Chapter Nine: Dead to Worse
Present Day
January 3nd 2011, 03:15
Forks, Washington
"I'd like to take over from you now, if you don't mind."
Carlisle had his arms folded across his chest as he spoke. There was a speck of blood on the cuff of his shirt that he hadn't spotted. I wondered how it got there in a small, stupidly curious part of my mind. Was it from the animal he butchered? The pimp I slaughtered? I shook my head just a little, focusing. My eyebrows rose. "There is no need for your intrusion yet," I said passively, and flicked the page of my journal over a little too melodramatically. Stupidly beautiful boy... He was going to make things harder. He already had, in a way.
"I'm afraid Isabella, there is very little for you left to tell and it would seem unwise to have to backtrack when I decide to fill my side of our bargain."
I clenched my teeth together. I was extremely annoyed with him. Perhaps, I should have been annoyed with him earlier but it was only sinking in now. How dare he try to take me in an alley? Of all places! I rejected him on Titanic, and I'd do it again and again until the end of time. He didn't deserve me. I deserved better than that beautiful angel of a man.
He was pissed with me as well. After the little episode with Emmett, Carlisle had realized that I had accidently let slip something I did not mean to tell him. He now knew that I had tried to claim land in Mexico for him and I. I doubt he would hit me or scold me, or anything of the sort. He just hated being lied too. I hated lying to him but some things were just better left unsaid. However, he was only one short jump away from realizing that I had created Jasper too. Jasper wouldn't utter a word, I knew him well enough never to a secret that was not his to tell. I did not know how Carlisle would react if he knew that Jasper had lied to him. I mean, I lied through my teeth all the time and there was no saving me from my sins, but Jasper... He was a different story. He was a true and honest man. An angel even. Carlisle admired him, like a father might admire his son. He loved him.
I hoped to God that Carlisle would never make that one short jump. That was unnecessary emotional stress I did not need. Not after all those long, tormenting years of thinking Edward for the dead.
My eyes caught his again. His gaze fell to his feet. Still nothing. He felt nothing for me. Even after a heavy petting session.
"Is that really necessary, Carlisle?"
Now all eyes were on Esme. That was the first time I'd ever heard her speak. Her voice echoed motherliness, loveliness and lots of other positive words that ended with –ness. Her golden eyes were as hard as frozen honey as she stared the death stare at her husband. Her hands were clenched into fists so tightly I wouldn't have been surprised if her perfectly manicured nails were cutting into her palms.
Carlisle turned to his wife, expression calm. What a horrible mask that man wore when the odds were against him. "Are you quite alright, darling?" God, he sounded patronizing.
"Do I look 'quite alright' to you, sweetheart?" Her voice was very close to growling as she spoke with the same condescending tone he used with her. Anger was pushing her over that fine line that separated logical thinking and primitive actions.
"Shall we talk upstairs? I am sure we continue at some other time." Carlisle stood up and started buttoning up his cuffs. He finally noticed that spot of blood that has been irritating me. He touched his finger to his tongue and dabbed it onto the speck before tasting it. His face contorted, a mix of pain and pleasure alighting his expression.
It was the pimp's blood after all.
"No." Esme shook her head defiantly. "You will stay here, but I want her out of my house."
Funny the way she looked at me when she said that. I'd obviously said something to piss her off. Inside, I was secretly blissful that I had managed to piss off two members of the Olympic Coven. Outside, I kept a concerned expression plastered on my face and put on the puppy dog eyes.
"Why?" Carlisle's eyebrow rose.
"All that girl has done is come into our home, disturbed our life, and go into far too much detail about her experiences with you! I've had enough of it!"
"If it were not for 'that girl', Esme, I would not be here right now. She made me."
"I don't care. I want her out."
I stood up and fixed my jeans. They were incredibly sexy. I rolled them up at the ends so I wouldn't fall over or do something totally humiliating like that. They were expensive jeans that used highlighting and contouring to make certain areas appear slimmer, such as the thighs and calves. My legs were pretty skinny already though and I'd lived with my body forever, but it was amazing that such a little thing like jeans could make such a difference.
I rolled up my sleeves. "Well, I'm all up for a catfight to earn my keep."
Carlisle hissed at me. I wasn't helping matters then.
"Naked catfight?"
"Sit down, Bella. You aren't going anywhere," Carlisle said sternly without looking in my direction.
