JUNE
So April left again and Jackson was committed to taking this new path without her. He was no longer going to put his life on hold, not even for his wife. He wondered if that made him a crappy person, it definitely made him a crappy husband but he felt both he and April equally had let their marriage fail and it was time to let go of something that was already long gone.
He remembers trying to explain it to Rea, it actually really helped having someone to tell all this stuff to it made it easier to understand in his own head, its probably why people go to therapy, everyone needs that someone they can go to some people just need that someone to come ready with a specific set of skills and knowledge.
J_POV:
Flashback to after Jackson stopped crying when he told Rea he had sent April away:
J: "I remember Mark telling me that when you love someone you say it and you say it loud. And it just really resonated with me. April and I could never get our timing right and there she was about to marry another guy and I just HAD to tell her how I felt, I didn't really think beyond saying it to what would happen next. I wanted to seize the day, I didn't want to live with this regret of having never gotten a proper chance with her, so I stoop up and told her in front of everyone."
R: "Brave."
J: "Stupid, with a little bit of brave. After it was like everything just came crashing down on her, she was in her wedding dress freaking out and I don't know if I just went into problem solving mode or is I was drunk or high off of the stunt I pulled earlier but we got decided to get married."
R: "Okay now I see the stupid."
J: "Yeah, pretty sure that's not what Mark was telling me to do. I do love her."
R: "I know you do."
J: "I just don't think I was ready to marry her... to be married period. And then when we got pregnant I don't know its like all those doubts went away or maybe I was just so excited about becoming a father it overshadowed any of the flaws in our relationship and then there was this tragedy, this horrible, soul crushing loss, and I wanted to be strong for her to take care of her but it slowly became evident she didn't want to take care of me and all of those doubts came rushing back in and I new this wasn't what I wanted for a marriage, for my marriage. So I let her go, I had to."
R: "Back to brave."
I smiled at her and she rested her head on my shoulder. Brave? It definitely still feels like stupid to me.
JULY
A_POV:
Things have been going really well for me lately, I was a resident now, I had my person in Jackson, I new what specialty I wanted to pursue, and I even made a new friend a new intern named DeLuca. He was a little older than most his class and we bonded over not being in the "right" age bracket. Callie has been pushing me to see if there is something more there with me and DeLuca but I still panic when thinking of getting physical with someone.
I am also supper excited today because it is my first solo surgery. It only a nasal reconstruction surgery for a victim who was in a car crash but I am practically buzzing with excitement.
J_POV:
All day long I keep seeing glimpses of Rea and she is always bouncing ever so slightly like her tiny body can't contain her excitement. Its adorable, I see Callie approach.
C: "So not that I don't believe my sister will completely rock her first solo surgery but you are gonna have her back in there right?"
J: "She doesn't need me to have her back, she can handle this surgery I wouldn't have given it to her otherwise."
C: "Right answer Avery, just testing. Oh hey there is one thing you can do."
J: "Whats that?"
C: "Try to nudge her a bit if she brings up DeLuca."
J: "What are you talking about?"
C: "My sister, my baby 26 year old sister is at risk of dying a spinster. she seems completely closed off to the idea of dating... men or women, and I just think you know she spent all this time studying and working her butt off that she never really had the time to develop social skills or even basic curiosity in the people around her so just... we are being encouraging."
J: "Encouraging? With her and DeLuca."
C: "Yup, aggressively encouraging."
J: "Got it."
Callie left and I was confused. It felt like I was about to get sick but I knew I was perfectly healthy... it was like the idea of Rea and DeLuca together made my body literally turn on itself. Which is crazy because I don't think of Rea like that... for one thing she is way too young for me. I mean Mark could pull off the whole older man younger woman thing, even did so with my girlfriend at the time but I couldn't hold a grudge over that Mark and Lexi were clearly meant to be. Maybe its because I know about her past and I just want to protect her? That has to be it, I can't like her, its way too soon and technically I am still married. Yeah I am just feeling protective that's all.
Astraea POV:
I can't even begin to describe the feeling of pulling off my first solo surgery, it was amazing. Like climbing the tallest mountain in the world and never struggling to breathe or getting frosted bite... It made me feel superhuman.
I was in the scrub room getting ready to assist dr. Grey, still riding my high from yesterday. Apparently I am Medusa's newest victim but I don't mind she is kick ass and nothing can bring me down today.
Jackson POV:
I was proud of Rea, she is no Florence Nightingale... Okay she is but she also has the hardcore surgery skills to make sure that never limits her. I kept waiting for her to get flustered or look to me for help but she sailed through it. Her technique was elegant and flawless like she had been doing this for years. It was a good feeling knowing I was her primary teacher and had a hand in shaping a truly impressive surgeon, I've never had that joy from teaching before I suppose I am a bit like Mark in that area only I treat my interns way better than he ever did Karev... Okay sometimes I do sink to that level but not for awhile.
AUGUST
Hunt: "hey Avery, next time you see little Torres tell her if she can't keep together to stay the hell out of my trauma room!"
Jackson: "what are you talking about?"
Hunt: "she was supposed to be assisting me but she took one look at the patient and froze and didn't snap out of it until she ran out of the room like it was on fire! I get that she pulled off her first solo for you but that doesn't mean she gets to phone it in when it comes to the other departments."
Jackson: "I'll find her find out what's going on."
What the hell this doesn't make any sense, that's not like Rea at all.
Astraea POV:
No. no no no no no no this can't be happening no no no please no.
Jackson POV:
Still haven't been able to find Rea she won't answer her pages this is so unprofessional and not like her at all.
I pass the supply closet she once ran into after JJ died and decide to check it. At first look it was empty but just as I was about to leave When i heard a sniffle. I turn around and try to spot the source but I still can't see anyone.
Jackson: "Rea, you in here?"
I hear clanging from the metal shelving, I investigate further in the room towards the back if it weren't for her sneakers peeking out I would have missed her completely. She was wedged in the corner and had pulled a shelf over to box herself in. I knelt down to talk to her and I was stunned.
She was white as the hospital walls and had broken out in a cold sweat.
Jackson: " hey, hey hey what is it? What happened?"
She wouldn't answer me she just kept shaking looking completely terrified.
Jackson: "Rea, please tell me what's wrong I don't know how to help you if you won't talk to me."
She looked up at me looking so vulnerable it broke my heart she opened her mouth to say something but a buzzing interrupted us causing her to startle and Shrink even further back into the wall.
Jackson: "Het, hey it's okay it's just my pager."
I looked down, damn 911 they needed me down in the ER.
Jackson: "crap, I have to go"
She shot her head up so fast looking scared to death threat I might be leaving her.
Jackson: "I'll come back I promise, maybe until then we can move you into an on call room."
She gripped the shelving so tight clanging it against another.
Jackson: "okay, okay just stay hidden I'll be back as soon as I can. Whatever it is, it's gonna be okay. Alright? I promise."
I hated leaving her like this but I had a job to do and saving lives as a doctor is not optional.
What the hell is going on today?
