AN – Well, this chapter took some major hits. I revised the hell out of it, and that's why it took me so long to update. It's a bit longer than usual, bear with it. Hope it was worth the wait.
Just to remind you, Byakuya received his punishment in the last chapter for his illicit dream walking. Renji visited Byakuya's dream only to learn that his master had some unexpected desires and needs.
Renji was seriously considering spending the rest of his life in his room in the Kuchiki household. He was also more than willing never to lay eyes on the master of the household. It was the first time in his life that he felt as a coward. This time there was no bandits to fight, no angry mob to fend off. It was only a man with certain feelings and … desires. He was not ready to cope with those. The words still lingered in his head, adamant and persistent. As much as he tried to convince himself that sometimes our subconscious plays nasty games, he could not stop thinking about what Byakuya said he wanted. What's more, the redhead could not stop the way those words nibbled at his own growing desire to do just what the dream walker had asked for.
The man himself, the Second of the Yumearuku order, the esteemed head of the Kuchiki household, was sitting on his futon, equally unprepared to meet the day and all the day entailed. He knew that Renji was in that dream. He felt the redhead's invading presence in his head as his dream was taking shape. He could have controlled it. He could have stifled back those words and make the dream bland an uninteresting. Yet for some reason he decided to let it all out. And it felt so fucking good. The Second was unable to remember when was the last time he had such a liberating experience. However, taking liberties always had a price. He let his body fall back onto the futon. There was no way he could evade Renji. As much as his pride and his mind wanted to do just that, he fostered a strange, almost perverse desire to see the redhead. He wanted to see the knowledge of his own desires behind those burning eyes.
Renji managed to force himself into his 'working' clothes. He subdued his hair in the usual way, and he was almost ready to face the music. The knock on his door flooded him with dread. Byakuya would not do such a thing as visit him after what had happened? Would he? Another, more nervous knock ensued, asking to be acknowledged. Renji froze, unable to utter a single word.
"Abarai, are you still asleep?" the voice behind the door questioned. Tentatively. I guess Renji had more than a few misconceptions about his master.
"I'm awake," he answered, feeling some strange compulsion to see what will happen once Byakuya was in front of him. "Come in."
Byakuya closed the door. He decided to pay Renji a visit, because waiting for the redhead to appear would tear his nerves into shreds. He did not want to go through the agony of anticipation every time he heard footsteps in the hallways of the household.
"I guess we should talk," Renji offered. Byakuya did not reply. He walked over to the window to let the mild sunlight in the room. He felt an urge to jump through the window and run away. He sighed and turned to Renji, still frozen in the middle of the room.
"Listen, Abarai, I do not know what you think happened in here," Byakuya said, tapping his forehead lightly, "but I assure you that my thoughts and subconscious desires are not something I am prepared to discuss with you."
That was all it took to melt Renji's apprehension. It was all it took to piss him off. The Second had a talent. The way he spoke, the way he held his chin high, the way his posture was always upright and rigid, the way his eyes were dulled by feigned boredom... it all pissed the hell out of Renji. There was a hint of innate dishonesty in everything Byakuya did and said, making it impossible to pinpoint what the man really felt. That's way the redhead reacted the way he did after hearing another knock.
"What the fuck is this? A train station?"
Yumichika appeared on the doorstep, and for the first time both Renji and Byakuya were glad to see the man.
"The First wants to see both of you," the servant said. "How fortunate you are both here so early in the morning."
Byakuya decided to ignore the last remark. Yumichika was no idiot. As irritating and self-absorbed he was, he had an amazing feeling for things that took place around him.
"What about?" Renji asked. Yumichika smiled at him. Maybe he wouldn't despise the newcomer so avidly if Byakuya was not fascinated by him. Everyone knew just how much Yumichika hated the Second.
"That is none of my business, Abarai-san. I was given an order, and I obeyed it. As simple as that."
He did not mind playing the ignorant servant. It pleased him that everyone thought he was a decoration Kenpachi kept around for the fun of it. They all simply hated him, and nobody took the time to wonder why Yumichika decided to remain a mere servant for so many years.
"We will be there shortly," Byakuya said. Yumichika bowed and left.
The dream walker closed the distance between himself and Renji in an attempt to make a point. He was not aware just how near the edge Renji was when he did so. The dream world spilt into reality, and for a moment, Renji had forgotten where his place was. He grabbed Byakuya and practically carried him across the room, slamming him against the wall.
"You know what you are, Kuchiki-sama?" he hissed at his captive.
