2174 CE - Rio, Interplanetary Combatives Training (ICT)
Qualifying for N1
She felt sick - exhaustion settled deep in her bones and she fought a wave of tears as she stared up towards the starry sky. She should be sleeping. She should be...
She blinked, swallowing hard, ready to give up. She closed her eyes, her mind wandering over each ache and pain, her blistered feet protested every wiggle, her bloodied fingers couldn't tear apart another sniper rifle if they wanted. She curled to her side, listlessly staring out to the side.
What was she doing here?
Anderson's face filtered in her mind's eye, the day he rescued her from Mindoir crawled back to the surface. The bright red stripe on his arm had attracted her attention from the first moment she realised he was a friendly and not a slaver. She didn't know what it had meant at the time and now that she knew, she regretted ever getting that letter of commendation from Hackett.
Top of her unit and it hadn't been enough, she had needed to be even better and sought out the challenge from Anderson; he promised. He delivered.
"N training is for the elite of the Military, Shepard. It will spit you out if you don't take it seriously."
He had warned her - she had still landed in Rio with a cocky smile, she dismissed it all. It didn't take long before she realised she knew nothing and she was just a FNG with no skill. The Shepard that had strolled off that shuttle two weeks ago was long gone. This new Shepard was torn, beaten and ready to admit she was just an asshole and had learned her lesson.
She'd already failed once.
Pure stubbornness at this point was the only thing keeping her in the game, keeping the demons at bay but her willpower was wearing thin. Four hours of sleep a day, little to no food for two weeks.
She was falling apart.
She curled into herself, the pangs of hunger barely noticeable, the ocean air swirled, the cool air flirted against her skin and she couldn't even bring up the energy to let her skin prickle.
Why was she doing this?
Her sister's red hair twisted in front of her, she reached out without thought, trying to capture the strands. They fell into a solid strip - blood red, proud against the white and black of armor. Anderson's stern face twisted into the memory, she frowned as his lips moved, reminding her that she had made a promise to her ghosts. They demanded she reach higher - she had to; it was her fault they were just mere memories and she lived. Her hand dropped to the ground, pushing the thought back down into the depths of her memory but it stubbornly rose to the surface.
She was so tired. Tired of the guilt, of the fight - tired of pretending she was some out of this world infiltrator. She was nothing and she was seriously contemplating staying there. She wasn't sure she wanted to go any further, she felt insecure, unsure of each step. Doubt etched itself inside the hollow of her chest and she wondered if she had expected too much of herself, if she had overestimated her skill and confidence.
The red stripe stretched across her closed eyes, the white entwined against the sharp crisp black of Onyx gear and she could have sworn she heard her mother's disappointed sigh.
Who was she kidding?
The thrill of learning something new, increasing her ability to go beyond what was normal made her thrive to be even better and it didn't get any better than this. The feel of new high grade weapons between her fingers, the scope on her target, the buzzing of her new cloak upgrades. The thought of learning new hacks and the fundamental idea of utilising her engineering skill in some sort of fantastic unknown way sent near orgasmic shivers down her spine.
Suck it up, princess, her sister's voice chastised her.
She rolled over unto her back, the aches fading as she opened her eyes, determination set tight on her brow and raised a closed fist to the Heavens. She will earn that Stripe, the blood she spills to earn the right to show her peers she survived, she conquered and dominated this program would be her source of inspiration.
She closed her eyes, a grin curling her lips as her hands gathered to her chest - tomorrow was another day and she had a team to lead and bring back to base.
