Chapter 8: Proof in Promises
Four little innocuous letters. Two vowels and two consonants. Separate, they mean nothing. Together, they mean everything.
Dead.
No one has moved since Stefan's announcement about Katherine.
Because…it's Katherine.
Always one step ahead, able to outrun an Original for over 500 years. Willing to sacrifice anyone, lie to anyone, betray anyone, to save herself.
"Better you die, than I," she told me once, and I've always believed that of all the things she ever said to me, that was possibly the only time she was telling the truth.
And now she's dead.
I glance at Damon but all I can see is his profile, head tilted as he stares at his brother. His jaw is tight and his chest is rising and falling easily, no stress in his breaths.
"You look like you could use a drink," he says to Stefan and turns, heading toward the wet bar he keeps in the corner of the room. Caroline's gaze follows him and he barely nods, silently telling her it's okay before he begins to pour three glasses of bourbon.
"That's all you have to say?"
"Nope," Damon says and turns, strutting back with drinks in hand to stand next to Caroline. He hands her a glass and holds the second one out to Stefan who doesn't move to take it. "I see you're still using that same horrible gel in your hair. Don't you think it's time for a little change?" He looks down at Caroline. "What do you think, Blondie? A Mohawk? I know…" he says and faces Stefan again. "How about a buzz cut?"
"I tell you Katherine is dead, and you want to talk about my hair?"
Damon shrugs and takes a drink from his glass. "It's more entertaining than the weather."
Stefan shakes his head like he's disappointed and I just…
I burst into tears, completely overwhelmed.
I wish he and Damon could have a better reunion, one with laughter and jokes and maybe even a hug, but even I knew that was never going to happen. But still, I'm so glad to see Stefan. It's been years and I thought he was off killing people, emotionless and alone, but he doesn't have that loose, cold look of having his switch off. It is a relief that takes the breath right out of me.
But that also means he's feeling, and he hasn't thought about me once. And I want him to be happy, I want him to have peace, but…we loved each other. And with how he's reacting about Katherine, it's making me wonder about everything that he and I were, what I was to him, and I hate that. I don't want those memories tainted by questions.
No. There has to be an explanation. I know how much Stefan loved me, how much he was hurting after I died. Damon went off with her for over a year after my death and it didn't mean that I was a replacement or a substitute. It meant that she was.
I glance at Caroline, wondering how she's taking all this. She and Stefan were so close when I was alive, with all he did to help her when she first turned, and I know how much he meant to her. She calls him all the time, but he never answers.
I know she's been worried, hurt by his refusal to acknowledge her. I also know Caroline thinks it's because she reminds him of me, which makes everything so much worse. That he can't see her for who she is, not who she used to know. She deserves better than that but Caroline is Caroline, and she has never given up on him. She's never stopped calling.
She eyes Stefan warily, her brow knitted together. But her mouth is a tight line and I have no idea if she's going to hug him or slap him. Maybe both.
As I watch, she shifts her weight to her right foot, leaning infinitesimally closer to Damon. Stefan's gaze snaps to her and Damon smirks as Caroline lifts her head.
"I see…" Stefan glares at his brother. "No wonder."
"It's not what you think, Stefan," Caroline says steadily and Stefan gives her the same disappointed look that he gave Damon.
"What are you even doing here with him, Caroline? You hate him. You always have."
"That was a long time ago, Stefan. Maybe if you would return my phone calls you'd know what's been going on."
"Not that it's any of your fucking business," Damon sneers. "So thanks for the good news and the drive by, feel free to leave five minutes ago."
"Damon," Caroline warns and he waves her off, setting the glasses roughly on a table while storming to his bedroom. His door slams and I wince, Caroline closing her eyes with a sigh at the sound.
"Caroline, I—" Stefan starts, stopping when she holds up her hand to silence him.
"No, you don't get to talk. First, you listen," she fires off and Stefan swallows. "You do not get to come in here and tell Damon that I do not care about him. He is my friend and he has consistently been here for me since Tyler died."
"Tyler…?"