Byakuya offered him a mirthless smile before he spoke, making Renji's determination waver.
"If you don't let me go, I will show you just what I am."
Byakuya's cold stare reminded Renji who was the master. He released him and squeezed an apology through his teeth. Byakuya straightened his clothes. Everything was a mess, and he was the one responsible for it.
"You have two more of those pills."
"Yeah. So?"
Byakuya slid the door open and said, as he was walking out:
"Whatever you see, whatever you think you see do not forget it is all a dream. And you know what dreams are, Abarai, don't you?"
"No, but I'm sure you'll tell me," Renji replied, some residual irritation showing in his words, in his clenched fists.
Renji followed Byakuya down the hallway. He did not enjoy talking to Byakuya's back. But he knew that his back betrayed almost as much emotions as his eyes did.
"Dreams are only echoes of things desired, of things that might be. Only a dream walker can tell the difference between an echo of a desire and desire itself."
Renji laughed.
"You really think I can wrap my mind around that philosophical bullshit?"
"Please, stop playing stupid around me. It insults me."
Yumichika made his way down the hallway, into Kenpachi's bedroom. He did not bow down, nor did he acknowledge the First's superiority in any way as he approached his master.
"Zaraki-sama, I found the two in Abarai Renji's room," he said. Kenpachi lifted a quizzical eyebrow, not giving a second thought to Yumichika's words. His servant held the dark robe high in the air. Kenpachi still had to bend his knees in order to put it on. He lifted his hands slightly as Yumichika tied the robe around his waist. There was something on Yumichika's mind, and Kenpachi knew he had to ask if he wanted to know.
"What is it, Ayasegawa-san?"
Yumichika fumbled around the fabric of Kenpachi's clothes, aggravated by the ugliness of the knot he tied.
"Yumichika?"
"It's weird," Yumichika said, taking a few steps back.
"What? Abarai and Kuchiki?"
"Yes. I mean, what was Byakuya doing there so early in the morning?" Yumichika asked, trying to mask the jealousy in his voice. Kenpachi sighed.
"I told you what happened. Renji visited Byakuya's dreams last night. They were probably talking about that."
They were walking down the hallway. Yumichika could not let the matter go.
"There's more in it than dream walking."
Kenpachi chose not to respond until they were both seated in his office. He motioned to Yumichika to sit closer.
"When two people go through that experience it changes their relationship. It is a very intimate and invasive act. That's why it is forbidden between people who know each other."
"And yet you allowed Renji..."
"You of all people should be glad about me teaching Byakuya a lesson." Yumichika smirked at his master's remark, knowing too well how glad he was. Still, there was something about Renji and Byakuya that made him doubt Kenpachi's insight.
"Would you do me a favour, Zaraki-sama?" Yumichika asked.
"Of course."
"Check Byakuya's dreams. I have a hunch you'll find something unexpected there."
"You want me to dream-walk just because you have a hunch?" Kenpachi's question carried undertones of warning and reprimand. Yumichika had to try hard to disregard those warnings before he answered:
"Please."
Kenpachi sighed. He always had a hard time saying no to his main servant.
"Have a seat," Kenpachi offered after Yumichika showed the two men in.
"I have invited you to inform you of my decision."
Byakuya and Renji shared a look before they concentrated on the First once again. The look conveyed a shared fear of Kenpachi knowing what was really going on between them. Byakuya had to try hard to maintain his composure. Renji simply did not care. He was still pissed off, and all the surrounding emotions faded away almost instantly.
"Renji, I'm giving you a choice. You can either leave the monastery or join us forever."
Byakuya reacted before Renji processed the information.
"What? Zaraki-sama that is highly unorthodox. I do not think..."
"I do not remember asking for your opinion, Kuchiki-san. I think you do understand why I haven't included you in this decision." The remark was enough to remind Byakuya just how colossally he had screwed up. The decision to offer someone a post as a trainee after so little time would normally be reached by him and Kenpachi together. He was excluded because of his own impudence.
"So you're offering me to join the order?"
"Yes. This means that you will have to commit to us for the remainder of your life. The moment you decide to join, you will be given a drug without which you cannot live longer than a year."
Renji looked at Kenpachi in bewilderment.
"I suppose Kuchiki-san did not tell you this. The drug is designed to prolong life span. Unfortunately the side-effect is severe addiction."
"I see."
"Your decision, Abarai-san?"
"What? Now?"
"Yes. Now."
Byakuya was staring into the floor unable to understand why Kenpachi did not simply kick Renji out. It would have been simpler. Less paperwork. Less questions.
