Chapter Nine - This Ain't Lust, I Know This Is Love

Hermione could not sit still. After an hour of mindless, delectable nonsense with Draco, her brain had begun to function again. The boys had to come to the cabin to hear Draco's supposedly "helpful" information, which meant that they would also be officially meeting the boy that she was in love with. She could feel an anxiety attack coming on.

She had sent Harry a Galleon message ("dinner at my new place. keep an open mind, k?") and was getting ready to go retrieve her two best friends now. She had been corresponding with Harry throughout the past couple of hours. The boys were now aware of the nature of the situation - that Hermione's "mystery lover" had important information - but that did little to ease her nerves.

"You look green," Draco commented. He was lounging on the bed, dressed in jeans and a light grey polo, looking entirely relaxed. "Like literally green," he elaborated. "I'd always thought that was some dramatized description."

"Well," she said, "considering the fact that I'm getting ready to bring my best friends into a house with someone who they consider to be the spawn of Satan, I think my complexion is understandable. I mean, this is kind of a big deal."

"What, afraid I'll embarrass you or say something rude?" he asked, mocking.

"I'm afraid that someone will end up dead."

"Merlin, Hermione, we're all adults aren't we?"

"Generally, yes," she mumbled. "But none of us have a history of getting along. You and I still barely tolerate each other."

"I think we tolerate each other just fine," he said, taking her hand and pulling her down next to him.

"No, no, no," she denied him, standing back up. "I just fixed my hair."

"I like it messy."

"And I like to not be blatantly sexed up by my current plaything when I bring my previous plaything over to meet him. I've got to go. Start dinner, OK? Something nice? I'll be back in thirty minutes tops."

"Don't forget to breath," he said teasingly as he followed her down the stairs. He spun her around when they reached the living room and gave her a goodbye kiss - mussing up her hair a little, just to rile her up.

"A kiss goodbye?" she questioned. "Careful, I might start to think you'll miss me."

"Just getting one last kiss in before Pot Head and Weasel kill you," he quipped, smirking.

"You're despicable," she glared, stepping outside. "Besides, it's you that they'll be killing," she added, smirking right back.

He slammed the door in her face.


Harry and Ron had packed up camp and were waiting anxiously. Ron began questioning her immediately while Harry sulked quietly beside him.

"I just need you to trust me," she said, interrupting Ron mid-rant. "This isn't easy for me to do, but he has information that we need. I need you both to promise me that you'll give me a chance. This isn't how any of us predicted that it would go. Just trust me, OK? No matter who he ends up being. I need you to trust me."

"So he's someone terrible," Ron inferred.

"He… was," she said, carefully. "He tried to be, at least."

"Oh, so you changed him?" Harry asking, sarcastically.

"No," she said, "I gave him a chance to be something other than what everyone else expected him to be. I can't lie to you, Harry, he's still a bastard. But he's not the monster he tried to be."

"Well I'm convinced so far," Ron snorted.

"Before we go, though, can I speak with Harry alone?" she asked. Ron sighed and walked away from them at a clipped pace, mumbling to himself. Harry turned to her, then, and the look in his eyes made her want to cry. "I just felt that I should warn you about something before we leave," she said.

"More surprises?" he asked, attempting a small laugh.

"I just need to tell you a few things," she said. "Because… there's no easy way to say this, Harry, so I'm just going to tell you. In order to get this information, I'm going to make an Unbreakable Vow to D-" an invisible force cut her off, then, making her choke on the word. She quickly recovered and continued, reminding herself to simply use pronouns, "with him. It's the only way he'll tell us."

"I can't let you do that," Harry shook his head. "If you break the Vow, you'll die!"

"He's making one, too," she told him, "and the Vow he's making will be much more in depth than mine. The Vow isn't the issue, anyway, because I'm going to do it whether you approve or not. The reason I'm telling you about it is that the promise I'm making to him will have an effect on you."

"How?"

She took a breath and averted her eyes before answering quietly. "I'm promising to remain… err… faithful to him…"

"Which means that you can't ever be with me," Harry finished, scowling. "Herms, you can't promise that."