"I said listen," Caroline growls and Stefan's face falls in regret, in guilt. It's a look he wears too comfortably, he always has. "And if you're upset about Katherine, and then I'm sorry, but you don't get to dictate how other people feel about her death. Especially your brother, when you have no idea what she put him through after Elena died."
Stefan looks confused and I'm sure it's the same look I'm wearing. I guess it's possible that there are things that Caroline knows about Damon's relationship with Katherine that I don't, I just never realized that.
I'm still trying to figure out if there was a gap of time I missed somewhere along the way when Stefan's voice distracts me.
"I'm sorry, Caroline. I didn't realize—"
"Of course you didn't," she glares. "How could you? You've been gone for seventeen years, Stefan, and not once have you tried to contact either of us. Do you have any idea how worried we've been?"
Stefan hangs his head, his eyes pinched closed, and Caroline's anger fades right out of her shoulders. She takes a deep breath and sets her glass down before she crosses the distance between them and stretches up on her toes, wrapping her thin arms around Stefan's neck and hugging him tightly. He waits for a moment before he returns it, a single tear dropping into her hair.
"I'm sorry," he whispers.
"Don't be sorry," she tells him, pulling back to look at him. "Be here."
Stefan nods and she lets him go, moving to sit on the couch. I sit next to her as she curls her feet under herself, looking completely relaxed as she props herself on a throw pillow. Stefan watches, and then sits in the chair across from her, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, hands clasped together.
"I'm sorry about Tyler," he offers gently. "I wish I would've known. I should've been there for you."
"Thank you," she says with a soft smile.
"How? When?"
"About eight years ago," she tells him. "Klaus…" She wipes at her eyes and tosses her hair, sitting a little straighter. "What happened with Katherine?"
"Klaus," he says and Caroline and I both shake our heads.
"Were you…?" she asks and Stefan tilts his head in confusion. "Were you together, together?"
Stefan's head drops for a moment before he glances back up at Caroline like he's waiting for a lecture. But she doesn't say anything and he leans back into the chair.
"For a while," he admits and she nods. "She was helping me to learn control."
"How's that going?" Caroline asks and the corner of his lips turns up.
"It's not easy. I still struggle, but I'm getting there. I can stop," he says and the hint of pride in his voice brings a supportive smile to Caroline's face that I can feel mirrored on my own.
"That's great, Stefan," she says sincerely.
"Thanks," he says timidly. He lets out a deep breath and glances around the lavish apartment. "Have you been here long?"
"A few months," she shrugs.
"I uh," he starts and clears his throat, "I went to Damon's old apartment that he used to keep here, but there was no one there and I couldn't get in."
Caroline shifts a little. "You should ask him about that."
"I saw you today, and I followed you. I didn't realize you would both be here." He looks a little ashamed and she smiles sweetly.
"Well, we are. And I'm glad you're here too. You're welcome to stay."
Stefan shakes his head. "No, it's okay. I know Damon doesn't want me here."
"Stefan," she says seriously, "you have no way of knowing what he wants until you talk to him. And I want you here. It's been long enough, it's time to get past this."
"I said some things the last time I saw him," he says. "Things that weren't true."
"Then you should apologize," she tells him steadily and he smiles, looking pained.
"It's not that easy."
"It is that easy. You just have to want to make it right."
Stefan swallows tightly and I am so thankful for Caroline being here, for telling him all the words that I want to say. For knowing that Damon can hear the conversation that he could never have with his brother because they've never communicated that well or with that much honesty.
Stefan picks at the armrest of the chair, his gaze trained on the floor.
"What happened with him and Katherine?" he asks, and I look to Caroline.
"Stefan…" she sighs and shakes her head. "It's really not my place to say."
"No, I know…" he nods. "It's just…she never said anything."
"Well, why would she? Especially if you were sleeping with her."
Stefan's brow furrows as he puts the pieces together. "How long?"
Caroline glances back toward Damon's room, her voice low and hesitant when she admits, "They were together for about a year I think."
"He flipped his switch, didn't he?" he confirms and Caroline nods.
"For a while. It's…and he'll kill me for saying this, but it's been hard for him, Stefan. He misses Elena."
