A/N: Finally a new chapter on this. Remember, this is my story to work on when I'm stuck on the others, so posting was always going to be irregular. That said, I is for Intimate is now here.
So, the first section is in the stories present time, with Leonard still in the hospital. The remainder of the story is a year or so after they'd gotten together again for the final time.
Penny remained seated in the chair, watching Leonard drift off to sleep. She was still unable to touch him or kiss him, as it still brought him pain. The past few days had been rough on the both of them; they'd come to rely on touches, caresses and kisses to provide comfort, to show the love for one another, and that had been taken away from them, forcing them to revert to the rudimentary - and wholly inadequate - method of saying the words.
It just didn't convey the message as well. There was no intimacy in just saying it, the underlying emotion far less clear than a simple caress, holding hands or a well timed kiss. She knew she loved him just as much, as he did her, but they had no good way of letting the other know how deep that love went. It sucked.
A soft smile formed, as Penny thought back to their early relationship. She'd been afraid of saying the words, afraid of the commitment she felt it entailed, but she hadn't realized then that her actions toward him were a much louder message. Yet, the words had to be said every now and then, she knew that now, and she hadn't said them for a long time at the start of their relationship. She'd inadvertently given Leonard mixed signals, causing him to be even more insecure about their relationship.
There never had been intimacy in her other relationships. Just go out for some dancing and drinking, and then have sex. Rinse and repeat and, sometimes, not even with the same guy. Her relationship with Kurt had come close, but Penny could see now that even then there wasn't so much love and intimacy, as there was companionship and a safety net. He sure as hell hadn't loved her, not enough to stay faithful to her. But, even though breaking up with him had hurt at the time, it hadn't been because she lost someone she loved, but rather because she'd felt betrayed.
Kurt definitely hadn't loved her, hadn't once done anything nice just because. Everything he did was done with the expectation of the only reward he felt it deserved: sex. Not that she had been adverse to sex, on the contrary, she had enjoyed it back then and still did to this day. She sighed quietly. Another thing that had been taken away from them: their still very active sex life. Perhaps not as active as thirty years ago, but they'd definitely kept their average up, at least until Leonard's illness had come into play.
She leaned forward, placing her hand as close to him as possible without touching him. She could feel his warmth that way, though that was cold comfort. Still, it made her feel just the tiniest bit better, feeling his warmth. She so desperately wanted to hold him, be held by him, to be in their own little bubble.
Penny sniffed the rose one more time, a smile on her lips. It was just one of the things Leonard would do to show how much he cared about her. Nobody had ever just given her something just because they loved her. No, if any of her former boyfriends had given anything, it was always made clear they expected something in return. Oh, they never really said it directly, but the undertone was always clear. Leonard would never ask for sex in return for giving her something, or doing her a favor. He just did it because he cared for her, loved her.
That's what made her relationship with him so scary; he genuinely loved her, would go through hell and back if she asked him to. When he said he loved her, he meant it. It wasn't some sort of ruse to get her to have sex with him. It was a promise he'd wanted to be with her for the rest of their lives. It scared the crap out of her. She had yet to say she loved him because of it. She wasn't even sure she wanted to settle down yet, wasn't even sure if her feelings for him were even really at the same level as his seem to be.
With a sigh she put the rose in the small shoe box, which was starting to fill up quickly already. She needed to find a bigger box, she thought as she put the lid on it and carefully placed in in the back of her closet. With another sigh, she stood up and started to remove her Cheesecake Factory uniform. What she needed was a nice soak to get the tension out of her.
She'd been to another audition, and once again had been dismissed rather quickly. And then her shift at the Cheesecake Factory had been a disaster with a bunch of high school jocks thinking they could hit on her. She could deal with the remarks, could put on a fake smile, but she drew the line at physical contact. The manager had agreed with her, but after the jocks had left had hinted that perhaps she should flirt less to prevent situations like this. If she didn't need the job so badly, she'd have quit right then. Instead, she'd mumbled her agreement and had continued the shift careful to not do anything that might lead to another hand on her ass.
Penny put on her favorite sweater, even though it wasn't yet cold enough to wear one, especially inside. It just gave her a comfortable feeling, something she currently really needed. The bath had helped some, but she still felt tense. She glanced at her alarm clock and noticed it was only four thirty. It would be a while for the guys would get back from work and she could eat something. She went to her living room, plopped down on the sofa and pulled her laptop toward her. What she needed was some shoe shopping, or at least look at all the shoes she couldn't possibly hope to be able to afford.
After some time her phone pinged, indicating a message had arrived. She automatically smiled when she saw it was Leonard.
Sheldon's upset 'cos, well, he's Sheldon. Doesn't want us to come over tonite. What kind of take-out would you like?
She quickly typed her answer, asking for a vegetarian pizza, then returned to the shoe admiring she'd been doing before, but found she was now less focused, the prospect of having Leonard to herself the entire night a welcome distraction. He always could make her feel better, even by just being there and holding her close. Her mind now kept switching from shoes to Leonard and back, both a source of comfort, though one was much better at it and didn't cost her anything.