I huffed. Crossing my arms tightly across my breasts, I let myself drop back onto the sofa. Jasper touched my shoulder and smiled gently. I just stuck my tongue out at him. I was feeling immature, I guessed. I supposed it had something to do with my mental problems. Oh well. It wasn't like anyone was going to kill me over something as silly immaturity. Well, that probably could be debated. Esme did seem to hate me. She wasn't the first. However, she was the first to hate me over something as petty as relationships. Most vampires hated me because I was beating them in living forever. Most humans hated me because I used to eat their towns and families.
I'd always leave one when I did that. Just to see the look of pure horror contort their pretty human faces as they watched their village burn.
Ugh. The thoughts of pillaging villages were putting me in the mood for African blood. They still lived liked the western world used to. Most of them were poor, lived in shacks and had very little to eat. Maybe I was doing them a favor by killing them off. However, they did feel the need to have eight to ten children in a decade.
Esme hissed at me before getting up. That action managed to induce audible intakes of breath from the other Cullens. I got the sense that Esme was a woman who was more human that vampire, most of the time. Ugh. It was vampires that like that that made me want to jump into my own grave. There was little point in giving immortality to those who put on a mortal façade.
I had obviously made the wrong friends if I held a perspective like that.
She walked out of the room without a second glance at the rest of us. Out the front door, I heard her run across the snowy lawn and the sound of her skirt tearing. She was very upset. I knew because I had ran away dramatically many times before in my extended life.
Carlisle looked at me. "Shall we continue?" he asked as he sat down.
I jerked my head once, giving him a vague nod. "Fine, but no one wants horrible mental images of you and Jasper sharing fish."
Carlisle remained calm, despite my efforts to unnerve him. Of course they had not ever eaten fish, according to my own knowledge but my words did cause some of the Cullens to gawk or grimace. He smiled serenely, but it was a mask. I could see the smirk in his eyes. If there was something I could say I knew about Carlisle that no one else had the privilege of knowing, was that he was cruel. He had brains. He wasn't stupid. The perfect poker player. I realized it a long time ago.
NEWWW SPACE LOLOLOL
Carlisle's POV
April 13th 1912, 11:45
RMS Titanic
What had I done?
I stood before the door, my mind as blank as a cloudless sky. I had driven her away. I would never be able to find her when the ship docked. Her powers were too great. She was only a child when she was changed yet her gift was immense. The way she viewed the world still hinted at her immaturity. Always so curious. Always wondering. Her reactions were sometimes unpredictable, but she had become so spoilt. That beautiful touch of unpredictability was fading. I saw it when she threw violent tantrums; falling to the ground before my feet, sobs ripping out of her chest as she kicked and thumped at the floor. Screaming. Squeals that echoed dissatisfaction. Discontent with what? Me? Life?
Both.
Isabella grew less and less human with each brief second. Two hundred years ago, there was a spark of life in her eyes. Something I had taken for granted that would always be there. That spark glowed with anticipation, inquisitiveness and pleasure. Happy to have a companion, perhaps. I could not imagine it. Not even in my daydreams could I imagine her extended life. How could someone – a teenage girl of all people – have the strength to spend over a millennia and a half with no one for company apart from herself? Not even the toughest of vampires had the strength to carry on after their first couple of centuries. In her eyes, she had outlived the world. That spark of life was gone.
And what had I done? I drove her away, when all she was looking for was someone to give her the will to carry on forever. She had already tried to commit suicide on several occasions. Perhaps even more before I was born. She rarely spoke about her past. She was changed by a Romanian vampire who was creating an army of children. I still didn't know why. She never mentioned it. However, I knew that she had killed him because he would not let her go. He loved her. But she was still a soldier. A machine, perhaps. Driven by blood. So she killed him because she had locked her emotions away.
Oh Isabella.
That wasn't even her real name. To that day, I did not know her birth name. Sometimes, I peeked into her journal. Most of the time I couldn't read it but words such as 'Valentinus' and 'Marcia' I could recognize as names. They were written in horrible scrawl that was difficult to make out. It was a letter addressed to 'Valentinus' but I could not understand what was written on it.
Sometimes I wondered if Bella's father was a man named 'Valentinus' but I could not be sure. The letter meant something to her. I should not have read it, but I did.
God forgive me for my sins.