"I love him, Harry," she said, pleading. "He's sacrificing a lot to help us, and this is all that he's asking in return. He wants to be set free from the cabin and he wants me to be faithful to him. If this is all it will take for us to finally have the upper hand in this war, then I am more than willing to sacrifice my rights."

"And what about me?" Harry asked. "What about what I want? What about my feelings, Herms? And what about your feelings for me? I thought you loved me, too."

"Oh, Harry," she whispered. "I do. And if it weren't for him then I think that…" she trailed off and bit her lip. "I know I would be with you, for the rest of eternity, if it weren't for him. But I love him, too, and I want him."

"And you don't want me."

She felt a tear slip down her face. "I don't know what you want me to say," she murmured, taking his hand. "I can't change what my heart wants."

"I'm just asking for a chance, Hermione," Harry said. "A chance to take you on a date or… I don't know, Herms. Just a chance."

"To what, Harry? Get to know me?" she smiled softly at that. "But we already know each other so well. And we've had a chance. Maybe it wasn't a public relationship, but it was as much of a chance as we can have right now."

"And it wasn't enough," he scowled.

"No," she replied, honestly.

"But it was real," he argued, pulling her against him and tilting her chin up. "Remember this?" he asked, bending down to kiss her. "And this?" he kissed her neck and held her close. "Gods, I love you."

She gently guided his head back up from her neck and touched her forehead to his, closing her eyes. "I love you, too, Harry, and I'll never forget you." She kissed him, then, trying to memorize the feel of his mouth and the texture of his hair.

When she finished, she pulled away and dropped her arms.

"You won't change your mind?" he asked, still holding her waist.

"I won't," she confirmed.

"I won't either," he said.

They called Ron back over, then, for there was nothing left to discuss. She pulled her two best friends close to her, instructing them to wrap their arms around her waist. "Hold tight," she ordered. She pulled a portkey out of her pocket, took a deep, shaky, breath, and prepared herself for what was to come.


Hermione was prepared for screaming and hexes. She was prepared for outrage. She was not prepared for the tense, impenetrable silence. Ron and Harry had been silently fuming since Draco appeared in the doorway. They were seated on the couch now, avoiding eye contact. Draco was sitting in a chair, staying quiet and still. He pulled Hermione to sit on the armrest, draping an arm around her waist.

"You're fucking joking," Ron snarled after glancing at them. "First you choose Harry over me, then the Ferret? He's a murderer!"

"Technically," Draco said, "she chose me first."

Hermione smacked Draco up side the head. "Ron, Harry told us months ago that it was Snape who killed Dumbledore," she said. Ron glared. "Now, we're all adults here," she went on, mimicking Draco's earlier observation, "so let's act like it."

"He must have hexed you into loving him," Harry supplied, keeping his tone even.

"He hexed me, yes," she agreed, "but that's not what caused this. I would get along with him much better if I was under a spell."

"But it's Malfoy, Hermione! You two hate each other."

"We don't like each other much, but I'm all he's got and he's… not so bad."

"I just can't understand," Harry said.

"And you think it makes sense to us?" she asked. "You think I ***want*** to want him? That he's happy about wanting me? I can't explain it or describe it, Harry. I have to accept that despite everything, I do want him. It's illogical and stupid, but it's what I want."

"If you had just given me a chance…" Harry murmured.

"Will the both of you just shut up?" Draco cut in. "There are more important things to discuss."

"I can't believe you think that this bastard cares about you as much as I do," Harry said.

"Fuck it all, Potter!" Draco yelled. "What do you want me to say to convince you? I'm sitting here next to her and putting up with the both of you. Is that not any kind of proof?"

"You have ulterior motives," Harry observed.

"Yes, I want to get out of this cabin," Draco agreed. "I want to clear my name so that I don't have to hide anymore. But I'm willing to make an Unbreakable Vow to Hermione. I'm willing to betray my entire family and offer priceless information to help you lot win this war. I've got nothing left, Potter. I won't go back to where I was, and this is the only way I can move forward."

"So you're using her - manipulating her - so that you can escape," Harry said.

