TNSWB

Chapter 9 –

(Bella)

I awoke to the bright sunshine of a beautiful fall day in Seattle—then immediately clenched my eyes shut and buried my face into my pillow. My head was pounding like a high school marching band at the homecoming parade; complete with horns and cymbals and an overexcited cheer squad doing flips in the background. I groaned and peeled my fuzzy tongue from the roof of my disgustingly parched mouth, swallowing thickly and grimacing as the taste of stale vodka, paralyzing fear, intense excitement, and hysterical tears slid slowly down my throat. What a night.

Cautiously turning my head back to the side, I forced open one sandpaper eyelid and tried to focus my bleary vision on the clock on my nightstand. It was ten-thirty-eight. Edward and I had a rather unfortunate conversation to get through; and if all went well, I had my regular Sunday lunch with Alice and Rosalie at one o'clock. Sighing in resignation, I dug deep for all the energy I could find and made to get out of bed and face the day.

A pair of strong arms caught me around my waist and pulled me close to a warm body instead.

"Where do you think you're going?" Edward mumbled.

I giggled and was instantly sorry when my head pulsed in agony.

"Ow. I don't know about you, but I feel like I was run over by a bicycle. I think I need some extra-strong painkillers—stat."

Edward chuckled and then groaned. "Yeah, I've got a bit of a headache going on here; which is odd, seeing as I wasn't even really drinking."

"Well," I replied nervously. "Last night was rather … intense."

"Yeah ... it was," he agreed quietly.

I sighed and turned around to face him, thinking it was probably best to just get this out of the way now.

"Listen, Edward. I'm sorry about…"

He immediately cut me off. "No—you've already apologized. I graciously accept, and you are happily forgiven.

"Honestly, I think we said everything that needed to be said last night. We both know better now, and we can go forward from here, right? We just need to take things slow—for real this time, though. No more seizing the opportunity and running in blindly. Can we do that?"

My heart soared. Not only did he forgive me for all the wretched things I'd done lately, but he was still willing to try to take our sex life to the next level. Could I get any luckier than to have this incredible man as my husband? Never.

I smiled. "Of course we can do that! I understand so much better now; and I promise I will never, ever push you again. We'll do this on your time. Whenever and whatever you're ready for—I'll be waiting."

He leaned in and placed a quick kiss on my lips. "Then we're good here. I'll go put some coffee on."

Rolling out from under the covers, he made his way over to the dresser and grabbed a pair of black pajama pants, quickly pulling them on before striding out of the room.

I sighed in contentment as I watched his bare muscular back, trim waist, and unfortunately-covered tight buns disappear around the corner. The man was everything I could ever ask for all rolled up into one insanely beautiful package. Once again I wondered how I could be so incredibly lucky.

With a final groan, I heaved myself from the bed and stumbled into our bathroom, turning on the shower as hot as I could stand it. After swallowing two super-strength pain killers, I furiously scrubbed the putrid taste from my mouth and then tugged a brush through the tangled mess on top of my head. Once I was satisfied that I would be able to get my fingers through my hair to wash it, I stepped into the hot, steamy spray and let my shoulders slump forward as the water ran down my body. I stood there for several minutes just letting my brain and muscles relax, then grudgingly began my morning routine.

After my shower, I threw on a light turtleneck sweater and a pair of comfortably worn-in jeans (even though my weary body begged me to put on some sweats) and then did as little as possible to make myself presentable. There was no way I could stand to blow dry my hair this morning, so I simply pulled it up into a messy bun atop my head. My makeup consisted of a smidge of tinted moisturizer on my face and a light touch of mascara; and with that, I was done. I frowned slightly as I examined myself in the mirror. I looked ... like I'd had a rough night. Not that I had the energy to care... I shrugged at my reflection before heading out of the bathroom and through our bedroom.

The intoxicating smell of fresh-brewed coffee lured me into the kitchen, but when I got there Edward was nowhere in sight. Huh. I dug into the farthest reaches of the cupboard for the largest mug I could find, pouring myself a steaming hot cup before going in search of my elusive husband.

I found him in the office, sitting in front of his open laptop with a satisfied smirk on his face.

"What are you looking at?" I asked.