Jasper stood next to me, staring intently at the spot where she last stood. She would change her mind. Perhaps there was still a spark of unpredictability left in her. I could not get my hopes up though. I guessed I had been prepared for that day for a long time. Ever since I saw that disappointment in her eyes, not so long ago, I knew she would go. She would find another human. Find another to change and bring stimulation into her life. That was all that that little girl wanted. Someone to play with.
She was only a child, after all.
"What now?" Jasper murmured, the tone of his voice echoing the atmosphere that pervaded the room. A chill ran down my spine.
"I will find James," I muttered, shaking my head in sheer disbelief. I had to do what I had to do. James would prevent her from leaving. I hated him with a passion that my mind never dwelled on. He hurt my best friend... my mother. The girl who breathed the breath of new life into my lungs. The girl who gave me her immortal kiss… She could not leave me. I would be a weak shell of a man without that child. "If James knows her plans, she will not leave."
"Carlisle, you cannot do that. She will not stay with us. If James has a say... she will be miserable for the rest of her days. If James knows, she will stay with us in the form of ashes."
Jasper was right. James was so fond of Bella. I supposed I was jealous of him. I had watched James for the past decade. Watched and grew jealous of him. I watched the way he could fuck her without a second thought of who or what was watching. The way he could hold her like she was worth nothing. Spoilt her until she was only a fading ghost of who she was before they were wed. I was jealous. I wanted to be the one who destroyed her until she was only a feeble shell of the strong woman she was before.
I always kept her at a distance. The moral side of me never wanted to hurt Bella. I knew I could not stop myself from hurting her if I touched her. I would hold her face too tight until she cracked. Pull her hair too hard until she screamed… I would not do it. I hid behind a feeble faith I once believed in when I was human. In Bella's eyes, she only saw a man who was too in love with his god to worship her. That was the way it had to be.
Her screams haunted me. Those horrible cries whenever James hurt her.
I could not do that to such une belle enfant.
"What choice do we have?" I cried, not meaning to take my overwhelming emotion out on Jasper. My voice was breaking; a sign that sobs were forming. "I cannot leave her!"
"I feel the same, brother," Jasper whispered and stepped towards me. The toes of his shoes touched mine. I looked up at him. He was only slightly taller than I. He cupped my jaw with his scarred hand. "Bella will stay if you accept her feelings for you. She loves you. Why can't you see that? Everyone who has ever loved her as wound up dead. Why can't you admire her feelings for you? She might never love another again, all because of you."
Jasper was right. The fact that Bella was leaving was my fault. I needed to fix this. It was my duty to fix this. Now or never, I decided. I would admit my feelings for her and she would never dare try and kill herself or leave us again. We could get rid of James and Laurent. We could get rid of all ties that bounded us to them. Even if we had to kill them, I would do it for Bella.
"You are correct, Jasper. I will sort out this mess. Meet me by the clock at four."
OH IM SO SPACED OUT
Jasper met me by the clock as I told him too. In the past few hours, I had wandered the ship multiple times. For some bizarre reason, I found that most of the stairwells were blocked by members of crew and the barriers had been closed. I went up to one and asked why they were closed. He said something about death and disease. I knew immediately that there was no disease down there.
James was going to have her head for this.
I spent the rest of time searching for any unguarded entries that would allow me to descend to the lower decks in order to find rats. I could not concentrate like this. The burn in my throat was like an icy fire. So cold it burned. I needed blood. The smell of human blood passed me like a gust of wind. Warm, moist... uninteresting. The scent was appealing but nothing worth killing for. My tastes lay in the hull, where the rats were residing.
I saw Bella a couple of times as I walked around the boat deck. She looked like she was sleeping. She lay on one of those chaises, her forearm splayed across her face, covering her eyes. She and a boy were the only two sitting on the chaises. It was too cold for any other person to lie about. Bella looked so out of place, wearing next to nothing compared to some people walking around in huge coats. The boy seemed too absorbed in writing in his little notebook than to notice the beautiful vampire 'sleeping' next to him. Perhaps it was better that way.
Eventually, I gave up trying to find entry. I would have to wait. I had gone longer without blood before, it wasn't an emergency. Just uncomfortable.
"Good afternoon," Jasper said tightly with a quick jerk of his head. "Why did you want me to meet you here?"
"I cannot do this alone," I replied. "Knowing you will be there by my side is more of a comfort than anything else."