All the air rushes out of Stefan and he looks to the window in the room that overlooks the city.
"I miss her too."
Caroline's face falls. "Of course you do, we all do."
I reach over and lay my hand on top of hers and squeeze.
"I just…I can't think about her. It hurts too much."
"Running from it only makes it worse, you know?" Caroline offers gently. "I know it's hard, believe me. After Tyler died, I lost it. But if you face it head on, it gets easier. You have to, or you'll never accept it."
"Is that what Damon did? Accepted it?" he says without inflection, still staring at the city skyline.
"He's trying, in his own way."
"Yeah, sure he is," he scoffs and looks back at Caroline. "I'm sure it's been one plan after another, trying to resurrect her using the sacrifice of a hundred innocent people."
"Stop right there," Caroline snaps. "Elena's spirit moved on. And no matter how much he wants her back, he would never consider trading her peace for his."
Stefan winces.
"You may hate to admit that, but you know it's true," Caroline says forcefully. "And you have no idea what he's been doing over these past years."
"Let's go," Damon says, his voice cutting through the room. All three of us turn to look at him, standing by the door and jacket on, gaze focused on Stefan.
"Damon, listen—"
"You want to watch me resurrect Elena? Then let's go."
"Damon!" Caroline and I screech at the same time.
He waves her off. "It's fine, Blondie. Just a little trip down to the park. No need to call the National Guard."
"Oh," she says, sinking back into her seat. "Damon, are you sure…?"
"Yes, I'm fucking sure." He raises his eyebrows at Stefan. "What do you say, Princess? Your chariot awaits."
"Fine," Stefan grumbles and stands. "It was good to see you, Caroline."
"You too." She smiles sweetly, and then her tone becomes a warning. "And it won't be the last time. I expect you both back in an hour. Got it?"
Damon smirks. "Don't you have tags to cut off?"
I get up and stay behind Stefan as he follows Damon out the front door and into the elevator. We're about halfway down the building when Stefan opens his mouth to speak.
"Not a fucking word," Damon growls before Stefan can get a syllable out.
And Stefan doesn't say anything. But he looks. It's only out of the corner of his eyes, but I can tell he's inspecting his brother. Seeing the lines of strain that crease Damon's eyes and mouth, the loss of weight from being consistently low on blood. His hair longer than he usually keeps it and stubble from too much time between shaves. I wonder what he's making of it all, what he'd think if he knew this was an improvement from how bad it was before I sent for Caroline. Then again, I'm not sure if I want Stefan to know the truth. Damon wouldn't want that.
We follow Damon through the underground garage and into his car, the same baby blue Camaro he's been continually nurturing since long before I met him. I sit in the backseat and even with the strain between them, I can't help but feel relieved that they're together. This is all I ever wanted for them, to hold onto each other. Maybe this time, with both Katherine and me gone and not coming between them, they can start to repair their tattered relationship with Caroline's help. She won't let them tear each other apart.
They're both silent on the short, familiar drive to Central Park, me looking out the windows at all the life around me. And when we get to the park and stop, Damon shuts off the car but doesn't move.
"Aren't we getting out?" Stefan asks him and Damon points to something in the distance.
I follow his gaze and it's a little far for my eyes, but I still see them right away and I smile. Scooting forward, I drape my arms around the headrest so my hands rest on Damon's chest, right over his heart. I press a kiss into his hair that he doesn't feel, but I still do it all the time anyway.
Propping my chin on his shoulder, I peek at Stefan. When he spots them, his jaw drops.
"Is that Jeremy?"
"Mm-hmm," Damon murmurs, waiting for the inevitable next question.
"Is that his…?"
"Yep."
"Wow," Stefan mumbles and we sit silently, watching Jeremy laugh and play with his daughter.
Her dark brown curls bounce as she runs and skips, and I can't see from here but I know Stefan can discern that the shade of her eyes is the exact same as mine. She's laughing and pointing at an airplane overhead, looking over her shoulder to say something to my brother, when suddenly she trips.