"Merlin," Draco cursed. He leaned forward, dropping his head into his hands for a moment, composing himself. "This is not easy to admit and it's even more difficult to comprehend but I do… I, erm, I do love her. And I do not use that word lightly because I am aware of its implications. No matter how different and difficult she and I both are, we're somehow… supposed to be together.

"She's been impossibly patient and compassionate to me these past months. With the exception of my mother, I cannot think of another person on earth who has cared about me in the way that she has. She's beautiful and kind and infuriatingly perfect and the fact that you two are sitting here, clearly head over heels for her as well, is just more proof of how impossible it is to resist her.

"So, yeah, maybe I'm using her to get out of this goddamn cabin," Draco agreed. "But once I get out, I fully intend on spending the rest of my foreseeable life doing the best that I can to repay her for what she's done for me. I don't know what else you want me to say, Potter. Do you want me to purchase a fucking diamond and put in on her finger?"

"Fuck no," Harry spat. "You've always been a fantastic actor, Malfoy. Who's to say you're not acting now?"

"Didn't you hear the part about an Unbreakable Vow?" Hermione interjected.

"He'll find a way out of it," Harry scoffed.

"Then you can help us draw up the terms," Draco countered. "Both of you can," he directed this to Ron.

"The point is that I am with Draco and that he has information that we need," Hermione summed up, finally recovering from the shock of Draco's speech a few moments ago. Though it meant something to hear him tell her he loved her, it was so much bigger when he expressed those feelings to her best friends. "If we can all just take a step back, and take a few deep breaths, I think that we can figure out a way to make everyone happy in this situation."

"Except for Harry," Ron said. "Either way, you're still going to be fucking Malfoy." Hermione winced.

"Harry gets to save the world," Draco scoffed. "What could be better than that?"

"Not by himself," Ron argued. "Hermione and I will help!"

"But he's the Chosen One, Ronald," Hermione said. "Harry, after the war is over and Voldemort is gone, then you can live a normal life. Isn't that worth it to you?" She crossed the room to sit beside him on the couch, taking one of his clenched hands in hers. "We're talking about saving the entire wizarding world, Harry. At some point, we've got to get over this small hiccup and move on. If we keep spending all of our time arguing about this, we won't even have a chance at the war."

Harry mulled it all over, searching her eyes. He finally unclenched his hand and squeezed his fingers around hers. "OK," he conceded. "But if he hurts you…"

"I wouldn't expect anything less," she smiled, hugging him tightly.

"As touching as this is, we really should move the conversation forward," Draco drawled.

"Right," Hermione agreed. She retreated to sit on the armrest again. "So, where should we begin."

"We should begin with drawing up the terms for the Unbreakable Vow, obviously," Draco said. Hermione's eyes widened.

"Right now?" she squeaked.

"Of course right now," he snorted. "I'm not giving either of you the slightest hint of information until I know that my future is safe."

The anxiety attack that had been threatening to surface all day was now knocking at her door.


She placed her hand in Draco's nearly two hours later. She registered that his hand was shaking just as much as hers were - and rightfully so. Her mind raced back through the terms of their freshly drawn up Vows again, trying to ensure that there were no loopholes. It was all happening so fast. Just a week ago she was convinced that she would never willingly go to see that blonde bastard again and now here she was, holding hands with him in front of her best friends, getting ready to make an Unbreakable Vow.

She glanced sideways at Harry and felt sick for a moment. Harry. In a few moments, after a few muttered words and a spell, she would never be able to be with Harry ever again. Unless, of course, she wanted to drop dead. The only way she could ever be with Harry was if Draco decided to dissolve their relationship. Since he was vowing to never kiss another woman, though, she highly doubted that that would ever happen. She felt her throat tighten and heard the familiar tachy beat of her heart pounding through her head. Oh, god, Merlin, shit, fuck, hell.

"I think she's going to pass out," Harry observed quietly.

"Granger," Malfoy said gruffly, clenching his fingers around hers and shaking her arm roughly.

"Fuck," she whispered. Her entire body was shaking now and she felt like she was going to be sick. "Oh, fuck. I can't… I can't. Oh, gods."

