Author's Note: I'm so sorry for a long update! It sucks when you have everything planned out in your head, but you don't know how to put it down on paper! Well, this chapter's going to be split up into two parts because there's a LOT going on. First, we're going to see if we get any resolution between Donnie and Mikey, and we'll be seeing the setback with April I mentioned last chapter! Next chapter will focus on Donnie's recurring nightmares and Mikey giving Leo and Raph a chewing out. So sit back and enjoy this next installment!
Chapter 9: Darkness' Chokehold, Part 1
Michelangelo didn't return for hours.
He counted the hours, minutes, seconds even, and still no sign of his younger brother. He counted other things while he waited for him. How many times he heard the tap of Splinter's cane. How many punches Raphael gave the Shredder dummy before he gave up. The number of times he heard Leonardo change the channel. He still didn't hear the sounds that could only come from Mikey.
Donatello now found himself fumbling with the bottle of painkillers. Rockwell made sure to avoid giving him anything addictive, given his physical and emotional state. Of course, not even Rockwell understood that ibuprofen could only do so much for the burning pain in his shell. His trembling hands finally popped the top off for him to shove two tablets and a gulp of water down his throat. But as he waited for the pain medicine to take effect, Donnie couldn't get rid of the gnawing pain in his chest.
He could see in his brother's eyes how he interpreted his words. Mikey believed his bitterness meant he resented him. Mikey believed he blamed him for what happened. Truthfully, Donnie couldn't deny that he gave Mikey blame for what happened. If Mikey just kept his hands to himself and stopped obsessing over comic-book characters, then…April's crystal obsession wouldn't have gotten worse. Mikey's curiosity bordered on toxic, getting them all into trouble more than they should. If he didn't screw things up again…
But Mikey never wanted him to be hurt. Even at his angriest, Mikey never wished harm on anyone. Ever since this happened, Mikey never once cracked a smile or made a joke. Donnie knew the guilt weighed his brother down that much, but focused on his growing bitterness at his condition. He wanted someone to blame when April wasn't standing right in front of him, and Mikey just happened to enter his line of vision. He wanted to take out his anger on someone he knew wouldn't fight back.
He had to remind himself this wasn't Mikey's fault. It was April's.
A heavy ball of guilt rested in Donnie's stomach. Mikey did everything he could to ease his pain and trauma, and he just shouldered him with all the fault. He despised him just for seeing him in a wheelchair…how could he go lower than that?
A new set of footsteps appeared in hearing range, and Donnie hurriedly wheeled himself out of his room. He half-expected it to be Leo or Raph checking on him, and feared that Mikey wouldn't be coming back after their exchange. But upon entering the main area of the lair, relief washed over him when he saw his freckle-faced brother hopping over the turnstiles. However, the brothers locked eyes and Mikey visibly tensed up, causing a lump of guilt to settle in Donnie's throat. Awkward silence followed between the two, until Mikey decided to make his escape.
"I-I'm gonna go to my room-"
"I'm sorry, Mikey…"
Mikey stood petrified at those three simple words. Not just the words; Donnie spoke them in such a sad tone that doubled their weight. "…H-Huh?"
Donnie wouldn't let him get away no matter what. He watched Mikey gulp as he steadily wheeled himself mere inches away from his brother. He knew from the look in his eyes that his baby brother still felt afraid to even talk to him. Talking to him and expressing how he felt wouldn't damage his shell; Mikey needed to understand that. Donnie knew he had to show Mikey that, and he started with holding his arms out, beckoning his brother to come to him. He hoped the orange-masked turtle would feel brave enough to accept this offer of peace.
And he was right. Mikey immediately dove in and allowed Donnie to wrap his arms around him. Donnie's face fell the moment he heard the sniffles, which evolved into blubbering sobs and shivers. Mikey was always the most cheerful out of all of them; seeing him so broken down proved too foreign. Too painful for Donnie to bear. He silently rubbed circles on his baby brother's shell, fighting his own tears in sharing the sadness.
"I…I-I-I'm so s-sorry, D-Donnie!"
Donnie gently shushed his brother, "I should be apologizing, Mikey. I've felt so angry and in pain…I wanted to blame it all on you. But…but this isn't your fault. You couldn't have known…"
You couldn't have known this would happen.