Stefan's body lurches like he wants to go to her and Damon's hand shoots out, landing on his arm and stopping him with a threatening glare. Stefan swallows and relaxes into his seat, Damon pulling his hand back as Jeremy goes to her and scoops her up. He tucks her hair behind her ear and presses a kiss to her forehead, setting her back on her feet as she happily takes off to get back to her game.
"Did he just call her...?"
"Ellie," Damon says with blatant affection. He takes a deep breath, and then says lightly, "Stefan, I present to you: Elena Gilbert, resurrected."
"How do you know about her?" Stefan asks.
Damon cocks an eyebrow. "The better question is, why don't you?"
Guilt flashes across Stefan's face. "They're living in your old apartment?"
Damon groans. "You didn't break the damn door, did you?"
"I'll take care of it," Stefan murmurs and turns back to watch them.
"Could've just called, you know," Damon grumbles, Stefan glancing down at the floorboard before he looks back through the windshield.
"Does she know you?"
I look at Damon, wondering how much he's going to tell his brother and he narrows his eyes. "Not exactly."
"Not exactly?"
Damon sighs and shifts in his seat. "It's complicated."
"Then why don't you un-complicate it, Damon?"
Damon's head snaps toward Stefan who settles a little further in his seat, head tilted and looking like an angry father waiting for an explanation from his unruly son.
Damon nods toward Ellie, who is running around playfully with a beaming smile lighting up her face. The picture of a perfect, healthy little girl.
"She was born with a hole in her heart."
"She…" Stefan shakes his head. "Wait. What?"
Damon shrugs. "You know that vital human organ that's not supposed to resemble Swiss cheese? Doctors told Jeremy that apparently, it wasn't that big of a crisis, and it would heal on its own. And if it didn't, they could poke around and plug it in a game of Operation."
Stefan looks to Ellie, brow furrowing like he'd be able to tell her condition just by looking at her.
"Did it heal?"
"Sure did." Damon smirks. Stefan's eyes bulge.
"You gave vampire blood to Jeremy's daughter? What the hell is wrong with you?"
Damon rolls his eyes. "Don't be so melodramatic. It was only a little blood. We kept an eye on her."
"You son of a—"
Damon twists and punches his brother's chest, and I wince at the crack wrought by Damon's ring.
"How's that feel? That shard of bone impaling your heart right now?" Damon sneers and Stefan chokes on his air, hands clutching at his chest and gritting through the pain. "You think I'm gonna let her feel anything like that, ever? And I wouldn't have done it if Jeremy didn't ask."
Stefan glares at his brother, his breaths slowly becoming steadier as he heals. "There's no way…" He pauses to wince, and something snaps back into place. "That Jeremy Gilbert, of all people, asked you to give his daughter vampire blood."
"Who else was he going to ask, Stefan? You been checking up on Elena's baby bro? I didn't fucking think so." Damon turns to look out the driver's window, jaw popping in strain. "You've always been slow on the uptake, but there's a lot of shit you don't know."
Stefan groans and rubs his hand over his chest. "Like how you ran off with Katherine?"
Damon scoffs. "Pot, kettle. At least I wasn't dumb enough to love her the second time around."
"No, you just used her. Like you use everyone. As long as you get what you want in the end, right, Damon?"
"How stupid are you?" Damon yells, turning back to Stefan. "We used each other until she tried to trade me to Klaus in exchange for her freedom. So I got the fuck out of there because Klaus didn't just want me dead, he wanted to draw you out to be his little sidekick again. Tell me, Stefan, how long was it before she pulled the same stunt on you?" Stefan's eyes betray him and Damon stares him down. "That's what I thought."
My breath locks in my throat and I can't even process what I just heard to pay attention to anything other than Damon's voice repeating in my head.
That's what Katherine did to him? How did he ever get out of there? How did Stefan?
I blink back tears and scoot closer, tightening my grip on Damon. God, how many times can he be betrayed by the same woman and still trust anyone? How can either of them?
"You fucked up, Stefan," Damon says, his voice low and full of disappointment. "You loved the wrong girl."
"Well, you were never supposed to love Elena, were you?"