Jasper nodded, eyes still tight. "There is something you ought to know." My eyebrows furrowed. "I have been in the stateroom ever since you and Bella left. She returned just before I left to come here and meet you. She brought a human."
A growl? Low, long, constant; it slid out of my chest as easily as silk between fingertips. Why was I growling? She had brought humans home before.
"A boy," Jasper continued, ignoring my obvious displeasure. "James caught Bella last night, in the third class lounge 'partying' as you already know. Before James could clean up her mess, humans found the bodies. This has resulted in the third class decks cautioned off due to 'disease'. Bella has invited this third class boy to stay in the spare bedroom in our stateroom."
My eyebrows furrowed. "What spare room?"
I counted in my head, feeling foolish. There were only three bedrooms. One was mine and Jasper's. One was James' and Laurent's. The other was Bella's.
"She lied to him. The spare room she gave the boy was actually hers."
I growled again. She was going to claim that poor human. She had done it before. When she returned to Volterra to 'collect' me from the Volturi, as a parent would collect their child from school, she brought a boy with her. She was absolutely fascinated by him. Every move he made, her eyes watched curiously. 'Why does he do that' and 'I wonder what he's thinking. Do you think he likes me? I like him. A lot.' She was so obsessed with that poor boy; he never got a second's peace. He was a mute. He could not speak or hear but Bella was practiced in the art of body language, to my utter disgust.
We unknowingly travelled through a town infested with plague. That boy suffered terribly before she put him out of his misery. She was so broken after that. I wasn't completely sure why but then she came back after me. Throwing herself at me like grenade.
I should have kept my hands to myself. I should not have encouraged her. So I put myself at a distance, and broke her heart. But she never stopped trying. Even when she married James. He satiated her needs to be violent. Perhaps James was good for her. She hardly ever threw tantrums anymore. However, I found it hard to believe that that creature could ever be any good for my Bella.
My Bella.
I was growing possessive.
"Good evening brothers."
Jasper and I had started walking towards the stateroom, and James was close behind us. I smelt him long before I heard him speak. He caught up with us and walked by Jasper's side. I think he preferred Jasper to me. There was more tension between them. James was attracted to tension and despair like two similar poles of magnets were drawn to each other. I doubt I would ever understand why. I doubt I would ever understand why Bella decided to marry that man. The only thing I understood was that she followed him for a while before she changed me. I couldn't see what she saw in him. All he ever did was hurt her.
Although, all I ever seemed to do was hurt her too. I was no better than him. Why was she so infatuated with men who treated her indifferently? She complained all the time about how everyone took her for granted because they would never lose her. She was a master at evasiveness. A world champion in immortality. A powerful ally. A dangerous enemy.
"Have you seen my wife?" James asked, his voice a little raspy.
"Oh yes. She is in the room. Why?" Jasper replied, his voice echoing the suddenly strained atmosphere.
James raised an eyebrow at Jasper, obviously feeling the sudden shift in mood. It felt like a burden; all the pressure of the atmosphere had finally caved in and rested on my shoulders. "I am hungry and it is her fault. I feel punishment is necessary, don't you? After all, you should not be against me. All the rats reside in the decks that were cautioned off."
A blonde woman wearing a pink dress with white lace sleeves and a V-neck passed by, eying us strangely. What were three hauntingly lovely blond men talking about rats and being hungry? James turned and winked at her, and she giggled before quickly turning the corner.
"What I would give for a taste of her," James murmured, his voice in a dream. He sniffed the air. "Pure, rich and one hundred percent British. I haven't pure British blood like that in centuries. All these foreigners coming and going, and tainting the richness of society is appalling. I don't feel for mixed blood."
I rolled my eyes at James' little rant. His life revolved completely around blood. Sometimes Bella. Always himself.
"I wouldn't know," I replied, voice hard. "Jasper and I plan on going down the fireman's passage tonight in order to get to the hull. Why don't you join us?"
Anything to save my Bella from his anger.
James grinned. "I like you Doctor Cullen. Perhaps Laurent and Bella could join us too. There is nothing I like better than fuck-"
I cut James off before he could finish that lucid sentence. "Very well. Jasper has blueprints of the ship's structure in our room. We will go over them now and figure out the best route in order to descend to the lower decks."
