Chapter 9.
AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! You'd never guess! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! Of course not, it's not like you control the story or anything! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX! No they don't.
I was so mad news flash! Of course you're mad! and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.
Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie yeah I could have worked that out myself!) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. Well how was it obvious? It was… Voldemort!
"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.
"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. As a tabby cat clawed his face off! I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.
"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" must thou? I think we've suddenly fallen into a time warp and gone back to the Shakespearean era, don't touch anything it could completely disrupt the space time continuum!
I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes I know he is sooo gorge! and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?
"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.
Voldemort gave me a gun. A gun? What the hell? This is Harry Potter, not the Matrix! "No! Please!" I begged.
"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" I think I've worked out how to get us back to modern times, we need exactly thirty seconds of utter bullshit! So just keep reading. It is of paramount importance that you carry on reading. I know… but there's no other way, I'm sorry.
"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.
Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded Well I'm glad someone finally pointed it out! look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." That's moving things with your mind, how does that explain how he managed to know about Draco? he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.
I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.
"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"
Aaand we're back, oh great we're still stuck with her. Look I'll try and get us out but even I can't work miracles.
"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. What a surprise! He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit No.) So he's dressed now is he? between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"No." he answered.
"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.
"That's okay." he said all depressed Are any of these people ever happy? Seriously crack open the Prozac! and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.
