"Mommy, you already taked like a million pictures. Let's go!"
"I'm sorry Sunshine, but you only have one first day!"
"I'll stop smiling." Her mommy looked shocked at what she said, but she didn't want any more pictures. She hadn't gotten to see Rachel in so, so long. "I want to see Rachel! If we go now, I'll smile for pictures with her, I promise!"
She stared at her mommy, who was staring at her, but she was really good at staring contests. "Oh, alright. Grab your backpack, let's go."
"Yay!" She ran and grabbed her brand new backpack and bolted for the car. Once she was buckled, she looked at her mommy in the mirror and saw she was trying not to cry again. It seemed like that all she did, and Rebecca just wanted her to be happy. "I love you Mommy. Just cause I'm going to school doesn't mean I'm all growed up. You can even still call me 'Baby Girl'." Her mommy smiled at that.
"Thank you Baby Girl. I love you sooooo much!" She didn't sound sad, but a tear fell out of her eye.
"Mommy, are you crying cause Daddy isn't here for my first day?"
"No, Baby. I'm not. You know he would've been so proud of you though. He loved you too. But I'm just crying because you're growing up so fast."
"I'm only five." She said, confused. She knew five wasn't that many, but she was bigger than when she was four, and smarter too. She thought about her dad for a minute as she looked out the window at the cars passing by. About how sometimes he'd play with her and read her stories and say he was sorry for being mad. But then he'd say he was tired of playing, that she needed to be quiet, that she needed to go away. So she hid. "Do you think he would've been less madder now that I'm in school and not always home?"
Her mommy's eyes looked real sad then, just in the second she looked in the mirror at the front of the car. "Rebecca, you had nothing to do with your father being the way he was. Okay? Nothing."
"But he said I was loud and annoying a lot." She thought about how her daddy yelled at her and had to blink a lot to not cry. "And then he'd drink from the cup I couldn't use."
They were at school and once her mommy parked the car she turned around so they didn't have to look in the mirror anymore. "Rebecca Lynn," It was her full name, which her mommy only used when she really wanted her to listen. Sometimes, it was cause she was being bad, but sometimes—like this, it was just cause it was –portent. "You are the most amazing, wonderful, loving little girl in the world. Your daddy wasn't always a good man. I never said that before, but I think you always knew. He could be a bad man sometimes, but it was only because of the way he was. It had nothing to do with you. There's nothing you could've done to make him a good man and there's nothing you did to make him a bad one. I love you Sunshine, and he did too, and that's all that matters. Okay?"
"Okay Mommy." She smiled, she knew her mommy loved her, and she loved her mommy. But sometimes, she wished her daddy had loved her like Mr. Shawn loved Rachel. She looked out the window again and saw them; Rachel was holding Mr. Shawn's hand. "Mommy, look! It's Rachel and Mr. Shawn! Let's go!"
"Daddy, my tummy hurts." Shawn looked down at his grown-up little girl and had to resist the urge to pick her up and run. He was far less ready for her to go to kindergarten than he realized. Instead, he kept marching her towards the school that was stealing her away.
"Sometimes, when I'd walk in to an office to make a sale, or when I go somewhere new, my tummy hurts too. But you know what makes that go away?"
"What?" Her eyes grew wide and he could see the fear lurking within them.
They reached the sidewalk and he crouched to her level, talking quietly so only she could hear. "You. Just thinking about you and knowing I'd get to see you once the meeting was over made my tummy feel better right away."
Her eyes brightened a little. "I'll think of you then. You'll pick me up, right?"
"I'll be waiting at the door, Baby Girl." He smiled and had to hold back tears as she wrapped her arms around his neck and he squeezed her tight, not wanting to let her grow up.
"Look, it's Rebecca and Ms. Juliet!" Rachel pulled away from his hug and ran to greet her friend and Shawn took a second to compose himself before he stood and turned. But when he saw the tears lining Juliet's eyes, he didn't feel as ashamed; it was hard letting them grow up.
