She hated seeing the older woman cry, especially when she knew it was her fault, and Jane's hands squeezed hard at her thighs. "Stop crying."
Emily shook her head, bringing her hands up to wipe away the tears.
"Just stop crying," Jane said forcefully, her own tears falling from her eyes at the look of hurt on her ex-wife's face. "Stop!"
Emily gasped, her eyes widening when the younger woman grabbed her hands and pulled them toward her to stop her from wiping at her cheeks. Looking into those dark eyes that had scared her when they were screaming at one another outside the hospital, Emily let out a breath. "Please," she whispered. "I just want to know why. What have I done wrong?"
The detective's grip loosened just slightly on the other mother's wrists, knowing that if she kept that tight a hold on her that she would lose circulation. "You didn't do anything," the brunette sighed. "I get it, I get that you didn't kill her."
"You've always yelled at me, blamed me. Do you know what it was like to have guilt for Bambi dying and then have you make everything one hundred percent worse?"
Jane held her ex's wrists tighter at the words coming from her mouth.
Emily moved a little closer to the console that separated them, looking at the younger woman with her reddened eyes. "Did you know that after we fought and you went to sleep with Sammy in her room, I slept in Bambi's?"
"You did?"
"Every night, after I watched you walk into the room down the hall, I thought I'd go into Bambi's room and it would make me feel better; make me feel closer to her, you know?" Her doe eyes were begging for the younger woman to understand the pain she had gone through. "But I'd sit by the starter bed she had only slept in for a week before I started crying. I had just lost her, and then I felt like I was losing you."
Jane's lips curled in as she watched Emily glance down to their hands. "I'm right here," she tried to say, her voice failing to work as her heart tore in two. How could she have done something like that to her wife? "And I'm so sorry."
"You hated me, didn't you?"
"No," she cried, her curls shaking just as her head did. "What was I supposed to do? Who was I supposed to blame? You were with her when she got hit by the car and I thought you could have done something to stop it. But I get it, ok? I get that you couldn't save her."
Emily sucked in a breath, feeling the cool air coming from the vents hit her sweating skin. "Then did you say it was my fault? Even today you said it was my fault!"
"Well what am I supposed to do?"
"We deal with it together," she insisted, pulling the Italian woman closer by their now connected hands. "It's not my fault and it's not your fault. It's no one's fault but the driver's and I never understood why I didn't blame him to begin with. I blamed myself, and I shouldn't have." Her eyes softened the most they could on the younger woman. "We have to understand that."
Jane felt her chest heave as she began to cry. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed, grabbing Emily by the sides of her head and setting their foreheads together roughly. "I'm so sorry I did that to you."
Emily stayed calm, feeling her heart warming in her chest when she finally heard the vulnerability in her ex's voice. "We have to stick together, ok? We're going to be just fine if we stick together."
"What if Sammy dies? What if we lose another baby?"
"Stop," she stressed, tangling her fingers in Jane's dark hair to keep her calm. "Sammy is going to be just fine, alright? Look at me."
Jane hesitated before glancing up into the older woman's eyes, her breathing mingling with the beautiful woman's as they stared at each other with such love.
She felt her breath leave her at the look she was getting from the beautiful brunette before her, and before she knew it the agent was crashing her lips into the other mother's.
