Chapter 9: What Should I Call You?
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Skip Beat, for if I did, everything would be unicorns and rainbows for R&K.
Kyoko was puzzled at Ren's behavior. She could hear him in the kitchen. "What did he mean by liquid courage?" she wondered. How could he just suddenly leave her with such a cliffhanger. She sat there waiting, admiring her new bracelet. This whole night had been a dream come true. Many of her misunderstandings were cleared up without her even asking. But by his tone, it sounded like he had something serious to tell her which might take some time.
What could he say that would make her end up hating him. Ah this must be it, the moment he tells her of the girl he likes. Her heart was starting to hurt again. Would she be able to recover from this heartbreak? She didn't think so. She decided to just hear him out. While she waited for him to return, she called her landlord to inform them of her plans for the night.
When she ended the call, Ren returned carrying a glass of liquor. "Liquid courage," Kyoko mused trying to break the tension. Ren's grave look on his face made her gulp nervously. What could he have to say that would require alcohol?
He sat down in front of her again and decided to just take the plunge and deal with the damage later. He took a deep breath and exhaled loudly.
His haunted eyes locked with Kyoko's as he began, "You know that Tsuruga Ren is just a stage name right?" She nodded. "My real name is Hizuri Ku-on. I came to Japan when I was 15, with Lory's help, to free myself from my father's shadow." He said quickly and waited until she digested what he just said.
Kyoko sat there stunned, Hizuri Kuon, father's Kuon. The conversations she had with her pseudo father were all clicking into place. All the traits Kuu had listed about his son came flooding back into her memory. Ren met all those characteristics. She also recalled Ren's description of his father as being the macho hero type when he was fixing her flower ring, that was Kuu. How did she not notice, the similarities were uncanny. She was really an idiot.
She looked down at her hands briefly then looked up at him, her voice trembled, "so Kuu Otousan is your father?" With a grim expression, Ren nodded. She suddenly felt like she was played a fool by both father and son. Tears started to spring at the corner of her eyes, she brushed them away refusing to feel sorry for herself. She didn't want to be in the room any more. She needed to go somewhere, anywhere, but here.
Ren noticed her distraught expression as she started to rise. He now wished he had those handcuffs. He had intended on shackling her to him until she heard him properly since she had the habit of running away.
He grabbed her wrist and said in a solemn voice, "Please, it was not my father's intention to deceive you nor mine. I made a promise with my parents. I left them when I was 15. We were not to have any contact until I was ready to face them with my own power. In my father's own way he was honoring that promise. Please hear me out until the end."
Kyoko looked at his pleading face and sat back down. Ren still didn't release his hold on her wrist. He sighed with relief and said "thank you!"
Ren continued, "I was born in the United States, to Kuu and Juliena Hizuri. They showered me with so much love and affection that it was somewhat stifling." Kyoko winced reminded of her loveless upbringing, "is he trying to pick a fight with me," she thought.
Her expression didn't go unnoticed by Ren but he kept going. "Although my parents loved me very much, because they were so successful in their careers they were rarely home. I was often left alone with the servants as companions when my parents had to work late. It was a lonely life for a child. But it was always my life long dream to follow in my father's footsteps as an actor. I wanted to be great just like him."
Ren paused as he stared at his glass. Although he poured it to calm his nerves, he didn't drink it. He had to face her on his own. "As a child I was often bullied because of my ethnicity. Part American, part Japanese, and part Russian. I was treated as an abomination by the other kids. I couldn't worry my parents with such trivial things, they were too busy as it was. I didn't want to burden them with my problems. I think that was the start of my problems, I bottled everything up. I tried acting as a child but I was often scolded by the directors, as well as fellow actors and actresses, verbally and physically, for not living up to my father's name."
Kyoko gasped thinking how cruel adults could be to a child. "After a while it became clear to me that I was only getting the roles because of who my parents were, not because of my ability. I started believing all the the things that the people around me were saying. That I was a disgrace to my parents, a monster due to my heritage, and only used my good looks to get ahead with zero talent."
"It wasn't until I met Rick that things started to change. He was my best friend. He advised me to start defending myself and told me to stop being a chicken. He was older than me so I looked up to him like an older brother. He taught me the ketchup magic to make my Maui omurice taste better. Even back then I tried to cook the Maui omurice with chicken to conquer the coward in me but it still came out Mazui. To think almost 7 years later my cooking of that dish still has not improved. Even with your magic, I made you fall victim to it."
Kyoko shuddered at the memory of when he last cooked that dish. It was after that car mishap during Dark Moon filming, it seemed as if "Death" was knocking on his door that night. She blushed as she remembered how they had sat there in this same spot, with their hands clasped over Princess Rosa hoping to bring him luck.
