Disclaimer: I do not own CM, but I do own my OCs and my plot.
She goes from one addiction to another. All are ways for her to not feel her feelings. - Ellen Burstyn
Spencer knew by the look on Macy's face that something was wrong. As soon as he stepped through the door of the small apartment, the petite, youthful girl whose hair was dyed a vibrant blue now, greeted him with her arms crossed. The way she looked up at him under her bangs reminded Spencer of vengeful, undead Asian children from horror films.
"Whatever you did, you better fix it." Macy threatened.
"Macy, I have no idea what I did wrong." Spencer said. "Where's Grace? What's wrong?"
Macy rolled her eyes and pointed down the hallway to the guest bedroom where Grace had barricaded herself since late Christmas Eve. Spencer knocked on the door.
"Fuck off, Mace!" Grace groaned.
"Grace, sweetheart, it's me, Spencer."
"Go away, Spencer." Grace begged.
Spencer sighed. "Please Grace, you're being childish, tell me what's wrong."
"No, I said go away!" Grace sobbed.
Spencer balled his fists and closed his eyes. Grace's emotions were trying, but he had never felt as frustrated as he did now. He sighed and went to the living room where Macy was sitting with Ty.
"Macy, what happened?" Spencer asked. "She was getting better."
Macy shrugged. "She usually gets like this around Christmas."
"Why?"
"Because she's immature and stupid." Macy replied.
Spencer was confused. Macy and Grace were the closest sisters he had ever encountered, mostly due to the fact that Grace had raised Macy and they were the only people who understood the things that the other had endured in their childhood. Spencer could see no reason for what Macy had just said except that she was angry at her sister and was lashing out. Macy couldn't stand to see Grace in need of help because she was supposed to be the strong, independent woman who raised her. Macy did not want to accept this alternative view of her sister.
"Macy, that's not fair." her husband said. "She's been through enough, leave her alone."
Spencer had always wondered about the cross that Ty wore around his neck. He had feared that Grace's brother-in-law would be judgemental of her troubled past, but he seemed to be concerned and sympathetic.
"Then why does she have to ruin every Christmas like this?" Macy asked. "Damn it Ty, this is our first Christmas as a married couple and look what she does! Everything has to be about her all the damn time!"
"Macy, did anything traumatic happen around Christmastime when you and Grace were kids?" Spencer asked.
Macy shrugged. "Mum and Dad always fought, but we were used to that. When we were older was when Grace started to act like this."
"Do you remember why?" Spencer asked.
"Stop interrogating me!" Macy demanded.
"Macy, he's just trying to help Grace." Ty assured her.
"She hated Christmas because of all the pressure our family would put on her." Macy answered Spencer's question. "She hated them. So did I. She hasn't acted like this since she got clean though."
Spencer jumped out of the armchair he had been sitting in and ran to the guestroom.
"Spencer, what are you doing?" Macy asked.
"I'll pay to fix the door." he said frantically before kicking it beside the doorknob.
The door burst open and Spencer ran to Grace.
"Show me your arms." he ordered.
"No." Grace said, backing up against the wall.
Spencer sat on the bed beside her and grabbed her arm. He pushed up the sleeve of her sweater, but did not see what he expected to see. There were no tract marks, her arms were bare. Realizing that Grace was too smart to leave scars in a place as visible as her arms, Spencer reached for her feet. Having become quiet paranoid about the physical signs of his own drug use, he had injected himself with Dilaudid in the veins between his toes several times. Grace's own feet, after he had managed to seize them were free of injections sites as well.
Spencer was confused, but not for long. If Grace was not injecting heroin, she must be smoking it. He began to tear the room apart in search of her stash.
"It's in the nightstand drawer." Grace said when she realized what Spencer was doing.
He looked at her, frowned and opened the drawer. Inside he found a small bag of heroin, a syringe, a spoon and a lighter.
"I haven't used any." Grace said.
"Then why do you...?"
Grace sighed and patted the bed beside her, inviting Spencer to sit beside her.
"Please, just humour me." Grace said when she saw Spencer hesitating.
Spencer stood in front of her for another moment, looking angry and confused until he finally sat down on the bed beside his girlfriend, keeping his distance, but staring deep into her green eyes.
"I... I started craving a couple weeks ago." Grace explained. "I... I bought a small stash so I could prove to myself that I could stay away."
"Grace, that's... that's the worst idea I've ever heard of!" Spencer exclaimed.
