Mmm sorry for late update! I even say in the description that I won't be updating this story as much sooooooo I apologize but dats da way it is (; Enjoy!

11/24/11

Script ep: 9

Warriors Parody

Into The Wild

(After Intro)

Scene 1

Narrator: Everyone seems to be asleep on the ground.

Bluestar: Hrm…wha-? *Says sleepily, blinking her eyes open.*

Firepaw: Are we back? *Yawns as he stretches out.*

Tigerclaw: God, it's been fucking forever! *Cracks his back.*

Narrator: Yes, it is time for a new episode.

Bluestar: Fan-fucking-tastic. What were we doing? It's been like 8 months so excuse me if I don't remember.

Narrator: It doesn't matter. I doubt we have any fans left after such a long time.

Bluestar: Does that mean I can go back to my old job of prostitution?

Narrator: If you must.

Bluestar: Excellent.

Firepaw: Hey, look guys! I found a cave!

Graypaw: Cool bro! I just found twenty dollars!

Firepaw: Nobody cares, Graypaw.

Graypaw: Why are you such a dick?

Firepaw: Why are you so ugly?

Graypaw: Way to answer a question with a question.

Firepaw: I don't give a fuck.

Bluestar: Me haz good idea.

Firepaw: I don't give a fuck.x2

Bluestar: You will once you hear my idea.

Firepaw: What is it?

Bluestar: Let's go inside.

Firepaw: Brilliant, Holmes!

Bluestar: My name is Bluestar, dumbass.

Firepaw: M'kay.

End Scene 1

Scene 2

Narrator: Bluestar, Firepaw, and Graypaw enter the cave. Tigerclaw remains outside and Ravenpaw is still asleep.

Ravenpaw: No, I'm not! You just won't include me in anything!

Narrator: Actually, he won't. *Points to Writer.*

Writer: *Waves*

Ravenpaw: Let me go in the cave!

Writer: No. Go to sleep kid.

Ravenpaw: *Goes to sleep.*

Writer: MY WORD IS LAW, BITCHES!

Firepaw: Cool man.

Graypaw: Tigerclaw, how come you're not going?

Tigerclaw: Cause I don't wanna spend another second with you faggots.

Graypaw: So you're a pussy?

Tigerclaw: Yes I am but what does that have to do with anything?

Graypaw: Oh…never mind.

Tigerclaw: Dumbass.

Narrator: They walk into the cave. They zig-zag down the maze-like tunnels until they discover a light at the end of the mountain corridor.

Bluestar: Hey, look guys, light.

Firepaw: I just jizzed with excitement. *Sarcasm*

Bluestar: Fuck off.

Firepaw: All day. Erry day.

Narrator: They approach the light source.

Bluestar: Is that…?

Graypaw: No…way…

Firepaw: *Bursts out laughing and dives to the floor shaking with laughter.*

Bluestar: WHY IS THE MOONSTONE IN THE SHAPE OF A PENIS?

Narrator: It is rather peculiar…

Graypaw: Starclan has a sick, sick mind.

Firepaw: *Laughing* Are you kidding! That's hilarious! Bluestar has to put her nose to that thing!

Bluestar: Oh my God…

Firepaw: Haha! Hey, Bluestar! Is that thing good enough! Or are you used to bigger?

Narrator: Didn't you have to come here when you became a leader…?

Bluestar: Yeah but I don't remember it being a penis…then again I was drunk out of my mind so it could've been and I had just forgotten.

Firepaw: Well aren't you gonna do it Bluestar? *Winks at her.*

Bluestar: *She smiles back.* Why yes I am! And you're gonna come with me!

Firepaw: Whaaaa? Am I even allowed to?

Bluestar: Of course you are! And if I say you are then you absolutely will go with me. *Winks back at him.*

Firepaw: But I don't want to go!

Bluestar: I don't care what you want or don't want. You are gonna take your nose and press it against that fat cock weather you like it or not!

Firepaw: *Whimpers* Fine.

Bluestar: Hey don't sweat it. When you get to be my age you'll be used to having dicks in your face.

Firepaw: That's disgusting…

Bluestar: You know you like it, fag.

Firepaw: I find that term offensive.

Bluestar: I find your face offensive. Now put your nose against that penis!

Firepaw: M'kay. *Touches his nose to the Moonstone.*

End Scene 2

Scene 3

Narrator: Firepaw opens his eyes to see he is in a field of green and the sky ablaze with soft light.

Firepaw: Woah, Narrator, you're here to?

Narrator: You know me. I couldn't resist putting my face against a dick.

Firepaw: You are disgusting.

Narrator: Bitch, I was born this way.