Mikey sniffled before looking into his brother's eyes. Donnie clearly remained in pain, but not just physically. Donnie shouldn't be hurting over him or what regrets he had. He needed to focus on getting better. He needed to focus less on others and more on himself. And Mikey thought he was the most forgiving one…
"Donnie-"
"You didn't do this to me…this is all on April." Donnie replied, hiding the tint of bitterness in his tone after speaking the girl's name. "She made the choice…and she chose the crystal. You didn't make her choose…"
Before Donnie could wheel back to his room to rest, Mikey grabbed hold of the handle bars and prevented his escape. "Donnie…do you think you'll ever forgive her? Even if she does everything she can to fix things?"
Donnie didn't know what Mikey tried to imply, but it wouldn't surprise him if his baby brother wanted to forgive April. If that's what Mikey wanted, he wouldn't hold it against him. But him? Just the thought of April even now made goosebumps dot his skin, and not in a good way. He couldn't get those hate-filled glowing eyes out of his head and that roaring voice. Even if April achieved some clarity and decided to fight to get back in his good graces…would that be enough? Or perhaps, this time, the damage would be permanent. After all, how could he trust her after that?
"…I don't know, Mikey. If that's the case…she's going to have to work hard for a long time." Pain filled his auburn eyes, and Donnie immediately lowered his head. "Could we not talk about that right now? You're who I'm more worried about, Mikey…"
Typical Donnie. Always putting everybody else above himself…
"Don't worry about me, D…worry about yourself right now. I'll make sure you have everything you need 'till you get better." A somber smile on his lips, Mikey patted the handle bars. While he felt somewhat-disappointed that Donnie remained on the fence for forgiving April, at least he said he wouldn't. But he would get his mind off that right now. "So…how about I make you a peanut butter milkshake?"
No offers to make a pizza shake? That was very un-Mikey-like, but perhaps Mikey overhead Rockwell say Donnie needed more protein. Donnie would've preferred coffee if not for the mutant chimp's lecture on dehydration. Maybe something sweet wouldn't hurt.
"…I'd love that, Mikey."
April found herself standing in the middle of the street. A sane person would get themselves to the sidewalk before an oncoming car turned them into roadkill. However, there wasn't a car or person in sight. It hadn't been this deserted since the Kraang invasion, but they surely didn't return, did they? The air being so bone-chilling didn't help her focus on what was going on, either. Just as she went for the direction of her apartment, she saw it.
She saw a shell. While the person wearing the shell had their back to her, she could recognize the lanky physique, the staff…the purple mask tails.
"Donnie!"
She bolted for him, happy to see him standing and undamaged. But once she got mere feet away from him, she suddenly froze in place. She didn't just see Donnie…she saw herself. She saw the mirror-image of her raise its arm and looked in horror as Donnie raised in-sync. April opened her mouth to scream, but found her vocal cords paralyzed by unknown means. The mirror-image raised Donnie to unimaginable heights before throwing its arm down.
"Stay away from MY CRYSTAL!"
"NO!"
April's voice returned and she rushed to stop this, but it was too late. She relived with full clarity the night Donnie's shell smashed into the pavement. The sickening crack made April's breathing labored, growing worse at the sight of his blood. However, unlike that night, the mirror-image turned to her and flashed a cold, condescending smirk. The smirk chilled her blood, but not as much as those glowing, animalistic eyes. She readied her fist to punch the double in the face, but saw it fading out of the scenery.
"A-April…"
April froze, but forced herself to turn around. Choking back a scream of horror, she looked to see Donnie raising into a sitting position. Blood continued to ooze from his shell, and even oozed from his mouth. His eyes became nothing but black, bottomless pits that stared into her soul. She tried to back away, but froze at the anguished expression on Donnie's bloodied face. Why should she run? She just watched herself murder him without remorse…
"Why…why did you hurt me, April?" Donnie asked in a low, echoing tone. "I just wanted to help you…and you hurt me. What did I do to make you hurt me, April?"
April fought to make herself speak despite her tongue and lips feeling like jelly. "I-I was just…I got mad over nothing, and I took it out on you, Donnie! I-I'm sorry, I'll-"
"Sorry won't fix my shell. Sorry won't fix when you yelled at me. It won't fix how you treated me like a dog."
Without warning, 'Donnie' shot up and seized April by the shoulders, forcing her to look into his soulless eyes. "Why do you HATE ME, April!?"