He jumped in surprise and slammed the laptop closed, hastily standing up from his high-backed leather chair. "Um, nothing … nothing," he said unconvincingly, scratching the back of his head and looking everywhere but at me, his eyes shifting nervously from side to side.

Edward had always teased me for being a pathetic liar; but after witnessing this little display, it was apparent the time had come for me to introduce him to the kettle and see if he called it black. I cocked an eyebrow and arranged my face into an expression that said I was amused but clearly didn't believe him—at all. Edward chanced a glance in my direction, giving me a guilty grimace before leaving the desk and hastily striding past me.

"How about some breakfast? Are you hungry? I'm starved. Maybe some eggs... Omelettes! Do we have ham? A ham and cheese omelette would really hit the spot. Yeah—with toast and orange juice. Hey, do we have oranges? Fresh-squeezed juice would be even better," he babbled, hurrying down the hallway.

I narrowed my eyes at his quickly retreating form. The man was up to something; and if he thought I wouldn't figure it out, he didn't know me at all. Game on, mister.

I followed him into the kitchen, where he was already furiously beating some eggs with a whisk. Stepping up quietly behind him, I immediately started fishing for information.

"So…" He jumped a little but kept his back to me. "Do we have any plans for this evening?"

Edward cleared his throat before replying. "No," he said casually. "Not that I'm aware of."

"Hmm…" He sounded sincere. I decided to try a different tactic. "In that case, do you feel like renting some movies tonight? I can stop and pick up a few on my way home from lunch. Unless there's a reason I shouldn't…?" I leaned against the counter so I could see his face as he replied.

Edward turned and flashed me a wide smile. "That sounds wonderful, baby. You and me, cuddled up on the couch; maybe with some snacks and a bottle of wine? I can't think of a better way to spend a Sunday evening."

He sounded pretty convincing. I scrutinized his expression. He looked calm and collected. What was with him? A minute ago he was stuttering and falling all over himself, and now he was smooth as Sinatra's voice. Things were not adding up here.

Secretly formulating my next plan of attack, I watched Edward stir some cubed ham and shredded cheese into the eggs before he poured the whole mix into a warm pan. My mouth watered as I inhaled the delicious aroma of omelette beginning to fill the air. I had nearly forgotten about Edward's secret … whatever it was … as I realized just how starving I was. I stared at the eggs slowly forming in the pan and silently willed them to cook faster.

"Baby, do you want to pop some bread into the toaster?" Edward asked, breaking me out of my breakfast trance.

"What? Oh, sure," I replied distractedly.

I made the toast and set it on the table along with two glasses of orange juice from a carton. I was still too hung over to deal with fresh squeezed. Edward brought two plates with an omelette each and set one at each of our places. We both sat down and dug in hungrily.

Breakfast was spent mostly in silence, with Edward occasionally smiling at me around mouthfuls of egg or toast as I glared at him in suspicion. He was way too smug. I finished my meal and then sat back in my chair, staring at him meaningfully until I couldn't stand it any longer.

"What were you doing on the computer this morning?" I demanded.

He looked at me with wide eyes, as though my question had taken him by right. "What? I told you—it was nothing."

Liar, liar, pants on fire! my mind screamed. I barely kept it in. "If it was nothing, why were you acting all funny when I came into the room?" I challenged.

His lips twitched, but otherwise he remained cool. "I wasn't acting funny. You just caught me off guard, is all. You're getting worked up about nothing."

There was that word again—nothing. I knew him too well; this was definitely something.

"You're up to something," I shot back. "Just tell me what it is! You know I hate surprises."

Edward chuckled. "Believe me, baby, I know. If there was something going on, I'd tell you. You know we don't have secrets."

He was sounding all honest and sincere again, and everything about him appeared relaxed and calm. My suspicion wavered. Maybe I was making a big deal out of ... 'nothing.' It really was out of character for Edward to keep anything from me. Still…

I huffed in exasperation and pointed a finger at him. "Fine; I'll let it go for now. But I'll be watching you, Edward Cullen. If you've got something up your sleeve, I'll figure it out. Just you wait," I threatened.

Edward just shrugged. "Whatever you say... But you're just wasting your efforts 'cause there's nothing to find."

I sighed in defeat and waved my hand at him. "Fine, fine... Consider it dropped. I have to run though, okay? I'm going to be late for lunch. I'll be back around six with the movies. Maybe we can order in, too? You go ahead and choose."