"Mommy, you should take a picture with me and Rachel!" Rebecca said as she hugged his daughter. They were both so cute, both wearing purple, Rebecca in a skirt and shirt combo and Rachel in her new purple dress—also compliments of his mother.
"Do you mind?" Juliet asked as she pulled out her camera.
"Not at all, I actually totally forgot about pictures…" He instantly felt like a terrible parent, but he was still trying to figure this all out. On the road, she had been as much a companion as a daughter, but now, he needed to raise a grade-schooler.
"No worries, I'll take some of just her too." She said as she began snapping pictures of their modeling girls. The conversation felt stiff, and he wasn't sure how much of that was holding back tears and how much was from their last encounter. "And actually, I'll take some of you two if you could take a couple of me and Reb."
"Sounds great. Thanks, seriously, I would've regretted that down the line." He watched as Juliet had the girls go through various poses, then just Rachel, then he got in the shot with his daughter. He was glad he had only unpacked his mildly dressy shirts, because otherwise he likely would've worn an old t-shirt and forever looked like a miserable excuse for a single dad. He knew time was running out as he took the camera from Juliet and began taking pictures of her with her daughter. They were a beautiful pair.
CLICK—Sleek blond hair, brilliant eyes, dazzling smiles, shared and cherished by mother and daughter. It brought back an ache in his heart. He loved his relationship with Rachel, but he knew that he couldn't act as her mother, that she was missing that critical relationship. It was the hardest part of Abigail leaving.
A teacher came out and told them the girls needed to come inside.
CLICK—Juliet embracing her daughter with a look of melancholy pride.
He turned and hugged his own daughter, squeezing her tight and rocking her back and forth. "I love you, Baby Girl. I'll be here the second school let's out."
"I love you too, Daddy." He could hear her trying to be brave, and once again he wanted to take her and run, but he knew he had to let her go. He kissed her forehead and, with every ounce of self-control, released her from his hug. He turned to see Juliet let go of Rebecca at the same time and the two little ones reached for each other's hand.
CLICK—Rachel and Rebecca, more backpack than body, walking towards their future hand in hand.
CLICK—Juliet, one arm wrapped around her core, the other trying to hold back tears, watching them walk into the building in the background.
CLICK—A mother's love for her daughter. Just Juliet's face, partially turned away from the camera, with her hand over her mouth and a tear running down her cheek.
He lowered the camera and walked up to her as their daughters went out of sight. Hesitantly, he placed a hand on her back; she flinched slightly, but didn't move away. "You working today?"
"Chief gave me the day off. Said I'd be useless at work. I didn't get how right she was til right now." She gave a half laugh through the tears that were now streaming down her face.
"She said the same thing to me. Come on, I'll make you some coffee, we can blubber like idiots and reminisce about when they were in diapers, then distract ourselves with unpacking boxes. Plus, I believe I live 1.2 miles closer to the school."
She laughed. She had thought about locking herself in her bedroom with all the photo albums, but misery loves company right? And as she turned and saw Shawn in a losing battle against tears, she decided coffee sounded quite wonderful. "You drive, I can't really see right now." She said with a sniff as they walked back to his father's pick-up.
"Sorry, I still haven't gotten around to finding a car, but my dad let me borrow the truck for the day. You can throw the booster seat in the back."
She did as he recommended and crawled into the passenger seat of the truck. "You think my car will be okay out here for the day?"
He started the car and pulled out of the spot halfway before stopping. "I'm sure it'll be fine, but if you'd prefer, you can follow me back to my house."
She thought for a moment. If she had her car it would be easier to escape. But Lloyd's words rang in her ears. Shawn wasn't trying to push her, and she didn't need to ice him out. They were just two single parents, commiserating over their daughters starting school. "No, let's go. I'll stay with you."
