Mmm sorry for late update! I even say in the description that I won't be updating this story as much sooooooo I apologize but dats da way it is (; Enjoy!
11/24/11
Script ep: 9
Warriors Parody
Into The Wild
(After Intro)
Scene 1
Narrator: Everyone seems to be asleep on the ground.
Bluestar: Hrm…wha-? *Says sleepily, blinking her eyes open.*
Firepaw: Are we back? *Yawns as he stretches out.*
Tigerclaw: God, it's been fucking forever! *Cracks his back.*
Narrator: Yes, it is time for a new episode.
Bluestar: Fan-fucking-tastic. What were we doing? It's been like 8 months so excuse me if I don't remember.
Narrator: It doesn't matter. I doubt we have any fans left after such a long time.
Bluestar: Does that mean I can go back to my old job of prostitution?
Narrator: If you must.
Bluestar: Excellent.
Firepaw: Hey, look guys! I found a cave!
Graypaw: Cool bro! I just found twenty dollars!
Firepaw: Nobody cares, Graypaw.
Graypaw: Why are you such a dick?
Firepaw: Why are you so ugly?
Graypaw: Way to answer a question with a question.
Firepaw: I don't give a fuck.
Bluestar: Me haz good idea.
Firepaw: I don't give a fuck.x2
Bluestar: You will once you hear my idea.
Firepaw: What is it?
Bluestar: Let's go inside.
Firepaw: Brilliant, Holmes!
Bluestar: My name is Bluestar, dumbass.
Firepaw: M'kay.
End Scene 1
Scene 2
Narrator: Bluestar, Firepaw, and Graypaw enter the cave. Tigerclaw remains outside and Ravenpaw is still asleep.
Ravenpaw: No, I'm not! You just won't include me in anything!
Narrator: Actually, he won't. *Points to Writer.*
Writer: *Waves*
Ravenpaw: Let me go in the cave!
Writer: No. Go to sleep kid.
Ravenpaw: *Goes to sleep.*
Writer: MY WORD IS LAW, BITCHES!
Firepaw: Cool man.
Graypaw: Tigerclaw, how come you're not going?
Tigerclaw: Cause I don't wanna spend another second with you faggots.
Graypaw: So you're a pussy?
Tigerclaw: Yes I am but what does that have to do with anything?
Graypaw: Oh…never mind.
Tigerclaw: Dumbass.
Narrator: They walk into the cave. They zig-zag down the maze-like tunnels until they discover a light at the end of the mountain corridor.
Bluestar: Hey, look guys, light.
Firepaw: I just jizzed with excitement. *Sarcasm*
Bluestar: Fuck off.
Firepaw: All day. Erry day.
Narrator: They approach the light source.
Bluestar: Is that…?
Graypaw: No…way…
Firepaw: *Bursts out laughing and dives to the floor shaking with laughter.*
Bluestar: WHY IS THE MOONSTONE IN THE SHAPE OF A PENIS?
Narrator: It is rather peculiar…
Graypaw: Starclan has a sick, sick mind.
Firepaw: *Laughing* Are you kidding! That's hilarious! Bluestar has to put her nose to that thing!
Bluestar: Oh my God…
Firepaw: Haha! Hey, Bluestar! Is that thing good enough! Or are you used to bigger?
Narrator: Didn't you have to come here when you became a leader…?
Bluestar: Yeah but I don't remember it being a penis…then again I was drunk out of my mind so it could've been and I had just forgotten.
Firepaw: Well aren't you gonna do it Bluestar? *Winks at her.*
Bluestar: *She smiles back.* Why yes I am! And you're gonna come with me!
Firepaw: Whaaaa? Am I even allowed to?
Bluestar: Of course you are! And if I say you are then you absolutely will go with me. *Winks back at him.*
Firepaw: But I don't want to go!
Bluestar: I don't care what you want or don't want. You are gonna take your nose and press it against that fat cock weather you like it or not!
Firepaw: *Whimpers* Fine.
Bluestar: Hey don't sweat it. When you get to be my age you'll be used to having dicks in your face.
Firepaw: That's disgusting…
Bluestar: You know you like it, fag.
Firepaw: I find that term offensive.
Bluestar: I find your face offensive. Now put your nose against that penis!
Firepaw: M'kay. *Touches his nose to the Moonstone.*
End Scene 2
Scene 3
Narrator: Firepaw opens his eyes to see he is in a field of green and the sky ablaze with soft light.
Firepaw: Woah, Narrator, you're here to?
Narrator: You know me. I couldn't resist putting my face against a dick.
Firepaw: You are disgusting.
Narrator: Bitch, I was born this way.