"Sounds good to me. Have a nice time."

"Thanks," I said, giving him a quick kiss on the lips. "You behave yourself while I'm gone, all right?"

Edward laughed heartily as I went to the front closet to get my coat. "Come on, babe. You know me better than that!" he shouted after me.

I snorted and rolled my eyes as I headed out the door. I would have believed that yesterday; maybe even earlier this morning; but now—something told me that wasn't entirely true.

x – X – x

Alice and Rose were already seated and chatting away happily when I arrived at our usual diner, each with a half-empty mimosa sitting in front of them. I slid into the chair beside Alice, where a mimosa sat waiting for me as well, and quickly apologized for being ten minutes late.

Rosalie waved a dismissive hand at me. "No big, sweets."

Before meeting her, I never would have imagined that anyone could share in the dynamic and closeness that Alice and I had, but Rose fit in with us perfectly. It was like she completed a part of us that we didn't even know we were missing. We were more than best friends; closer than sisters, even. The three of us were soulmates. Nothing was sacred or off limits between us. We shared everything—laughing together, crying together, and standing up for each other when it was needed. I couldn't imagine wading through life without these two amazing women to hold my hands.

"Thanks."

"So..." Rosalie began as soon as I had settled into my seat. I knew what was coming next before her mouth even formed the words. "Rumor has it there's been some drama unfolding over at the Cullen house." She raised her eyebrows suggestively.

Alice coughed and shot me a guilty look.

"It's okay," I assured her.

How could I be angry with Alice for telling Rose something I would have shared with her myself? The three of us didn't keep things from each other, and I knew Alice didn't spill to be gossipy. I think I freaked her out pretty badly when I showed up at her house yelling, cursing and crying about what had happened between Edward and me. The story that followed was nothing short of weird either. I didn't blame her at all for needing to talk to Rose about it.

Alice exhaled a sigh of relief and smiled at me gratefully.

The waiter came by and we gave him our orders (just a side salad for me after the late breakfast I'd had at home) and then I dove right into my story. I told Rosalie everything, sparing no detail, while she cat-called and wolf-whistled through the whole thing. It didn't really bother me—Rose will be Rose—and besides, it was a pretty hot little tale, if I did say so myself. But when I got to the part about the morning aftermath, her amusement turned to annoyance at the way Edward had reacted.

"What a douchebag!" she huffed. "How dare he say all that bullshit to you. If I was there I would've junk-punched him so hard he'd be fucking you through his mouth right now!"

"Thanks, Rosie," I said through my giggles. "Don't be mad at Edward, though—the whole thing was my stupid fault anyway. Listen up, Ali, because this next bit is new to you, too."

Alice perked up immediately and turned her chair toward me, her eyes glowing with curiosity. I breathed deep, collecting my thoughts, and then launched into the ridiculous account of our night after the club.

Rose interrupted me not far into the story. "You guys went parking? Are you serious?" I could barely understand her as she cracked up at our antics. "Didn't you get that out of your systems in university?"

I couldn't help the blush that crept into my cheeks. "Um, actually we'd never done that before last night."

They both gaped at me. I just shrugged.

"I don't get what the big deal is about it, anyway. It was cramped and uncomfortable; and I was so preoccupied with getting the feeling back in my feet that I couldn't even get off."

Rosalie snorted. "Well yeah, it's uncomfortable; that's why you do it when you're an agile young woman, and not when you're pushing thirty."

I shot her a dirty look. "Whatever. It's not important anyway. Do you want to hear what happened next or not?"

Rose clamped her mouth shut over her grin and then extended her hand, palm up, gesturing for me to continue.

"Okay. So, we were just getting into it when the police showed up..."

They both broke into hysterical laughter. I sighed and rolled my eyes, freezing the annoyed look on my face until they began to compose themselves. Alice's whole body was shaking with repressed giggles as she wiped tears from her eyes with the corner of a napkin, while Rosalie had her forehead on the table as she tried to reign in her snorting.

I glared at both of them. "I hate you two. I'm trying to have a serious conversation here! Some bad business went down with us last night and I need you tell me what the hell I'm supposed to do about it!"

That sobered them up good and quick.

"Sorry," Alice said, putting her hand on my arm. "We'll be good, promise. Please continue."