*Just then Bluestar appears from nowhere.*

Bluestar: Alright let's get this over with.

Narrator: Starclan cats begin to appear.

Dream Cat: Yo what up, niggas?

Firepaw: …Hey aren't you that cat that was in my dream a coupl- *Is silenced when the Starclan cats puts a paw to his lips.*

Dream Cat: Shhhh, let's not talk about the past.

Firepaw: *Speaks behind the paw in a muffled voice.* M'Kay…

Bluestar: What's a nigga?

Firepaw: I think it's whatever that cat is saying. *Points to the Nyan Cat.*

Bluestar: Nah, I'm pretty sure It's saying just "nyah" and "meow". Nyah is meow in Japanese I believe.

Firepaw: Nah, I'm pretty sure he's saying meow and nigga. What a racist cat!

Bluestar: I thought you said you don't know what nigga meant?

Firepaw: I don't…

Bluestar: But I thought you just said-

Narrator: the stupidity of you two is enough to drive me to drink.

Bluestar: Well that sucks…

*Awkward Silence.*

Dream Cat: Now then, why are you here?

Bluestar: Oh, great Starclan cat, I hear that my clan is in trouble from a neighboring clan. Shadowclan seems to threaten us because we took in a cat that ran away from their clan.

Dream Cat: Oh yes, they are. In fact they are attacking right now.

Bluestar: …WHAT?

Dream Cat: Yeah, come have a look. *Waves them over to a T.V.*

Narrator: Everyone walks over and looks up at the tv screen as it shows footage of Thunderclan being attacked by Shadowclan.

Bluestar: Wait…I remember this…this was from years ago…

Dream Cat: Ooooh, my bad. This is footage I was watching earlier. Hold on I'll change it.

Firepaw: *Whistles* Dayum, you were good looking Bluestar. What happened?

Bluestar: Shut up you fucking imbecile.

Firepaw: Does having a star at the end of your name automatically make you hideous or something?

Bluestar: *Slaps*

Firepaw: :'(

Bluestar: Don't be rude.

Firepaw: M'kay.

End Scene 3

Scene 4

Dream Cat: Ah, yes. Here's the present footage.

Narrator: The screen flickers to the present time as Shadowclan has just begun an attack on Thunderclan.

Bluestar: OMG…there are two of them attacking Whitestripe.

Firepaw: Damn we're getting our ass kicked.

Narrator: It was true. Almost all the males had been put down unconscious or dead while the women of Thunderclan were being raped in the middle of the camp.

Firepaw: SHIT! THEY'RE DPING SPOTTEDLEAF! WE HAVE TO GET BACK TO CAMP!

Bluestar: Why is she smiling…?

Firepaw: What? She's not smiling!

Bluestar: Yeah she is. Look at the grin on her face.

Firepaw: That's a grimace!

Bluestar: Then how come she's beckoning another guy to come join them?

Firepaw: She's not! She's clawing at the ground to get away!

Dream Cat: I can put the audio on so we can tell for sure.

Firepaw: No! Don't!

Dream Cat: *Does it anyway.*

Spottedleaf: -MY GOD DON'T YOU FUCKING STOP FOR ONE SECOND! FUCK ME LIKE THE WHORE I AM! MAKE ME YOUR PROPERTY! RAM ME UNTIL I GO BLIND AND DEAF!

Bluestar: Jesus Christ what a fucking whore.

Firepaw: THESE ARE ALL LIES!

Narrator: Am I the only one amused by all this?

Bluestar: Sir, *addressing Dream Cat* we need to get back to my clan.

Dream Cat: You're going?

Bluestar: Yes, our clan needs us.

Firepaw: I need to save Spottedleaf!

Bluestar: I don't think you need to worry about her at all, Firepaw. She seems to be getting along just fine.

Firepaw: Bitch.

Dream Cat: Go? I'm afraid that's impossible.

Bluestar: No, it actually isn't.

Narrator: *Chuckles*

*Dream cats have steadily closed in on the Thunderclan cats.*

Firepaw: Ummm Bluestar…

Bluestar: I see them. Why won't you let us go?

Dream Cat: It's been a long time since there has been living cats foolish enough to venture into Starclan; we crave something new to try.

Bluestar: What do you mean?

Dream Cat: *Grins* Sex.

Bluestar: Oh dear God.

Firepaw: *Facepalm* You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

Narrator: I am no longer amused. You won't like me when I'm unamused.

Dream Cat: On the contrary. This will make what we do now a lot more fun. *Grins wickedly and closes in on the Thunderclan cats with the other Dream cats.*

Firepaw: Damn, if this is Starclan I can only imagine what the Dark Forest is like…

End Scene 4

End Episode 9