There were times for 2D where he could be in a crowded room and feel all alone. He hated those times, because those were the times where when people looked at him he felt their looks held disgust. When they didn't look at him he felt they looked right through him, like he was nothing to them. Like he was nothing to the world around him, but he would feign a smile. If he couldn't manage that for the public or for his mates then he would take pills, enough to make him loopy. When one is loopy they can behave quite happily, but he always had a feeling that Murdoc knew. He saw through the forced grins and could tell idiot normal happy from medicated happy, but of course Murdoc was a man who knew misery well. Except he had never tried to hide his the same way that 2D hid his. He hid his through rage, drugs, sex with countless strangers, and rude sarcastic remarks.
2D's suicide attempt had been nearly a week ago now. He hadn't left the cuts alone, every chance that he got he would scratch at them. He wasn't sure what he wanted in life anymore, what he wanted with it. Suppose he just wanted to not be alone, perhaps he was just sick of being out here on this floating plastic island surrounded by nothing. Murdoc rarely talked to him lately, he would stare at him for a bit then rush out of the room, and when he was extremely drunk he would have fits which would leave 2D lying on the floor wanting to die. He didn't even know why Murdoc was hitting him anymore, it was just an old habit he supposed…Old habits die hard, they always do.
Right now the singer was risking it by sitting in the studio room. He wasn't really sure why he was in there other than his door had been left unlocked for the sixth time this week and he just enjoyed these bits of rebellious freedom. He knew damned well that he could escape; he could get out of here. He could call for help, he could take one of the boats down by the shore and leave here before Murdoc could sober up enough to notice. Cyborg was having some very bad fits when it came to her glitches so she was always in her cupboard except for the instances where the demon needed her to protect this 'precious' island.
"Wot are yew doin' 'ere?"
2D ignored the question; he just continued to stare out the window. He heard the older man stumble and bump into something followed by the sound of objects falling to the ground.
"Hey don' fucking ignore me like t'at when I'm talking to yew."
A hand roughly grabbed him by the shoulder turning him around. He looked down at the older man who was obviously drunk, beyond drunk; when wasn't he drunk?
"Fucking queer, wot are yew doin' up 'ere?"
"The door was unlocked, ya don't lock it much anymore yew moronic junkie." The younger man spat out angrily.
Murdoc slammed the palm of his hand against the center of 2D's chest; he shoved him back against the glass.
"Don't talk to me like t'at, I deserve respect."
"Yew deserve to have yer arse kicked or for t'at damn Boogieman to just kill ya already."
He noticed the shift from regular rage to something much more violent. Murdoc punched him in the face then the stomach causing the taller man to drop to his knees. A hard blow came to the back of his head forcing a cry of pain from the singer as he fell over. His head was throbbing and the muscles in his stomach were beginning to cramp. The pain only worsened when the bassist began kicking him in the stomach, he pulled his legs up against himself hoping to stop the constant hard kicks. Instead Murdoc began to kick at his back, legs, and ass.
"Stop it!" The singer yelled out his voice cracking from the pain filling him.
"No, t'is is wot yew fucking get. Yew don't fucking say that to me, yew don't fucking treat me like this, and yew sure as hell don't make me feel things."
2D reached out grabbing hold of the older man's ankle; he pulled as hard as he could. Thankfully due to the Satanist's drunken state it didn't take too much to knock him off balance and knock him onto his ass. The blue haired man moved as quickly as he could, he crawled on top of Murdoc straddling his waist. He began punching the older man; his face, chest, stomach, anywhere that he could get to. He hated him, he fucking hated him, and he fucking hated himself. Why was he in love with somebody who made him so god damn miserable, who ruined nearly every aspect of his life? Then the bastard thought he had the right to tell 2D that he was being ungrateful?
He let out a choked sob, he began crying; his hits became softer and less enraged. A moment later they stopped all together, he slumped forward. His hands were resting against the older man's chest; he kept his head lowered as he quietly cried. He expected at any moment to be thrown to the ground and beaten even more, instead he felt fingers going through his hair pushing it away from his face. Those same fingers caressed his cheek; Murdoc used his thumb to wipe at the tears streaking the singer's cheek.
"It's a'right, it'll be a'right luv."
2D shook his head in response.
"N-no it's not…This isn't, I'm sure as Hell….None of this…Thi-this isn't fucking right. I don't even know wot's going on anymore…I'm really scared Mu'doc." He even sounded frightened.
He felt so unsure of what was going on anymore, of who he was, of who Murdoc was, and what the future held. He feared where he could end up, he feared everything that life held for him; all he wanted was to sink into nothing. Yet he felt a bit stable as long as the older man kept touching him this way, this comforting way that he hadn't felt since he nearly died. He wondered if this meant Murdoc was scared too, strange that a demon could be scared.
"2D look at me"
He ignored him, he didn't want to; he knew the bassist would make fun of him for crying.
"Stuart look at me, c'mon mate."
He slowly lifted his head allowing his eyes to meet Murdoc's. There was blood on his lower lip and a bruise on his right cheek from where 2D had punched him; he smiled softly while his eyes were filled with concern. Not a regular type of concern, but this kind like he was trying to pry inside of 2D's mind so he could find out just exactly what was going on in there.
"Don't cry, I won't….Just don't cry, please."
"Why didn't yew just let me die?"
"I can't let yew go, that's why."
He leaned up kissing the younger man gently. It wasn't like the way that they normally kissed; normally it was something rough almost like a battle of dominance….This felt more like something that lovers shared and God knew they were nowhere close to that. Lovers was such a normal platonic word, they were anything but normal and platonic. This was something special, special to them; even if 2D was the only one to feel love in this kiss he didn't mind it. He just needed this moment to last as long as it could.
"Do yew need me?" 2D whispered his lips just an inch or two away from the older man's.
"I've always needed yew dullard."
He tangled his fingers in 2D's hair; he kissed him again giving a small bite to his lower lip. This was them; they spent so much time hating one another and themselves for that matter, but in the end they needed each other. One was like darkness and the other was light, they infected each other, and without the other they were utterly fucked.