"You think I did that on purpose?" Damon yells and I cringe.
"I don't know what to believe!"
"Stop it, both of you!" I shout because I can't stay silent anymore. Almost twenty years since my death and it's still the same fight. Hell, it's been the same fight for a hundred and sixty years. Will it never end?
Damon's shaking and I know there's not much more either of them can take before they rip this car apart around them.
I close my eyes as tears roll down my cheek. It was never supposed to be like this. They weren't ever supposed to be like this. Not when I know how much they love each other.
Why can't they see that?
"Here's what you believe," Damon growls and I flinch. "When the girl you love dies, you get two choices. You either die with her, or you man up and take care of the shit she would've wanted. Like watching out for her brother and making sure he graduates from school, that he has a place to go. Like healing her niece before they crack open the chest of a six-year-old girl."
"Is that what this is about?" Stefan asks, his voice dangerously close to something resembling pity. "You don't have to keep doing this; you don't have anything to prove."
"Did you love her?" Damon barks and I open my eyes in time to see Stefan recoil.
"What kind of question is that?"
"Did you love Elena?" Damon asks slowly, dangerously.
Stefan lifts his chin confidently, hardening his expression. "You know I did."
"Wrong answer," Damon scowls and Stefan looks flabbergasted.
"What are you talking about?"
But Damon doesn't answer.
Stefan looks completely lost for words as Damon starts the car, his gaze flicking back and forth between Ellie and his brother. Finally, he shakes his head, sounding like he's humoring him when he sighs, saying, "Fine. What about you, Damon. Did you love her?"
Damon shifts into reverse, his left hand clenched tight to the steering wheel but he doesn't start backing out. "Not did, Stefan. Do."
Warmth seeps through my chest even as rage burns through Stefan's eyes, his jaw snapping shut. "You think you're the only one that still cares about her?"
Damon shrugs. "You still care?" he taunts as he backs up, and then shifts into first gear.
"I do."
Damon looks at Stefan, his voice menacing when he says, "Prove it."
Time is supposed to heal all wounds, but I don't know how it's going to heal theirs. Not when they deliberately keep ripping them open.
The short ride back to the apartment was suffocating with the tension radiating between them. Neither said a word because there wasn't anything else to say. Which is okay by me, because I'm mad at both of them and didn't want to listen to either of their voices.
Stefan has got to stop talking to his brother like Damon is a heartless monster who cares for no one but himself, and he needs to stop implying that no one cares about him. Their history is bloody and Damon has given Stefan plenty of ammunition to use against him, but enough is enough.
And Damon needs to stop putting down Stefan every chance he gets. Jealousy issues are no excuse to lord himself over his brother, plucking the strings of Stefan's guilt so he constantly wallows in remorse, fretting over every decision, every mistake he's ever made.
Nobody is perfect. Especially not the Salvatores.
When we got back to the apartment Damon went straight to his room, showering and shaving, cleaning himself up. He downed two blood bags and then left without a word to either Stefan or Caroline. I almost went with him, but I felt a familiar pull that kept me in the living room. I'm not sure which one of them it was from, but I think it was Stefan.
He and Caroline were sitting across from each other, not talking, just sharing the silence. I think they didn't want to speak in front of Damon because as soon as he left, it was like a weight was lifted from both of their shoulders.
They're still just sitting, Caroline flipping through a magazine and Stefan looking out the window, a forgotten drink in his hand.
I wonder if he's contemplating leaving, or if Damon's taunt will be enough to keep him here. Stefan may not have stuck around to take care of his brother like I asked him to, but there's still time to change that. A promise isn't truly broken until there's no longer a chance to make it right, and we're not there yet. I just hope that Stefan heard the true meaning, the plea in Damon's words when he told him to prove his love for me. By staying with him.
Caroline turns another page and shifts in her seat without looking up. "How was the park?"
Stefan looks at her, pain etched across his features. "Enlightening."
Caroline closes the magazine and tosses it on the coffee table, meeting Stefan's gaze. She doesn't say anything, just waiting for him to continue and I do too.
