Beep-beep-beep.

Dr. Pearce looks away from the screen displaying what the endoscopy, a tiny camera on a wire, shows of the ulcers and takes a moment to listen to his patient's erratic heart rate, the most prominent noise in the room. Everyone moves elegantly and quietly as they move into hour ten of working on the detective. It's unusual for his normal chatty surgical team and he knows that it isn't just out of respective for the man being a police officer.

Across from him, his anesthesiologist Mary turns around on her swivel stool and finds herself staring at the patient's face- the faint trace of a bruise near his chin, the obvious childhood scar at the very top of his forehead and his eyes. She's always found the eyes to be the best give away on what kind of experience the patient is having while under sedation. The young man's eyes flicker under his eyelids quickly back and forth.

Mary can't help but lean forward and whisper, "What's going on in that head of yours?"


He's completely losing it.

Deeks is on his knees, hyperventilating and grasping at his chest for air. Something's clicked in his brain and six years- 2195 days- of the pure fear, anger and pain suddenly explodes on him. His environment is changing with his emotions- thunder is echoing through the dark, angry clouds and the bitter, icy windy whips around his body causing his already wet body to feel pain that he can't even put into words.

"Deeks."

He can hear her voice above him and unlike every other moment in his life, it doesn't help.

"Look at me."

Deeks lets out a cry and drops his head to his knees. There's a moment from that terrible day that he causes him to sob uncontrollably like a child- three men standing in front of him, a fire blaze that'll cause him undeniable pain, and a haunting, devious smile.

No other features but a haunting, devious smile.

"Stop it!" Kensi's voice echoes through the wind and suddenly everything stops. Deeks can now only hear his shaky breathing in between his sobs. "You're scared."

"Stop acting like some robot, Kens!" Deeks suddenly yells. His head shoots up and as he smacks her hand away, he glares darkly at his partner. "I need you to stop acting like-like whatever you're acting like and help me! Help me figure out….." he swallows hard, "Give me reason to fight, Kens because I honestly don't know if I can take any of this anymore. What do I do?"

When he looks up, his question is answered. He's completely alone on the frozen lake with the only visible thing being a small patch of snow on the ice a few yards away.

"Kensi!"

The silence that answers back destroys him.

Back in the surgery room, Mary is returning her attention back to the chart in her hand to record Deeks' heart rate and blood pressure when the melodic heart beat that's been echoing around the room for the last ten hours suddenly becomes one long beep.

"He's crashing!"

In his head, Deeks screams and sobs loudly over the whipping wind. Something tells him- he doesn't know of whether it's his imagination, hearing voices from the outside world or just a product of the environment, but Deeks opens one eye and sees the same patch of snow from earlier. It's the same patch of snow that Kensi had been standing on earlier.

"Don't leave me here alone," he whispers as he reaches forward to pull himself up. If he can reach that patch, it might bring back Kensi.

And if it doesn't, he's done.


"Hetty?" Nell squeaks when the operations manager suddenly walks into the emergency wing waiting room. She's the last person Nell and Sam expect to see and for Sam in particular, the last person he wants to see. Before opening his mouth and saying something he'll regret down the road, Sam takes a minute to observe Hetty's state. The only thing out of sorts for her is that Hetty's trademark calm stride has been replaced with a slow and aching walk.

"How is he?" Hetty asks, placing her hands behind her back. Sam chews the inside of his mouth and feels anger boiling in his blood. He's happy that he's sitting next to Nell, who's always been calm and collected in times of stress.

"Why are you here?" Nell squeaks. There's no calm and collected in her at this time.

"Why wouldn't I be here for Mr. Deeks?" Hetty replies, clearly insulted by the question.

"Because you haven't been here for the last 10 hours or even the last five weeks," Sam finally says. He stands up and walks past Hetty without another word and soon finds himself in the hallway leading to the cafeteria and the main entrance. Oddly as if on cue, Callen appears at the end of the hallway, walking towards Sam with only a small USB drive in his hand. There's no giant file that Sam had expected to see in Callen's hand.

"What are you doing out here? Did something happen?" Callen calls out anxiously. He jogs up to Sam side and continues, "Is Deeks ok?"

"Yeah, yeah…" Sam cups his left hand on his neck before he slides it off of his neck. "It's just Hetty finally showed up out of nowhere. I don't trust myself around her. How did your trip to LAPD go?"

Callen's face falls and is replaced by a scowl. He holds up the USB and replies, " I had to basically open an imaginary federal investigation and threaten to arrest him for interfering with a federal investigation before he handed me this. I might have also gotten Deeks fired from LAPD."

"Did you bring up Hetty? I'm pretty sure that he's still scared shitless of Hetty."

"That's where it got interesting," Callen pockets the USB drive and pulls Sam over to the side of the hallway. He lowers his voice and says, "He was arrogant and smug until I threatened him with the investigation. He suddenly went quiet and told me that some things that have been buried should stay buried. Hetty has to know something."

"You do it because I can't," Sam mutters. He slides down against the wall and closes his eyes. "I'm going to need a moment to close my eyes."

"In the hallway?" Callen asks. Sam twitches slightly and a loud snore erupts from the agent. It's the second most unique way that Callen has found Sam asleep- the first was in the middle of a pew on their stint as undercover priests. He ponders taking another photo to add to his collection, but he changes his mind at the memory of the USB drive. Callen wanders back into the emergency wing where he finds Nell sitting alone.

"Where's Hetty?" Callen asks exhaustedly.

"I'm right here, dear," Hetty answers, appearing behind Callen. The lead agent whips around, 110% that it's impossible for her to appear there. Hetty walks around Callen and peers up to him.

"Just speaking with Dr. Andrews regarding Mr. Deeks' state," She pauses and cocks her head slightly, " Nothing to add?"

"You and I are in the same boat. I have nothing to hold over your head….yet." Callen pulls out the USB drive from his pocket and holds it up in front of Hetty. " Deeks has been mentioning-"

"A classified subject that we won't discuss here."

"How bad is the information on this drive that I have to worry about Deeks not fighting to live?" His piercing blue eyes send an additional message- What the hell did you do?

Hetty closes her head and nods faintly. It's the weakest she's ever appeared to anyone in her life. "Very concerned. If I were you, I'd wait for Miss Blye before you go through that file."