"I think we need a moment," Malfoy growled at Harry. Harry looked to Hermione for confirmation only to find that her eyes were shut tightly. "Now," Malfoy insisted.

Hermione tried to regulate her breathing while she listened to the boys leave through the front door.

"Talk, Granger," Draco ordered, dropping her hand.

"I can't promise to never be in a relationship again," she said. "It's a ridiculous thing to ask of me. Of anyone, really."

"What are you talking about? You were OK with this just ten minutes ago."

"I just need… I need more," she searched. "I thought I could do this, but I don't think that I can give up relationships. As pathetic as it sounds, I need relationships. I want relationships."

"You've lost me, Granger. You're not making sense. The only thing you're promising is that you won't snog or fuck anyone else."

"Right," she said, "no boyfriends. And no boyfriends means no possibility of marriage or a real future. I'm signing away all of my possibilities."

"You have a boyfriend right now," he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"But you're… you."

"And?"

"What if I need more? What if I have a bad day and need consoling? What if I ***want*** a boyfriend who gives me birthday presents? I deserve those things, Malfoy, and I know I can't ask you to change, so I don't know if I can-"

"Shut up, Granger," he drawled. She snapped her jaw together and stared at him. "If this is going to work, we're both going to have to figure out how to compromise. I'm not going to sugar coat anything and I know I'll never be the perfect boyfriend, but I'm fucking trying!

"Do you honestly think that if you came crying to me that I would shut you out? Just because I don't express anything but anger doesn't mean that I'm a total bastard. You… you saved my life, Granger, and if it's that important to you, then I can get you a birthday present. It won't be spectacular or heartfelt, but if you want it, I'll buy you one every year.

"I'm not perfect, Hermione," he said. Her eyes shot up and locked onto his at the mention of her first name. "But I am ready to start moving on. I refuse to turn into my father and I refuse to become like Potter or any of you other goody-goodies, so it will be difficult for me to figure out who I want to be. The point is, though, that I want to be something - someone - different. As long as you're patient with me, I'll try to be someone who is a good boyfriend, OK?"

She bit her lip and cocked her head. "Promise?" she asked. "Promise you'll rub my back when I cry?"

"I promise I'll rub your back when you cry," he repeated, pulling her to him.

"Promise you'll give me birthday presents?"

"Every year," he swore.

"Then OK," she nodded, "I can do this."


Hermione took a deep breath and rubbed her thumb across Draco's hand. Harry placed the tip of his wand on their joined hands. She glanced down at the paper in her other hand and began to read. "Will you share all of the information that you possess about Lord Voldemort, his plans for the war, and his horcruxes with everyone in this room?"

"I will," he answered. They both flinched in surprise as a rope of fire wound its way around their hands.

"Will you promise remain loyal to me above all others - including yourself?"

"I will," he swore. Another rope of fire appeared.

"Will you promise to never partake in physical pleasures with anyone other than me for the remainder of your life?"

"I will," he said, nodding once as the a third rope of fire twisted around their hands, swirling around with the other two for a few moments before all three of them disappeared. Hermione handed the paper to Draco, then, and prepared herself to answer his questions.

"Hermione," he began, locking eyes with her for a moment, "will you retrieve Severus Snape to assure my freedom from this cabin immediately following this ceremony?"

"I will," she nodded.

"Will you promise to make fair decisions regarding our future?"

"I will," she said.

"And will you promise to never partake in physical pleasures with anyone other than me for the remainder of our committed relationship?"

"I will," she swore. It had taken everything in her to not glance at Harry before answering that last question. It was his idea, after all, to change that specific term of the Vow: "for the remainder of our committed relationship." The relationship would have to be formally and adequately dissolved by both parties in order for her to be allowed to be with anyone else.

As she watched the three ropes of fire from this second Vow disappear, she felt strangely at ease.

It was finished.


It was nearly two am when the small group of teenagers finally recognized their exhaustion. Hermione had retrieved Snape mere moments after their ceremony. He had been displeased, to say the least, but undid the spell on Draco anyway. When he left - just a few short minutes after his angry arrival - he wished Hermione a sarcastic good luck and asked that they not "do anything else stupid for the remainder of the day."