"It wasn't long after, that I started fighting back whenever I was bullied. I was spiraling out of control fast to the point where I was involved with gangs; fighting almost every night for the pleasure of it. It didn't matter that they surrendered or apologized, I was in it for the thrill," said Ren softly, looking at her nervously. "Did she see him as a monster now?" he wondered.
Kyoko thought about those moments when Ren had lost himself in the pleasure of being BJ and the many incidences they had as the Heel siblings. She had put him in a precarious position with those thugs that were hitting on Setsu. She felt during those times that a dark presence had overcome him, so it was Kuon all along. Her face softened as she looked at Ren. How strong and brave he was to take on that challenging role even if it meant facing his past. She refocused on his story.
"Word got around and thugs started seeking me out, even jealous actors, and guys with girlfriends that were infatuated with me started pursuing me to fight. I obliged them. It was a good outlet. I found it thrilling whenever I won, beating them to a bloody pulp was my forte."
"Things with my parents were strained by then. They were so busy they had barely any time to notice what was going on with me. They even turned a blind eye to my wrong doings and started bailing me out of sticky situations. I know they thought they were helping but all it made me think was that they were embarrassed and trying to cover things up so they wouldn't look bad."
Kyoko interjected here, "Tsu, Tsu, Hii-zuri-san...errr I don't know what to call you now," she said quietly. "Ren is fine," he said and thought sheepishly, "or my love, love of my life, darling, sweetheart, babe; those were all good names too." Clearing his throat he scolded himself for being whimsical when this was serious business.
"Ok R-Ren, " she stuttered as her face turned crimson from calling her senpai so informally. "I know I only spent a small amount of time with Otousan but when he talked about Kuon, ugh you, I didn't get the impression that he was ashamed of you. The way he talked and bragged about you made me think he was quite proud. I think he felt that he had let you down instead. I honestly thought his son, you, were dead from the way he talked."
Ren paused and thought about his parents. He left with Boss without even a proper goodbye to them. His encounter with his father after seven years was thanks to Kyoko. He smiled and nodded to Kyoko which in turn made her smile. She was glad she was able to convey Otousan's feelings to his son.
He was getting to the hardest part and looked to her for reassurance. She nodded at him giving him the courage to continue. His hand was still wrapped around her wrist, her steady pulse was soothing.
"Things changed drastically one night when I was 15, a bunch of thugs cornered me in an alley. I was outnumbered but like a mad man I fought my way through. I was enjoying the slaughter and fed off of their fear. Rick and his girlfriend Tina came looking for me. By then, I had already destroyed the guys except for the one squirming in my hands. I was distracted with the appearance of Rick and Tina, that the guy wiggled loose and ran off knocking Tina down in the process."
Ren's voice broke, as a sob escaped his lips. His body was shaking as tears slid down his face. Kyoko was at a loss on what to do. She had never seen Ren so vulnerable, even at his darkest. She grabbed both his hands and gave them a gentle squeeze reassuring him that she was here for him.
After a few minutes, he pulled himself together and continued, "Rick tried to stop me but my head was filled with rage all I saw was red. I crossed the street, chasing after the guy wanting only to finish him off. But Rick, Rick he...," Ren's voice cracked.
He started hyperventilating, the memory of that night was so fresh in his mind. He was fifteen again on that street, the loud squeal of brakes, the distinguishable thud as Rick's body collided with the car, Tina screaming, Murderer! The blood, so much blood, Rick's blood. Then the icy blackness claiming his body as Rick's blood was trying to drown him.
Kyoko watched in surprise as the strong man before her curled into a fetal position on the floor his hands covering his ears as sobs racked throughout his body. She did the first thing that came to her mind. She moved so that she could position, his head on her lap.
Kyoko stroked his hair and whispered calming words to him, saying everything would be ok. She didn't realize it but her own tears were dripping on to Ren. She didn't know what could have happened to have made him feel so broken. She waited for him to calm down. She started threading her fingers through his hair but his hand stopped her. She held his hand instead occasionally brushing tears from her eyes.
She wept with him. She cried for the boy Kuon that was beaten down by society based on his race, for the lonely beautiful child who had low self esteem, for the 15 year old that had to defend himself from attackers, and for the grown man who had begged earlier not to be hated. She still had no idea what he was about to say before he was pulled into the darkness and left crying on his floor.
As the sobs slowly ebbed, Ren suddenly sat up and looked Kyoko in the eyes. With barely whisper he said, "I killed him, I killed Rick. It was all my fault he's dead."
