Author's Note:
Howdy folks! Man, I've missed writing. The last few weeks have been pretty chaotic. I moved back across the country again, moved into a new apartment, made a road trip across my province two weekends in a row, then started school again. Then, Post-Tropical Storm Leslie hit my city, and I lost power for 2 days. That was fun.
Lots of changes, but I'm happy to be back in my home province again for the year. Spending summers across the country is nice, but it can't compare to home.
I would like to say I'll have more time for writing now, considering I only have classes 3 days of the week, but one of the things about English majors is that we spend a lot of time reading outside of class. It's likely that I'll spend more time writing now that things have calmed down, but you never know. It depends on the workload, really.
Anyway, here's chapter 9! I would like to offer a huge thank you to my followers/lurkers/fav-ers/reviewers, etc etc. I love you all!
Also, special thanks to Laryn Chillbreeze for her encouraging and dedicated reviews. Be sure to check out her f!smug origin story, "How I Became a Smug... Businesswoman". It's definitely worth the read, and far short of the reviews and love it deserves. :)
- BB
Questionable Cargo
Chapter 9: Advice
Raya hadn't anticipated ending up in the engine room with Risha. Yet, here she was. Oh well. All the more convenient to have that "chat" she'd been meaning to have with the mechanic. The older woman was standing over the control panel, most likely aware of the captain's presence, given the way she'd stumbled into the room in a panic.
"Captain." The woman said, glancing back at her over her shoulder with a questioning eyebrow cocked upwards on her forehead. Risha clearly wasn't expecting her, and why would she? Raya didn't make a habit of blasting into the engine room unannounced, certainly not with the newfound animosity and mistrust she felt towards the woman after the fiasco on Tatooine.
Raya took a moment to calm herself, running a hand through her hair and catching her breath, leaning upon the wall with a sigh, "Risha."
"Is... everything alright, Captain?"
"Yeah!" She responded, all too enthusiastically, "I'm good! I'm great! Everything's fine. Yup!"
Nice, Ray. She thought, internally berating herself. She'll never suspect a thing. What am I even doing here?
She contemplated making another (more believable) excuse and running for a moment, but decided that the damage to her pride was already done. She may as well stay and get that chat over with. If nothing else, it would help to recover some of her dignity.
Risha just stared at her for a moment, unconvinced, "Captain, you look pretty much exactly how I imagined you would when Corso told you he loved you: absolutely terrified."
She stared at her in shock for a moment. Her relationship with Corso was anything but secret, but she hadn't anticipated Risha actually caring about it enough to wonder what Raya's reaction would be when he finally told her what the rest of the crew (including Raya herself) already knew. "What? No! Everything's good! Great! I'm fine. He's fine. We're all fine!"
"You know, for a person who's capable of lying her way out of practically any on-the-job situation, you certainly have a hard time hiding things from your crewmates." Unimpressed, the mechanic reached back behind her, hit a button on the control panel, and the door to the engine room slid shut behind Raya. Leveling her gaze on the captain, Risha's arms crossed over her chest as she leaned casually back on the control panel, "Talk."
Trying to relax, Raya shrugged her shoulders, willing her heart to stop pounding in her chest, "I dunno what you want me to say, Rish."
Tell her to spill her guts. Better than spilling your own, and that is why you came in here, right? Of course it is. Tell her. Tell. Her.
The thoughts were there, but her mouth wasn't listening, because she indelicately stammered, "He's not—I'm not—He didn't... Wait, shouldn't I be making sure you're okay?"
Risha rolled her eyes, turning back to the control panel, "Whatever, Captain. You came running in here – I didn't ask you to come."
Raya's shoulders sank as she blew out her cheeks in a sigh, "Yeah, I know. Sorry, Rish. I just... panicked is all."
"No kidding. Corso told you he loved you, didn't he?"
Finally, Raya decided that she might as well start trusting someone, and Risha was offering to listen. She would bring up the woman's secrets afterwards.
"No . Though he doesn't exactly make an effort to hide it." She shook her head, sighing heavily.
Risha shrugged, "Then what's the problem?"
Don't say it. Don't make it real.
Once again, her mouth didn't listen to the logic and reason her brain was shooting at it, because she replied, "I realized that I love him back."