"Kenpachi-sama, if I may say something?" Byakuya interjected.
"Yes, go ahead."
"Normally, it takes years to deserve a right to even apply for training. I do not understand the reasoning behind your decision."
Kenpachi stood up and started pacing around the room, pretending not to notice the way Renji's eyes ran to his master's side every so often.
"Do you remember what you did, Kuchiki-san?" Byakuya nodded.
"Well, this decision is a result of that. To be more precise, it is a result of the punishment you received." Kenpachi turned to the redhead. He hoped that Renji would opt out of the service. it would make things easier.
"Well, Abarai-san?"
Renji wanted to stay, he wanted to experience the amazing feeling of drifting out of himself and into someone else. Into Byakuya. He wanted to feel Byakuya's thoughts so badly. He wanted for the night to come so he can see the uninhibited Kuchiki Byakuya, so he can feel him inside his brain. Echoes or not, he wanted it. He needed it. It was hard for him to think about what the offer entailed. His mind was completely immersed into the world in which his beautiful master was unleashed and free from his invisible constraints. Renji smiled. Maybe if he signed up for life, he might even get a glimpse of Byakuya losing himself in reality.
"Yeah, ok," he said.
"Abarai, think about it a little," Byakuya said, in a pleading voice, making Kenpachi realize why Yumichika had a hunch about those two.
"I don't have any plans," Renji said jovially, "might as well sign up."
It was a brisk day. The summer was not yet gone, but the nipping coldness of the morning announced that soon autumn will come, and nature will prepare for its winter rest. Renji finished with the move, and he stared distantly into his old room, almost nostalgically. The non-clergy and the deacons were rustling about the monastery, making preparations for the annual festival which was to take place in a week. The large yard connecting all the households had to be cleaned and decorated.
The air of joviality spreading through the entire monastery did not brush off on Renji. He was still upset and confused. He fought hard against his desire to visit Byakuya's dreams again. It took all the resolution he could muster not to take the pill again. It was an easy way to get what he wanted, and he decided against it.
All he needed now was an excuse to visit Byakuya, and he found it. Now he needed to find an equally forceful amount of courage to knock on the Second's door. He swallowed and he finally knocked.
"Come in," he heard the familiar voice. The sound of it was different now, changed by the silence of the dream they shared.
Renji stepped into Byakuya's bedroom, and he closed the door behind him. The sight did surprise him somewhat; after all, reality was more intense than any dream. His dark hair flowed free across his face, framing it. Renji had to remind himself to breathe.
"Yes?"
"I felt obliged to say goodbye to you, Kuchiki-sama. I'm leaving the household today."
"Well, goodbye," Byakuya said, not even looking at the redhead. Renji would have attributed it to Byakuya's strong dislike of him, but now he was inclined to doubt his old convictions. He stood at the door, without moving, hoping his unrelenting presence will force Byakuya to speak.
"Are you sure, Abarai? You can still change your mind." Byakuya said after fumbling around his hair, placing it into the kenshikan.
"Why wouldn't I be sure?"
"Kurotsuchi-san will extend your life span, and you will have to spend that life span within the boundaries of this monastery, in strict celibacy, and sometimes, undaunting loneliness."
Renji could have swore he heard pain deep within those words. It sounded as if Byakuya was sentencing him to priesthood, not offering information.
"I know."
Byakuya finally looked at Renji. How could a man like him make a decision which entailed subduing his violent and forceful nature, his intense feelings, his body, which seemed to be made for sin?
"You think you can handle that? The isolation, the celibacy? Forever, and longer."
Renji wanted to speak his mind, but saying I want to see you lose control seemed a bit too much, especially if you take into account that this was by far the longest conversation the two men had, and that for the first time, there was an air of equality between them.
"Yes. I'm quite resilient," Renji answered with a smirk.
Byakuya sighed and added a perfunctory Good luck which was meant to signify the end of their conversation and their relationship.
"Kuchiki-sama?" Apparently Renji did not agree, as he extended his arm, and made a few steps toward his former master. He wanted to give him something. Byakuya opened his palm, and two red pills dropped out of Renji's fist. Byakuya stared incredulously at them for a few moments. He closed his palm to feel their shape, as to assure they were really there.
"What is this?" he blurted. "What is the meaning of this?"
"I don't want to do that again," Renji explained. "It feels wrong, doing it to someone who does not want it, to someone you know."
"Really?" Byakuya clenched both of his fists.