I heard music from inside the room. Bella must have turned the phonograph on. I slotted the key in the door, but I eyed James as he inhaled deeply. If there was one thing that annoyed me about trackers or hunters, they breathed very heavily. It honestly felt that every last speck of air in the room went right up his nasal cavity, leaving none for the rest of us. Oh well. It wasn't like we needed air. James' over-breathing was just something that irritated me. However, they did say when you hated someone everything they did was annoying. That was extremely true.
"There is a human in there," he whispered and slowly licked his lips. His eyes darkened, suddenly like black voids. I could smell the scent of that boy too. "My oh my, what has my little wife-y brought me home?"
James barged in before me, all curtsey forgotten in that moment of thirst. No. James never had any curtsey, ever.
We all stood shell shocked at the scene that played out before. Bella had her arms wrapped around the neck of a human boy, who held her waist. They did not notice our entrance at first. They moved slowly. The boy was a little clumsy and uncoordinated compared to Bella. Her feet moved expertly but she let him lead. They twirled around the room together. The furniture was pushed up against the walls to allow space to dance. But in her eyes, oh her eyes. I saw something that would haunt me for the rest of forever. I saw admiration. I saw life, curiosity, beauty, excitement and something my mind did not want to comprehend.
Jealously licked at my dead veins. Why could she never look at me like that? The boy she danced with, he was barely eighteen. He was nothing. He was human. How could she replace me with a human? She would change him and love him forever and always. Bella wouldn't care if he felt no love in return. She would love him forever and unconditionally. Well, perhaps forever was too strong. A century or two. I knew how she worked. She had loved me for the past two centuries despite how I turned her away. Now she grew tired of me, and turned to this boy. If this boy refused to love her after a while, she would not break.
She would love him anyway.
Bella jumped, shocked when her eyes caught James. She quickly pulled herself away from the boy and ran to James' side. She managed to hit the phonograph during her panic, which caused the music to jump to a stop. An awkward silence played out, the only thing breaking it was the boy's wet heartbeat, louder than a bass drum.
"Good evening James," Bella said with a grin and shimmied closer to James. However, he was not pleased with how she had acted. He slapped her square across the face. Her head snapped, too far I might add, to the right. If she were alive, the tip of the spine would have cracked, therefore killing her or permanently paralyzing her from the neck down. But she was not alive.
She fixed her stance and just plastered that grin back on her face. "Can I introduce to Edward Masen? I found the poor soul freezing outside! Due to that awful disease that has broken out in the third class, Edward has nowhere to sleep! So I have offered him the spare room here."
The falseness in her tone rang out clearly. She was trying to sound like James' action had not affected her when it quite obviously had. I was sure anyone would be rather annoyed if someone hit them with enough force to break their neck.
"It is a pleasure to meet you, Edward," I said with smile and bowed my head.
Edward just nodded, looking a tad unnerved. I suppose anyone would be, being around four ravenous vampires.
"Fuck it," James muttered. "I cannot be bothered with you at the minute, Isabella." He turned to Jasper. "I'm going after that girl I met earlier. I'll be back with Laurent in an hour or so. Look at the blueprints and make sure you have it planned out by the time of my return."
With those words, James stomped out of the room, intentionally kicking Bella's favorite vase, with a vast array of colorful flowers arranged carefully inside, into one of her favorite paintings. James had bought it for her recently and it hung on the wall next to her bedroom door. Jasper's head was originally in the vase's collision path but his supernatural reflexes reacted quickly and he angled his head to easily miss the shot.
The minute James slammed the door closed, Bella started crying. She touched Edward's hand and guided him to the sofa, where she snuggled into him and cried into his shoulder. I watched the boy, to see how he would react. How could she do that to him? Drag a stranger down into her room and cry into his shoulder whenever her husband hit her? Men were always hitting their wives. It wasn't such a big deal. He touched her hair gently, delicately. He touched her like she was fragile, like he was scared to break that beautiful immortal child.
"Who is that woman he was talking about?" Bella sobbed tearlessly, her reddish brown eyes focused on me.
I shrugged. "She was just a passer-by. Pure, British..." I did not want to mention the word blood around a human.
Bella nodded, solemnly thoughtful. She turned to Edward. "I apologize for the domestic drama. Usually, he is not as short tempered as that."
Edward's eyebrows furrowed. "Don't mention it. What's his problem?"
She shrugged. "He's hungry." Her eyes locked on Edward. "I am afraid to say that I have not been completely honest with you, my darling."