After Snape left, they gathered in the small living room and gave Draco the spotlight. his top secret, elite information had been exactly what the trio needed. He not only knew where all of the remaining horcruxes were, but he also provided them with detailed information about each and every Death Eater. Hermione had recorded every fact and figure diligently. By the end of the night, there were papers strewn all over the cabin floor and Hermione's hand was aching.

"You two should stay here," Hermione suggested as she gathered up her notes.

"'Mione I-" Harry began.

"It's perfectly safe," she interrupted. "Snape made sure that no one would be able to locate this spot. I can transfigure this furniture into a bed and we can get up after a few hours of sleep to finish planning everything else."

"I'm not going to stay here with him," Ron said, staring pointedly at Draco.

"She's right, though," Harry said. "This would be a safe place to stay tonight. There's no sense going somewhere else and taking the time to set up camp and put up wards. We'll be leaving in the morning anyway."

Ron crossed his arms and leaned back into the couch. He stood up a moment later, watching as she transfigured the chair and the couch into two full sized beds. No one said another word until Hermione and Draco walked towards the stairway.

"Wait," Ron called, "where are you going, 'Mione?"

"She's sleeping upstairs with me," Draco said, placing a protective hand on the small of her back. "It's what she's been doing for months now."

"Yeah, except for when she was sleeping with Harry," Ron laughed. "It doesn't mean that I want to see it," he said, adding "or hear it, either," a moment later.

"We're just sleeping," Hermione assured him. Draco shot her a look and she ignored him. She walked across the room, hugging Ron first and then Harry. "I'll see you both in the morning," she promised. "Good night."


Hermione and Draco got ready for bed in silence. She pulled on a t-shirt from one of his drawers and took her hair out of the bun it had been in all day. When she turned around, he was holding her wand. She froze in place, shooting him a questioning look.

"Silencio," he whispered. He tossed the wand across the room to her, letting her catch it before he strolled lazily towards her.

"It's late," she said, shivering involuntarily when he slid his hand up her arm to the back of her neck.

"I'm not tired," he said, bending low to kiss her neck. "Very, very awake."

"I can see that," she said, glancing downwards. "But-"

"Forget about them," Draco said, kissing her forehead. "They can't hear us anyway. It's been a long day and I behaved for the duration of it. I deserve a reward."

"Malfoy," she protested, but he was already backing towards the bed, pulling her with him. When his calves hit the edge of the mattress, he fell backwards, tugging her on top of him. "Malfoy," she repeated, rolling off of him.

"Yes, Granger?" he asked, rolling onto his side and pulling her flush against him.

"It doesn't feel right," she said. "I felt bad enough doing it when Harry wasn't here."

"I thought we discussed this," he said, inching her t-shirt up over her hip. "Remember? The deal was that I wouldn't betray you and that you, in return, would be wholly responsible for satisfying my libido. It needs satisfying, Granger."

"Those were not the exact terms," she shook her head. "I promised to be faithful to you. That doesn't mean that I'm required to have sex with you whenever you want it. Besides, what if the silencing spell didn't work?"

He sat up abruptly, frightening her, and yelled Potter's name at the top of his lungs. They both waited a few moments and then Draco looked down at her, smirking.

"Point proven," she conceded. "But I just don't feel up to it tonight. Not with them both just a few feet away and-"

"Not in the mood?" he interpreted. "I can fix that."

She didn't have time to protest. He pushed her onto her back, fixing his mouth against hers as he slid one hand lightly across her stomach and between her legs. She mumbled in protest against his lips but contradicted herself in the next second by moaning and tugging at his hair. She was breathing heavily when he moved his lips to her neck while continuing to tease her with a feather-soft touch.

"Gods, Malfoy," she whispered, biting her lip.

"In the mood now?" he asked. He smirked as wriggled beneath him, pressing her hips upwards.