"It's okay," I allowed. "I guess I can't spring something like that on you guys and expect a different reaction. If it was one of you, I probably would have laughed, too."

Rosalie's lips twitched but thankfully she kept her mouth shut. I plowed ahead before either of them could break out the giggles again.

"So it turns out that Edward liked it—getting caught, I mean. I never would have guessed, but he did. Then I, being the manipulative brat that I am, took advantage of him being turned on and pushed him into going all wild-animal on me again."

Alice grimaced.

"Yeah ... it turned out just as well as last time."

"Did you guys fight again?" she asked sympathetically.

"No, thankfully. But we did have a serious talk that ended with me in tears because I realized I'm a horribly selfish person who's just hurting the man I love over and over again. It's worse than you and I thought, Ali. Way worse."

Our food arrived at that point, but I just pushed my plate away. Rehashing everything from last night had completely killed my appetite. I took a sip of my mimosa instead. It was warm, but soothed my suddenly parched throat.

Rosalie spoke up around a bite of her tuna melt. "Are you two okay now, though?"

"Yes," I assured them, and they both visibly relaxed. "Now that I know how deep all of Edward's issues with this go, I'm dropping the whole thing. It's not worth it to see him hurting and struggling with himself over it."

"Can you really do that?" Alice asked. "You seemed pretty … intense … the other day. Can you go back to just regular old sex after this?"

"I think so," I said honestly. "Sex has always been great for us. I didn't start all this because I was bored or anything. The idea of being dominated and of a little pain with my pleasure has always intrigued me, and I just wanted to try something new.

"Besides ... Edward says he wants it, too, and I believe him. I just need to let him get to it in his own time. I don't want him pushing himself into it just for me; it needs to be right for both of us. I can't enjoy myself if I think he's struggling."

Alice and Rose both nodded.

"Here's what really gets me though," I continued as they ate. "I knew he wasn't comfortable doing this in the first place—he told me so a few years ago. And yet, I couldn't let it go. I wanted it so much that I covered my face with some stupid mask, hoping he would be able to get into it if he didn't think it was me he was 'hurting'. Then that blew up in my face, but when I saw another opportunity to push him into it, I did it again, knowing full well what the outcome would be! What is wrong with me? If I knew so much better, why couldn't I just let it go?"

"Well that's easy," Rosalie piped up. "You're spoiled."

Uh ... excuse me?

"What the hell, Rose?!" I demanded. "I am not spoiled."

"Yes you are," she argued. "You have been as long as I've known you."

"What?" I gasped.

I looked over to Alice for support, but she was staring intently into her plate of penne Alfredo like she hadn't heard a word of our conversation. Traitor.

"You'd better get explaining yourself, Rose ... before I stab my fork in your eye!" I threatened. "How could you say such a thing? Spoiled! I am not spoiled!"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, you are spoiled, and I will gladly explain why. It's about time you realized this anyway."

I glared at her, holding up my fork for emphasis. "I'm listening."

She smirked. "Okay … where did you go on vacation last year?"

"Ireland."

"Right, Ireland. Did Edward want to go to Ireland?"

"Yes," I replied, but for some reason I was feeling kind of hesitant.

"Did he?" she pushed. "You're sure about that?"

Then I remembered. Edward had really wanted to go to Japan, but I'd had my heart set on seeing Ireland since becoming infatuated with Irish poetry and folk lore as a teen. He'd been set on seeing the Land of the Rising Sun, but I'd begged for us to go to Ireland instead ... and we did.

"No," I conceded, still not entirely sure where she was going with this. "He wanted to go to Japan ... pretty badly actually."

"But you ended up going where you wanted to go, correct?"

"Yes," I answered reluctantly.

"Right... How about when you were buying your first car together? What did Edward want? I don't recall it being a Volvo."

"No ... he wanted a BMW M3, but I convinced him to get the Volvo because it was more practical. And then you got an M3," I shot back at her. "He pouted about it for weeks."

Rosalie was unapologetic. "It's a good car, I don't blame him for wanting one—but that's not the point. The point is you got what you wanted ... again."

"So?" I challenged. "Big deal—we bought a Volvo and went to Ireland. How does either of those things make me spoiled?"