"I suppose you're saying you're better than me. You did it once, and decided to stop. And I, I did it three times, would have probably done it again if I was not caught." Byakuya bit his lip, hating himself for letting his tongue move faster than his brain.
"I don't think I'm better than you. Hardly. I don't particularly like what you did, but I don't mind it either. I guess, in a way, I am flattered that you showed an interest in me, whatever the true nature of it may be."
Byakuya just stared at Renji, unable to say anything in response to Renji's sudden bout of honesty.
The redhead scratched his had distantly, smiling mildly.
"The thing is, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't tend to stifle my emotions, and if I happen to try, I am bound to fail. If you ask any of my friends they'll all say I'm pretty much an open book."
His friends. And what was Byakuya to him? A master? Not anymore. A friend? They have never shared an intimate moment. They have never spent meaningless hours together. Byakuya realized at that point, that he had no friends at all.
"And you...Well, you value your privacy. Many consider you to be a cold, apathetic man with no feelings. I know you have feelings. Everybody does. You just don't like them advertised. I guess that's why it seems so wrong to me, to enter your dreams."
Byakuya did not like it. Being dissected by his former servant, being told what he was like, what others thought of him. He laughed.
"So you think you know me? You really are an insolent little bastard," remembering Renji's last dream.
Why was he doing it? There was Renji, being selfless and understanding, and he just could not suppress his need to pour vile, ungrateful words out of his mouth. Renji said nothing. He just looked at Byakuya, insulted. He really wears it on his sleeve, Byakuya thought.
"I guess now I owe you one," he opened his palm and inspected its content. "Make that two."
That was where Renji snapped.
"Know what? Screw you, man. I mean, when did I ever ask anything from you? Tell me? I did not ask for those red pills! I did not ask for an apology! I did however expect to be treated with a little decency, having in mind that I am, after all, a human being."
Byakuya knew it that was the first time he was privy to real Renji. To the one his friends saw. The redhead's true nature was magnificent, and it suited his ferocious physical appearance. He had to struggle against the urge to touch Renji, to feel his heat and his life force.
Renji was about to leave, when the sound of Byakuya's voice froze every single muscle in his body.
"Renji, I apologize. I guess sometimes even I have difficulty controlling my temper." He chuckled, strangely amused by his own words. "Years of reticence only stifle a bad temper, I guess."
He was afraid to turn around. He was afraid of the warmth in Byakuya's eyes, of his mellowed features. He was afraid of his own name on those lips.
"Renji?"
He turned around, with a mild smile on his face.
"I'll accept your apology, if you accept mine. I really was insolent."
Byakuya played with his hair, twisting it around his finger. A pointless motion, something he rarely resorted to. That was the first time Renji noticed more than a hint of humanity in Byakuya.
"I deserved it," Byakuya admitted. He then walked over to Renji and offered him a hand.
"Good luck with your training. I am certain you will succeed."
"Thank you, Kuchiki-sama."
It was time for Renji to take his leave, but Byakuya was still holding his hand in a tight grip. Not letting him go. He wanted to pull the redhead to him, he wanted to kiss him again, he wanted...well, Byakuya wanted so many things all of a sudden. It was too much to bear for a man who never wanted anything except to become a priest. Renji's heart started pounding as if he was able to sense what Byakuya wanted. They stood like that for a while, and both of them seemed to deliberate whether they should or shouldn't. The latter prevailed. Byakuya loosened his strong grip, and Renji's hand fell lifelessly by his side. When he realized, disappointed, that the moment of forbidden opportunity was dead and gone, he turned around and left to take his post as a trainee.
Byakuya was lying on top of his futon, and on top of him lied a redhead, whose tongue traced the soft skin stretched over the dream walker's collar bone. His soft moan was accompanied by a feint jingle, and a soundless chuckle. Kenpachi Zaraki sat on the floor next to the futon, and he stared unyieldingly at the two men, a few steps away from intercourse. The redhead did not stop, his tongue traveled further down, nipping Byakuya's hard nipple. Byakuya moaned again, knowing that the First did not allow for his dream to dissipate.
"Please stop," Byakuya begged, looking at Zaraki. It no longer felt like Renji's fingers were caressing him, because the strongest of the dream walkers took possession of Byakuya's dream.
"Are you sure you want me to stop him?" Kenpachi asked, his face grim, anger lingering in his dark eyes. His Second was really out of it, allowing this kind of indulgence.