"I really hate you," she murmured, pushing a hand up under his shirt. She realized, then, just how cold she was - and how impossibly warm he was. She tugged his shirt over his head and helped him take her own off before pulling him on top of her. She sighed happily and wrapped her arms tightly around him, absorbing as much of his heat as she could.

"You're freezing," he said while unhooking her bra.

"You're not," she hummed, pressing up against him. "You should share your body heat."

"I'll share a lot more than that," he promised, returning to his earlier tasks. She pressed her face against his warm neck, kissing him once before biting lightly. He groaned and countered by slipping her underwear down her thighs. "I want you," he demanded.

"I suppose we should make tonight count," she agreed, slipping a few fingers into the band of his boxers. All of his ministrations came to an abrupt halt. "Malfoy?" she asked, an unintentional whine to her voice. She tugged at his waistband.

"You're going with them, aren't you?" he asked. His voice was gruff.

"What did you think was going to happen?" she asked, confused.

"You're going to leave me here in this cabin," he stated. "Again."

"I'm not leaving you here," she told him, scooting up to sit beside him and pulling the blankets up to her shoulders. "But I'm going to have to leave you somewhere. I can't take you with me. You'll have to stay with some of the Order members until we get back."

"Right," he sneered, "because I'll be able to survive a few days in a house full of people who hate my fucking guts."

"This was your plan, Malfoy," she reminded him. "Unbreakable Vow? Going to the Order for protection? You came up with this."

"But I thought you'd be staying with me, not running off with Pot Head and the Weasel to save the world while I fight off Order members."

"They're not going to do anything to you now that you've made an Unbreakable Vow to me," she said. She moved to sit on his lap, straddling him and wrapping her arms around his torso. "It will only take us a day or two at most to get all of the horcruxes what with all of the information that you gave us. Once we have the horcruxes, the war is ours. Once the war is over, you'll be free. This was all your idea, Malfoy. Remember? I don't understand why you're so upset about this."

"Because I fucking assumed that you would stay with me after all that I've given you," he sneered. "I gave you every speck of information that I had. I have nothing left to use for leverage, Granger, and all I'm asking in return is that you stay with me."

"It's just a few days," she repeated, leaning forward to nestle her face against his neck.

"And what if you die in the war, Granger? What happens then?"

"The Order members will take care of you."

"They will not," he disagreed. "Not unless I make a Vow to one of them. If you're dead, I'm loyal to no one. Stay with me."

"I can't," she shook her head.

"Then let me go with you," he ordered. "I'm not staying here and I am not going to stay somewhere in a house with any fucking Weasleys and Order members unless you're there. You won't stay with me, so the only option left is for you to take me with you."

"Everyone is looking for you, Malfoy," she said. "They think you killed Dumbledore. That's what Snape told the Dark Lord, isn't it? That's why he's got you in hiding."

"Then I'll stay in the tent if you're going someplace public. You Vowed that you would make fair decisions about our future and I don't think that you're being fair about this. We need to compromise, remember?"

"What we need to do is keep you safe," she corrected. "I think you'll be safer with the Order."

"And I disagree. Besides, what's the real difference between hiding me in a tent in the middle of nowhere and hiding me in a safe house?"

She bit her lip and closed her eyes. He was impossible and infuriating. And he was right.

"Fine," she said. "It's your life, I suppose."

"You're a saint, Granger," he said, huskily, pulling her down into a kiss.

"And you're a spoiled bastard," she told him. "You're not always going to get your way, Malfoy."

"Only when it counts," he smirked, flipping her over.

He spent the next hour thoroughly rewarding her - three times over - for her superb compromising skills, and thanking Merlin for the "silencio" spell.

A/N

So, it's been a small chunk of forever since I last updated. I've got excuses, but they're probably not worth listening to ;) I'd love to pick up more reviews on this story, though. I really enjoy writing it, but it's difficult to stay motivated when I'm generating such a small amount of support. I really - REALLY! - am still working on the next chapter of Can You Keep A Secret, too, but it's taking forever, so I apologize for that, too.

Anyway, reviews would be wonderful! Good, bad, happy, sad, I don't care! Any kind of feedback will do :)

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