"I... I just needed to know I was strong enough." Grace mumbled.
Spencer's face lit up the way it did when he found the answer to a question. "What happened?" he asked, knowing there must have been some event that had triggered these feelings in Grace after her mood had been improving so well.
"My mother called." Grace sighed. "She called to talk to the daughter she loves, but I didn't check the caller ID when I answered."
Spencer wrapped his arms around Grace and kissed the top of her head.
"It's been years since I talked to her." Grace continued. "It's good to know I'm still not good enough though." Her voice cracked on the last word and Spencer could tell she was on the brink of tears.
Suddenly, things started to make sense. Of course the root of most of Grace's psychological problems, as Freudian as it sounded, was her mother. Grace never felt like she was good enough for her mother, the woman who by society's definition of the word was supposed to love her unconditionally and take care of her. With her mother out of her mind for awhile, Grace had improved, but hearing from her again had destroyed any progress she had made.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart." Spencer whispered as he held on to Grace, expecting her to start crying at any moment.
"It's just not fair." Grace said. "I've spent my entire life trying to be the daughter she wanted, the son she wanted, I guess, but nothing's ever good enough. Even now that I'm sober and I've got an awesome job and an amazing boyfriend, I'm still a failure in her eyes. I wish Daddy was still alive, I bet he'd be proud of me."
"Grace, do you remember when I told you about my father?" Spencer asked. Grace nodded, looking slightly puzzled, then he continued, "You told me that he didn't know what he was missing. Why can't you see that your mother doesn't deserve you. You don't need to worry about her, Grace."
Grace looked Spencer dead in the eye, her own now free of any tears that might fall. "You know just as well as I do that that's a whole lot easier to say than it is to believe."
Spencer sighed then gave Grace a pleading look. "Please just try? For me?"
Grace sighed and leaned her head on Spencer's shoulder. "I love you." she said.
"I love you too."
"Well you look... rested." Ty laughed as Grace dragged herself into the small kitchen the next morning.
"And you look like a high school kid with all that acne on your face." Grace retorted. "Mace, that better be real bacon in that frying pan, not that damn turkey stuff."
"Of course it's real." Macy replied. "And how could you say she looks rested, Ty?" she asked her husband. "You heard what went down in there last night."
Grace turned a bright shade of red. Both her and Spencer had forgotten that the bedroom door was broken when they made love the night before, and again that morning. Macy and Ty had heard everything.
Grace jumped when she felt a pair of slender hands on her hips and lips on her shoulder. She turned around to see Spencer standing behind her, fully dressed.
"Mmm... good morning." Grace smiled as Spencer wrapped her in his arms. "Why are you dressed already?" she asked him.
"Because I have to go buy your sister a new door." Spencer replied. "I don't think her or Ty really want to hear us tomorrow night."
"Thank you!" Macy exclaimed, rolling her eyes.
Grace just blushed some more and his her face until she heard her cell phone ringing on Macy's counter. She dashed across the kitchen the answer the call.
"Hey Jaje," Grace greeted her friend. "How was your Christmas?"
Spencer saw the smile on his girlfriend's face disappear as she said, "Oh, OK... We'll be there as soon as we can... Alright, see ya."
Grace sighed and turned around to face Spencer. "Looks like you won't be getting that door today." she laughed halfheartedly.
A/N: I know, I know, it's been far too long since I've updated and there's really no excuse for it, but I apologize nonetheless. This story was just dragging me down for awhile and I was losing faith in it and I received some rather negative feedback and I was dealing with things in my personal life. It's still no excuse though. It's just that this story was my escape from real life for so long, then I ended up needing an escape from the story. Anyway, I feel like I'm getting back on track now and it may be awhile, but there will be a next chapter.
Also, I had an idea, but I'm just wondering what my readers think. Should I do side series for the other pairings I've created in Threshold (Hotch/Ainsley, Prentiss/Leonard)? If I do, it'll just be a small side project that I won't start until summer, but what do you guys think?
Oh, another question I had for you guys was what do you think of a story with Reid as a dilaudid addicted criminal? Not criminal as in serial killer, there's enough of those stories on here, but just a thieving drug addict who's part of an (almost) gang. Sorry if this idea sounds extremely weird, it's just that it has something to do with an idea I had for the Threshold series. I won't say anything on here, but if you inbox me with your opinion on this, I'll tell you a bit about why I'm asking.