Those words were incredibly powerful. He doubted she even knew how much. As they dropped off their children, he realized he was being more foolish than anything in being mad and giving her the silent treatment. She was pushing him back because she was scared, and he didn't know what was scaring her, but distancing himself wasn't the way to find out. But they were taking a step. A small one, under the shelter of their children, but at a point where they were both in the dark, she was willing to fumble through it with him. He couldn't think of words to say, so he just nodded and drove, desperately hoping he didn't mess things up.
He held the front door open for her. It was an incredibly simple gesture, but an amazing one at the same time. She hadn't had a door held open for her in at least three—probably closer to four years. "Thanks." She said as she stepped in to see the mountains of boxes. "Wow…"
"I think I forgot to mention that we literally moved in last night. So it's an utter disaster. But I'm pretty sure I know what box the coffee maker is in and I'm almost positive I have coffee in the same box." He seemed flustered, shifting boxes as they walked toward the kitchen.
"That's an…interesting…armchair." She observed as she looked around. The place was mismatched and unorganized, but she had a feeling it would eventually settle into a mismatched, slightly unorganized home that reflected Shawn's personality.
"It matches the sofa in comfy-ness. And Rach and I decided that's what really mattered. She also picked the rug—so don't judge me."
She looked at the rug to see it was covered in butterflies and laughed. "Are you sure you don't just have a passion for fluttering insects?"
"Come on son, I'm way more in to trucks and mud and dirt—but she thought that would look tacky, and you know what they say, the woman is always right." He stood in the kitchen, looking at all the boxes. There were only numbers written on them, but somehow, she was quite sure he'd find the coffeemaker on the first try.
"Smart man. But you realize she's five—right?"
A smile broke out on his face and he shifted some boxes, then opened one and pulled out an instant coffee maker and several of those individual coffee servings. "Pick out what you'd like while I find the mugs." He was staring at the boxes again and now that she was facing him she could almost see his brain filtering information. "Aha!" He moved toward another box. "And I know. But I want her to be happy. I'm not great with style, and she doesn't really care if things match, so we get things we like. But at some point, I'll replace the rug, put the butterfly one in her room." He pulled out two mugs, ones that they had clearly painted themselves at one of those craft stores, and handed her one with a pineapple.
"This is cute." She said as she browsed coffee options, choosing a delicious sounding mocha.
"It's Rachel's hot cocoa mug, I painted it, but I'm sure she'd be thrilled if you borrowed it." He started up the coffee maker with her mug in place. "She's quite enamored by you." There it was again, the sad smile that held so much more in the eyes than words the words he spoke.
"Shawn, I…She's a great kid. I'm so glad she and Rebecca are such fast friends." That wasn't what she had wanted to say, but when it came down to it, she was still too scared to move past the light, the easy, the common denominator of their children.
"Yeah, me too. Rebecca's amazing and so good for Rach. She's needed a friend." He handed her the mug, filled with piping hot liquid and set up his own.
She stared at the mug, the more she looked at it, the more she realized how masterfully it had been done. Not only was it a pineapple, but 'Rachel' was written in each of the leaves, and all of the scales were actually hearts. She glanced at the coffee maker to see Rachel had painted Shawn's mug, with stick figures and lots of hearts. There was so much love and trust between them, and it was incredible.
"Jules, you okay?"
She looked up at him and realized her eyes were filled with tears. "My Baby." Was all she mustered before she broke down into sobs—not just that she was at school, but that she had missed out on such an amazing father/daughter relationship.
Juliet was sitting on a bar stool sobbing into her coffee, and he had no idea what to do. He walked around the island and stared at her for a moment before shrugging and finally reaching out a hand and placing it cautiously on her back. She didn't even flinch this time, but almost leaned in to it. He tried to speak, but realized his voice was caught in his throat and tears were clouding his vision. Rachel starting school left him with a sense of emptiness he'd never experienced before. She had been with him, almost constantly, since Abigail left—and now she was gone.