April screamed and tore away from him in a fit of panic. She ran for the streets and mumbled 'I'm sorry' over and over with the faint wish it would fix everything. Right when she got to the street corner, 'Donnie' appeared again…but now, he wasn't alone. She could see glowing pairs of eyes staring at her, and the familiar silhouettes the eyes belonged to. She gulped when she saw the rage, disappointment, sadness, and hatred written in their faces.
"You hurt Donnie, you hurt us, April." 'Leo' growled.
"No one pushes around my bro and gets away with it." 'Mikey' warned, the blade of his kurisagama drawn.
"We HATE you for what you did, April." 'Raph' snarled and pointed the tip of his sai at her.
But what hurt most was when 'Donnie' pointed a single finger at her, eyes still bottomless black holes, and declared, "I HATE you, April. I never want to see you again."
April collapsed to her knees and wailed. This was something that lay buried inside since that night. She feared that no matter what she tried to make up for what she did, they-Donnie-would hate her. If they didn't hate her already. But Mikey…Splinter…Karai and Shinigami…she made up with them. Even Casey slowly started treating her normal again. They couldn't-
"I wish I never met you, Red."
To her horror, she could see Casey frowning at her and pointing his hockey stick at her. Next to him appeared Splinter, Shinigami, and Karai wearing equal frowns. Karai's tanto hovered over her face as though she was marked for execution. April immediately hunched her shoulders up and hugged her body in a feeble form of protection. But if it came down to it, she wouldn't put up much of a fight. She already resigned herself to punishment.
"You dare call yourself a kunoichi?" 'Karai' snorted in contempt.
"You can't even control your temper or your power." 'Shinigami' jeered with a glare.
But 'Splinter's' words proved to be the knife to the heart. "April…you have disgraced the name of the Hamato Clan with your foolishness. Relinquish your tanto and leave! If you dare try to return, you will be marked for DEATH!"
April feverishly shook her head and shuffled backwards until she fell on her bottom. "N-No, please…I-I'm sorry! I-I'm sorry for hurting Donnie! P-Please…please forgive me!"
They all suddenly disappeared, only to be replaced with the other April. The 'April' she presented that night when she sacrificed control for denial and obsession. The double still had that irritating smirk on her face, but April stood still in fear instead of getting up to punch her. She froze as the double knelt down and roughly grabbed her chin. She could see those animalistic blue eyes glowering down at her, and could see sharp teeth in its mouth as it spoke.
"Don't you see? They hate you. They'll NEVER forgive you, no matter what you do." Her dark fingernails dug into April's skin, leaving marks. "Only trust me and the crystal. Do that, and you'll no longer be stuck on this poor excuse of a planet. You will rise above those unforgiving sub-lifeforms. You will be a GOD."
April pulled herself away from the double. "No! I don't want that! I just want my family and friends back!"
The double grabbed her again and pulled her closer. "You don't belong in this world! You're already an anomaly to them; they've always been afraid of you! What's the point in trying to help those who fear you?"
The double's eyes suddenly grew mad, and she violently shook April. She shouted over and over in a screeching voice, "Don't let them take your power! Don't let them TAKE YOUR POWER!"
"Get it BACK!"
April woke up with a yell and sat up in bed. The sight of her bedroom instead of the city provided instant comfort, yet the horror of how real the dream was lingered. The shock wore off and she finally noticed the burning sensation within her body. She knew why it usually appeared, and her hand instinctively went for the center of her chest. Nothing. She patted it again in a panic and still found nothing.
Where was the crystal!?
After her nightmare, the crystal should've been the last thing she needed right now. But the burning sensation in her body grew worse by the second and the thoughts screamed for her to get it back. She needed the power to calm her body and mind. She jumped out of bed and started rummaging through her drawers, flinging clothes and papers everywhere. They were empty, the closet was empty, where was it? She ran out of her room and frantically searched the living room. She flung the couch cushions and almost overturned the coffee table until her father finally entered the room.
"April, what on earth are you doing?"
Instead of answering Kirby's question, April turned to him with bloodshot eyes and shouted, "Where's my crystal!?"
The pause between them told her he knew where it was and didn't want to tell her. After the silence became suffocating, Kirby confessed, "I…took it off your neck after you went to bed. Y-You've been so stressed out since you wore it, and with what happened to Donatello-"
"NO!" April sprang up and grabbed her father by the collar of his night shirt. "It's MINE! Give it BACK!"
"April, stop it! Go back to bed and get some rest, please!"
But April wouldn't heed her father's words and kept yanking his collar like a tantrum-throwing child. "Please, Dad, I NEED it! I NEED it!"