"I'm not done yet," she said calmly. "When Edward graduated from Med School, wasn't he offered a research position in Chicago? A very prestigious position—one that was unheard of being offered to someone of his age and experience? Something he had been dreaming about all his life?"

"Yes," I said cautiously. I didn't like where this was headed.

"And yet here we are, two years later, sitting in a restaurant in Seattle. Why is that, Bella?"

I swallowed the sudden horrible taste in my mouth. "Because I didn't want to go to Chicago. I didn't want to leave what we had here—my family, my friends, my job. Oh god, he gave up his dream for me ... and I let him!" My eyes were prickling as I became painfully aware of exactly what Rose was trying to tell me.

She softened her tone. "I'm not trying to upset you, sweetheart; I'm just pointing out that in all your history together, Edward has never said no to you. He's always given you whatever you wanted, no matter what. Now you're used to getting your way." She shrugged like this was nothing to worry about. "So when he wouldn't give you the experience that you wanted, you went out of your way to get it. It makes sense, really—when you think about it."

By this point I was gaping at her with tears streaming down my face. "And I thought I was selfish before," I whispered. "I don't deserve him."

Rosalie got out of her chair and came around the table to crouch down in front of me, taking my hands in hers while Alice silently rubbed soothing circles on my back. I could feel the eyes of the entire restaurant on me. We were totally making a scene—a quiet scene, but a scene nonetheless. I didn't care; this was much more important than my pride.

"Edward loves you," Rose said gently. "More than anything in the world—we all know this. But by lavishing and coddling you , and giving in to you endlessly, he's made you what you are." She smirked and winked. "Now he has to face the monster he created."

"But I don't want to be a monster!" I cried. "He's only ever been good to me and given me everything; and I've taken it all for granted! God, I hate myself right now."

Rosalie smiled sympathetically. "Maybe you do ... but Edward doesn't hate you, Bella—he never could. Take this information and do with it what you will; use it to make things right somehow. I know you'll make us proud." She swiped her thumb under my eye. "Now, dry up those tears! Sunday lunch isn't for crying; let's get you cheered up. So we have this new girl at the store…"

With that, she stood and went back to her seat, launching immediately into a catty tale about some new bimbo her boss had hired. I tried to listen but was too distracted by this new revelation I'd had dumped on me. First Alice—now Rose. Why did everybody know me so much better than I knew myself? And why did their knowledge always leave me feeling like a complete asshole?

Sensing my inner turmoil, Alice reached over to squeeze my hand under the table. I smiled at her and tightened my grip in a silent thank you. These girls were too good to me. Loving me unconditionally and helping me wade through all my crap that I didn't even recognize in myself until they were good enough to point it out to me. What would I ever do without them?

We spent the rest of the afternoon in pleasant conversation—well, Rose and Alice did. I sat there and stewed in my own self-loathing, occasionally nodding or contributing a lame, one word answer when they asked me a direct question. At one point I might even have agreed to something called 'Stripperobics' with Rose; I was definitely going to have to get some clarification on that one later.

By four o'clock we were all ready to head our separate ways, so I gave them both the biggest hugs I could and left to pick up a couple of movies for Edward and me to watch after dinner. Just because I was a writhing ball of inner-turmoil didn't mean I had to ruin his night by releasing my newly discovered demons on him. We'd had more than enough drama this weekend and I was looking forward to a quiet, relaxing evening with the man I loved.

I made a quick stop at the video store and then headed home with two movies we hadn't seen yet: 'The Hangover' (it seemed fitting) and 'Like We Never Were,' an indie flick about a gay man's struggles through both acceptance and discrimination of his sexuality. Both looked good, and I was especially looking forward to the latter as it had my favorite up-and-coming actor in it. What could I say ... playing gay or not, the guy was just hot.

My heartbeat jumped a bit when I pulled up in front of our house, but I took a deep, cleansing breath and reminded myself that tonight was going to be a good night before getting out of the car—I was going to make sure of it.

DVDs in hand, I made my way up the front walk and was immediately overtaken by the delicious smell of Thai food when I opened the door; along with the soft, soothing sounds of Edward's favorite Debussy record playing in the background. Smiling, I stepped around the corner; and my breath caught in my throat.

So that's what he was up to…


AUTHOR'S NOTE: Oooh, what was Edward doing? Leave me some review love and I'll send you a teaser with a little hint! XO