Kyoko gasped at his confession. He's a killer she thought, no no no this can't be. The gentle Ren couldn't possibly be but the teenage Kuon might have been.
She coaxed him to explain. He told her that Rick had run after him telling him to stop but Kuon wouldn't let his prey get away. Rick was struck by a car while crossing the road. "There was so much blood and Tina kept screaming at me 'Murderer!'"
Ren felt warm arms encircle him. He let himself sink into he flowery embrace. She was his salvation.
Kyoko finally understood what happened. This poor man has been beating himself up over something that was out of his control. He was young and acting out the way some teenagers do and his friend was an unfortunate victim of his behavior.
She let go of him to hold his face, stroking his cheeks with her thumbs hoping it was soothing. This once strong man looked so frail in her hands. "It wasn't your fault. Sure if you weren't blinded by rage Rick wouldn't have had to chase after you. But you weren't driving the car nor did you make Rick cross that street. He was a grown man, he should have looked both ways. It was unfair of Tina to accuse you like that. She was distraught so I'm sure out of fear and anger she looked to the only other person there to blame."
"Thank you for trusting me and sharing your story with me," she said quietly. Ren's eyes widened as he digested her words. She wasn't looking at him in disgust. In fact, if he wasn't mistaken her face was filled with love and concern. His heart swelled with relief.
Ren asked, "You don't hate me or think I'm a monster?" Kyoko shook her head no, in awe at the insecurity coming from Ren. She really did love him and she was glad he could share his story with her. If only he loved her and not..."
"I love you Kyoko! I'm in love with you," Ren blurted out interrupting her thoughts. He had not wanted to confess like this but he was overcome with so much emotion he couldn't hold back anymore.
Kyoko stiffened at his words and dropped her hands from his face, her brain malfunctioned. Did she just imagine what he said? She sat there motionless with glazed eyes. Was she so stupid in love that she was now starting to hallucinate. Her angels were going haywire with delight inside her head while her grudges were taking a beating.
Her silence worried him but he couldn't take back the words. It was the truth and he always planned to tell her tonight. He reached out for her hand but she snatched it away. She finally shook her head and whispered, "Lies!"
He knew this would be her reaction. In her eyes, as love me member number one, she probably didn't believe him. He did not falter though, he was determined for her to understand. "It's the truth, I think I've been in love with you since I first met you."
This finally got a reaction out of her as if her brain finally started working again, she said, "You hated me when we first met, you threw me out of LME." Ren sighed he forgot about all that.
He nodded his head and admitted at that time he was angry at her half-hearted reasons for entering show biz and then at the fact that she was using it to take revenge on Fuwa. Kyoko cringed, she figured as much. Ren who took acting seriously really did dislike her motives for wanting to become a celebrity. After, she had discovered her joy in acting she thought less and less about her grudge against Shotaro.
"But I was talking about when we first met," he said. Kyoko looked at him confused and watched as he reached up and pulled at his hair. His hair came off as she looked on in horror. "Whaaaat?! Ren's bald!" she screamed internally. He pulled off the stocking cap from his head and golden locks came tumbling out. She watched him place the wig and cap on the table as he arranged his hair. He then pulled a little case from his pocket. She stared intently as she realized he was removing his contacts. When he was done he blinked and looked up at her.
Kyoko took in a sharp inhale as she stared into the eyes she knew so vividly since she was a child. She had met him when they were kids playing by the river and then again briefly on Guam. The eyes of her Fairy Prince stared back into her golden orbs looking at her apologetically. "Corn?" she whispered, breathing again, as tears pricked the corners of her eyes. He looked at her sheepishly and nodded.
He sighed in relief when she smiled warmly at him. "You disappeared so suddenly. I was worried," she said as the tears spilled down her cheeks. She buried her face in her hands. He was reaching out a hand towards her, when she suddenly jerked up. He felt an explosion of pain on the left side of his face as his head twisted to the right. "Fuck!" he muttered as his hand instantly reached up to rub his cheek. By the time he looked up, she was already heading into the guest room.
Ren watched her retreating back as she headed to her room. He heard the door slam and the distinct click of the lock. "Well at least she didn't leave me," he thought, "hooray for small victories." He tried to smile but winced at the pain on his face. He sighed and got up to get an ice pack. Time for damage control.
AN: Thank you everyone for reading. Your feedback is appreciated. This is how I hope it will go down but at the back of my mind I have a feeling that Ren may get exposed before he even has a chance to tell her. That alternative would be too pitiful for me. I apologize for my lousy grammar and "run-on" sentences. ^_^