"Yes! Make him go away!" Byakuya yelled, as he felt Renji's fingers work around the clothes covering his groin. In a second, Renji evaporated, and Byakuya found himself fully dressed, sitting across Kenpachi Zaraki in a room devoid of pretty much everything. The only man who was allowed to walk the dreams of the priests was sitting peacefully, his eyes closed. Byakuya felt fear run up and down his spine, and he did not know was he truly afraid, or was Kenpachi playing with his mind. He did not like it.
"I could make him go away forever, you know," Kenpachi finally spoke, his voice echoing inside of Byakuya's head.
"Please, don't." pleading and being submissive was pretty much all he could think of in this situation, and he was glad that Zaraki allowed him free reigns over his own words and thoughts. The First could do it, though. He could completely alter Byakuya's mind, he could make him feel romantically interested in a fern, if he wanted to. Thankfully, Zaraki expressed no desire to tamper with Byakuya's mind.
"Is that what you want, Byakuya? I mean, are you really ready to abandon your life because of that?" Every time the First used the pronoun, Byakuya's mind was assailed by lascivious images of Renji. That – Renji on the futon naked, his back arched, body glistening with sweat. That – Renji's red hair spread across his thighs, his head moving up and down. He had to take a few minutes to regain his composure, and to remember what he was asked.
"What I want, and what I do are two different things, Kenpachi-sama."
"Mhm. Really? Because if I am not mistaken you have kissed him, and that alone is enough to charge and excommunicate you."
"I did not kiss him. He kissed me," Byakuya defended himself, feeling pathetic in the process. But he could not help it, the man sitting opposite him was capable of committing atrocities in the name of faith. Sure, he never chose to do so, but this was a new occurrence.
"Don't bullshit me, Byakuya. He might have been the instigator, but you wanted it, you enjoyed it. And you want to do it again. Not only that. You want that boy to do all sorts of unsavoury things to you, and you want to reciprocate, don't you?"
By now, he was desperate. There was no way he could lie and make it stick.
"What I want, and what I do are two different things," he reiterated.
"Byakuya, you know we have held people accountable for less than what you have done. And even if that was not true, you are still a Yumearuku high priest, and as such you are held to a higher standard than some ordinary farmer-boy."
"I know," Byakuya conceded, his chin touching his chest. There was no point, was there? Whatever he said, the truth was there, and it was obvious. He wanted the redhead, badly. Denying it had no purpose.
Kenpachi sighed. He did not plan for things to take this course. The illicit dream walking was to be the end of the affair. Byakuya would feel humbled by his own lack of self-control, and his omnipresent pride would subside, and that would be it. He had hardly expected that the redhead would stir up this kind of feelings and desires. He thought there was nothing more than Yumichika's feelings for Byakuya behind his request. Kenpachi was disappointed to learn that his servant's hunch had been correct. I guess he was mistaken. His Second was not as cold and composed, as dispassionate as he had believed all these years.
Having been brought to a two way road, he did not like either path. He could take the one which would lead to Byakuya's excommunication and imminent death. That same path would lead to losing the only suitable successor. Kenpachi still strongly believed that Byakuya was made for the job, regardless of his transgressions.
And then, there was the other road.
"I'm reassigning him after the festival," Kenpachi finally spoke, having decided to take the second path. After all, he was the one who brought about all this trouble upon himself and upon Byakuya. The unforeseen development was unfortunate, but being the man that he is, Kenpachi decided to, yet again, take a risk for the sake of his Second.
"Reassigning him..." Having realized what Kenpachi's words implied, he suddenly went dumb. The last time there was a reassignment it was just after the First decided to name Byakuya as his Second. Aizen Sousuke was then sent to the West Fenore monastery , where he took the post of the Second, and where he was to act as Kenpachi's counterpart, still under his command.
No more Renji. It was strange how painful the thought of his absence was. They had minimal contact lately, and that was likely to be reduced to no contact at all. Still, the fact that the redhead was there, within the confines of the monastery, was soothing. It might seem as nothing, but the proximity, and the fact that they shared the same prison, still offered solace, and as false as it was, it offered hope.
"You have three days, Byakuya. Three days."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm giving you three days to do whatever it is that you want to do with that boy. After three days, you send Abarai Renji on his merry way to continue his training at the West Fenore monastery, and you come back here. I also want you to promise me that you will purge him from your dreams, as we both know you are perfectly capable."
"You' are actually going to allow me to leave the monastery? How are you going to explain that?"
"I do not explain things if I do not want to, Kuchiki Byakuya."
Byakuya woke up confused. He was given three days of solitude with Renji. He would have considered it a good thing if he actually had his feelings in order, and if he was sure that his dreams were something he was prepared to experience in reality.