Stefan sighs and shakes his head, his mouth opening and closing a few times like he's trying to decide where to start.
When it's clear he's only going to keep struggling, Caroline says gently, "How did Ellie look?"
Stefan takes a deep breath, letting a reverent smile finally rise. "She's beautiful. She looks just like her."
"I know," Caroline smiles back. "Freaky, isn't it?"
"How does that even happen?"
Caroline shrugs. "The wonder of genetics, I guess. Or maybe just fate."
Stefan tilts his head.
"What would this world be without an Elena Gilbert?" Caroline teases and Stefan chuckles. Caroline stays quiet for a moment before she says, "She doesn't know us. We see Jeremy from time to time and he keeps us updated, but we're not involved. Jeremy's made it clear he doesn't want any vampires in her life and Damon agrees. And as hard as it is to keep my distance, I don't blame them. So we stay out of it."
Stefan nods. "Good, that's the way it should be." His forehead crumples before he asks, "But Jeremy asked Damon to heal her?"
"He told you that?" Caroline asks, clearly shocked, and Stefan tenses.
"Is that not what happened?"
"No, it is," Caroline assures him and he relaxes a little, but not much. "I just didn't think he'd tell you."
"Why wouldn't he?"
Caroline raises her eyebrow with a humoring grin. "No offense, Stefan, but it's not the kind of thing I'd expect you to react particularly well to hearing."
I really wish I could give Caroline a high five right now because she totally called that. Stefan grins and looks down because he knows it too.
"Thought so," she smirks and Stefan huffs out a breath that sounds suspiciously like a tired laugh. He groans and leans back in his chair, his hands over the edges of the armrest, his glass dangling from his fingertips. "There's a guest room with a shower down the hall if you want to get some rest," she offers sweetly. "Damon's probably out for the night."
"Thank you, Caroline," he says sincerely and she shrugs.
"What are friends for?"
"I don't mean for the room," he says earnestly and she blushes a little.
"I know," she tells him. "It goes both ways, Stefan. When I lost Tyler," she starts and settles a little deeper into the pillows, "things spiraled out of control. But he always made sure I didn't do anything I would regret. He took care of me. He still does."
Stefan's eyes widen, pain overtaking the line of his mouth. "Caroline, I know you don't owe me anything, but I need you to tell me," Stefan says and he looks like he doesn't want to hear the answer to the question he's going to ask. I'm not sure I want to hear it, either. "How bad off is he?"
"Up and down," she tells him honestly. "Sometimes he just gives up, other times he's almost fine. He's coming out of a rough patch right now. He'll get there, it's just hard."
"I don't get it," Stefan mutters.
"Stefan, I'm sorry to bring this up, but you did know he was in love with her, right?"
"Not was, Caroline," Stefan sighs. "Is."
Caroline's brow crinkles but she doesn't press.
"And of course I knew, how could I not? But the thing is…" he says and looks out the window. "When we thought Katherine died in the church in 1864, that next morning he was prepared to die. He didn't want to complete the transition if he couldn't be with her."
It's not the first time I've heard this story but I glance at Caroline, unsure if she knows what transpired to turn the Salvatores immortal. Her eyes widen and I know my answer: that neither of them has ever given the details of their transition, but she doesn't look particularly surprised to hear about Damon's decision.
"He still turned, though," she says and Stefan scoffs.
"It wasn't exactly by choice." Stefan scrubs a hand over his face. "I just…I know how much he loved Katherine, and he wouldn't face life without her. And if he feels this much for Elena…"
"You're wondering why he didn't try to do the same thing when she died?" Caroline asks and Stefan nods.
"You know what he said to me today? That when the girl you love dies that you have two choices: you either die with her or you take care of the things she would have wanted."
"Sounds like Damon," Caroline sighs. Then her face falls and she sits up, her voice barely a whisper when she utters, "Stefan…"
"What? What is it, Caroline?"
"Isn't it obvious?" she asks and his brow furrows.
I take in her heartbroken expression and I know I'm about to hear something I won't be able to forget.
And I was right.
"He's waiting, Stefan."