*Just then Bluestar appears from nowhere.*
Bluestar: Alright let's get this over with.
Narrator: Starclan cats begin to appear.
Dream Cat: Yo what up, niggas?
Firepaw: …Hey aren't you that cat that was in my dream a coupl- *Is silenced when the Starclan cats puts a paw to his lips.*
Dream Cat: Shhhh, let's not talk about the past.
Firepaw: *Speaks behind the paw in a muffled voice.* M'Kay…
Bluestar: What's a nigga?
Firepaw: I think it's whatever that cat is saying. *Points to the Nyan Cat.*
Bluestar: Nah, I'm pretty sure It's saying just "nyah" and "meow". Nyah is meow in Japanese I believe.
Firepaw: Nah, I'm pretty sure he's saying meow and nigga. What a racist cat!
Bluestar: I thought you said you don't know what nigga meant?
Firepaw: I don't…
Bluestar: But I thought you just said-
Narrator: the stupidity of you two is enough to drive me to drink.
Bluestar: Well that sucks…
*Awkward Silence.*
Dream Cat: Now then, why are you here?
Bluestar: Oh, great Starclan cat, I hear that my clan is in trouble from a neighboring clan. Shadowclan seems to threaten us because we took in a cat that ran away from their clan.
Dream Cat: Oh yes, they are. In fact they are attacking right now.
Bluestar: …WHAT?
Dream Cat: Yeah, come have a look. *Waves them over to a T.V.*
Narrator: Everyone walks over and looks up at the tv screen as it shows footage of Thunderclan being attacked by Shadowclan.
Bluestar: Wait…I remember this…this was from years ago…
Dream Cat: Ooooh, my bad. This is footage I was watching earlier. Hold on I'll change it.
Firepaw: *Whistles* Dayum, you were good looking Bluestar. What happened?
Bluestar: Shut up you fucking imbecile.
Firepaw: Does having a star at the end of your name automatically make you hideous or something?
Bluestar: *Slaps*
Firepaw: :'(
Bluestar: Don't be rude.
Firepaw: M'kay.
End Scene 3
Scene 4
Dream Cat: Ah, yes. Here's the present footage.
Narrator: The screen flickers to the present time as Shadowclan has just begun an attack on Thunderclan.
Bluestar: OMG…there are two of them attacking Whitestripe.
Firepaw: Damn we're getting our ass kicked.
Narrator: It was true. Almost all the males had been put down unconscious or dead while the women of Thunderclan were being raped in the middle of the camp.
Firepaw: SHIT! THEY'RE DPING SPOTTEDLEAF! WE HAVE TO GET BACK TO CAMP!
Bluestar: Why is she smiling…?
Firepaw: What? She's not smiling!
Bluestar: Yeah she is. Look at the grin on her face.
Firepaw: That's a grimace!
Bluestar: Then how come she's beckoning another guy to come join them?
Firepaw: She's not! She's clawing at the ground to get away!
Dream Cat: I can put the audio on so we can tell for sure.
Firepaw: No! Don't!
Dream Cat: *Does it anyway.*
Spottedleaf: -MY GOD DON'T YOU FUCKING STOP FOR ONE SECOND! FUCK ME LIKE THE WHORE I AM! MAKE ME YOUR PROPERTY! RAM ME UNTIL I GO BLIND AND DEAF!
Bluestar: Jesus Christ what a fucking whore.
Firepaw: THESE ARE ALL LIES!
Narrator: Am I the only one amused by all this?
Bluestar: Sir, *addressing Dream Cat* we need to get back to my clan.
Dream Cat: You're going?
Bluestar: Yes, our clan needs us.
Firepaw: I need to save Spottedleaf!
Bluestar: I don't think you need to worry about her at all, Firepaw. She seems to be getting along just fine.
Firepaw: Bitch.
Dream Cat: Go? I'm afraid that's impossible.
Bluestar: No, it actually isn't.
Narrator: *Chuckles*
*Dream cats have steadily closed in on the Thunderclan cats.*
Firepaw: Ummm Bluestar…
Bluestar: I see them. Why won't you let us go?
Dream Cat: It's been a long time since there has been living cats foolish enough to venture into Starclan; we crave something new to try.
Bluestar: What do you mean?
Dream Cat: *Grins* Sex.
Bluestar: Oh dear God.
Firepaw: *Facepalm* You've gotta be fucking kidding me.
Narrator: I am no longer amused. You won't like me when I'm unamused.
Dream Cat: On the contrary. This will make what we do now a lot more fun. *Grins wickedly and closes in on the Thunderclan cats with the other Dream cats.*
Firepaw: Damn, if this is Starclan I can only imagine what the Dark Forest is like…
End Scene 4
End Episode 9
