His Quarters
"Enter!" Anakin shouted at the chime at his door. He was unhappy and couldn't stop pacing the room doing chores that he had done probably a thousand times already. His body burned with the anger he was feeling inside. Just thinking about the fact that his former master and his padawan were in this whole thing together, there weren't words for how he felt.
Ahsoka slid into his room, taking up as little space as she could making sure to stay out of the way of Anakin, who had made himself busy with tidying up. Something he did when there were no droids to work on or anything else to keep his hands busy. It kept him from thinking about how he was losing control of his emotions and right now he needed all the help he could get.
"Master," Ahsoka said in a small voice. "Master!" she shouted louder, getting Anakin's attention. He placed his hands on his hips as he turned to look at her small form. Anakin then returned to what he had been doing.
"Padawan," Anakin said nodding towards her as he made his cot. It was the second time he had done so in the last 10 minutes.
"I need to talk to you," she said approaching him. "We are not ganging up on you."
"I get it," Anakin said finally giving up with fixing the blanket on his bed and flopping down on the cot. His hands on his head as he found the floor of his quarters quite interesting. "I'm not the best master and I don't have the experience Obi-wan has, but I'm still your master."
Ahsoka flopped down next to him. "There is no debating that," she said and punched him lightly in the arm. "I don't think Master Kenobi is better than you are either."
Anakin looked at his padawan. She was strong and he knew it. Her strength grew from somewhere deep inside. A place he was sure he had never had as a padawan, although he knew the force had been strong in him. He had always had the doubt that she didn't seem to possess. Ahsoka never backed away from anything she was asked to do and he admired her for that.
"Why do you want to get yourself killed?" Anakin finally asked sighing. He didn't feel he had the strength to have this discussion with her. "Leading a group of clones into this battle, well it's just hard. I'm not sure that you are completely ready for this task."
"I know that it will be difficult master," she said rising to her feet and moving to stand before him. "I'm only asking for the chance to do something. To change the course of this war so these men, our men, can be done fighting. They can be done losing their lives for a cause which will never benefit them. Don't you understand?"
Anakin had never seen the concern in Ahsoka that he now saw. Through the force he saw how she was feeling and he was depressed by what he saw. The clones had become her family, just as other jedi padawan in the temple had become his when he was her age. He, luckily, had not been made to stand by and watch them sacrifice themselves in the heat of battle, although now he was getting word that some of them had been killed in battle and it hurt. The perspective was new to him. Although he loved all the men who served him, she was deeply concerned about their well being. Anakin knew she felt that she must fight as hard as they did just to do justice to the cause for which they laid down their lives and without question to how it would benefit them.
"I've never thought about it padawan," he finally said looking her straight in the eyes. "You must beware of attachments though. They will cause you to do things that you shouldn't and put others in danger. You could be worse off for having this attachment to the men, and I sense, Captain Rex."
Ahsoka sighed and hung her head, her headtails twitching slightly. "I know master, but these men didn't ask for this," she said in a dejected voice. "It's hard not to look at all of them and want to make sure that they come back. Don't you feel the same way? They are like children. They've only even been alive for about 10 years and we ask them to give their lives so easily. My heart hurts for them."
Anakin leaned forward and put his chin in his hands. He had thought many times about the inevitable day when Rex would not return to the cruiser alive. This had pained him many times. Rex was close like a brother would be and sometimes Anakin had to step away and remind himself that he should not get so attached, if only for the fact that Rex may not be around long. It hurt and he knew that Ahsoka would suffer the same should Rex not return.
"Sometimes," Anakin admitted his voice very honest. "Rex is a trusted alley and I don't know what would happen should something happen to him. I'm sure that you too would feel the pain of his passing. It's just that letting go, well it's part of being a jedi."
"These men," Ahsoka finally said raising her head to look at her master again. "Are the reason I want to be the best jedi I can be and having you be the best teacher you can be. Would you take that from me and make it something which means nothing?"
Anakin looked at her mournfully. Everyone had their reason for being a jedi. The force was good at picking those people who fit well together and worked well as a team. Each one brought their own piece to the puzzle. With Anakin and Obi-wan it had always been that Anakin was ready for action while Obi-wan studied the situation and looked at every aspect before acting. They complimented each other very well. The force knew that and somehow the council had known that all those years ago.
Ahsoka was the heart. She balanced Anakin's quick temperament with her caring abilities. She was the "mother" to them all. Or at least when she grew as a jedi, she would be. Her disposition reminded him of Master Unduli or her padawan Barriss Offee. Some jedi were gentle and worked from the heart, letting the force guide them into what they were to do and be, not letting emotion be their guide, but letting it set them on the path to what they were supposed to do.
"I have to admit, I'm not good at letting go either, Ahsoka," Anakin admitted. It was hard to say because he had been told so many times that he had to let go. He just couldn't ungrasp his fingers from the things which meant the most to him. Probably a throw back to the time when it had been nothing more than himself and his mother. She had been the only thing he could cling to and now, sadly, that was even gone. He had found many people to replace her in the hole he had in his heart, it was just too hard to let them slip from his grasp.
"That is probably why I don't want you to be hurt either, " he sighed and looked at her. "What would I do if you didn't come back?"
"I'll be with Rex, Master," she laughed, her eyes dancing. "What would he let happen to me? He knows he'd have to answer to you and I don't think he would like that very well."
Anakin laughed, the anger inside of him leaving. Everything was easier to take, from a certain point of view. It was yet another lesson that he as the master was learning. "I guess we better get ready for that mission then," Anakin said standing. "I want you to be fully ready to take on those droids so that you make it back safely."
