already at the front of the church and most of the guests were already seated by this point. When Beck and Jade walked down the aisle, a lot of people turned around and made pitying noises or gave meek smiles to Beck who kept his eyes on the front. Jade spotted their friends in the back. Tori and Robbie were sat either side of Cat and they watched the couple with a sad look in their eyes. Jade pressed her thumb three times into Beck's palm and he immediately pressed back once and then reciprocated the action, Jade pressed her thumb back once. Beck led her to the front and Laura who was already sat down stood up to kiss her cheek before turning and giving Beck a hug.
The ceremony wasn't long but somehow it was just enough. John and Laura sat at the front and Beck next to them with Jade at his side. She tried to ignore the couple of scoffs of some of Beck's older relatives because if Beck needed her here, this was where she was going to be and they were just going to have to deal with that. Beck was going strong until his Father stood up to read the speech that they had prepared together a few nights ago. He couldn't help but lean against Jade and cry and he listened to the memories of which there would be no more. Jade held him up as Laura rubbed his back but he was at his lowest. As soon as John finished his speech he walked straight over to Beck and peeling him off Jade he hugged him tight. The church was silent and it seemed like everyone had tears in their eyes as John held his son, the two men completely heart broken. For the rest of the service Beck held on to Jades hand tightly. His fingernails dug into her palm a few times but Jade didn't mind. In a strange way it was reassuring. He was still there and not shutting everything out like he'd been known to do.
After the short walk to the cemetery at the back of the church they had their final moments with Danielle. Beck hadn't said a thing throughout the service so Jade was surprised when right at the end he spoke quietly.
'I wasn't ready for you to go Mum.. but I'll be ok.'
Jade looked up into his teary eyes and hugged him close to her. Make You Feel My Love by Adele was played as they lowered the casket in the ground and Beck said goodbye to his Mother.
'Lets get out of here.' Beck approached Jade who was sitting with Cat, Andre, Robbie and Tori at the funeral reception. They'd decided to sit apart at the reception as Beck went around talking to various friends and family and Jade had worried about him a little. But when he came back, for the first time all week he didn't look on the verge of tears.
'You sure?' Jade asked surprised, wondering if it was really ok for them to go.
'Yeah it's fine I asked my Dad, everyones starting to leave anyway.' Beck insisted. Jade narrowed her eyes looking at him suspiciously.
'Come on you' Beck rolled his eyes jokingly. Wrapping his arms around her from behind he began to peck her cheek lightly with little playful kisses.
'Ew' Jade acted disgusted. Beck smiled at her, a real smile and Jade felt her heart flutter a little and her cheeks blushing from the affect he had on her.
'You're such a weirdo' Jade said with a serious expression, pretending he didn't just melt her heart. Tori smiled watching them interact. They hadn't been this comfortable with each other around the gang in a really long time.
'Uh huh' Beck smirked, grabbing her hand and pulling her up. The friends said goodbye and Beck thanked them all for coming. He even laughed when Andre joked about his hair being all tidy. Jade then ruffled it all up for him and he grinned before Andre gave him a manly shoulder pat. Everyone seemed relieved to see Beck genuinely smiling again and Cat hugged him for ages, it took them ages to pry her away only managing to remove her with the promise of bibble. Hand in hand, Beck and Jade made their way to Jades car. Beck climbed in the driving seat which had Jade questioning if he was was well because usually he made a huge fuss refusing to drive her car, but today he insisted. Still in their formal wear Jade questioned where he was taking them, but Beck just smiled refusing to answer the question.
Beck pulled up outside the park ten minutes later and Jade instantly knew where they were going. She took Beck's hand as they walked silently towards the clearing where they had first met. They had already spent so much time there, just letting out their feelings and talking all night. Crawling through the opening they lay next to each other on the soft grass and looked up at the fluffy white clouds that scattered the sky.
'Why did you want to come here?' Jade asked, turning to look at Beck.
'I don't know really. I wanted to get away from today for a little bit' Jade nodded and leaned closer to Beck as she listened to him.
'I'm still sad, I think I will be for a while' Beck continued, ' Until today I didn't think it could ever get better; But I realised my Mum wouldn't want me to be sad forever'
'No she wouldn't' Jade agreed.
The two of them didn't speak for a while just taking in the background noise of the park. The rustling of the leaves, the screams of the children in the playground and the occasional swooshing sound of cars that zoomed along the road in the far distance.
'Thank you' Beck said eventually breaking the silence.
'What for?' Jade frowned
'Being here with me' Beck smiled at her coyly.
'Beck.. Where else would I be?' Jade pointed out seriously.
Beck sat up abruptly before slowly tracing the tip of his finger along the soft curve of Jades rosy lips. Jade closed her eyes, the sensation tingling throughout her whole body. When he stopped, she opened her eyes and Beck was staring at her longingly and a part of her wished time would stop so she could just appreciate how beautiful his eyes were. But the loss of contact was driving her insane and as he started to lean back again she quickly slipped her arms around his neck and he fell backwards onto the grass bringing her down with him. Before they had time to think about what they were doing, they were kissing passionately. Their legs intertwined as their tongues fought for dominance and Beck rested his hands on her waist keeping her pressed close against him. They were making out for 10 minutes, hardly stopping to come up for breath as it had been so long and it just felt so good. They kissed and kissed until they had to break apart. Jade was practically lying on top of him at this point and they panted as they looked each other in the eyes.
'God, I love you' Beck gasped pulling Jades face to his breathing in her scent.
'I love you too' Jade promised and they kissed again, needing and divulging in every second of it.
They pulled up outside Beck's house around 6pm and as soon as Jade parked, she felt Beck's arms around her waist and his soft hair tickled her face as he kissed her neck. Beck lifted his head and their lips met once again in a warm, consuming kiss.
'You were so brave today' Jade said as they broke apart.
Beck shook his head softly 'I wasn't but thanks.'
'I love you, call me if you need someone to talk to ok?' Jade made him promise.
'I love you more' Beck smiled back at her as he climbed out of the car. Jade watched as he walked back towards his house which was still being occupied by his family and kicked a ball back to the younger kids who were playing in the yard. She smiled knowing he would be alright and feeling way better about leaving him there than she did last night. Finally she started her car and began the 15 minute drive back to her house.
Jade parked her car in the drive and walked towards the front door of her house; that was when she suddenly stopped. She realised that the lights were on in the hall and her heart flipped. Unlocking the door, Jade stepped cautiously into the perfectly decorated hallway, her footsteps echoing on the marble floor.
'Jade?' a voice called out.
'Mum?' Jade called back relieved. Her Mum appeared in the hallway from the kitchen and Jade instantly ran over to her, uncharacteristically falling straight into her arms.
'Woah Jade.. What's got into you? Did you miss me?' Jade Mum said in shock. Her daughter hadn't shown any real signs of affection towards her in years so in disbelief she held her tightly and stroked the jet black hair away from the teenagers face slightly concerned. Jade just nodded and continued to hug her Mum close, not wanting to let go. After a couple of minutes her Dad appeared in the hall, probably wondering what all the commotion was about. His stoic face only faltered slightly at the sight of his teenage daughter and wife holding each other as if they'd been reunited after a long, long separation. But in that moment Jade didn't care that her Father was unemotional and cold. She didn't even care that her parents were strict, and argued, and never took interest in her school or her music or writing. She was just happy to have them.
All reviewers get a reply :D
I'd love to reach 100 reviews on this story it would be so cool! Anyways I have other ideas for chapters but i'm not sure exactly how to get bade officially back together, any advice? :) What would you like to see happen next? xx