She had just about decided to put her laptop away when Leonard entered the apartment, carrying two pizza's. He dumped his messenger bag near the door and then placed the pizza's on her coffee table. He looked at her, glanced at the screen, then back at her. "Bad day, huh?"
Penny nodded and accepted his kiss. "Yeah," she said with a sigh. "Didn't get the part, some jocks thought they could smack my ass and my manager told me not to flirt so hard in the future." She leaned into him as he put an arm around her shoulder, feeling herself relax even further.
Penny was in a very good mood. She'd awoken in the middle of the night, as she'd once referred to the ungodly hour of seven a.m., but she felt amazing. Leonard was sleeping behind her, his arm wrapped around her middle, something that would always happen during the night, and it would always make her feel safe and protected and, above all, loved.
Last night had been spent eating the pizza and watching a couple of her favorite movies. Leonard had held her the entire time and she'd leaned into his side. Unlike previous boyfriends, Leonard would not attempt to talk her into having sex, he was just there for her, doing his best to make her forget the events of the day that had made her feel like crap. He was really good at that. He had once told her he just didn't know what to say to make her feel better, but she'd explained to him that just being there and holding her was exactly what she needed.
After the first movie, the both of them had at the same time mentioned it was getting a bit warm. Penny had changed her sweater into an old T-shirt, and when she returned, Leonard had removed his hoodie. They'd continue the evening cuddled up, Penny now needing to be held by him to keep warm. She'd changed position so she could hold him as well and she loved the closeness. With the thin layers, it didn't take long for Penny's mind to wander in the direction of the bedroom. Leonard might not purposely turn cuddling sessions it into sex, but Penny knew this would happen. It always did, and tonight was clearly no exception.
She was fairly certain Leonard had already figured out his comforting would end up in them having sex, which is exactly what happened and why Penny was currently in very good mood. She wanted to stay like this forever, lying next to this wonderful, loving man. Alas, her bladder had been increasingly insistent on her to get out of bed and she finally did. Just as she had washed her hands, she noticed the two marks Leonard had left, one on each shoulder. She smiled again. Leonard had never really marked her, hell, she'd never let anyone mark her before, but last night it had happened, she'd let it happen.
She immediately decided to wear the top that would leave her shoulders bare. They were going to enjoy their day off, and Penny just wanted everyone to know that she was taken, that Leonard owned her. That meant she'd have to stick close to him, make sure to publicly touch him, hug him, kiss him, just anything that would make it absolutely clear to even the dumbest person that they were together.
"Penny?"
Crap. She squeezed Leonard's hand, trying to let him know he had no reason to worry whatsoever. She didn't bother with a smile as the guy approached them.
"It's so good to see you!"
Penny was far less enthusiastic as she used her free hand to push him away when he didn't end the hug as soon as she'd hoped. "Hi, Mike."
"Wow, you look hot!"
Penny squeezed Leonard's hand again; she knew his insecurities would overload his brain with questions if he was even good enough for her, when she'd break up with him, and none of that was going to happen ever again.
"Hey, we should go out sometime, you and me."
"Wha... Hell no!"
"Why not? We were great together! Is it the blog thing?"
"The blog thing, you in bed with someone else only a few hours after our fight but, most importantly, I already have an amazing boyfriend."
Mike finally seemed to register Leonard. "Him?"
"Yes, him! And you and I were not great together. We didn't have a relationship, we sometimes went out and we had sex."
Mike nodded. "Yeah, I miss us being so intimate."
"Intimate? You thought that was intimate? Intimacy isn't about making out or having sex!" Penny looked at Leonard, her look softening. Leonard had shown her what intimacy was really all about. "Being intimate is him rubbing my arm when we watch a movie without expecting sex." No need to tell this ass that ninety-nine point nine nine nine percent of the time it did result in sex.
"Right," Mike said. "I see two marks on you that say you're not adverse to that."
Penny smirked. "If you recall, I never let you do that. I've never let anyone do that." The last part was directed at Leonard. "I could have covered them up," she continued, "but I chose not to. I want people to know I'm his." Penny turned fully toward Leonard, smiling at him as she grabbed hold of both his hands. "It's only feeling completely relaxed and safe when it's just me and him. It's supporting one another through the rough times. It's saying 'I love you' without using the words. It's not letting the whole world know where and when we do it. Yes, sex is part of our intimate relationship, a large part," she said with a grin, "and I can honestly say it's the best I've ever had."
"Whatever," Mike said, turning away. "You used to be fun."
"She still is," Leonard replied, much to the delight of Penny. "I just don't blog about it."
Penny glanced toward Mike; there was no indication he'd heard the dig, which was fine with her. She turned back to Leonard and pulled him toward her, guiding his arms around her, before she placed her arms on his shoulders, her hands crossing behind his neck. They just stood there like that, the world around them fading away as Penny let all the love she felt for him pour out through their embrace.
When they finally released and resumed their walk, Penny spared one more second thinking about Mike; in a way, he had been the catalyst to the relationship with Leonard she now had, and for that she was thankful. Yes, it had been rocky in the beginning, a lot of insecurities on both sides being the main cause, but she wouldn't ever trade it for a relationship similar to the ones she had before Leonard came into her life.
