Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man nor any of it's wonderful characters.
A/N - I would once again like to thank all of the wonderful people who submitted reviews: icedragon54, mysticwolf1896, Allen's Lover, 14th Noah, Icetiger 13, xTimcampi, Detinee, Fret, LadyDrago88, xdevil-childx, Topsy Turvy, SSA Nicholas Reid, Fanfic-Addict Yuki, PeanutAngel, Vincent Noir, PalkiaX, crazy DGM fan, walkergirl, LyssiBug, and andy123! You guys are wonderful!
Chapter Nine - Grieving
Mana wasn't entirely sure how the man named Cross had managed to reclaim possession of that strange golden creature that he had brought along with him but what he did know was that Allen wasn't happy about losing his new toy. He had finally managed to catch the thing only to have it taken away almost immediately. And now he was pouting, standing in the middle of the floor with a frown on his face.
"Why don't you go and play with Star?" Mana suggested, in an attempt to divert the child's attention away from the toy that he had lost. His mind was still reeling from the news that he was never going to see his brother again and he needed some time to regain his composure. Which meant that he needed for Allen to be occupied. "He looks lonely."
Allen glanced over at the spot where the little puppy was idly chewing on a rubber ball and then bounded over to his furry little playmate. Reaching out the child snatched the ball away from the dog and the game was on.
Mana sighed as Allen dashed from the room, with the puppy in hot pursuit. Normally Allen's antics would be a source of amusement for him but not at the moment. He couldn't get the face of the boy's father out of his mind… the face of a man whom he was never going to see again.
His little brother.
Allen's father.
Nicholas.
"How am I going to tell him?" Mana thought, leaning forward and grasping his head with both of his hands. He knew that he would have to tell the little boy that his father wasn't going to come back but how did you convey that kind of news to a three year old? Was Allen even old enough to understand the concept of death? "Nicholas… what am I supposed to do?"
"Keep moving forward…"
As though in answer to the question that he had posed Mana heard these familiar words echo in his mind. They were the words that he had told to Nicholas when the boy had left home and now it was almost as though his brother were repeating them to him now.
"Keep moving forward," Mana repeated as he listened to the giggles of his nephew coming from the room next door. It wouldn't be easy but he would find a way to give Allen the bad news and then the two of them would move forward. Somehow they would make it.
"Mana!"
"What is it Allen?" Mana asked, wiping a stray tear from his eye as he gazed up just in time to see the little boy enter the room. Allen seemed to be favoring his right leg and Mana was instantly concerned by the child's slight limp.
"What happened Allen?" he asked as he got to his feet and quickly walked across the room toward the little boy. Mana covered the distance between them quickly and knelt down at the little boy's side.
"Um… I…" Allen paused and his gaze went to the ground.
"It's alright Allen," Mana said, picking up on the guilty expression on the child's face. Whatever had happened Allen seemed to think that he was going to get into trouble for it. And that was making him reluctant to admit to it. "Just tell me what happened."
"I chase the ball," Allen whispered, still refusing to look his uncle in the eye. "An' hit the table."
Picturing the room where Allen and Star had been playing Mana was able to piece together what must have happened. Allen must have hit the end table and knocked over the vase that was sitting on top of it. And now the child thought that he was going to get into trouble.
"Did the vase fall?" Mana asked, even though he was fairly certain that he already knew the answer.
Allen nodded, beginning to sniffle.
"It's alright Allen," Mana said quickly, wrapping his arms around the child and pulling him into a comforting embrace. Considering the news that he had been given earlier the loss of the vase seemed vastly unimportant right now. Hell, he hadn't even really liked the thing; he'd only kept it because it had belonged to his parents. "I'm not mad at you okay so there's no reason for you to cry."
Actually there really was a reason for the child to cry but it had nothing to do with the accident.
Wiping furiously at his eyes Allen finally gazed up at his uncle.
The moment that Mana locked gazes with his little nephew he immediately thought of the child's father. Their eyes were exactly the same and Mana had to choke back a sob as he once again thought of the brother that he had lost.
"I sorry," Allen whispered, reaching up and wiping a tear from Mana's face. "I di… didn' mean to. Don' cry Mana."
Reaching out Mana once again pulled the little boy into his embrace, hating himself for causing the child to worry. "It's not your fault Allen. You didn't make me cry." He embraced the little boy for a few moments longer, taking the opportunity to compose himself, and then he pulled away. "Does your leg hurt bad?"
Allen shook his head, seemingly still not convinced that Mana wasn't angry with him.
"Then come on," Mana said, offering the child his hand. "We should probably clean up the mess."
Allen nodded and grasped the hand that Mana was holding out to him. The child finally seemed convinced that he wasn't in trouble and had reverted back to his normal, cheerful self.
Mana on the other hand was anything but cheerful. He wanted nothing more than to sit down and cry his eyes out but with Allen around that course of action simply wasn't an option. Sure he had lost his brother but Allen had lost his father.
And so soon after having lost his mother.
"How am I going to tell him?" Mana once again found himself thinking as he and the child walked down the hall toward the parlor. This room wasn't really used, except when Allen and the dog chose to go in, and as he entered Mana's gaze went to the piano that was positioned against the far wall.
It had belonged to Nicholas and Mana could almost hear the music that he had played on it.
"Focus," Mana ordered himself as he knelt on the ground and began picking up the broken pieces of the vase. The little ball was still under the end table and Mana absently picked it up and handed it to Allen. "Try to be a little more careful with it next time okay Allen?"
Allen nodded as he took the ball in his tiny hand.
