Chapter 9

A year and three months ago

Lee woke up with a smile on his face, happy. He stayed perfectly still, enjoying the warm weight of Kara's head on his chest. The sun had gone down: they must have slept all afternoon.

He run his free hand on her bare, smooth back, kissing the top of her head from time to time. At some point he realized she was awake. She didn't talk, she didn't open her eyes either, but her thumb rubbed his torso.

"Hey you"

"Hey back" she answered.

"Slept well?"

"Hum, never better" She had raised herself above him and was running a finger on his left ear while the other caressed his hair. She seemed content, like a lazy cat that had just enjoyed a nap near the chimney and was looking forward to a good meal.

He raised his head and initiated a deep slow kiss. After a while he flipped her on her back, Kara's breathing had quicken she was urging him on, impatient. But he was determined to take it slow this time. He would torture her until she was out of her mind with desire.

After she had threaten to kill him for the third time and then started begging he finally relented and gave her what she wanted.

"Gods Lee" she breathed "Don't stop!" She dug her nails in his shoulder; he bit her lower lips in retaliation and increased his pace. He felt her stiffen, her back arched of the bed, her face fixed in pure ecstasy. Soon he was following her in heaven.

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For a while she had completely forgotten about the outside world. They had spent the day talking, making love and sleeping. It was the first time she had ever spent so much time alone with a men.

Before Zak it had always been quick trysts or one night stands with perfect strangers and with Zak they had always been on their guard, thus never spending more than a few hours at a time together. Keeping a secret was fun and exiting at the beginning but it soon put a damper on a relationship.

Lee was taking a shower and she found herself alone confronted with all her doubts and insecurities. She had never felt such strong feelings for a human being.

She loved Zak and she suspect that she always would. He was sweet, carefree and when he wanted something he went for it. He had pursued her for months before she had relented and accepted to go on a date with him. He had put up with so much, made her fell wanted and cherished. Sure they had had their share of problems but all in all he had made her happy.

But with Lee it was… She couldn't put words on it. It was overwhelming. Lee had been a friend for a long time, he knew her better than anyone else but he didn't always understand her. They could butt heads and hurt each other badly. If he wanted to he could destroy her with just a few words.

The intensity of her feelings scared her almost to the point of panic. She wanted to run in the other direction, push him away.

She was on the verge of loosing it, grabbing her coat and walking away when Lee appeared in front of her, a towel on his hips, his hair wet and a boyish grin on his face.

She realized at this moment that he was happy. That she had made him happy. She was completely lost, the need to protect herself from harm and the need to protect him creating an unsolvable conflict in her.

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As soon as he saw the bewildered expression on Kara's face he knew that something was really wrong. Was she having second thoughts? It wouldn't surprise him.

Bracing himself for a difficult discussion, he asked "What's up, Kara?"

"I…Damn it Lee!" She stammered turning away from him. "What did we do? We're in the same line of command; they could bring up charges against us. We could be kicked out of the fleet…"

He positioned himself right behind her, not touching her but so close she could not ignore his presence. "Cut the crap Kara! We both know it's not what is bothering you. You're always the first to buck the rules. So what's the real problem here?" he whispered in her ear.

By pushing her to reveal her inner misgiving about what they had done, he was pretty much playing with fire. She could tell him to go to hell and he wouldn't have accomplished anything excepted upsetting her. She could simply leave him. But he was willing to take the risk because if he didn't take the bull by the horn now, she would eventually leave him. He needed to make her understand that he was with her and would try as hard as he could not to hurt her.

She was silent for a long time and he thought he had lost the battle. But she surprised him by finally answering "You have too much power over me."

He released the breath he had been unconsciously holding "I am scared too, Kara. I won't tell you it's going to be an easy ride, that I won't hurt you. Because it wouldn't be true, I can't promise this kind of things. What I can do however is tell you how happy being with you makes me and how miserable I will be if you decide that we're not worth it." She was staring at her wall as still as a statue. "Life is all about taking risks, Kara. Are you and me something worth taking such risks? That's the answer you need to find."

He kissed her nape and her shoulder, but she did not react. "We still have a week of down time; use it to decide what you'll do about us." He turned her around, she did not resist.

Cupping her face in his hands he gently kissed her forehead and her lips. It brought tears to her eyes. He wanted to comfort her, take her in his arms and never let her go. But he needed for her to make the decision. It was the only way they would be able to build a future together.

When he left her apartment she had not moved, she was still standing in front of her paint covered wall oblivious to the world around her.

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A knock resounded in the still apartment. Someone was at her the door, well they would come back: she was in no mood to entertain. Curled up on her bed she just wanted to be left alone.

Her visitor however had other ideas, when she did not answer after a few minutes of reasonable knocking he started pounding on the door. She ignored it.

"Kara! Kara, you're in there?!" She knew that voice. Good Gods! Not today, not after a year of almost silence.

She heard the sound of a key being introduced inside the lock and then of the door being opened. This forced her into action. She grabbed the first thing she could find to cover herself and tried to control the rising anger she felt at this invasion of her privacy, of this place that for a few hours had become hers and Lee's heaven.

He obviously was surprised to see her when he crossed the threshold and stared at her dumbstruck.

"You could never take a hint. It hasn't change I see."

"Kara" He whispered.

"Zak, glad to see you still know my name after so long a separation." She responded sarcastically.

"Gods, it's good to see you."

"I didn't know you were in Caprica."

"Lee didn't tell you? I saw him yesterday. He was the one who told me you were around."

"Must have slip hid mind" Kara mumbled while trying to process the fact that Lee had known of Zak's presence in the city and told her nothing.

"I…" He reached out and settling his hands on her hips drew her to him. "I love you, Kara"

It felt awkward being held by him, but she had missed him she realized, so she reciprocated the embrace.

However when he tried to kiss her she turned her face away. But when he finally let go of her and she was able to look at him she saw a very confused man. What was she supposed to say to him? Glad to see you're ok, and oh by the way I just slept with your brother.

"I missed you too Zak." She said instead.

"Doesn't seem like it!"

"What were you expected? We haven't seen each other in over a year and you haven't made a lot of efforts to keep this relationship going. I… We need time to get to know each other again."

She really was pathetic, she was the one who had betrayed him and now was blaming him for his lack of communication in order to push him away.

"Time, Kara? It's exactly what we don't have. I am leaving tomorrow for a six month mission, and I am sure you'll be leaving pretty soon too. When do you suggest we find the time?" He passed a hand in his hair in a frustrated gesture. "Why can't we enjoy the next few hours as we used to?"

"I can't. I've changed Zak. I need more than that."

He was silent for a while. "All right, I've already wooed you once, I'll do it again." He said pretty confidently. "Would dinner at eight be convenient?"

"Yes."

A few hours latter Kara passed out on her bed, quite alone and completely drank after a night in town.

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TBC…