Suddenly his legs felt wobbly and he dragged the second barstool closer with his foot so he could keep his hand gently stroking Juliet's back. But before he sat down, she suddenly rose, spun, and wrapped her arms around his core. After the initial shock wore off, he wrapped his arms firmly around her and held her tight, leaning on her for support as she leaned on him and he couldn't help but think this was the way things were supposed to be.
"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" She yelled as she ran for her daddy's arms. He was standing right where he said he would. Right next to Ms. Juliet.
"Hey Princess." He said and she laughed as he swung her around before holding her close. "How was your first day?"
"Awesome! Guess what? There's only one seat between me and Rebecca and my teacher is really nice and I'm the only kid in the whole class who knows how to tie shoes but I promised I'd teach Rebecca so that she can do it too." So much had happened that she wanted to tell her Daddy but she didn't even know where to start. "Oh and at recess we got to play on the jungle gym and go down the slides and there's even swings!" She looked over to see Rebecca telling her mommy things too. Rebecca was lucky that she had a mommy. As she looked around, she realized that her daddy was really the only daddy there, everyone else had a mommy.
"You okay Baby Girl?" Her daddy looked like he did when she was sick or sad.
"I got scared a little when we first walk-ded in, but I thought of you like you said and I wasn't so scared anymore."
"I'm glad." He blew a raspberry on her cheek and she giggled—it felt funny. "You ready to go home?"
She nodded. "Bye Rebecca! Bye Ms. Juliet!"
Rebecca waved bye and Ms. Juliet said, "Bye! And thanks again Shawn." And then she smiled and looked real happy.
"Thanks?" She asked her daddy as he started walking toward Gramp's truck.
"She came over to the house while you were at school."
She looked at him, trying to see what he wasn't saying. "What did you do?"
"Oh, you know. Cried, unpacked boxes, cried some more."
"Cried?" She asked with disbelief. Her daddy didn't cry.
"It's what parents do when we send our kids to school the first day. We cry. It's why I didn't have to work today."
He set her down by the door and got her booster seat out of the back of the truck. "What do you do now, Daddy?"
"I'm a Psychic for the Santa Barbara Police Department." He said as he got her seat ready and lifted her into it.
"Psychic? Like in the cartoons? I think I'm one too!"
He laughed as he got in his side and started the truck. "Why do you think that?"
"I can see the future." She said matter-of-factly.
"Oh yeah, what do you see?"
She just smiled. It wasn't exactly like in the shows, but when she saw her daddy look at Ms. Juliet, she felt kind of psychic. "I'm not telling you, or it won't come true." He gave her a funny look, one he kept giving her, but before he said anything else, she started telling him about everything that happened today.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Sorry this one is super long but I had a lot to cover! There were a lot of emotions going on here, but hopefully you stuck with me!
Snyders…I have a feeling you're right…just not in this chapter, stay tuned!
Psychic17…they are very similar, but they're also a little bit different than their parents, more so Rachel than Rebecca, but yeah, we'll see how they develop. And have a pineapple for your first review! {#}
Izzyoceangirl…thanks! I'm actually surprised at how well this storyline works. I mean obviously I prefer how it happened in the show (and could've even preferred it happening earlier…) but it's cool to mess with reality (or television I suppose…) Pineapple for you too! {#}
Potato…school has it's ups and downs, but Kindergarten was the BEST! And I agree, I know I'm the one writing this and drawing it out, but it's difficult as a fellow shipper… :D And December could not come quick enough, I go home for the first time since August three days before the Musical premieres!
Sunshine…Hallo! Your English was excellent and I'm so glad you like the story! Thank you for reviewing! Pineapple for you as well {#}
And why not, Snyders and Potato get pineapples too {#} {#} :)
Also, and I swear I'm done after this, I have two chapters written for later in the timeline and they're SO GOOD-in my opinion, so hang with me! Y'all are great. Read and review as always! :)