"You can go and play with Star if you want to," Mana said in a quiet voice. His emotions were threatening to overwhelm him once again and he would prefer that Allen not witness his meltdown.
"You gonna be okay?" Allen asked, his gaze focused on his uncle.
"Of course," Mana said, reaching out and gently tousling the boy's already unruly brown hair. "You go and play. I'll be just fine."
Allen looked doubtful but turned and ran off anyway, in search of the little dog that seemed to have abandoned him after his accident with the vase.
"Such a caring little boy," Mana thought to himself as he watched Allen rush off. His limp had all but disappeared, the injury obviously forgotten by the child. "And so much like his father."
Mana spent most of the day walking around in a daze, although he did manage to give Allen and the dog their evening meal granted it was a little later than they were accustomed to. Then, once the child had eaten, Mana sent him upstairs to get ready for bed.
He had been avoiding it all day but Mana knew that he would have to tell Allen about his father. Putting it off and allowing the child to think that Nicholas was coming back would only make it harder on him when he did find out.
And that would be cruel.
"I have to tell him tonight," Mana thought, taking a deep breath as he made his way up the stairs. Allen and the puppy had gone up about a half an hour ago but Mana knew that there wasn't really any danger in the two of them being asleep. Separately they were each a hand full but together…
Together they were beyond trouble and seemed to have a boundless supply of energy to draw upon.
"Allen," Mana called out in a quiet voice as he opened the door that led into the child's room. This room had belonged to Allen for awhile now and it had taken on the look of a typical child's room, with toys scattered on the floor.
Allen glanced up from his spot in the floor, where he had been wrestling with Star. A smile spread across his face and he jumped to his feet and ran over to Mana, wrapping his small arms around the man's legs.
"Ready for bed?" Mana asked the child, placing his hand on top of the little boy's head.
Allen shook his head and pulled away from his uncle. The brown haired child walked across the room, over to the little bookshelf, and picked up a book. Then he made his way back across the room and held the book that he had selected up for Mana. "Story."
"Alright," Mana said, realizing that this little boy had him completely wrapped around his finger. "But just one. Then I have something that I have to tell you."
" 'Kay Mana," Allen said, holding up his arms so that Mana could pick him up.
Leaning forward Mana scooped the little boy up into his arms and carried him over to the bed. Allen was already dressed in his pajamas and Mana carefully tucked him into bed, pulling the covers around him. Then he sat down on the edge of the bed and flipped open the little chapter book that Allen had brought for him to read.
One story, that was all the reprieve that he would have before giving Allen the news that would change his life forever.
The news that his father wasn't ever coming back for him.
The story didn't take nearly long enough to read and Mana found himself wishing that he hadn't limited the number of stories to one. If only there were some way to put off the inevitable but deep down Mana knew that putting it off wouldn't really make it any easier.
Taking a deep breath Mana put the book down on the bed and gazed at the child. "Allen there's something that I need to tell you."
"What?" Allen asked, his voice showing the fact that he was drowsy.
"It's about your father…"
His half closed eyes immediately popped open and Allen sat up, throwing off the covers. He crawled toward Mana with a hopeful expression in his large eyes. "He coming back? Tomorrow?"
The look of joy that had appeared on the child's face tore at Mana's heart, making it harder for him to face the news that he had to deliver, but he forced himself to continue. He had to do this and he had to do it now. It would only hurt Allen worse if he put it off. Swallowing around the lump that had grown in his throat Mana forced himself to speak the words that he knew were going to shatter Allen's world. "No Allen. I'm afraid that your father isn't coming back."
"Why?" Allen demanded, tears forming in his gray eyes.
Nicholas' eyes.
Not wanting to tell the child the entire truth of the situation, the truth that Nicholas had been murdered, Mana decided on a little white lie. It would be better for Allen in the long run if he didn't know the entire truth of his father. "There was an accident. Your father's up in heaven now little one. With your mother."
The tears began streaming down the little boy's face and his little hands were balled into fists. "I wanna go too."
Leaning forward Mana quickly pulled the little boy into his lap, wrapping his arms around the shaking little form. Allen buried his head in his uncle's shirt and sobbed, his little hands twisting at the fabric that he was grasping tightly.
"Shh," Mana whispered, tears beginning to flow from his own eyes. The child's words had shattered what little composure he'd managed to hold on to and for the first time since learning of his brother's death the man allowed himself to cry openly. "Your father would want you to be strong Allen. You'll see him again, I promise, but for now you need to keep moving forward. Make them proud of you little one."
"Forward…" Allen mumbled, his face still pressed against Mana's chest.
"That's right," Mana said, beginning to rock back and forth gently, his hand on the back of the little boy's head. The child was devastated by the news of his father's death but Mana knew that both of them could get past this grief.
He would keep moving forward, for the sake of the child that he was holding in his arms, and he would give Allen a reason to move forward as well.
Things seemed bleak at the moment but Mana was hopeful that his little nephew would smile again soon. He would do everything in his power to make that happen.
"I promise Nicholas," he thought to himself as he listened to Allen's breathing even out. The little boy had cried himself to sleep in his arms. "I will… no wait, I already love him as though he were my own."
"Keep moving forward… never stop… until the day you die."
"I will."
A/N - This chapter was so depressing, I almost made myself cry. Poor little Allen! Please leave a review and tell me what you thought, I so enjoy reading your comments about this story. On a side note the first chapter of Nicholas and Lyssa's story has been posted under the title 'The Path to Betrayal' for anyone who is interested. Thanks for everything. The Musician