Kirby didn't realize until later what he did when he grabbed April by the wrists and shoved her off of him. He didn't mean to use such a method on his daughter, but her frantic behavior made him fear that she would go too far and cause him harm. The way April kept her head down sent a chill through his body, but this wasn't the time to be intimidated. He had to stop being too lenient; perhaps his recent inconsistent parenting served as fuel for the fire of April's increasingly-reckless behavior. Splinter voiced concerns that she allowed her darkest emotions to fester to a boil, which made Kirby feel guilty for not talking to her.
This time, he would be the parent he needed to be. He needed to lay down the law with his daughter.
"April, that alien crystal has a hold on you! You have to be stronger than this!" Kirby scolded with a firm tone, blue eyes narrowed. "Addiction is difficult to fight, I know, but you're stronger than this! You have to want to fight it!" With a sigh, he declared, "You're not getting the crystal back until you realize-"
Kirby couldn't finish his sentence because his throat suddenly closed. No matter how much he gasped, air refused to enter his lungs. It was when he started clawing at his throat that he noticed April's raised hand and glowing blue eyes. He also noticed that grin…that malicious, anger-laced grin. An old jewelry box-his late wife's-that sat on the fireplace mantle suddenly trembled before popping open. His bulging eyes went wider when he saw what floated out.
The crystal.
He tried croaking out her name, but could only watch as the alien crystal glided to April and rested comfortably on her chest. The grin on April's face disappeared as she raised the crystal with her free hand and pressed it to her cheek. She needed the crystal; she needed its power to save Donnie. She needed it to grow powerful enough to help him, to make him see that this was for the greater good. The others had to see that she needed this power more than anything! It was sad that her father couldn't see that.
'He wants you to be a fragile little girl like everyone else does. Put him out of his misery already!'
"Don't lecture me…I don't need it from a terrible parent like you." The voice that spoke sounded like April's, but carried a coldness that was foreign to her. It was a voice that wasn't her. "I know your deepest thoughts…and you blame me for what happened to her."
Her? Despite his fight for oxygen, Kirby gasped internally when he realized what she meant. She thinks I blame her for Beth's disappearance. "N-No…no…April…"
"You think you can take my power away? You're just like them…you want me weak."
April squeezed her hand into a half-formed fist, causing Kirby to gasp and clutch at his throat. If this kept up, he would pass out. No, he would die. The fear he felt had to be the fear Donatello felt right before he hit the ground. This wasn't April; this wasn't his sweet, courageous April. That crystal changed her into someone else, like a demon possessing her body. How could he get his April back?
"A-April…please…"
Before Kirby could fall unconscious, he could hear a gasp as air suddenly filled his lungs. He immediately clutched his neck and savored the oxygen coming into his body again. His blue eyes hesitantly turned to April and figured the gasp came from her. Instead of the glowing eyes and evil grin, he saw wide, horrified blue eyes and mouth agape. He saw his daughter come back. And yet he also saw the crystal once again hanging around her neck.
"D-Dad, I…"
April reached out for her father, but instead of an embrace, she watched the man flinch and pull away. She thought the Turtles and Casey pulling away from her hurt enough, and now seeing her own father fear her broke her heart into pieces. Everything was going so well…why did this have to happen? Why couldn't she be stronger? Why couldn't she just go one night without the crystal and without hurting people with her powers?
Her powers…no, maybe it wasn't the crystal. Maybe it was just her. The other April was right…she didn't belong. She didn't need to be here anymore. If she couldn't control herself, if she just ended up strangling her own father, then what was the point of even trying to better things anymore? It wouldn't make the others forgive her for what she did to Donnie. It wouldn't make them any less afraid of her. It certainly wouldn't fix what she did to everyone.
"I-I'm sorry…"
April suddenly bolted out the door, in nothing but her pajamas, leaving Kirby reeling and trying to process what happened.
Realizing that April left the apartment, Kirby called out in a hoarse voice, "A-April!"
But she didn't come back. And he didn't know if she would come back.
Yeah, you know it's going bad when April psychically chokes her own dad. With April running off, somebody's going to go look for her. Well, before we have someone go look for her, we'll be having what's going on at the same time. Next up, we get a look at the nightmares Donnie's had since the incident and how it affects his perception of April now. We also see Mikey giving his eldest brothers an earful over their coping strategy and lack of help with Donnie's care. Until next time, stay tuned!