Stars, saying it aloud gave it a finality that could no longer be denied. It's out there now, Ray. Might as well come to terms with it. That didn't make it any less terrifying, which was made clear by the way she began to pace fitfully across the room.
Risha looked at her, not an ounce of judgement or surprise in her eyes, as if she completely understood, and had even been expecting it, "And you panicked because this is the closest you've ever allowed anyone to get, and it's beyond your experience. You've spent so long distancing yourself from others that you're terrified of attachment."
"I... what?" Raya's eyebrow lifted in confusion.
"You heard me." Risha said, pressing on with cold hard truths about Raya that were obvious to everyone but herself, "You've lost everyone you've ever cared about, and you're scared you'll lose him too."
"Of course."
"Because you love him, and you can't imagine not having him in your life."
After a moment of stunned realization, Raya's hands raised to her face and she groaned, "Stars, Rish, I can't possibly be that pathetic, can I?"
"Do you really want me to answer that?" Risha responded incredulously.
"No, don't answer that. I just... need some time." Raya muttered through her hands, "Time to come to terms with the realization. This is all new to me. I guess I just don't wanna screw it up."
"Then you'd better tell Corso that, before he starts to think you're mad at him for some reason."
"Mad?" She looked up, "Why would he think I'm mad at him?"
"Well, the way I understand it, in the middle of what had to have been a nice moment, you spontaneously decided to run off in terror for some unknown reason." Risha explained, "What is he supposed to think?"
"I... oh." Damn it, Ray. Fellin did not teach you to be this clueless!
Risha couldn't stop her chuckle, "Wow, Captain. This really is new to you, isn't it?"
"Well, have you ever been in my position?"
"No, I can't say that I have, or that I ever want to be."
"Consider yourself lucky, then." Raya grumbled, "Because this is torture."
Raya noticed the ghost of a smile cross the mechanic's face before the woman prodded her, "So what are you going to do now?"
She sighed, "I dunno. I guess I should go talk to Corso, but I'm dreading just the thought of it."
"Well, do you want to be with him?"
"Of course I do," Raya responded without any hesitation whatsoever, and that in itself was surprising.
"Then what's holding you back?"
"I..." she trailed off with a shake of her head, "I've never really been in a serious relationship. I spent my childhood on the streets, then I was working as a servant to a horrible doctor who nearly killed me, and then I ended up in the sky. I've never really had the opportunity to develop a serious relationship and with jobs like ours, it's not exactly safe to form attachments. My relationship with Corso was pretty much an accident."
"Well, do you regret it?"
"No!"
"Then what's the problem?" Risha shrugged, "You love him. He loves you. It doesn't mean you're married, or anything. Just take it one step at a time."
There was no denying the relief that Risha's simple logic sent washing over her, and with every word the mechanic spoke, Raya's heart and mind began to calm down enough for common sense to return. She was right. There was no need to rush things. She loved Corso Riggs. There was no mistaking it anymore. But it didn't have to be a death sentence; it was just another step in their relationship.
I have to find Corso.
Suddenly, she wanted nothing more than Corso's arms around her, but when she leapt up to find him, the ship jolted out of hyperspeed, and C2's voice came over the intercom system, "It appears we've arrived at our destination, Master! Shall I prepare your travel supplies?"
Biting back a slew of angry curses, Raya sighed heavily through her nose, "One of these days, I'm gonna turn that droid into scrap metal."
"Oh, I hope I'm there to see it." Risha said, and Raya was reminded of the conversation she had originally planned to have with the woman, but she couldn't exactly kick her to the curb after the advice she had just given her. The mechanic had been the one to tell her about Nok Drayen's treasure in the first place, and had stayed with them the entire time they'd been searching for it. The least Raya could do was let her stay long enough to finish it.
Well, nothing for it now, Raya surmised, Just have to trust her and hope for the best, I guess.
She keyed the intercom, "Yeah, prep the supplies, See-Two. Enough for three," she added when she noticed Risha pulling her sniper rifle off the wall and inspecting it closely, "Looks like Risha's coming along."
"Right away, Master. Do be careful out there; I worry fretfully when you're away! Whatever would I do if you didn't return? Oh, I can't bear to thi—"
"Shut up, See-Two."
"Shutting up, Master."
